Telling People Off, Am I Just as Bad?

no they just are afraid of rocking the boat. I will tell you when you are wrong to just wish I had diplomacy. :)

My goodness, I think I am seeing a glimpse on what my 6 year old would become. She too is Miss Diplomacy but will speak her mind when she sees something unfair. Case in point, her class rotates table members and the members are then give the task to name their group. There was one boy in their group and one of the girls who have a stronger personality always seem to be naming the group regardless of what table she is at. DD said she always picks really girly names so she told her that maybe next time she should choose a name that fits for both boys and girls. The girl said, "No!"

I am glad you spoke up and shame on the rest for not doing so and double shame on those who are wagging their witchy fingers at you. I would rather have someone who is blatantly truthful that have someone who has nothing but sweet lies. Quite honestly, people like you are refreshing!

GOOD FOR YOU!!

Also - because she choose to use a public forum and you choose to respond via the same public forum IMO you did nothing wrong where that is concerned either. Someone that vicious needs her 'face' made public. Keep it up.

Evil Triumphs When Good Men Do Nothing
Instead of posting on a message board you should have spoken up in a meeting. She was here long before you and she is my friend. We do not like how you are treating her and if you want to stay the leader of this group you need to treat EVERYONE with respect or we will find someone else to be our organizer.
Men like Hitler became powerful and killed millions of people because no one stopped him. I know this an extreme example but if we do not stand up against bullies we are allowing them to reign.

Nope. But you will find that speaking your mind will lose you some friends. Passivity is easier and less threatening than activism.

But good for you.

.

No-you are not just as bad!!! I applaud you for speaking your mind on this. Honestly-people need to do this more. I am sick to death of people bitching about things and then doing NOTHING about it-when something clearly should be done. Things will not change by themselves. And if I were you I would pipe back to these women "wow-we teach our kids to stand up to a bully and stand up for the victim but we cannot do it ourselves! I am extremely disappointed in all of you and am proven right in my decision to leave your group."

Well, I don't know how old you are, but once you hit the stage where you could be the grocery store baggers grandmother, you feel like you can tell them what they need to hear, and it just happens more and more often. You can say it nicely, and you can call them "young man" or "young lady" and you get away with it. I like being older. I don't really care much about who thinks what anymore, I realize that all that matters is always with me anyway.

You also may find that, at a certian age you don't mind just saying that you screwed up either. At some point, you know that screwing up is part of life, and you take all the wind out of someones sails if you just say "oh boy, here goes, I blew it..." What can they say after that? If they are just wanting to vent, then you pull out the "young lady, I said I screwed up what more do you need, you must be having a bad day...bless your heart." It is maturity. call spades spades, but don't hurt anyone, and always take responsiblity for screwing up before someone can point it out, then stand up and tell people when they have done something that would not meet with thier mothers approval...most of the time, they know you are right, and you will be serving as one of the examples that will, some day, lead them to maturity when they can just say, "you know, you are right, I screwed up...thanks."

M.

we all feel justified in our actions. We all feel we have a right to address issues.

BUT in the end, are we grandstanding? Are we trying to suck everyone into a vortex? This happens quite frequently....without our own awareness of the dilemma!

In your above example, could you have handled it differently? Could you have addressed it privately with the victim, without pulling everyone else into the mix? In situations like this, it's almost always best to address the "evil one" privately, quietly support the victim......AND leave everybody else out of it! As far as your comment on the msge board....wow, yes - you are a pot-stirrer & it serves no good. This is the last impression you left on everyone.....& that lasting impression will follow, not only you, but your son.

Next time, & there will be a next time....try to find a way to be more select in how you approach issues. Sometimes a bee sting hurts more than a sledgehammer! Peace....

Added: It's funny you are getting a lot of positive responses yet when we say something on here to stand up for ourselves everyone thinks we are bitchy. Interesting if you think about it.
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If you get the pay off you need for doing it then I guess it's good for you to be vocal. Don't feel bad if you dont have followers, most times when you are pioneering or paving a new way, no one wants to follow until the job is done.
I'm not confrontational. But I usually make what ever I need done to happen. I guess they call it "passive agressive". I think its the less dramatic approach to the means to an end.

I think that you are acting in a just way, confronting it and being honest. Group dynamics can get weird, and truly awful, but what you did was very much the right thing. I'm just sorry no one else stood up and left, too. Those that felt you put them in the middle are not secure in their own selves or they wouldn't have disowned you.... The best thing you can do is let it go.

There is a case for diplomacy ("you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar), but I think that it is better served in using a diplomatic way to phrase a problem than it is just ignoring it. Diplomacy is not the same thing as ignoring, and I think too often it is easier for us as humans to pretend that ignoring an uncomfortable situation, for our own comfort, is the same as being "diplomatic."

So, kudos for you.

No Jessica! because you will be free in your mind with the knowledge you did the right thing.
Having peace of mind should never be underestimated.
These other women know in their hearts that the woman was being bullied and you were the only one that stood up.
Telling how it is,is not bad ,it just shows that you are growing emotionally and psychologically. A sign of a weak person is one that stands by and says nothing when a clear injustice is happening.
Anyway, some friends do get left behind as we go through life so don't sweat over it.
All the best
B. k

no, i wish i could be that forward but am more of an introvert and hate confrontation. dealt with it my whole life. i am getting a little better, but if this woman wasn't called upon then she would still continue being a bully. that is what is wrong with this world today, nobody is wiiling to speak up becuase they are to afraid of the outcome. i can see their point of view from a standpoint. if a man was beating a woman would you stand there and do nothing, i think i would be beating him with a stick or whatever object i could find get hands on. just saying. sorry to rant but i think you did the right thing.

