Terrible Twos - Wausau,WI

Ah, yes. I have the same thing. My son is 2, but still kind of a baby. But he will not listen-he's a runner-'nough said!

You wanna get together and them go crazy while we have a good time? Drinks?

You are in good company! A 2yo who doesn't say no and dig in his/her heels a thousand times a day is not developing normally – OR has a parent who knows how to recognize his natural needs, and empathize just enough to swing him around 180 degrees.

All behavior is a means to get some need met (pay attention to your own behavior/reactions/tone of voice for a few hours, and you can see the truth in this!). Especially in such a young child, behavior is pretty spontaneous and based on underlying needs – your son is beginning to recognize himself as a separate person with his own set of desires, and he longs to assert control that allows him to explore this separateness. (Kids who don't/can't go through this stage often have some developmental delay.)

It's so important not to take a child's behavior personally. He's really not rejecting you or your values, but he's expressing his own perceived needs in the only way he has. It looks and feels like stubbornness, maybe even meanness, because a 2 year-old's emotional repertoire and vocabulary are so limited. In truth, without your limits and requirements, he'd feel confused and lost. But he wouldn't know how or why.

Instead of giving in, and instead of more intensive pushing or pressuring, or even punishment from adults, kids generally respond positively and quickly to "I see by X behavior, you want/need more of Y. I really, really understand. I wish we could give you as much Y as you want. More, even! Now, I need to go and do Z. Help me get this done, and then we can have some Y."

My grandson never has reason to tantrum, and his acting out has almost disappeared since instituting this approach a couple of years ago (he's now 4.5). Though he does receive the logical consequences for his choices, punishment as a parent-imposed ritual has virtually disappeared from his life – there's no need for it. His parents (and other nurturers) don't have to coerce or manipulate him, or seldom even raise our voices, to get his calm, respectful,or often even cheerful, cooperation. He knows we're on his team, and so he's happy to be on ours.

If this sounds as wonderful to you as it is, find out why children become stubborn and demanding starting around two, and how to respond, and you can melt away a tremendous amount of that youthful resistance. Fabulous resources:

The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp (you can also google this for some great little videos showing him putting his techniques into action);

Also the book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman, and the concept of Emotion Coaching, another term you can google for lots of useful information. (Here's one good link to get you started: http://www.education.com/reference/article/important-pare... .)

If you could switch for a month with parents of typical teenagers - you will be laughing that you ever thought a two year old was difficult!
sorry - I dont mean to say it's and easy stage.....(but believe me it wont be the most difficult of your life. He cant express himself although he has thoughts and wants and fears and frustrations he cant express them. He just figured out he is his own person apart from Mommy but he cant control much in his life, it's very frustrating for him! Give him LOTS of choices -appropriate choices like the blue shirt or the green shirt? do you want mommy to tuck you in or daddy? do you want to use the yellow cup or red cup? brush your teeth upstairs or downstairs? walk to car or be carried?
Read the Happiest Toddler on the Block by Karp. good luck!

Depends on what he's ignoring. If he's being 'Captain Destructo' and you tell him to stop, give him something to take apart or destroy to see how it works... With your supervision of course.

If it's getting into things... Try to redirect his attention to something else. If I don't want my 2yr old playing in my pots and pans because I am trying to cook at that time (using them), I hand him something that he can play with.

I wish I had some advice but unfortunatly my 3 yr old still has not come out of the terrible 2s stage. My daughter is very strong willed and it has just gotten worse with the addition of a new baby sister 7 months ago. She is a very sweet little girl but extremly active and does not like to listen. She has even started putting her fingers in her ears if she does not want to hear what we are going to say. We have also tried time outs and they don't seem to mean much to her anymore. We do not beleive in spanking so that is out of the question. I am excited to see responses to your question to see if there is anything that can be done.

LOL just hang in there! We've been going through this since he was 18 months, and now he's almost 2.5. We've tried it all, read it all. He now throws fits for eveything he doesnt like. Now we just let him and TOTALLY ignore him. And he RAGES. Hitting, yelling, slamming doors. I can only pray he will be an easy teenager :)

Just wanted to chime in and say you're not alone! My son will be 3 in January and is a terror some days, other days an angel. People keep telling me it's just the age, that he'll out-grow it, he's testing me...all of which are probably true but doesn't make the bad days any easier. We give him time-outs constantly and I don't know if they are really working. I agree w/ the mom who said to give him choices like choosing what to wear, etc...little things like that seem to brighten up my son and things are great for awhile. On the plus side his aggression is MUCH better (I think just getting older is helping in this situation.) He doesn't bite or hit or throw things much anymore.
I've heard that there are some great books on this issue (that I've yet to check out)...I believe the titles are "Raising your Spirited Child" and "Terrific 2's." I keep meaning to check these out.
You are not alone! Hang in there and let's all pray that better days are ahead w/ our spirited little guys!

