Terrible Two's - Spanish Fork, UT

Routine, routine, routine, it isn't the same as a schedule, that is much more rigid, but some consitancy through out the day will help, the routine will have to be up to, look at an average day, what time the baby usually naps, what time they are hungry ect and start following there cues, when the baby is napping spend some time with the toddler, read some books, color anything he likes to do, then have him sit and enetrtain himself, also important, while you do a few things you need to do.

I think you are handling the store perfectly, since you haven't been doing much dicsipline it is going to be a harder road, but not impossible, if you really want to get things under control then you are going to have to say to yourself "enough" and stick to it, rememeber you have a baby who is watching and learning everything big brother is doing, if you don't want to have to little "hellions" on your hands you need to be consistant. time-outs only work if done right,
1.Place child in seat and say to him that "insert, is not OK!"
2. If child gets up replace in time-out, the first 3-4 days are going to be hard, time doesn't start until he sits and doesn't get up, you will keep having to place him, sometimes 20 times until he gets it, it will get better as he learns that you are not going to give in.
3. Once his time has been completed, get down to his level look him in the eye and repeat why he was there, ask him if he understand why, then give him a big hug and kiss and let him know you love.
It is hard at first, but if you don't give in it will work.

Also to the people looking at you in the store...WHO CARES! The only person who looks like an idiot are the parents who let there kids run wild and have no control whatsoever, I am not talking about kids who are playing and bugging no one but we all know who I am talking about. Good luck!

First of all, I would try really hard to get a routine going. That is a huge help. It sounds like your son feels lost and needs boundaries. Setting a rountine is pretty simple, in theory. Try to do the same things at the same times, and be consistent! I think that is what your son needs most--consistency. At our house, for instance, at bedtime, EVERY NIGHT, we 1) get on jammies,2) brush teeth, 3) read books 4) sing a bedtime song, 4)tuck the kids in and say goodnight. We do this even if we have been out to dinner and it's late, or even if we are out of town in a motel or whatever. The kids expect this to be their routine, and it helps them settle down at bedtime. We also make sure that we serve snacks / meals at roughly the same times each day, and nap time is at the same time each day as well.

As far as the grocery store, lots of kids have the same issues with misbehaving in the store. My daughter did this ONE time--had a fit because I wouldn't buy her candy. I picked her up and left the store. I was 7 months pregnant at the time, had to leave a basket full of groceries behind, and she kicked and screamed the whole way out to the car. We sat in the parking lot until she settled down, and then I told her we would try again, and if she threw a fit again, we would go home. SHe actually did fine on the second try. The most important thing for you to do is to be consistent with what you do--if you leave the store with him each time he acts up, he will eventually get the idea that he can't behave that way in the store.
Another idea is, maybe get him a little shopping cart --they have them at most toy stores. Then he can push it around the store and help you shop...it might make the trip more fun for him (and you!). Our grocery store actually has kid carts, and my kids love them.

