Temper Tantrums in Public

Some thing that works well for us is to go over the plan prior to entering and keep it simple and clear. Ex. We are going into toys r us, We are going to buy one toy for Jonnys birthday, there will be no whining or we will leave, if you see anything you want we can make a list for Santa. As far as the library situation goes, make sure your expectations are realistic. That may varey for different children. Also I don't know if the time out was nessasary bc it was so late after the crime. I think leaving might have been enough. I read an awesome book on disipline that was a quick read for busy moms called the NO Cry Disiple Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Great ideas in there for different situations. good luck, hope this helps.

Oh J. please do not be embarrased because every mother that was there just thought "i feel your pain sister". He is at the age when Tatrums R US as I call it. I let my children know what we are doing prior to even letting them out of the car. I explain the rules like no whining or crying and you must stay by mommy at all times. They have to repeat them, in thier own words of course, and promise then tell me what happens if they break a rule. In unison they say leave without anything. they know that means a book at the library or a video and even if the shopping cart at the store is full, we leave right away. No need for a time out because trust me they learn fast. The next thing I may do is take them back the next day if they want to try again and show they can act appropriately.

Well...this sentence made me wonder. You said "my son started to throw a fit. For what I'm not quite sure otherwise I would have solved the problem just to make him be quiet." Does this mean that throwing a fit ever gets him what he wants? If it ever does, even just one time, then you're training him to throw fits in order to get what he wants. I see parents quite often who give their children what they want just to make the tantrum end and while that might be a short-term solution, it's totally counterproductive in the long run.

If that's not the case, then I agree with the others that leaving is the only solution. At less than two years old, your best defense is a bag of snacks and some books or toys taken out one by one during the outing. I found with my daughter that she was far more tantrum-prone if she was at all tired or hungry. I tried to schedule outings for just after waking and eating breakfast or after nap and a snack. My oldest son never had a tantrum and so far my youngest (19 months) isn't either, but my daughter...watch out!

A library is a tough place for a small child to be. We started to take our daughter to the library when she was 2, we entertained her first, got her engaged in a book or puzzle, and talked to her about being quiet in the library. Make it fun for everyone.
When Julia would throw tantrums we would stop whatever we were doing and leave that area, whether it be the grocery store, the mall, the library. I would take her to the car and sit her in her seat and explain what she did wrong. And until she was calm we stayed there, it usually only takes a minute or 2. Then we would go back to what we were doing. At 2 I am not quite sure if they get it if you wait 15-20 minutes until you are home and then put them in timeout-it probably isn't effective. Set the rules before you leave the house-it works!

It's no fun when they decide to throw a tantrum in public, but chances are it won't be his last. If it's possible, stopping and leaving are a great way to deal with it. Just stay as calm as possible and keep your statements simple and quiet "It is not OK to scream at the library." Sometimes they will get quiet because they can't hear you over themselves. My 2.5 year old got mad at the bookstore on Monday and started screaming because he didn't want to leave. I sort of took him by surprise by saying "We don't have time for a tantrum right now. We need to pick up your sister at preschool. You can have your tantrum when we get home if you want." He didn't know what to think of it and that distracted him enough to get in the car. Every other mom that sees you understands it's part of growing up.

J.,
I know how you feel. My son is 2 and does the same things, or will just wine and cry while we are in the store. I have no solution, I try to ignore him, but it is embrassing! At home I let him throw the fit. We just moved here to PA so everything is a big adjustment for him. Good luck and let me know if you find out anything that seems to work :)

S.

You should do exactly what you did. Leave. This sends a message (hopefully) to your child that this behavior is unacceptable in public. You also explained how upset you were and followed through with a fitting punishment (time out). Also, it is the polite thing to do. No one in the library wants to listen to your child throwing a fit either.

Hope this helps, and good work!