Terrible 3

Hey T.,
I think that you are doing the right thing! Unfortunatly, staying calm and consistant is key! I say unfortunatly, because it is so hard to stay calm when they are acting like that! But if you end up giving into his fits he wins, no matter how long it takes for him to get what it is that he wants. If you tell him no to something you have to hold firm and not give in. Staying consistant too, if he is not allowed to jump on the couch today, then he can't be allowed tommorrow, he will catch on, it might just take a while. For instance, my kids aren't allowed fruit sncks before lunch, and they know it, but they will still ask thinking I might change my mind this one time. Maybe you can try time-out too. My youngest daughter is two and a half right now and is queen of tantrums, and what generally works for her is the count to three, and if I get to three she has to go to her room for time-out (only for two min. right now) and she will go because she knows that she is doing isn't acceptable. She also has an older brother and sisters, and watches when they go to time out, so it might take your son a little longer to understand the meening of it. Hopefully you will be able to get through this, best of luck! A.

It is SOOO hard, but you have to stay calm and firm. Don't yell (escalates the situation) don't change your tone of voice at all (signals to him that he is "getting" to you)... If possible (you're at home and he won't get hurt) just ignore him. Tell him that if he wants to behave that way he has to go in his room to do it. Then make him go (or if necessary take him there and leave him) while you go back to what you were doing and ignore him. Boys can be very challenging (especially if he is your first... b/c you have a steep learning curve...lol). Tantrums are a lot like getting them to sleep through the night. You have to NOT let it get them what they want. In the case of a tantrum (much like waking up at night) they are looking for attention... I recently discovered a book called "1, 2, 3 Magic". It is very inexpensive and a good program. It involves "counting them out" and sending them to time out... YOU have to be in control of your voice and just "count" the behavior you want them to stop. It's very simple. My kids are not as young as yours anymore, but I know some who are and their parents use it and LOVE it. Hang in there!

Staying firm is the right idea. I have also found that ignoring the child works really well when they are having a tantrum. Yes, you keep an eye out to make sure they are they are doing any thing harmful. But you just plain ignore them. Be aware the tantrum will get worse initially. But stick to your guns. Depending on the stubornness of the child it can stop the tantrums in a or up to a week. But I have had it work with several kids. When I worked as a nanny before marry and since I have become a Mom. Your a stay at home Mom so I don't know wether it's an issue or not. But I have noticed a correlation between the amount of tv kids watch and their behavior.

T.,
Stick to your guns. He's testing his boundries and its only going to get worse. My daughter is 4 1/2 and still throws fits when she doesn't get what she wants. She thinks everything is negotiable and gets made if she can't talk her way out of it. Sometimes when I ask her to do something in a light-hearted way or make a game out of it that helps. Sometimes distracting her just as she's starting her fit sometimes diffuses the situation. Some days I'm at a complete loss and others what I do works well. What ever you do, don't give in to his demands. Keep up the good work.

J.

I agree with the other moms. Consistency and not giving in are the major keys to success. Also, if you want a small book to read, John Rosemond wrote "Making the Terrible Twos Terrific". I know it says for twos but it covers threes also. And it has excellent ideas for "creative" discipline and is easy to read and pretty funny too.
Best of luck to you!
Jen
SAHM of 2 boys 3 1/2 yrs and 15 months - and pg due with my 3rd boy in January :)