Teens - Palm Bay,FL

Really, my daughter loves hip hop music and is a wonderful child has nothing to do with music!!!! I was a teen and i know it didnt matter if i was in private school i was less bad in public school...as long as you do what you can for her and not show her to discriminate then she should be fine....teens are teens...J.

K.,
I've read all the other responses and personally, my daughter is only 3 yrs old so I have no experience in raising a teenager. However, I myself, am only 22 years old. I was a teen not too long ago. So here's some advice from the other side of the coin. First things first, you daughter will remember everything you taught her growing up. She might choose to ignore that knowledge from time to time... but she'll remember it. Most of the time it will stop her from making stupid decisions. As far as being friends or not... that depends on you and your daughter. My mother was not my friend at all. She played the mother role to the T and I went 3 1/2 years not speaking with her. (while I was under 18 yrs old) I moved in with my dad b/c I felt like I could go talk to him about things. He would sit down and listen. She was too busy being a mom. So nobody can say that being a friend is a bad thing.... I know plenty of people who are extrememly close to their parents but still abide by the rules of the household. Just be there to listen if she needs you to. She's going to make mistakes, and she's going to test the water. But everybody, and everybodys children are different.

On another note, my mom and I are close now. We have been since I was 17. I got good grades in school, tried drugs and was smart enough to stop before it became a problem, and went away to college. Never got arrested and had a good life growing up without being suspended from school or getting into trouble... but I still came home right before my 19 birthday unmarried and pregnant. Not because of the way I was raised but because of a decision that I made that I knew was wrong. I have a beautiful little girl that I love to pieces. I wouldn't change anything in my life... But my point is.... your children are going to do what they feel is right at that moment. Be a parent, stand by your rules, eventually they will understand, HOWEVER, they also need to nake mistakes and learn on their own, and know that you'll be there when they fall. Feel free to email me personally to chat. ____@____.com

I hope this helps.
A.

It sounds like she is just trying to find out who she is. I believe it is normal for a teenager to be irresponsible - heck, many adults are. Try the book Positive Discipline for Teenagers - you can get it from the website www.positivediscipline.com

Is she being disrespectful? rude? criminal? Those are very different things than her just liking something different than you like. Maybe she's just trying to separate herself from you a little bit and find her own identity. Sometimes with our teen son we just find that if we just remind him about his responsibilities, remind him how much we love him and continue talking, talking, talking to him that we get a lot farther with him. Also, take an interest in the things she likes - try to accept & understand the things she likes.

I do agree with Patricia to befriend and not be a friend. There is a big difference! :)

breastfeeding to age 6 sounds really weird to me. She is just trying to be normal and fit in, thats what kids do. They have peer groups and want to be like the other kids.
She is almost an adult, your job now is to help direct her to make wise choices and to be there when she falls.

I would say that whatever you taught her until now is hers to hold on to. It's normal for her to start figuring out who she is. There's nothing you can do about that. The one thing you can do is listen and be her friend. Pretend you are OK with the things you are not (as long as they are normal/acceptable), like rap. Don't lose her trust, no matter what. Eventually as she gets older she will choose her personality hopefully along with the things you taught her in early age. That is my opinion.

Hi K.,

Try listening to her choice of music with her and instead of Criticizing it try and unerstand it. It sounds like you might be alittle Domineering. Kids have their own taste and eventually their own life. Have faith in what you have taught her I am sure she is an intelligent young lady and will turn out just fine. Relax and be her friend so that she opens up to you. If she know you are unhappy with her she will close up and hide more things from you. Don't worry about the small stuff. Music is music! Is she doing drugs? Is she having unprotected sex? Is she skipping school? If the answer to those questions is no than just let her listen to her music hip hop isn't that bad. It might just be a bad girl phase she is going through.

K. let me start by saying this. You have not lost controll and you never will. My 18 yr old is still very much in tack. The secret isd don't be abusive, give them plenty of respect treat them like they are people and not your second hand servants. And than you sell plenty of wolf tickets. Kids will try you to see just how far they can go. I tell my daughter, I will knock her head off her body. I weould never do that but she don't know that. That is what I mean by sell plenty of wolf, If you were stricked and you let up that is where you made the mistake. They will take as much rope that you give them. And some tines we give them enough to hang themselves. Mom =it's okay to be a little more disciplined, just make sure it's mixed with love. Sit down and talk to her spend quality time with her, be friend her but don't be her friend. Give her closeness but not familiarity. Don't allow her to be common with you. and when she challenges you on what other people do, tell her you are not other people, you are their example of what not to do and the way teens should not go. Let her know she is bery special to God and He needs her not to be like the rest. Let her know some one needs to take a stand for what is right among our teens today.

