Terrible Behavior and Intense Fears in Toddler

i have started using Love and Logic techniques with my 2 yr old and her behavior has improved. you could probably find the book for birth through 6 yrs at the library

I would ask your pediatrician. I don't think this is normal. it sounds more like fear.

Children that age just want what they want and they don't have words to communicate with. He's on the move now so can include his body with his crying now.

It's tough to see your child do this, I know! And the gut response is to make it stop anyway that you can. But, giving him treats to bribe him with is rewarding him for his bad behavior. If you begin to implement simple consequences instead he will learn that the behavior doesn't work.

You've gotten great suggestions for giving him time up front so he knows what to expect. Tell him what will happen and then follow through. Sign language will also help to give him another way to communicate.

Good luck! It's a tough stage but if you stick to it he'll learn new ways of communicating that work better for both of you.

Pull Ups are pretty useless for potty training but they are WONDERFUL for wrestling little boys who want to stay naked into!

Have you tried Sign Language? I wouldn't use bribery because that encourages the behavior. He needs to learn that there are some things that he has to do whether he likes it or not. Have you tried giving him advance warning of what you will be doing next? Use a picture chart to plan your day so he can see what is coming next. Also let him make a choice when possible (would you like to wear the blue shirt or the green shirt?, but make sure to limit his choices to two or three options keep him from being overwhelmed). Another option is calling Early On (http://www.1800earlyon.org/index.php) and having him evaluated for free for sensory or emotional issues. It only takes a few hours of your time, and if he doesn't qualify, they will still offer tips in most cases. Good luck!

He cannot talk much yet but he should be able to understand most of what you are saying. It may help to ease him into these transitions. Speak calmly what is coming next, what he should expect, and how you expect him to behave.
It may also help to give him choices: does he want his diaper changed on the table/bed or on the floor? Does he want the diaper with Elmo or cookie monster on it? So get him involved in what is being done, and he can feel like he has a say in it.
Another tactic would be to distract him with something, a toy he likes or a safe household object he has not played with before etc.

Totally normal in that age. Welcome to the terrible twos. You need to quickly start disciplining him with the aggressive behavior. We told my daughter "no hitting," quickly dropped her if we were holding her and walked out of the room. Telling him how you expect him to behave as possible, and if that doesn't seem to work, then you might want to try TOs.

Ignoring negative behavior is also key here, especially with competition with the new baby in the house.

I would lessen the sugary foods/drinks. The sugar can escalate whatever is going on with him.

Getting good food in him, especially a good source of protein (ie organic peanut butter or a high quality soy protein) will help with stabilizing blood sugars, temper and erratic behavior. You said he is big, does big mean overweight?

What does your pediatrician say?

My middle son did the same thing. He did not want to be confined or touched by anyone he did not know. Hairstylists, Dr's, photograpers, etc
He did outgrow its and is now a normal teenager. He turned into a "wild animal" for these people. I never did find anything to help calm him at the time. He outgrew it by the time he was about 3 1/2.

If you think that part of it is not able to communicate well yet, I would teach him sign language. It did wonders with my son.
I would also try to help him with transitions, so he knows what to expect (we're leaving the park in 5 minutes - 3 minutes - 1 minute. Bye bye Park). he might no yet know what 5 minutes mean but with consistency he will soon get how long this means and he can mentally get prepared for leaving. It will help sometimes, but not always.
Always praise good behavior.
Try introducing consequences/rules. For example, aggression (hitting, biting, pulling hair, kicking in order to hurt) can be immediate removal + time out.
For the fear and melt-downs (doctor, hair dresser), try to teach him to breath slowly with you. This may help him keep his cold and not escalating. I saw Super nanny using this trick a few weeks ago on YouTube and didn't believe in a toddler breathing deeply until I tried it with my son. A tantrum stopped like magic.
For diaper changes, try changing him while he stands. Pull ups are more expensive but can also make it easier on you.
You are NOT a failure at all. Every child come with his own set of challenges and parenting is tough.
Good luck (and, yes, this too shall pass)

Try teaching him sign-language... so he has a tool to express himself....
teach him functional words... not just nouns.

Does he nap????
Hungry????
If tired or hungry, these typically makes babies very fussy.... and moody.

Ask your Pediatrician as well.

DO NOT feel like a failure... he is obviously having a hard time with things... and who knows what the triggers are.... and he seems frustrated but can't express himself. AND also, babies/toddlers do NOT have full emotional development yet, nor can they understand the literal and abstract connotations of it. But maybe the sign language may help him have a way to 'vent' or to tell you what he wants or does not want.

And you have to have boundaries... which through repetition.. a child needs to learn what is acceptable or not.