I think what you did in the store is perfect, and odds are if you could read minds you would hear "I remember when my kid did that" or "that's why I left mine home" or "hehe...go mom!" you might here some criticism but you might also find no kids in their lives, or disconnected families...my point (I do have one) we judge ourselves much harder than other people and we love to project that onto other people so we can justify how we are feeling. So first, be gentle with yourself.
It is hard to know how/when to negotiate with a 2 year old. They want what they want when they want it. I give my dd choices that I can live with whatever she decides. For example a fit in the store, I say you can stop crying and we can finish shopping, or you can keep crying and we will go sit in the car.
Eating is a battle we have been having so her choice, you can eat here in the kitchen or you can eat down on your table in the family room. (I don't give her a choice of eating just where)
About 4 months ago I was at a friends house for lunch and her 5 year old was upset and screaming and she very calmly told him, sweetie, Where do we go to cry and get out our emotions? he said on my bed. That's right. Why don't you go upstairs and cry and get out your feelings and then come talk to me. He went up for a few minutes, finished his cry and came down and snuggled for a minute then ran off to play. I was shocked.
could it work? I started to try it with my dd. I tell her she can cry all she wants, and I put her in her room and tell her to come out when she is done. (this isn't when she is hurt, just when she is pitching a fit over something) I want to validate her feelings, let her have them they are real, but also learn to control her responses. And...it works. consitency is the key. When she is upset about something I tell her I would love to talk to her when she is calm. She usually stops crying right then so we can "talk" but has also generally forgotten why she was so upset! lol.
I count with my dd for her timeout. She would never just sit. so we count.
it defuses the situation and gets us both calm.
then we can deal with what has been going on.
one day she was hitting for attention. Aunts uncles etc. were over and she was hitting everyone and going in timeout but she was getting attention so she kept it up. I put her in the corner and I stood in front of her with my back to her so she couldn't get out or see. She did not hit again after that timeout. It's a learning process.
Hang in there, it can get better.
Setting boundaries is critical for you as well as your son. I too deal with depression and on a bad day it is too hard to get creative to think of how to respond. So if you have a consistent plan it helps in those moments for you and your son. You both know what to expect. and as one other mom posted, always then give a hug and tell him how much you love him. Hang in there--you will find what works for you.

When my son acts like this my husband has a knack for teasing him in a way that usually calms him down. If this does not work just go with it. One time when my son was throwing a tantrum I said "Show me your mad face," just as he was about to scowl. Everyone around me cracked up laughing. Put on a show that lets everyone know that you are in control, even if your child is not. If your kid settles down, that is a bonus.

Your husband needs to be serious about discipline. He doesn't need to get mad, but he does need to expect that the rules be obeyed, and it this age it is okay to force the issue. Again, you can do this in a way that is original. Don't fixate on punishments, but try to find original solutions. A little sense of humor can go a long way in not letting your child get the best of you.

Knowing all of this is one thing. Unfortunately even knowing doesn't do it. You have to keep practicing and you will get better with each child. The key is to be able to step back and laugh - sometimes at them, sometimes with them, and often both.

Enjoy!

In the store I would just ignore him and act like he isn't yours. Stay close by so he is ok but wait until he realizes he is not getting the attention he wants.

You need to establish a schedule. It will be hard at first but keep to task in the long run it will be easier. I was a mom at 19 without family support and a working husband. I suffer from depression and know where you are at. by setting boundaries it will in the long run help life get a little easier.
Set a time to eat in the morning. Then either play or read a book to your son not to long of a story just something easy. Let him play by himself or let him help sort laundry. Make it a game and have fun. Is it nap time for the baby? Sit down read a book and nurse or give the baby its bottle. While the baby naps work on a project with your older one.
Shaving cream on the table is a blast. Or better give him a soapy dish rag to clean the table. I, also played
chase with the vaccum. The couch was safe and the vaccuming got done. Take a walk to the park or drive to one. At the park set limits. When it is time to go home, say ten minutes, then five, then two minute warning. If he does not comply tell him the consequences amd follow through! If you don't you are creating a monster. After the park, lunch and nap time. for both kids. It gives you space and time to yourself. Don't do housework! Do something you enjoy (like a nap) So you have energy to keep up with the rest of the day.

I would read a book call "the STrong-Willed Child" It will give you tips on setting boundries and how to handle the store situation better.
C. B

routine is a big deal you are a mom know your children come before you and your husband. you did the right thing by taking him out of the store i had to do that a few times myself. i have even been hit in the face during a tantrum. you have to teach your children the rules and boundries now, there is no later. NOW NOW NOW. other wise you will have a teenager who dosen't respect you and others. do you want that i know i don't. i am a partime single mom, and i am not going to have a out of control son. you need to have a routine, get a friend who can help you i would put my son in his room and hold the door shut until he was done throwing a fit. and trust me it took a long time, and don't worry what other people think that is your child you know when your being too hard and not hard enough. and don't count on your husband he will see you and say hay if she is doing it i should. i could go on and on but i have to go. good luck be strong cry if you need to, and remember discipline isent punishment it means to teach.