Terrible Two's - Owasso, OK

If NOTHING is working it's probably because you're not being consistant. Some kids are really stubborn. Whatever punishment you decide would work best for her do it EVERYTIME. If think at all they might not get punished for it this time they'll do it.

It's hard to stick to the punishment everytime, but you need to take control back and let her know you're momma bear and she will suffer her punishment every time.

My daughter did the biting thing, too. My husband or I would take a Q-tip and put a tiny bit of hot sauce on it and put it on her tongue. We explained to her that biting hurt really bad, and it wasn't acceptable. It was just enough to sting her a bit but not enough to hurt her really badly. After a few times of that, she quit the biting. You might also tell her that if she's frustrated about something, then she could hit her pillow or something that she's not going to hurt, and it's not going to hurt her either--if that's something that you want to allow.

Happy Mother's Day,
Liz W.

whatever you do.............. be consistant.

Hi M.,
Well I'm not sure what advice to give you. I'm not sure how well your daughter talks and things like this but I think in every scenario you need to make sure she is communicating what she needs and/or wants.
I watch a little girl that will be 2 at the end of next month and she can talk very well and in 4-5 word sentences and the other day she had put a baby in the johnny jump up and she couldn't get it out, she started throwing the biggest fit and although I knew what the problem was I wanted her to communicate with me what the problem was. So I asked her what is the problem and she said the baby and I said is it stuck and she said yes so I asked her would you like me to get the baby out and she said yes, so I did. This is what I'm talking about making her communicate.
In my opinion she may not be biting and hiting to show anger but more to try and communicate with you. Here again it's just an idea. I think I would try to look at when she does these things and see if you can identify where there is a problem at, such as is she tired, frustrated, upset, does she want you to play with her because she is board, is she hungry, etc. And in each of these things talk to her and let her know that hiting and biting is not the way to communicate and she needs to use words instead. And still discipline her for the hiting and biting reminding her that this is not nice. In my opinion biting her back and hiting her back would be your last resort. I hope you find something that works and good luck. W. mom of 4 and home child care provider.

My son would bite. At first it was because he was having ear infections. And the pressure on his ears was hurting him. When you bite something or crunch ice it helps relieve the pressure. We put tubes in his ears. So we got that taking care. He would not quite biting him. So I talked to some people and they told me to use vinegar in his mouth. I talked to his doctor to make sure it would not hurt him. His doctor said it would be fine. Every time he bite he got a little taste. I put a little vinegar in a spray bottle and then put some water in it too. Within 2 days he had quite biting. I had tried the time outs and trying to explain to him that it hurt when he bite him. He was old enough to understand what was going on.

I know it might sound horrible, but it will help... If she bites you, give her a nibble back, hard enough that it will twinge, but not hard enough to break skin or leave a bruise. When she hits you, sit her down and get down to her level. Ask her in an adult, calm voice, if she would like it if someone would come up to her and hit her for no reason. Tell her that when she hits you, it hurts your feelings and doesn't make you feel loved. Encourage her to show her feelings in a more productive manner, tell her to use her words instead of her actions. I know it sounds like some kind of cocamaimey exucuse they give you in parenting magazines, but it works, honestly... I have a five and a three year old. I know all about this stuff.

Even though it may seem like it's not working, your daughter is testing you. Children test the ones they love to see what kind of things they can get away with. Time out is your best solution. It may take your toddler up to 20 times before she gets the message that her behavior is inappropiate, but stay firm. She will eventually stop and get the message.

Sticking with timeouts worked with my oldest, but it took time. Every time he hit me I would take him to the timeout chair and tell him he was sitting there for one minute for hitting me. Before he could get up he had to say he was sorry. I have a 21 month old now that is hitting and I am getting ready to introduce timeouts to him.

Good luck.