All the best,
Susan

My son HATES being restrained and hated the haircut and diaper change (he got over the diaper change part). Part of it was the transitions too. We are consistent and ignore him until he can be calm. I try to validate what he is feeling, "I know that you want to keep playing outside...etc., but it is time to eat now, we can play outside again tomorrow...etc." Even at 19 months, it is a good pattern to get into.

For hitting, or anything aggressive like that, we started time outs at that age. At first it was mommy time out (I went away, or turned my back for 2 minutes. I was usually situated so that I could see him in a reflection, and I would read a book, or something that wasn't focused on him. He would cry, but I would stick it out. As he has got older, he then had to stay in one place, and it has now shifted to his time outs. To get out of time out, we acknowledge why, show soft touches, he has to ask please, he gives me a hug, and we go play, or go do what it was he fought against (he doesn't get out of it with hitting). I know it seems like a lot, but it works for him, and I stay calm the whole time.

For kicking at changing, I started by telling him that it hurts, and then holding his feet down for 30 seconds/1 minute, which he hates, but when he calmed down, I would explain that it hurts mommy, and if he keeps kicking, I will have to hold his feet down again. That usually is a one time thing.

The main thing is the consistency and making sure that you stay calm and that he isn't doing it for your reaction...Actually that was the main thing for me, just hope it can work with your son too.

My first son was exactly like that. I had to put him in his crib just so he wouldn't hurt himself at times when he would bang his head against the floor.

I eventually got so tired of it, I just started putting him in his crib each time he acted like that(atleast while we were at home). I wouldn't let hime see that I was frustrated and I never gave into him. He eventually understood that he couldn't act that way.

You need to get with his pediatrician and talk about maybe autism if he is tested and not than you need to do more than out time. Maybe a tap on the bumb and out time or maybe start taking things he likes likes a certain car or tv or going outside till he behaves. You need to step on this. If his vocabulary is an issue and you don't understand him some of his behavor can be because you don't get him. Kids get really upset when they say something and there mom don't get it because there with them all the time. Plus he may be feeling neglected because of the baby too. It can be causes by a whole bunch of reasona and you need to find ou why because what you have discribed he is a Brat so he needs to be brought down so he stops. He embarisses you when doing these tantrums. Any kid would. Maybe when he is about to do one take him to the side and tell him straight forward to stop and breath and relax and to stop. Other wise he will be punished and that your authority hes not if hes going to act like that than hes going to pay to sit in out time. He needs to relax. When you don't understand what hes says and hes trying to get something across. Ask him to show you or draw what he wants or maybe find a picture of it. I have a speech child she didn't talk till 3. If she did I had no clue of what she said. It was very frustrating. Her school system got her in a speech program she is starting school a year late but she will be acheiver and now that we can understand her she is very intelegent. Also you can go to the teacher store on m-59 and vanddyke the learning center and get stuff to help him with his speech too. Like when he wants something and you get it make sure you repeat it make a game of it. Do letters numbers animals theres so much out there. Do like a school session fro an hr a day with the little guy have him color a pig and tell you what that is and what does it like to do and where does it live and eat and all. Thats may help him theres leap frog dvd out there too that shows them how to recogonize letters and put them into words. Read to him when you read to him point at the word. Or pick a book up and point to a picture and make up your own story. Good luck!

Don't feel like a failure. Being a parent is tough, and it's completely a trial and error process.

There were a couple of things I wanted to respond to in your message from the perspective of a mother of 2 kids under the age of 4.

I don't believe that his behavior is normal for this age. Though both of my kids began to exhibit tantrums around this age because they were frustrated with not being able to fully communicate/exerting their independence, it was never to this extent.

We took our daughter to her 2 year well-baby visit this morning. We talked about her personality being so different from her brother's and how different discipline techniques work for each of them. He said it was up to each parent to decide what works best, but to be fair, consistent and to always practice balancing more praise for what the child is doing well than for focusing on the negative.

If he were my child, the hitting, hair pulling, etc. would not have happened more than once. It would have been ended immediately the first time it was done.

I'm a working mom, so my kids have always been in day care of some kind. You mentioned you're a SAHM - has he ever been in an environment in which someone other than you has been an authority figure? Have you considered a preschool class, Mommy's day out, etc. to help him get over some of his fears? From other things I've read, Mommy playgroups and Mommy & kid classes don't necessarily instill that independence......I also wonder if having him in another environment a few hours/week will help you bond with your 1 month old one-on-one.

Good luck! Be stern with him and be consistent. He's exerting his independence and seeing how far he can push you. Set boundaries and be prepared to follow-through on the consequences of not doing what is expected.