We have found that positive reinforcement and trying to involve our son in some daily things has tremendously helped. Don't get me wrong, oh he has his stubborn days, but they seem to be fewer now. He loves to help me crack eggs in the morning for breakfast, we give him options of picking out clothing rather than fighting on getting dressed, little things like that. Many times out of the blue I will just tell him what a good boy he had been that day and thank him for it (and a pez candy makes him smile too). Time outs in a corner never worked for us so we take him to his room and tell him to read a book for time out now. There is also a great book by the American Academy of Pediatrics (Your child birth through age 5 I think it is called) that my ped had me get and it is so amazing how the behaviors match exactly at this age! It at least let's you know that he is normal and does offer up recommendations on how to deal with it.

I am going through this exact same thing. Some days I swear there is a "NO!" CD skipping in our house. Just last night my husband forwarded me an e-mail that he got from a parenting website. Here's what it said.

Working Toward Obedience (part one)

Eli is not quite two. He is the son of a friend that is staying with us. I experimented with him this morning - in a fun sort of way. I was trying to enlist his help bringing dishes to the kitchen from our den. I wanted to learn about what motivates him to obey. Everything I said in the following "experiment" was said in a relaxed, and pleasant tone.

I started, "Eli, bring this empty cup to the kitchen." He looked at it and shook his head. Normally, when a child disobeys like this, parents tend to deal immediately with the disobedience by implementing consequences, or they keep demanding until a power struggle ensues. At that point they either exert their power, or they give in to their children. But I was experimenting and wanted to try a couple of things to see how they worked. So I then said, "Eli, can you bring this cup to the kitchen?" He looked at it, and just stood there. I then said, "Eli, you can bring this to the kitchen." He looked at me, looked at the cup, and turned and ran with the cup to the kitchen. He returned empty handed.

In the corner was a small box containing computer parts. Eli picked it up and shook it. It's fun to shake because it makes noises. But it's not OK to shake because it contains fragile parts, so I said, "Eli, put the box back." He furled his brow and said, "No!" I then said, "Can you put the box away?" No response. I then said, "You can put the box away." He put the box back and left the office.

A minute later I heard his mom in the living room say, "Eli, no! Take it to the kitchen!" A few seconds later he entered the den carrying her cereal bowl. I looked at him and said "Eli, you can take it to the kitchen." He immediately took the bowl to the kitchen.

In summary, here's what happened:

When commands were given (Eli, do this!), Eli resisted.

When questions were asked (Eli, can you bring this to the kitchen?), Eli ignored.

When encouragement was offered (Eli, you can do it), Eli obeyed.

At first glance this may all seem pretty simple. And maybe it is. But we can't help but wonder, what's really happening here? What did Eli learn? Did he get away with disobedience? What if the encouragement had been met with resistance? What is the Biblical way to help children learn obedience?

Try this with your younger kids. Just to see what happens. We've found that kids seem to better respond to our authority when we make better efforts to encourage rather than command. There is something powerful in the notion that "I decided to do this" rather than "somebody else decided I should do this." We're not at all suggesting that there aren't times when parents ought to expect immediate obedience. We're suggesting that when we put much effort into encouraging our kids, they will be more respectful of our occasional firm commands.

I thought it was an interesting concept and I liked the theory behind it. We've tried it today. So far so good. Not every time has he jumped up to do exactly what we asked - but most of the time. And after he completed it I could tell he was proud of himself. The times he didn't want to... he calmly replied with "I am still playing with the kitty." Much more tollerable than his usual running away screaming NOOOOOOOOO!

I don't know if this will really work long term or if he'll catch on soon. But it make for a pleasant morning at our house. Good luck!

We have been doing the 1,2,3 thing. My husband started it, and it would pretty much work. He would doddle getting into bed (everything actually) to extend his bedtime. I'm not sure what he thought happened at 3, but I finally got there, and picked him up and put him in bed. He LOVES to get in himself, and hated that I didn't let him. When he saw that there was actually a consequence at 3, it really helped. He will still push it sometimes, but it has come in handy. Just know what it is you will do at 3 - go get him and bring him back to X, put him in bed, etc. We do the time outs for hitting.

Also, never give a threat if you aren't willing to follow through. They are soooo pushing the boundaries right now, they need to know that you won't give in, or it will get worse.