My guess is, she craves attention. Even if it is bad. There is a new way that I heard for kids that should help. this comes from a mother that the kid kicks the walls, and drops down and bangs her head on the floor. Get a spray bottle and put water in it. everytime they act up you spray them in the face and head. Just a fine mist will do. The child hated it. It did not hurt her, and the doctor that suggested it, said he tells a lot of moms about it. When the child starts to act up, you show the bottle and they will behave. It has been used in public, and no one complains if a child settles down, lol. The child was "cured" in 1 week. but had to threaten her for a few weeks every now and then. By the way, the child behaved with dad around. It worked so good, I almost forgot how bad she was.

Physical actions are a way for your two year old to communicate. Teach her to use her words and say NO! instead. I know it seems like you are teaching her to talk back to you, but it is allowing her to express her feelings in an acceptable way. When she says no, you can tell her you understand her feelings and "it will be okay" even if she doesn't get her way. It's not her turn now, maybe next time. When she does get her way, make a big deal about it so she sees that she gets turns and can learn to take turns with a good attitude. This (no surprise) comes with age and experience. Give her plenty of turns to speed up the process.

Another little trick is to hug her and reassure her it will be okay. You see she is upset, and it will be okay. She will probably collapse in relief because she feels out of control and will be relieved that "it will be okay" It depends on her personality, but it is all about communication! She is trying to communicate so make sure you tell her that you HEAR her and she is important, even if she doesn't get her way, she is heard and important. She doesn't need to hit for you to hear her. Be sure to give her turns, ask her what she wants to do sometimes and remind her of the times she didnt get her way, and tell her now it's her turn. Tell her when she will get a turn if it's not now. This can help her realize she gets turns and not be so upset when it's your turn. Ask her if she wants you to hit and bite her when she plays at the playground? What would that be like? Maybe show her so she can see what her behavior looks like and decide she doesn't like it. (not really biting and hitting but acting like her she can feel and see the behavior from your perspective), it's a good teaching technique to mirror your child's actions so they decide they don't like it)

Good luck!
B.
www.twominutemom.com

I know it is hard, but you have to pick a discipline that will work and stick with it. Our son was the same way at 5. He didn't go through any terrible anythings till 5. So we just started giving him his time out no matter where we were. Grocery store, restaurant, where ever. Consistancy is key. If you wavier, then you have to start all over, and that is more frustrating than anything. Say you do the time out thing. Don't overcommunicate with your child. Just say in a firm voice "No hitting, No biting, I don't like it" Don't say anything else, and look her in the eye like you mean business. Pick one spot in your home that will be the time out place, and explain to her that this is the no no chair or what ever you want to call it. You can do this before she is in trouble. When she does something you don't like then get down at eye level and say you no ... no.... bit and sit her there for 2 minutes. If she gets up then put her back and don't say anything but maybe "time out". keep putting her back until she stays for the whole 2 mins. when she is three then 3 mins. but keep after it. when she gets out then give her a hug and say something like Mommy loves you but hitting and biting hurts. then let her out. But don't give up.

Dr. Phil says NOT to bite them back. I can see why. Kids follow by example so how can we expect them not to Hit and Bite and Scream if we do it to them. I know it's hard but I would simply stick with Timeouts. Put the little chair or whatever she sits on in a boring place like the laundry room or bathroom and let her know that if she screams and cries you will be closing the door (light on). That is what works for my 3 year old. He always throws a fit when I put him in time out and sometimes he gets up but I always put him right back and make sure to set the timer so he can see it and hear it beep. For the most part, he stays until the timer goes off. I even keep it in my purse and if he acts up in public we go to a bench, corner or bathroom for the timeout. You have to be consistent and not waiver. Also, when he would hit or bite me early on, I would take his hands and brush the top of them softly and say. No biting sweety. That hurts mommy. I would repeat "you're a nice boy" or "you're a sweet boy" "can you be a good boy for mommy?" If he would do it again then I would say "if we hit we have to sit in timeout" and then I'd take him to the timeout chair, set the timer and walk away. If he would scream I would go and close the door. If he got up, I'd put him back and reset the timer. It is really hard at first but you have to trust that your child will learn that you are serious and she can't control the situation. If you don't set a standard now, she will only get worse as she grows older.