Infant Terrible Twos!

My son did the exact same thing. Shortly before his 2nd birthday he suddenly became a different person and it was as if he were possessed by the devil. I am very jealous of these people who say it only lasts a few months because we recently celebrated his 3rd birthday and he still throws some major tantrums. Because his verbal skills are better, now he has also added incessant whining to his repertoire . Maybe that is partly because his baby sister came along a couple months ago and he is regressing.

We have tried the "happiest toddler on the block" method, we have tried ignoring him, we have tried removing him from the situation, we have tried taking away privileges. We've tried it all, but nothing seems to work. I am hoping and assuming that he will eventually grow out of it. I know this doesn't help you, but I thought at least you'd know you're not alone with this.

Yup, terrible twos. Relax and correct him when he needs to be corrected. And when you're home, do as you're doing when he has a tantrum, walk away and ignore it.

TOTALLY NORMAL! I know that everyone thinks their child will be different or that they were so good, and maybe they will stay good, but every child wants to test their limits and push your buttons. The moms have good advice about discipline - do not let her get away with tantrums, but remind yourself that this is normal and it's just part of motherhood. Sometimes you have to test different methods (my daughter hated losing dessert, but my son hated losing his video games....each child is different). I know a lot of people are against spanking, but a swat on the behind never hurt any one and it is very effective....I personally didn't do it because I have step-children, but I know it worked on me! And yes, she will grow out of it - my daughter was very stubborn and used to really push my buttons....but I understood where she was coming from because I am the same way, so I was VERY persistent, and some days she would have to stand in the corner multiple times before ending her tantrum, but I maintained the standards and eventually she learned that I was in control and she was not going to fight her way into getting what she wanted...and I am so happy that even though I had to go through those tough times then, I came out better for it and she is now a very well-behaved, respectful and polite 7 year old that is a joy to be around....she is not perfect, but 100 times easier than she was between the ages of 2-5!

Get this video (it is also a book) -- The Happiest Toddler on the Block. I am a psychotherapist and what this pediatrician suggested is RIGHT ON. We have to mirror/acknowledge the feelings FIRST. We also have to give them lots of praise and chances to 'win' throughout the day. Soooo worth it. I've noticed how doing some of these techniques have made life easier for us and our 22 month old.

I actually laughed when I read your question. When you said what happened to my child, where did he go...I couldn't help but laugh. I was right where you are now about a year ago. And you are so right, is like a different child completely. I remember thinking it was like someone woke her up one day and said...Hey Amanda, your two, time to pillage. We did exactly what you are doing. We ignored evey tantrum. We would walk away, or calmly say, this is not the way I expect you to act, and then ignore the tantrum. When she was done I would always tell her calmly that her behavior was unacceptable and whatever the temper was over was now not occuring at all. If we were somewhere and she wanted something and had a tantrum, we would leave. This was not always convenient for us but in about 4-5 months of consistency she stopped having the tantrums and returned to a normal child. Good Luck and Best Wishes, your son will return to normal and be happy again. Just be consistent, even if its not the best choice for you keep up the consistency for your son.

Yes, he will grow out of it.

As for life changes, he is constantly having life changes. He is a toddler. Everything is new to him. He is rapidly acquiring speech and is seeing things and understanding. He is fascinated by the world around him, but at times can get overstimulated and doesn't yet know how to deal with frustration. He will learn.

He will grow out of it, but the terrible twos are just something you have to ride out. I am in my third bout with them with my third daughter. A book that can be helpful is The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp. Some of it may seem kind of silly, but I also found some really practical strategies for dealing with two to four year olds. Good luck!

Hi there,

I just wanted to say that all is normal, it's part of baby life. You have been very lucky, your baby actually waited to start the terrable 2s until nearly 2. Both of my babies started some of the TT at 13 months!! haha My lil girl does the fit thing...since I have already done this with my son I laugh about it (secretly from her of course). It's actually a new thing she just started, but it's life...so we are ignoring the fits as best we can. They don't last long.
Good Luck!

I set aside a special room for my son when he had these fits. I made sure it was carpeted (he had a habit of throwing his head back in a tantrum). I also took anything breakable out. When he would have a fit and refuse to calm down, I would CALMLY take him to his room and close the door. There is of course a bit of screaming involved the first couple weeks, but ignoring it at this stage of the game only makes things worse. You have to make it clear that it is ok to be upset, but we don't have total meltdowns in front of anyone over anything. You get my drift. Anyway, it will get to the point where all you have to say is, "Do you want to go to your room?" By the way, don't respond to the child until they calm down.

Your mom is right...he'll grow out of it and then be on to some other new form of torture for you. I think the most important thing is to be consistent in how you handle it. Ignore it, tell him you'll talk to him when he calms down, send him to a quiet place...whatever, but try to do the same thing and he'll pass that stage faster. Stay strong, and good luck!

A. -
I read something recently that on "whole" birthdays kids are pushing the limits, but on "half" birthdays they are little angels - so at 1 & 1/2, 2 & 1/2, 3 & 1/2 & so on, you are good to go...but at 2, 3, 4, 5 - watch out because they again test to see what they can get away with!
The article said it was a natural cycle that kids have to go through to develop.
I know that doesn't help with what to do, but I thought it would help to know that you are not alone!
T.

