Teens Allowed to Have Sex in the Home

If this is the new norm, I'll be quite happy to be abnormal.
Sex if for self supporting adults who have an education and a job so that they can take care of/raise the consequences of their actions.
I'm not running a bordello or flop house and one of the reasons baby birds leave the nest is so they can have a place of their own where they can have sex on top of the refrigerator if they want to.
In many animal packs, the alpha pair breeds, and the rest don't get to.
My husband and I are the breeding pair in this household.
When my son wants sex, it can be in his own home.

Do you prepare the child for the path?
Or the path for the child?

If you prepare the child, they will be able to continue to handle the path their whole lives.

If you prepare the path for the child, what happens when you don't or can't take care of the path anymore?

What happens if you don't teach right from wrong?

I am trying to prepare my child for the path. And I would NOT allow things like this in my house, I would try to teach why it is best to wait. I wouldn't even go to houses where parents allowed alcohol when I was a kid - luckily, I've only gotten more wisdom in my years....

Where's the fun in that??? Half of being young is the fun of sneaking. I would hate to deprive my son of cramped and awkward positions and places... Or the thill of almost getting caught when I come home early.

:p

Over. My. Dead. Body.

You want to have sex? I can't stop you. But I don't have to just allow it to happen under my roof. You can pay for a hotel room, you can do whatever at the other kids' house, you can park the car somewhere, but it's not happening at mine. I pay the bills so I set the rules - you don't like, that's just too darn bad. Get your own place and support yourself and you can do whatever the hell you want. Allowing it in my own house is not going to prevent a pregnancy or STD. Sounds like someone wants to be their child's friend instead of their parent.

ETA: I was 30 years old, and my husband and I, before we were married (but were engaged), were living together and made a trip home to visit my parents. Wedding was 4 months away. We STILL were not allowed to share a bedroom because we "weren't married yet"!

OH MY WORD!!! These people are INSANE!!!

They'd rather have them in their home doing it instead of at a motel because it's CLEANER?!?!?!?!? WTH?!?!? What about teaching your child self-control? What about teaching your child morals and values?????

No. We are hosting a baseball player this summer. His girlfriend came to stay for 4 days - they slept in separate bedrooms. PERIOD.

His father and I spoke and that's the rule in their house too. Do we believe it's not happening? No. However, I am not going to get a call in the Fall that she's pregnant and I let it happen. Nope.

it's like parents have lost their freaking minds. They want to be friends with their kids instead of parenting them. it is OKAY to tell your child NO!!!! It is OKAY to give them good, moral examples to follow...

um...NOT. what on earth are they thinking? I will forever blame MTV teen mom for some of the stupider ideas parents have.

I would not be comfortable with it at all whatsoever. I didnt even like thinking about my parents having sex in the other room, can't imagine what I would feel like if I heard my children having sex.... yowzer!

On dr Phil a few weeks ago there was a lesbian teen, the mom was freaked out because she didnt like her to have her girlfriends in her room with the door shut, imagining they might be "doing it". I really felt for her. The no boy rule would be easy to enforce, but with a gay teen you have an entire different situation since you dont know if it's a platonic friend or a romantic one.
Life is complicated.

One of my aunts allowed this with the same reasoning and it disturbed me. I was a teen, but I never even considered having sex in her home. One of her daughters did and I found it disgusting. We could actually hear them! (At that point I decided to go outside.) Anyway, having permission to have sex at home will not prevent them from having it elsewhere. It will not ensure that they use condoms either. They will still hook up others places because part of the fun sex is being able to do it pretty much anywhere. They may not always use condoms, if at all, because sex feels WAY better without them.

JEEEEEZ. I couldn't even have boys in my bedroom with the door open when I was a kid/teen. No, I'm definitely not down with this. And I'm also a liberal.

I am not living in a bubble: I'm very aware that my son may have sex before he moves out.

That said, while I will make sure he does have access to condoms, he won't be having sex in our house. If you aren't resourceful enough to find a place and some privacy on your own, you aren't resourceful enough to support a child. To me, allowing children to have sex in their parent's home is very confusing... are these parents planning on grandparenting in their own home too? It sends a mixed message: we want you to be safe doing this thing you want to do, but we won't want to deal with the very likely and realistic consequence of intercourse, which is pregnancy.

The mother in the article who stated: ""With kids having sex at home, it's a safer environment, because you know it's clean," Skudlarek said. "They have condoms in their bedroom. And it's an environment they're familiar with, as opposed to a motel or a car."... I want to ask her, are you parenting or running a brothel? Why are you so concerned about your child being 'comfortable' having sex?