Kuddos for you for speaking up. There is nothing wrong in speaking up. There are obvious many ways to do this: some are nasty and mean, some say it with love, some just blurt out what the problem is and get right to the point. Not everyone is comfortable with speaking their minds even when something is very wrong. People are way too worried about themselves: what will this person think of me if I open my mouth? Many people do everything possible to avoid confrontational situations. If how you handled the situation you described above is exactly how it was handled by you, then I say you did a good job. Perhaps the woman who was being "bullied" was just too timid to defend herself or perhaps she truly did not know how to handle it. Just remember that it is not okay to be ugly with others when they are being ugly to us. We can handle it with "love" and that way we don't look like the bad guy.

Life is to short to put up with peoples bs. I think to many people sit back and let others run the show. I would be grateful for having a friend like you in that situation. Those women that stood by and said nothing are in for a big surprise when that women turns on them.

I think the mistake you made was putting it on the message board. Your response to public bullying was a public tongue-lashing, which is like bullying even if it was in defense of someone else. I would have either stepped up at the moment the organizer was bullying and said that this talk was not appropriate in a moms' group that is supposed to be supportive, and if it didn't stop, I would have gone home. Standing by in the face of injustice is supporting it. I sounds like you spoke up at the time, which is good. But the "reason for leaving" should have been directed at the organizer personally, preferably face to face, but if in writing, at least privately. Public ridicule is no better than what she did.

The other moms didn't have the courage to stand up to the organizer, but they were understandably uncomfortable about the message board stuff.

I would take the bullied mom and start up another group - there must be more moms who need this program. Spread out and find some new friends. If the organizer's behavior continues, some of the other moms might decide to leave if there is an alternative - however, do not openly recruit them - let them come to you.

Those whom you like from the first group, continue to see in a different setting if you still respect them and think highly of them. For now, I'd let it die down before you contact them though. And you could consider apologizing to them for being so public in your outrage.

You did the right thing. This is where the rubber hits the road and now you can look back and see a pile of "friends" and a pile of "acquaintances."

It is not that you speak your mind it is HOW you speak your mind. I agree that slamming her on the message board was equall bullying because I am sure you intended to have this be public and then cause a revolution. You should have written her a letter in YOUR pen and walked away. Should anyone ask you why you left you can let them know that you did not agree with her treatment of people and chose to no longer be involved. If you were going to have followers they would have shown themselves then.

I say Bravo to you for not being afraid to stand up for what is right.

I've been that way my whole life.
I have found for some people it embarrasses them, reflects poorly on them, puts the in the middle, etc etc etc....but you know what I say to that....?
Don't be my friend. No hard feelings, but i'm not going to change who I am.
I am actually a very mellow person, but when something happens I speak up and say whats on my mind. To tell the truth people have actually counted on me for doing this...knowing I will be the one to say something because maybe they aren't the type to speak up.
I wouldn't have posted your message on a board, I would have told her to her face without children present. I like looking people in the eyes (part of how I was raised dealing with conflict). But thats just how I would have confronted her and told her whats on my mind.
I guess the biggest question I have for you is...if none of the other moms said anything about what you posted to the organizer....did you feel good about speaking your mind and leaving the group? If you did then don't worry about it. =)

I've been the victim of bullying. You did the right thing and a brave thing. I love this Mark Twain quote: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." The mothers in the group who don't call this bully out are doing nothing...and they might as well be part of a mob. You did something - it doesn't matter to me how you did it - you are a unique and wonderful human being because you did something. And let me tell you, it might have been a life line for the victim. Congratulations and thank you for your compassion.

I think that there need to be more people like you in the world......I would've done the same thing, but unfortunately, there are too many people in the world who will not stand up when others are doing wrong. It is too bad.

You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything! (the wise words from some country song....LOL)

Maybe you should print off these responses and send them to your "friends" in the Mom's group and show them how wrong they are. By not doing anything to defend the other woman, they are saying that what the organize was doing is ok. And now that the woman is gone, she (the organizer) will probably find someone else to pick on. The cycle will just conitnue. Maybe it will be one of your "friends" who gets picked on next!! Honestly, if I were you, I really wouldn't consider them to be friends anymore.......

I don't think it is bad to speak your mind IF you are ready to handle the consequences. What may be a blatantly "black and white" issue for some (you), may be a "gray" issue for others.
It may be more about picking your battles and knowing which issues you really do stand firm on.
Also, speaking one's mind can also be done with tact as to alleviate some of the ill and negative feelings it may conjure up.

Just my two cents,
R.

No youre not jsut as bad!! Good for you to stand your ground when you felt someone was being treated wrong. You were a part of a group and diagreed how the group was being handled...right for you to say so and make your exit.

I find I do more of this as well with the older I get. Somewhat of jsut not worrying so much about what others may think but more about my beliefs and standing by them.

My husband says he has "jaded" me and laughs as he has always been this way, But I find it liberating and it makes me feel like a better person and more true to myself not what I think I should be.

Sometimes we have to speak our minds. It is necessary.

I am also a peacemaker, sometimes, that means laying low, other times, it means making a stand.

I am always up for taking a stand in certain situations. I applaud you for what you said.

I think what you did was completely different than what the organizer did. She tore this other woman down publicly, and you stood up for her. I think what you did was wonderful.
I was in a kinda-sorta-not-really-but-close-enough situation where there was a group of emails going around about me with a group I was involved in. I was being publicly attacked for something that ONE person disagreed with. The vast majority of the group sent me personal emails telling me that they stood behind me, but a few responded to everyone in the group saying that this person was out of line. While I felt very moved by everyone's support, those few people who publicly stood behind me had the bigger impact on me.
Keep standing up for what's right!