Do the Terrible Two's Ever End?

There are the terrible 2s, the intolerable 3s, and the horribly hyperactive 4s! :) Hang in there, we have all been there and it does get better, or at least they eventually start school and then we get some quiet time!

Best of luck

She sounds just like my daughter, whom I love very, very much, but boy, did she have the tantrums. The first started at six months and the last was, well she still has one, every once in a while--she's 30.... Not that I want to scare you. Actually her really childhood one was just before she entered first grade.

We lived through a lot. The technique that finally worked the best that if she was mad to go yell at the tree, rock, etc....

I finally realized that she had temper tantrums when she was around older kids/adults who could do things that her mind could conceive of but she could not do because of her developmental level. Does that make sense? My daughter was and still is sooo ambitious physically and mentally it is somewhat overwhelming. And that is when she had tantrums.

I think it is important to understand why a child had tantrums. If you have the time to sit back and observe her tantrums it my help you handle them.

Oh, and you statement of "Honestly, if she had been born first she would have been an only child." is exactly what I said about my situation. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

We had the terrible 3's at our house...the most lovey dovey 2 year old...and then gack! Breathe Z., BREATHE.

Our terrible 3's went on nonstop, in all honesty, for about a year. (Don't despair! Yours may well be shorter!!!)

Mommy learned big time how to take a time out. Not him, (well, of course, him too) but ME. Pretty much I was on time out -outside with the door shut- for at least five minutes every hour, sometimes every half hour. Preemptive, keep my sanity, uncross my eyes, decide to live another hour, time out.

There's techniques for everything, as I'm sure you know...it's just my experience that it takes a ridiculous amount of time for them to work when they're also independence seeking.

Whew! You can do it. Hang on.

Our little girl started early too. However 2 was nothing compared to what we've been dealing with since she was a few months from 3 on (she is 3 and 4 months now). I REALLY hope 4 is better because I'm finding this age incredibly hard.

The age 2 was a different kind of hard because even if you have a good talker for her age (we did) they still get really frustrated by not being able to express all that they want to. At 3 they know what they want to say and boy will they tell you all about it.

We did start time outs at 2 (well, I think we started trying it around 18 months, but kids don't get it at that age usually). It sometimes helps to distract them with something else (if they're getting into something they shouldn't or are not getting their way).

Our little girl has been VERY independent and strong willed since the second she was born so she can be quite a handful. I love her personality and spirit, but man, she's 3 going on 14 most days and it can really wreck me some days. When she's happy, good and having fun, she's the funniest, smartest kid you'll ever meet. But when she doesn't like something (even just a bit) she's a royal pain.

The main thing I find is that our daughter will feed off of us getting upset. So the more calm and stern we stay, the better things go. Of course, we sometimes fly off the handle - and then feel horribly guilty for it.

I wish I had more advice. We thought things were getting better and we were through the worst, and then she'll have another bad week (or month). So we're not on the other side yet. More than anything, I wanted to let you know you're not alone. Some ages are just harder than others and it depends as much as your child's personality as it does yours. Some people love the newborn stage, others love 9 year-olds, etc. I have always LOVED preschoolers and used to work as preschool teacher's aide for a few different teachers. So I'm really shocked how hard this age is for me. It's amazing how different children are around their parents/family as they are around others. We get all the best and worst. ;-) Please know you're not alone. It's best to talk about it and find friends with kids the same age so you can vent and not totally lose your mind. :-)

My daughter is 4 and I have found that the terrible twos evolve into terrible threes and now 4s, all with their own flavor of "terrible" and set of challenges. What you describe certainly sounds like all the developmental stuff we get to live through (to different degrees of course). So, know that you are in good company at least!

Lots of good advice from other moms. I would just like to add that I found the following book VERY helpful: "How To Talk To Kids So They Will Listen, And Listen So They Will Talk" by Faber and Mazlisch).

They do - but it takes some time, patience and love.

Here is how it was told to me:

Terrible Twos, F'in Threes.

This is the time our little ones are learning they aren't attached to us. They are scared to be alone, but their inside are telling them to push the boundries. They want to try the same thing over and over and over and over and over again. Their fear scale is either off the charts afraid or off the charts bold.

While they need boundries and it is important to teach them what they can and cannot do, it is equally important to let them learn through trying (safely of course). Figure out which fish you want to fry and don't make everything a battle - you'll wear yourself out.

Positively,
M.

I swear girls are a million times worse than boys. They are!! My daughter whines at me, throws fits, and squeals if she's not getting her way. I posted awhile back and got some helpful things that are making headway. First was to tell her I don't understand whining and she needed to use her big girl voice and ignore her. If that resulted in screaming to put her in her room (this method takes a bit to catch on especially if you have been doing different methods). Once she calms down I bring her out, tell her screaming is not ok at all, and ask her to please tell me what she needs. We have better days than others...You need a consistent method she can count on. Consequences are key to halting a meltdown. Also take some uninterrupted time each day (I know how hard this rarity is to conjure up) to sit down and do something with her. With my daughter we do pretty time where she gets her case of hairthings and tells me what she wants me to do with her hair and I pretty her all up clippies and so on. Sometimes she comes into the kitchen and helps me unload the dishwasher. She tends to do better when she's more involved with the things I am doing. I have heard rumors that this phase ends....but then ppl tell me that teen years are ahead and I nearly die of heart attack every time. I am so there with you!