When I was 18 and still living at home, if I wanted to spend the night with a boyfriend, I did have to go to a hotel. Not under mom's room. The cost alone made me think twice if it was 'worth it'. Half my paycheck for one night with a guy who couldn't even be bothered to chip in? Having to come up with my own options made me have to think about the realities of the situation...

Lastly, I agreed so much with having this rule to give kids an 'out' if need be. I think it sends a clear message to both kids involved that sex is an adult activity, for people who are behaving like adults and that we value our child. When parents make clear boundaries for both their child and their boyfriend or girlfriend, it puts the boy/girlfriend on notice that the parents care and that we don't take their dating lightly. We will encourage our son to very much consider all of the other opportunities and great things he has to look forward to...having sex is only one of them.

Same logic applies with the "I'd rather that my kid has a beer in our own yard...." parents.

I mean, I understand the logic--clean environment, can provide condoms, etc. The thing is, I hope the parents have provided the emotional and intellectual and spiritual foundation for sex--not just a box of Trojans in the nightstand!

I don't care if it's the new "norm" it won't be happening in my home with my permission.

No No No No and No!

Just no!

What are those parents thinking!?!?!

I am mostly in shock right now... why aren't they instilling moral values in their kids, instead of encouraging lack or morals... yikes.

I respect their choice, and as of now I do not think I would be saying it flat out to my son, but I also believe that if children are tought safe sex and FULL sexual education they are less likely to have sex as teens. I think that is a bridge that I will have to cross when I get there, but as of now I think these parents have also done their job in teaching their children safe sex habits.

no if my future teen kids want to do that they should have to sneak and let M. live in happy denial like i did when i was a teen. I'll still provide knowledge and protection and many talks but I dont need to know when and where its happening

Uh no ! Would not be happening in my home ! I have been having lots of talks with my 12 year old as he is going into jr high this next fall. We have talked about responsibility and waiting until he is old enough and responsible enough to handle the consequences (preferably after high school, college and when he is married !) but I realize things happen. And we talked about protecting himself. But I just could not and would not give any type of permission for that to happen at my home.

Umm...no. I would not allow it. I'm kind of a believer in the "I'd rather have kids drink at home if they're going to drink" BUT that is only for safety reasons. I would not allow my kids to drunk..maybe just a sip or two. I have been guilty of letter my almost 17yr old have a wine cooler but I think the sex thing is totally different. I'm not sure I would be comfortable with it even if they were in their 20s.

I don't know, I guess I am kind of out there on my opinion. I would never say, hey guys why don't you do it here. I will turn up the TV! To me that is too much like encouraging it, too much like I am saying it is okay and they are not owning their own decision to have sex. Seems like if they don't own that decision that is when they start making stupid mistakes.

Like the bowl of condoms parent, what if you forget to refill the bowl? Does that mean it is okay for them to have unprotected sex until mom goes shopping? These just sound like things anyone sexually active should be doing themselves. This just sounds too much like the end result of overprotective, don't make your own decisions, parenting. What is next, you live with junior when they are married just to make sure they aren't making any mistakes there either? When does it end?

Nope! My teens have to have boyfriends in living area, where mom and dad are frequently passing through ;) I guess those parents want to be grandparents.... have fun with that!

The wording is wrong: those parents are not pushing or advising or suggesting to their kids to have sex, they just KNOW their kids are going to have sex no matter what, therefore do not forbid their kids to be home alone with their girl/boyfriends, that's all. I had a stable boyfriend from age 17 to 24 and whenever my parents or his parents were away from home we definitely preferred being intimate at one of our homes rather than in the car or wherever. I still remember his mother saying (before she and her husband left us alone for the day): "Guys...be wise, ok?" and that was NOT taken as:"all right, go wild and have dirty crazy sex while we're out", but rather:" Remember: we trust you". It felt really good and it was a life long teaching i will pass along to my son when his time comes.

This has been going on a long time. People will say they would rather know what they are doing and where they are doing it. They provide the condoms/birth control. It's no different than parents buying alcohol for their teenagers and letting them get drunk at home so they aren't driving under the influence. Some buy their kids pot so they will have the clean stuff and let them smoke it at home. This philosophy of parenting is the "They're going to do it anyway." approach. I don't personally agree with it.

I watched it and I don't agree w/this mom who says its a better enviroment and cleaner/safer. I think if you allow this then you are saying its "okay" when in reality its not "okay". Everytime a teen or anyone has sex for that matter there is always consequences, for ex pregnancy, diseases, and the fact that "most" teens are not able to handle the emotional stuff that comes with having sex or the aftermath of breaking up after having sex. I consider myself pretty liberal and know that kids are going to have sex anyway and I realize this, but that doesn't mean parents should make it okay and more comfortable to do this.