I would have to say that I think you are not putting enough faith in your daughter. I was a teenager not that long ago (well, it was a few years but it feels like yesterday). Other kids don't put as much pressure as you think they do. There are maybe a few but the rest are content to hang out with a person because they like who they are, not because they want to get them into drugs, sex and violence. It is a different culture now but I have to say most of the teenagers I know now are a lot better behaved then they were when I was in school! And about the hip hop music. I love it, but not because of the lyrics (most of them you can't understand anyway) but because of the beat. I love dancing and my husband and I love bustin' a move (wow, I am old) together to some good music. I would suggest sitting down with her and reminding her what your house rules are..no drugs, smoking...etc. and let her know what the consequences are for disobeying and let her know she can come to you to talk about ANYTHING! You would rather her tell you something you don't want to hear than find out later she did it behind your back!

good moning K.;i have a 14 year old and a 11 year old but i let my 14 year old listen to what ever kind of radio station he wants to and he likes to listen to 106.5 that is also rap and hip hop does she have friends that listen to that music if she does that is why she is listening to the music.al i can say is just monitor her is listen to it to and if you dont like it tell her that the best music to listen to is z88.3 it is a christian station i hope you like my advice good luck C.

First of all I take som offense to the use of your terms "rap music." I, along with other thousands of other mothers, listen to "rap music" and you cannot jumble it all into on category. There are hundreds of TYPES of "rap" music inside the one genre. And while I agree that you wouldnt want any child to listen to music with profane lyrics, and adult content, that hardly describes ALL "rap music". What I listen to is totally sutible for a person of any age and I listen to it around my son.
Also, contrary to some ignorant beliefs, music doesnt make a person DO or ACT in any certain way. My husband is a musician and a drummer and I a singer/writer and we know only good to come from ALL types of music but you have to expand your mind. Maybe her friends or some other trouble is causing her to be out of control. Perhaps, all the sheltering and over bearingness is causing her to want to break free and become an individual. Rebellion is NOT always a negative, the poor child has to think for herself.
Of couse if she is breaking the law or doing drugs, youd want to nip that in the bud but that would NOT be caused by "rap music".
If all eles fails, TALK to her anf find out what is troubling her. It may be a problem you are unaware of. From experience, parents are usually the last to knpow whats going on in their kids' lives.

I really don't know what the answer is, my daughter started my grandson at a library everymonth where she has to carry him once a month. He has to do his homework at home and turn it in each mo. He has stopped doing his work, as she has to work and doesn't have the time to take up with him. She took him out because she was paying money for nothing. He will soon be seventeen and she is going to get a GED book for him to study to get his diploma. Kids are just not taught at school like they used to be. I used to work in the cafeteria and if you're not some special child they don't seem to care about you. If you can't afford a private school, in which I don't think you really learn there either. Its up to the teen whether she wants to do good are not to. Parents can only do so much and the teachers and the parents hands are tied. I don't know about yours, but most kids aren't taught respect anymore because the parents don't have any. Good luck and God Bless you. My idea is if the daughter care's about herself she'll do the right thing.

Oh yes, those wonderful teen years!!!! This stage is the beginning of adulthood, where we don't have as much control, where they are trying to find themselves. It is a rehearsal for when they go on their own, and you watch from a distance how they crash and all we can do is wait and pick up the pieces. You need to get involved with new friends even though they might have nose rings etc, you need to go past the rap music and hip hop and get involve with their friends, bring them home, get to know them, and if you must, SPY on your own. I know a lot of people frown on the spying thing because of privacy issues, but if your teen is troubled and won't communicate, you must improvise, just don't get caught. This is how I found out that my first born was gay. Remember this is a different culture from yours, it is called the generation gap, it doesn't necessarily mean it is bad or good it is just different and some adjusting will do the trick. Communication is key at this stage, all you can do with teens is monitor them as long as possible, get involved. You have given her a foundation of morals etc, hope that this is enough and give them room to grow, but always standing in the sidelines. If you need to vent about it in depth, you can use me as the punching bag, good luck!