Temper Tantrums / Time Out Questions

Timeouts work for us. But he may be a little young to really get it. Is he getting enough sleep? Naps are very important. When they are over tired nothing will get through to them!

I am not a fan of time outs...especially for a toddler. He has NO idea why you are seperating yourself from him and putting him in time out...what he needs is guidance in how to deal in a constructive way with his feelings. It isn't WRONG to feel mad or frustrated or angry...but he needs you to teach him how to deal with those feelings in the proper way. You need to acknowledge his feelings "Honey I understand that you are upset because you can't play with your blocks right now but we will get a chance to play with them when we get back from the store. Here...why don't you help me pick out what shirt you are going to wear."
When he hits...talk to him about gentle touches...demonstrate for him by touching him softly, speak to him in a calm voice, don't get angry and frustrated yourself...that just stirs things up even further.
You are teaching him how to navigate this confusing world that he is just learning to move through...and you can't do that by sending him to "time out".
Demonstrate the way that you deal with anger....talk to him about feelings and how to handle them...he will understand a lot more than you might think he will!!!

Time outs only really work w/toddlers if you are with him, not leaving him somewhere. He won't understand that. We do co-time outs: him seated on my lap w/my arms crossed over his, not talking to him. I count the seconds for a min and a half (min for each year of age) then turn him around and tell him to look at me. Script as follows:

"We're in time-out because you hit mommy. We do not hit - it hurts and it's mean. Please say sorry to mommy." Do not let him up until the apology - any attempt is good.

Then HUGS and KISSES!

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't keep giving warnings. I also agree with Molly - try to see if there is a connection between the tantrums and the need for naps. Our boy is a disaster when tired - not even the same kid.

At that age, it's hard to do time-outs. They don't understand a lot of rules and consequences.
I did a lot of ignoring, at that stage, when the tantrums were thrown. And if I needed to remove them from the situation to make it stop, I did.

When they get later into 2s and 3s, they can start to understand rules, and that's when time-outs become effective.

I am having the same problem with my son. He is throwing himself around, banging his head at times because he is just so mad and frustrated. He wants to do big boy things but cant reach things (for good reason! Lol) or he is mad because he wants a cracker and cant explain himself.

It is really hard, but I am trying to teach him sign language so that we can communicate better. I will sign to him and he knows what I am saying but he doesnt want to sign back. I know he knows how but he just wants to get his way fast and not have to do anything. Such a man child haha. Anyways, he is starting to understand that if he tells me what he wants its so much easier.

Like earlier, he wanted some juice and I told him if he is thirsty then to bring me his sippy cup. He didnt want to he just danced around it. I held firm and told him again I need his cup. He finally gave in and picked it up and gave it to me and then he got juice. He now knows that if he wants it then I need his cup. Its cool to see them learning and connecting things together.

For time outs, what I do is pick him up when he is having a tantrum and go into the other room. We have an apartment so its usually his room we go in. And then after that I sit him on the floor and sit next to him and say, "This tantrum is unacceptable, you need to calm down now, and when you are ready to talk to me I am right here" He sits there for a minute kicking his feet but then he stops and calms down and he will show me he is ready to go back and play by smiling at me, or touching my arm, giving me a hug, things like that. So then I go "okay, lets go back and play nice" and then we dont have problems after that.

Again, he is starting to learn that its not okay to scream and kick around, and destroy things because he is mad. He is a lot calmer now that we have started this. I am consistent in doing it, so he knows to expect it if he is going to throw a tantrum. When I am busy and he is screaming at me, then sometimes I ignore it because I know he is just doing it for attention, and that works well too.

It gets better you just have to be consistent in your discipline and actions. They need structure and things to rely on.

The real thing you need to do is figure out why he is throwing a tantrum. Is he over tired? Teething? Growth spurt? Or just mad and having communication problems?

Its hard to figure it out sometimes but it does help. My son is overly cranky the past few days because his final molar has poked through and is filling in, and he is over tired cause he hasnt been sleeping well.

Whatever reason or why, just be patient and know that soon it will be better!
Best wishes!

Timeouts aren't always effective strictly on their own, especially for hitting, biting or kicking, which are behaviors that need to be stopped NOW.

A toddler who hts his parents or himself needs to learn another more positive way to express his feelings. Grab his hands at the wrists when he strikes out and tell him firmly, "No, we don't hit people, even ourselves." It's OK to startle him, you want his attention. Help him learn words to express his feelings. Ask "Are you angry because Mommy said you couldn't ___________?" "Do you feel sad?" etc., and teach him to tell you when he's frustrated and upset, rather than hit.

The important message to get across is that he doesn't hit people, even himself. If he does, after holding his wrists until he relaxes, put him on a chair by himself for two minutes and tell him "You sit here until the timer rings. When you come back, remember that we use words. We don't hit." It may take a few times before he realizes that hitting has consequences and it's more fun to be with you than to hit you or himself.