I would not knowing allow my kids to have sex in my house. My son knows the rules ( thankfully we haven't had to use them YET) but if anyone of the oppisite sex is over the door will be open at all times and they will be randomly checked on by someone in the family ( my husband and I or their siblings). He also knows that no girls are allowed inside of the house while we are not home, he is good about following that rule.

But I have seen signs that he is getting closer to a female friend of his although they aren't "dating". He is almost 16 and we have had the "sex talk" already. We both know that I can't stop him from doing what he is going to do...but we have talked about doing it smart and safe. With him having a brother and sister 11/12 years younger than him, he knows in hind site it takes to deal with a baby.

I know I'm doing something right as of now because I have seen on his FB page when someone brings up sex he will say I have dealt with my baby brother and sister and there is no way Im going there yet, I don't want to be a dad anytime soon. I have plenty of time before I want to do that.

We still had rules through HS that doors were open with a boyfriend/girlfriend over, that nobody was allowed over without our permission, etc. Perhaps a tad archaic, but it worked for us. Which is not to say we haven't had discussions with the sks. I gave SD the advice my mom gave me - if you can't buy your own birth control, you're not mature enough to have sex (but there are condoms in our nightstand if you need one). I feel similarly about this as I do most "permissive" things - drinking and drugs in your home "because you know where they are". Knowing where they are doesn't make it better. It just means you know where they are, period. And some things, like hosting a kegger for your 16 yr old, are illegal.

We had DD when SD was 14 and her cousin fathered a child when he was just 19. SD (and SS) have seen how hard it is to raise a child. But not only that, we are upfront about things like what diseases you can get that can't be cured and how you may feel if you thought it meant more (for example) than the other person did. Etc. It's not just "no", It's "I'd rather you wait and here's why."

B made me laugh. SS wants his OWN PLACE partially for that reason -so he can have overnight guests and not worry about what we think or what we see/hear (or what his baby sister sees/hears).

This is a difficult one. I have a friend, who told me that when his daughter becomes a teenager, he will allow her to have sex in his house. I was initially taken aback, but after thinking about it, I think it makes sense. I don't want my children having sex when they're in high school, but even more than that, I don't want them having sex in a car, or at a party, or on school grounds or in a dorm room at camp with a roommate in the other bed (which happened when I was a counselor at a camp on a college campus one summer). I want them to respect themselves and their partners and have sex in a safe and private place. And for my daughter, specifically, I don't want her having sex someplace, like at a party, that could put her in danger of being raped. I hope that my children make good decisions about when and where to have sex, but kids don't always make good decisions. The reality is that they're brains are not developed enough to make logical and mature decisions all the time. And when kids are "in love" and/or subjected to peer pressure they are often less capable of making good decisions. That being said, I haven't told my daughter, who is a young teenager, that she can have sex in our house, I've simply told her not to have sex yet (as part of a comprehensive discussion about sex and sexuality). But I'm hoping that in the next year or so when the likelihood of her having sex increases, that I will be able to offer her a safe space to have sex if it comes to that, while encouraging her to wait.

When I was sixteen I had sex with the man who is now my husband. (I'm almost 34 now.) We had sex at my parents house and at his but hell if we TOLD them about it. We didn't talk to them about their sex lives and I was happy not to talk to them about the intimate details of mine. My parents taught me how to be safe, what doctors to go to for to take care of my girl bits but anything beyond that is TMI. When my kid is old enough to have sex I'll do the same. I'll teach her about sex and how to be safe but as to the when and where of it... no thanks. She'll have to figure that out like we did. Opportunities to be alone will always present themselves. There's no reason for me to make a production about it or shine a spotlight on that fact.

Thanks for posting this with the link. I rarely take the time to watch the news and when I do it's usually world news on which I focus. This story is fascinating from a human interest point.

I too consider myself to be socially liberal, but I listened to the teens interviewed and their comments spoke to me more than the adults. No I do not believe I would condone teenage sex in my home.

On a side note, I've been married for 17 years and I don't feel comfortable having sex at my in laws home.

I have a younger child still living in the home. Because of that, my older son will not be bringing someone home from college with him and sharing a bedroom while visiting. Just isn't going to happen.

If he were in a committed relationship and hadn't yet tied the knot because they are both still in college, that's one thing (and he wouldn't be a teen anymore by then, I just remembered, and is a bridge we won't be crossing for a long time, btw.) Just one of many whom he may be dating is quite another. And not with my younger child here.

My house. My rules.

Dawn