Let me tell you I have 2 boy and the youngest is a girl man I have never had as many challanges that I have had with my girl, with my boys and just like you said had she been the first born she would have been an ONLY child! Hate to say it but it just gets worse from here they get to the age where they will not wear the clothes you pick dont like how you brush thier hair oh and it just goes on... So PATIENCE PATIENCE or you will loose your mind...and boy do they know where to put on the best shows. GOOD LUCK mine will be 6 soon and it is getting a tad bit better but time out did work for us or sitting on the table with head down. It is NOT easy at first but CONSISTANCY is the key and don't give up no little freebies or she will get used to that too.

Mother of 3
E.

My 2 yr old daughter went thru a similar phase before reaching her 2nd birthday.Funny thing is that once she was 2 it stopped and then didnt' hit again till about 6-8 months later, then it was peaceful again and now that we're within a few months of her 3rd birthday she has "terrible 2's days" as we like to call them.

It does get better....and oh boy do I hear ya about if your daughter had been first.When my daughter went thru the 2's before even reaching the age there were plenty of times within those months that I figured she would be the only one.But then I met a great man who actually helps me raise her and all the supoort of my great friends and we've been ttc for some time now and hope to be pregnant sooner rather then later before our spoiled princess gets too big a head of being an only child.lol

Best of luck :)

Your daughter sounds similar to our youngest...high energy and strong-willed! Is your daughter still sleeping in a crib? Ours is, so when she and I need a break from a eachother, I will put in her crib with her favorite stuffed animals and the light on, so she can have a quiet time or a time out if needed. She also loves her pacifier, and although I have never been a fan, I have found myself giving it to her at those high stress times, especially when I am trying ot make dinner. I figure it's better than having a totally stressed out mom and kid! Best wishes to you! You are not alone!

Hi--I have a 5 and almost 3 yr old and a baby. A combination of things, most already mentioned but I wanted to give deserved weight to their importantce, should help a lot and give you more peace. Remember this too, shall pass. Really. First, check your routine. Do you have one? Try being really consistent about a routine for your day and your week(the times she eats, sleeps, plays, plays with you, watches a show, goes outside, etc.; run errands and whatever else you do on the same days each week--no surprises for now) and especially consistent about a bedtime routine. Do the same things in the same order. Continue to give choices within those boundaries--such as, do you want to color at the table or play play-doh at the table? Whatever you do for discipline for the tantrums, just pick something and stick with it--do the exact same thing everytime she melts down, and try to prevent them by urging her to use her words in her big girl voice and repeating what she says so that she knows you understand what she needs/wants. Explain calmly why she can't have/do something. Try not to get into a power struggle by reacting--try not to let her know that she can push your buttons (I am still working on this-big time :)Twos can be so loving and rewarding--enjoy those moments. It is hard to discipline my schedule to fit their needs--it makes me feel rebellious sometimes, but in reality makes my life a lot easier. Check out the book The Spirited Child--really good information.

Kids rise to our expectations. At 16 mo, your daughter isn't emotionally or intellectually equipt to rationalize anything. Some things are just black and white, no negotiations. When she throws the tantrums, pick her up and hug her. Talk to her, comfort her, but don't let her throw the tantrum. Isolating her in a room to cry it out, you don't know what's troubling her. Again, pick her up and give her the attention she needs, give her the words to express what's happening. Everyone, whether they're 2 yrs old, 12 yrs old, or 32 yrs old, we all have those moments, those days... as we get older we've got the language skills to express what's going on. Things will get better, she will be able to tell you what's going on. The terrible two's are just a preview of the tumultuous teenage angst that many go through. Every age, every stage has it's challenges and opportunities.... it's a great journey that you're lucky to be going through together.

I"m sorry to inform you 3 is worse.

I want to ditto the mommy time outs - they are essential. When we are having a battle of wills - I tell her I need a time out - shut the doors and go sit in my room and count slowly to 10.

Often she will ask me if I've found my patience.

The best thing that you can do is to find ONE method and remain consistant. If you change up your parenting style all the time kids get really confused. Both you and your husband need to agree on one method for parenting and disapline and stick with it. It doesn't seem to matter which method is used really, it only matters that you're consistant...

Also, kids (humans in general) don't really like too much choice. I know this seems odd, but there have been studies done that show that people are much happier if they have no choice. If Cheerios are the only choice, it's easy to accept. If she can have Cheerios, waffles or eggs she will think that her choice is bad and try to pick another and another... Make it clear what she must do and be consistant! Good luck! :)

My daughter is 2.5 and certainly having some of the same issues. She is MUCH worse when she doesn't sleep enough. You have a lot of great advice and each child is different. But one more angle is to take a good, honest look at the amount of sleep your daughter is getting. She may just have that personality that you really have to work hard to get what you need and want. But more sleep is sometimes a good thing....and leaves more time for you and your husband. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" is my favorite reference book for this and I learned that 7 p.m. is not an unreasonable time to consider putting kids of your daughter's age to bed...it takes work, but well worth it. Again, I realize this may well NOT be what you need, but just thought I'd throw it out there. Good luck.

Nope! And three is worse!

Time outs and time ins are the only thing that works for us.

Try reading the Happiest Toddler On The Block.

Good luck

Not until you find a way to channel all the energy or they go off to school.