Terrible Two's - Tacoma,WA

The two's in this house weren't bad at all, with either of my children. There were definitely days, but in general the two were ok. Now the three's are another story. That's when my kiddos lost their minds and I was ready to send them off to live with gypsies. :) We try to stay calm and consistent. Consequences for bad choices. And we try to have a sense of humor about it (when kiddos are not present) to stay sane. I keep them busy and out of the house as much as we can. And I take solace in the fact that even though she flushed some panties and her breakfast yesterday, at least I am not dealing with a smart mouthed teenager....yet. ;)

Hard to give any answer, not knowing any specifics of the behaviors....but rest assured this too shall pass. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, though!

This may or may not apply, but: One thing in general I find in posts from parents of kids from about age one to four is unrealistic expectations of certain behaviors at these ages. You might look at what the behavior is you have a problem with, how you would like your child to behave or react, and whether your expectations are fully age-appropriate. Two-year-olds have tiny attention spans, and directions to do things, or to change what they are engaged in doing, really rock their little worlds.

For example: Moms will say, "Why won't my two-year-old pick up toys when I tell her to?" That's not a realistic expectation, if what the mom does is say, "Pick up your toys now." That's too big an order for a child that age. Realistic and doable instead: "Let's play a game. How fast can you pick up Doggy toy and put him in the blue toy box? Can you do it before I count to three? One, two...Now let's do it with Kitty toy!" and so on. General, non-specific instructions to kids this age only overwhelm them, but tiny, very task-specific instructions, very broken down into single, simple tasks, can work if you make it fun and don't expect more than one to maybe three things to actually get done. If a child this age can happily get two to three or four toys in the box before losing interest that would be fantastic.

I'm saying this of course not knowing your kids' particular issues or hot buttons, but whether it's getting them to pick up toys, to do what's asked (again--is the asking specific and very limited?), to leave the house nicely, to leave an activity without whining, whatever - it helps to always have lots of advance notice to the child, repeated almost every minute just up to the departure or cleanup or whatever the change is; and to be very specific and detailed; to distract when needed -- it's OK to use distraction at this age; and finally not to expect of a two-year-old what you might be able to expect of a slightly older child. Hope that helps a little.

Wow, I feel you. My son isn't even 2 yet but we are well within the throes of some seriously challenging behaviors! Its scary to hear all of these moms talk about the three's being worse, but I'm not going to let that get to me and you shoulnd't eaither. Every child is different and also the stresses are different kinds. I think it depends on the parent's personality and what things we find especially stressfull (for me it is typical 2- year old behaviors - back talk, I feel I will handle much better than food throwing for example.)

Anyway, to answer your question, I keep my sanity by staying busy with my son and doing as many child-centered activities as we can during the morning hours to wear him out and keep him busy. I also tell myself over and over "this too, shall pass!" so that I can remember it won't always be like this :/

Good luck to you/us!

Yes, the 3s are FAR WORSE than the 2s...
I'm sure that doens't help... LOL!

Playdates with neighbors saved my sanity during that time. Time where I could focus on something other than the trantrums and destruction.

A lot of my friends had a harder time with 3 than 2. I thought 2 was worse. I think it really depends on the child and where they are in terms of development!

My youngest just turned two. He shows glimmers of his older sister's awful behavior, but in general, he is just a sweet boy. I do think I am better at dealing with his behavior, but he isn't showing the absolute craziness my daughter showed.

I send my son to his room. So, if he refuses to get dressed, I say, "you can't play until you are dressed. Do you want to get dressed and play, or do you want to go to your room? When he picks his room (oppositional behavior is normal for 2-4 year olds), I just say, let me know when you want out of your room, Usually he cooperates in a few minutes. Until then, I just do housework and ignore him.

If he starts whining, I tell him that he has to use his normal voice, and if he isn't able to do that, then I say "are you tired? do you need a nap? I think you need a nap, I don't' know why else you'd be whining like this."

But honestly, 3s aren't worse, with some kids they are, but with some, the two's are truly terrible. All you can do is be patient, look them in the eye a lot (get to their leave and touch them when he need them to do something), and let walk out of the room and ignore them when they decide to through themselves onto the ground.

Honestly, the 3s are much more challenging for us. The "trying threes." I say look at everything with a sense of humor. It will keep you going. Also, consistency, consistency, consistency. Firm, but lots of love. And babycenter is an amazing resource. We check it all the time for great advice. There is also a great thing called "Love and Logic" that makes all the difference. There is Love and Logic for toddlers all the way through teen years. Check out their books. As a teacher, we use it in our school, and we also use it at home. It is very helpful.