A.,

I must agree with what a few others have said that some toddlers have it rougher at this age than others. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. My 4 year old is autistic and we found that out around age 2. I must say that the "terrible twos" were 10 times worse than most kids her age. My son is going through it now and it's a piece of cake. You're doing fine with your son. Let him throw his tantrum, just don't respond to it. He will get the idea that throwing a tantrum doesn't get him anywhere. Yes it is frustrating, but stay calm. I liked what someone else said that they have a special room set aside for tantrums. I wish I was able to do that. I set a special chair for tantrums. Unless your child is not talking and you notice things like he's doing head banging on the floor or walls or something severe, you don't need to worry too much. Have fun.

The terrible twos are very difficult. I am not sure this will help, but I use to tell my son that I could not hear him when he was screaming and he needed to tell me what he wanted. However, that only worked some of the time.

Don't get too frustrated because before long, he will be four and there will be other issues. As soon as you get one stage down, he will be at another.

One day he will be in high school, and you will wish for the terrible twos.

Sorry I couldn't help.

D.

A.,
I keep seeing everyone write "Oh, it is just a phase" and for some it may be but for my middle child it was not. Matt started around the same age and I went nuts trying to figure out what to do with him. Finally and sadly at the age of 7! we found out he was allergic to peaunts and soy. Around 2, we start to give our children more and more "adult food" b/c they can eat it without choking. A lot of children then begin to act up and we call it a phase and then by three we call it the terrible threes. But my oldest and youngest boys never did what my middle son did! There was a difference. So, I really believe there is something to food allergies. I had him tested and if you go to a pediatric allergist they can test your 2 year old and see if there is a problem with any certain food and if there is, you will know very quickly. It can make a world of difference! I highly recommend for your sanity to find out. If there is nothing, then it is more of a change in discipline. But if there is a food allergy, then your child will act very differently staying away from that certain food. I promise! I wish you the best and I hope I helped. A.

Don't worry about the 2's. They are just preparing you for the 3's. The 3's are uuuggghhhhh.

We all been there. A perfctly content child turns into a screeming beanchee in 0.2 seconds. He will grow out of it. Right now he lacks the verbal ability to express his feelings and bam here is a tantrum. You are doing the right thing by ignoring it. That is the best thing to deal with the situation. That's what I did with my daughter. She is a very happy well adjusted 15 year old ( well not so much on the days of PMS lol ).

Hi A.,

I don't know if this will help or not. It worked for my oldest (now 3), but my 2 year old couldn't care less. We use (as best as we can) a method called 1-2-3 Magic (there is a book by that name that my husband and I found very helpful). When she starts to harass me or melt-down, I declare it a "tantrum free zone...harassment free zone...etc." You get the idea. I give them two warnings to pull it together (if I am close to them, it is verbal - across the room it is a finger held up). At three, they go to time-out. Time out has moved further away from us as they have gotten older and my husband and I feel safer sending them out of our sight, then onto a different floor. My 3 year old is more emotionally tuned to people and does not like to be removed. In the beginning, I had actually pulled over on the side of the road (residential area) and put my oldest in time-out right there when she was screaming when I was trying to drive. Another time, we stopped in the middle of the park sidewalk for a 2 min time-out because she was demanding that I produce her Nana from thin air and would not let up... NOW she will actually respond when I say, "you are at 2, is it worth it" or "can you pull it together, or do you need to go to your room for a few min?" The 2 yr old just goes about doing whatever she was doing. Each kid has their own "currency" for discipline. Good luck. Maybe I will find my 2 y/olds before she turns 18.

S.

You might want to have him checked out by a doc. We just went through the same thing and turned out our DD had a double ear infection!

Just a thought

The only thing you can do is grin and bear it and try to remember why you love your child. He will outgrow it in a few months and then a few months later it will be something else. Each stage is trying but fun if you don't let it get to you too much. Good luck!

Keep doing what your doing, he's just realized throwing a tantrum does him good and he's testing to see if it happens every time or just every so often or NOT AT ALL. So I wouldn't respond OR separate him when he's doing it. Sometimes Picking them up and separating them will help. Good luck and if you don't respond to it and just leave or ignore it it should be short lived.

I am still waiting for our oldest to grow out of it and he will be 4 in Jan. In the meantime our 22 months old is just starting out:()

Hi A.,

I have a daughter who is now 2yr 4 months and was also the sweetest baby who became tantrum prone in toddlerhood. I find with her that instead of ignoring her during the fit, that if I just go over to her and hug her and tell her she's my baby and it's OK, that it goes away much quicker and it is easier t talk to her. I know this might not be possible if your son pushes you away or hits etc, but if he's not, I think it's worth a try. When my daughter calms down she often tells me "I was crying Mama, what did I do" .. I feel she cannot really help throwing a fit because she is still not in control of her own emotions.

I hope this helps.

S

At age 2 it is appropriate to start placing them in time out. 1 minute for every year old they are. My daughter is two and a half & once we started implimenting time out, it avoids a lot of fits. We give her a warning (which usually works), then if she doesn't stop we count to three, then it is off to time out (usally a chair in the corner area of the room, but we are usually still in the room, ignoring the fit). The key is not counting time until they stop crying. Make sure when it is all done that you tell them again why they went into time out & then I usually tell her i love her and give her a hug. The first couple times are hard, but they get the clue really quick. Don't worry, you will get your little angel back, they are just becoming little kids and testing their independance. You will be amazed how they go from being a toddler to a little kid after age two! Good Luck;-)