Telling Little Children You Are Divorcing

My sister and I were young when our parent told us. Actually, they started to talk by saying, "we have something to tell you." I said. "I know what it is." They asked "what do you think it is?" I told them "you are getting a divorce."

"They asked how did you know this? " I told them "because you do not love each other." They both burst into tears and my sister who was younger totally fell apart, she was begging them to "not get a divorce".. . I felt terrible for knowing their "secret"..

Anyway, I went through a lot of guilt, because I was happy. I wanted my dad out of the house. My sister on the other hand begged and begged them to stay together. I totally shut down, because I felt so opposite everyone else was crying.. I was relieved.

They told us over and over it had nothing to do with us.That they had tried to work all of it out.. They were sorry... Blah, blah, blah..

I just wanted to know what was going to happen next and were we all going to be ok. I wanted to know the blood and guts. Where was everybody going to live. When was my dad moving out. When would we see our dad. Was I going to get to stay in our house with my mom.. Was I going to stay in my school with my friends. These are the things I wanted to know.. I did not care about why.. I knew why.. I had been watching everything going on for years.

So if they could be prepared for any questions from theirchildren.
Be set on how it is all going to work out as to how exactly this is going to affect the children. And reassure them they will always love the kids. They will always be their parents. Their love for them has not changed. That is the best they can do. The other thing is to agree that all decisions will be based on what is best for their children.

Try not to speak poorly about the other. Keep arguments away from the kids ears.. Do not try to make the other parent, parent the way the other does.. As long as the children are safe, that is the best goal they can have. Do NOT put the kids in the middle..

I am sending them Strength and Peace. It is really sad for a family to break up. But the children can come out of it with the least amount of scars, if the parents can stay civil.

I told mine that although mommy and daddy love them, and each other, sometimes mommys and daddys just can not live together. It was very hard on them, they had sleep problems and bad dreams that only really went away after my hubby and I started counseling and decided to stay together. I would urge your ex to make counseling available for the children, especially the 6 year old, to help her talk out her talk out her feelings and fears.

I was five and my sister was two when my parents got divorced. Although I was young, I still remember the day they told us very clearly. My parents sat down together and told us they were divorcing. They explained what that meant and what would happen. They also told us over and over again that it was nothing we did, it was a problem between mommy and daddy. And they made sure to tell us that even though they weren't married they would BOTH be our parents and love us forever. Even at five I was relieved. It would mean no more fighting or screaming, no more periods of not talking. No more parent disappearing acts. I have to respectfully disagree with Julie. My parents were not happy together and that was definitely having a negative impact on us. And as hard as it may be, tell your friend to avoid bad mouthing. My parents never talked poorly about the other, even when they were really upset or angry. My mother always had respect for her exhusband as my father and vice versa. There was no custody battle, no ill will. Just a friendship shared over raising two girls together.

The 2 yr old doesnt really need much info, they are still pretty much out of sight out of minders. The 6 yr old will need some reasonable explanation tho, not too in depth but there will be questions that he'll want answered... and probably on way more than one occasion.
I'd say the best answer is the honest one "Sometimes (emphasis on that word) adults can't get along with each other so they have to stay away from each other so they wont fight, because we know that fighting isnt nice." That would be the base to start with and then just be prepared to answer questions as simply as possible afterward. You know as well as I do that the harder questions will come when the children get to be about 10, and even worse when they are about 15.... but by then everyone will be able to handle a deeper truth than they are right now. jmo

There really is no way to tell a child that, divorce is selfish and hurtful, and some children are scared from divorce well into their adult lives. As denise did bad mouthing one parent to a child is horrible, even if the things said are true, you don't do that to a child. Sorry i could not be more positive. J.

I don't think divorce is selfish, sometimes it's the best thing for a child. My friends brother and his wife hate each other. They sleep in separate rooms, hardly ever talk and when they do they snip. But, they stay married for the kids. The other day my friend told me that her niece told her she never wanted to get married, when my friend asked why she said because she wanted to be happy. I think that is terribly sad, and gives an awful impression of what a happy home should be. I think Laurie is 100% percent on this. Make sure they have answers for all questions, that they have hammered out living and schooling, and that there is at lest an idea of how visitation works. Make sure they know it has nothing to do with them, that they both parents will be available whenever they need them. Hope the best and God Speed

mine was 7 when i divorced. i told him the truth daddy is lying and doing mean things to mama. didnt go into detail but he figured it out when he was older for the 2 yr old i dont know how to handle that one. i never told my son his dad was abusive he figured it out in time. now he is 21 and understands dad did it to himself