Some how we all survived it....Since some kids aren't as verbal, it becomes a huge time of struggle. Always give them a simple choice (when appropriate) such as red or blue plate? Play outside or color? If you are trying to get them to do something, but they want to do something else then says, Yes, we can play ball, but after we eat lunch. Try to say yes, more than no or telling them what you want them to do or what they can do (It's ok to dance on the floor) instead of No, (We don't dance on the table.) Use of a timer to show them what 5 mins is and stick to it if you say that you will do something in 5 mins. 2 year olds love controlling their situation. So the simple choices give them the security they made the decision. Also, allow them some independence to try things, like put on their clothes or shoes, but don't let them struggle, just let them try and be there to offer help when you see the frustration mounting.
I am sorry to say, but the 3s are really hard too. Hopefully they won't be for you, but once my DD hit the threes, I thought 2 was a breeze. Hang in there....

Giving lots of choices can work miracles. I kept mine busy deciding which shirt, red or blue, which toothbrush, yellow or green? which bathroom upstairs or downstairs? Get dressed in my room or your room? who will help you with your shoes Mommy or sister? who will put you to bed Daddy or Mommy? He was so distracted deciding these "Important " decisions he totally forgot he didnt want to get dressed, he didnt want to brush his teeth he didnt want to go to bed...

Little problems and tantrums dont stress me out either, when my oldest was two I went thru a miscarriage and another pregnancy with nausea so bad I was hospitalized for dehydration, with my second terrible two years I went thru a divorce which left me penniless, with my third at age two I was going thru a hellish teen year with my oldest. So I could laugh at two year old behavior and say "that aint nothing kid, you dont even KNOW how to upset Mommy"
Most terrible two behavior is actually a two year old acting like a two yr old. Have you read The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Karp. It really helped me understand the toddler years

& right after the "terrible 2s".....you have the 3s which are worse! They're mouthier, they're more verbal, & they know how to hit where/when it really emotionally hurts.

Hmmm, let's see....& then comes the tears thru age 8 - or longer for most boys.

& then pre-teen.

& then teen years.

& then the drinking & driving years, usually known as the college years.

& then you have grandchildren. If you're lucky this comes after the college years, & not mid-teen years. :)

It's a never-ending cycle. The trick is to pick your battles, have an escape plan, & earplugs. :)

Oh, & at age 2, my sanity came when I slept when my older son slept. 9 hours each night, & a 45 minute nap each day.

Boundaries boundaries boundaries. Sitting them in a chair when acting out in the corner. Sending them to their room. Whatever your choice just know that everyone of us has gone through some sort of torment of the terrible two's with at least one or more of our children. Rarely does it not happen. But I set boundaries and be consistent about it. Worked for my kids and they are nice young adults with kids of their own and it works on their kids too.

N.

EVERYTHING'S a phase.

'Nuff said.

Hugs.

I hate to say this, but for me the 3's are worst then the 2's.
No big problems at 2, besides waking up at night. Now is when things start to get no so pretty.
But today she is being so good so I don't feel right told on her, lol.
In my experience with my older, they go from stages, it looks like 3, 8 and 11-12 are the bad ones, I probably will add more as my older gets older, she is 13 now.

Literally I had no terrible twos in any of my kids: 5, 4, and 2 1/2. My youngest was a born super-terror, so she got her discipline much earlier than the other two who needed most from 18 months to 2 years old. My husband always travels and I take all three on EVERY errand with me. How to NOT HAVE this problem? Calm, firm, consistent discipline. This book is awesome: Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. 2 is the time to set your child on a good course for the rest of his life if you handle this effectively. I've never seen terrible threes in a child with a parent who disciplined the twos effectively. Things only escalate if the parents allow it.

Ummmm.... the two's were easy as long as you placed boundaries. The three's got a little more difficult because they start to argue with you. Frankly, though, it's the fours that are the worst!!! They want to be independent but can't be yet---so they throw tantrums AND they realize they are growing up and sometimes revert to baby behavior because they don't want to grow up. Really, though, two's you just need to set strong boundaries and if you say you are going to do something--do it. Have consequences for poor behavior and remain consistent and that will smooth things out tremendously.
J. :-)

I dont believe in Terrible two, for both of my children it was Horrendous threes!! They are talking more, tantrums are worse along with attitudes!

I survived with naps, lots of time outs and making sure I stuck to my gun when it came to the rules. There were alot of days that I couldnt wait til the husband came home!