Is there any kind of a law for teens when it comes to what parent they want to live with as their parents divorce? Do they have to be a certain age? OR is it as long as they are under the age of 18, they live with Mom unless Dad can hire a damn good attorney and prove Mom is unfit to be a parent?...
Please no judgment calls...just the facts please. It's the kids who are always the victims in these situations. Just trying to find out information.
It may vary by state but in general, kids who are teens can have a say in who they live with. Unless there are clear reasons not to, the judge often goes with their wishes.
In general, 14 if the divorce is already final. A court can take the opinion of even an 8 year old if it is during the divorce.
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This is not directed at the OP but an ignorant response.
I hate ignorant comments like the child will choose the most lenient parent. That is insulting to children and parents alike! My kids can't wait to turn 14 and live full time here because I am the most STABLE parent! I get them to school on time, I help them with their work, I care about them and don't just house them to save paying the ex child support.
My god what a rude and ignorant comment! Divorce is the ultimate instability for kids!! and there are people stupid enough to believe they actually pick the fun time parent!! They want normal! They don't want to tell their friends sorry I can't hang out Friday because I have to go to the other house. Unstable!! Lord!
i don't know about law, but most judges listen to a teen's point of view and factor it in.
of course the law doesn't always automatically give custody to the mom. hasn't for years.
khairete
S.
First, 50/50 custody is very, very common these days, and the judge or person conducting the arbitration would have some say-so regarding the custodial arrangement.
If a child has a preference and is older, the court would take that into consideration.
I don't know what your situation in particular is, however, I do want to say this, having been a child of divorce: unless your child has a strong reason for being with one parent or the other, it is really better for the adults to decide on the arrangement. I was asked to 'choose' between who I wanted to live with growing up and it was an unfair position for a child to be put into. That said, I am NOT judging you, just asking you to be very careful going forward. No kid wants to have to publicly tell one parent or the other "I don't want to live with you" -- even when there is a concerning cause.
The laws which were once preferential to mothers have radically changed, and not necessarily for the best. Some dads who have been proven to be abusive, even repeatedly and with documentation, are still given 50/50 custody.
And yes, I agree with Jo-- I did want to live with one parent because I was being abused by my custodial family. It had NOTHING to do with leniency; for many kids, their preference is about survival. Yet, my abusive parent often forced me to 'choose' them.
I think the child living with Mom is an old school of thought. It seems there is more 50/50 custody these days.
If the child has a preference, you can take that request to the courts, however, it will depend on the reason, attorney, proof, and the judge.
You would have to speak to an attorney. Family laws differ in each state.
It depends on your state. Assuming you're in Utah, the general summary of child custody laws is in the link. There is no specific reference to age here, but in most states, the opinion of a child around age 12 or older is taken into consideration when determining physical custody. The child doesn't decide (that would be a cruel burden to put on a child) but the child's wishes and reasons will be included in the decision-making process.
Custody does not default to either parent, except in cases where the parents are unmarried and in those, some states default to the mother at birth. But in a divorce, there are no defaults. Most states now say that they prefer joint custody unless there is reason (logistics, strength of relationships, etc.) for one parent to have primary physical custody. It's about the best interests of the child, not the parents.
FWIW we won custody of my step-daugther when she was 13 and it didn't take an army of lawyers to do so.
It may depend on your state. Here, at 17, a child can decide to live away from either parent if s/he so desires, and they don't have to be emancipated to do so.
I'm not sure what age they have to be to choose which parent they live with - my daughter's dad and I were never married, she has my name, I had sole custody of her from the day she was born, he had visitation pretty much any time he wanted to come over, and she never wanted to live with him.
If the parent's can't agree on a set custody/placement agreement, then the judge will take the teens opinions into consideration and often grant them, but they don't have to.
When my parents divorced I was 16, my sisters 15 and 7. The 7 year old was the only one with a written out custody/placement. Since my parents still 'got along' they just gave my sister and I 50/50 and we could basically choose what we wanted.
Generally, custody is shared-but the teens will always want to live with the more lenient parent-they realize later that it is a mistake-but, it is the nature of the teenager. Judges don't know you-and they DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN-at all. The best thing is to find/develop an agreeable arrangement that will entirely serve the needs of the children; because if left to the court, the court's goal is to make each party equally miserable and, if need be, to sacrifice the children. The court will go to extraordinary measures in which to so do. The sooner you come to terms with the fact that the two of you have created this "business" together, that must have, in totality, your heart, soul, blood, sweat, and tears in order to thrive, the better off everyone will be. In the long run, you will save thousands of dollars, not to mention, you will end up with wonderful young adults who will emulate your decency. Do not screw this up-I am praying for you all.
