Teenagers - Omaha, NE

Technically your 18 year old is an adult and needs to be treated as such - if she's in school and you are supporting her she needs to be actively working toward a degree or certificate so she can earn a living, if she's not in school she needs to be working a full time job and contributing to the household, and if she refuses to do either of these, in my opinion, it's time for her to move out - a household needs only 1 adult female to run it and as a wife and mother, that should be you. And yes, if you allow her to do nothing but sit around and disrespect you, you have lost control and need to get it back. How can you expect the younger children to give you respect if you don't demand it from her?

Sometimes it feel like "Why did we do this to ourselves" I'm going to tell you what my Mom tells me ALOT. At some point we all come to a fork in the road. We all have choices and choose our destiny's to a point. We raise our children, do the best we can, then we have to step back and let them fly.

I'm a Mom of three (21- in a treatment program in CA) I also have a 14 years old whom makes poor choices. I have to step back and give consiquenes (sp). When she yells and calls me names, she pays the price for that. I will not take her anger. I ave a two year old son, I just do my best. I have a great suport system.

I remember to take long baths, read, and TAKE personal time. My hope is that they will grow up and make good solid human being. Finally care about the givers on this planet and care less for the takers. One can only HOPE.

Good Luck,
s

You need to illicit respect by respecting yourself. Start small, and don't nag. Make sure they know that a privlidge will be removed for non-compliance.

You might consider getting help yourself. It kind of sounds like you haven't the respect you need to raise your children with respect. Perhaps a professional can help you better learn to parent at this late stage of the game, while it is never too late, it is too late to continue repeating what has clearly not worked before.

HI
hummmmmmm.. so the 18 yr old is a girl,, does she help with housework?,, i would teach her how to do laundry, so she can do her own, and give them chores,, they probably wont do it, so i would NOT clean there rooms or do theres,, only yours. do you every take your daughter out to lunch to have one on one time? calling names is horrible but i know kids do it, they play on your emotions and always seem to get away with it,, give them TOUGH love!! let them pick up after themselves..
try the reverse on them,,
maybe you and your daugher can go shopping and lunch and ask her opinion on something you want to buy for yourself, what color?etc, maybe she can pick things out and that would be a start, you will be showing interest in her and who knows,, and have a day with your son,, 16. my son loves the arcade hes 17 , its clean safe fun, or take him to look at cars and talk about those, something he would be interested in. and when you have to say NO then say no and walk away,, tell them you want the housework done when you get back, and if it isnt. oh well, itll stay that way until it is,

My children are still young so I do not have first hand experience with this. One suggestions might be to print off all of the responses and show her. Maybe tell her that you care about her enough to seek advice from this list. Let her read them and than share with you what she thinks were good suggestins. I am from a very large family and have seen several nephews and neices go through some of these same things. The one thing that I have seen works best is the tough love, your choices have consequences. My sisters that did not make their children accept responsibilities for there choices are still being used and abused. Make your daughter get a job, clean, or go to school. If these don't happen - kick her out. I have seen this work within my family - it is terribly heart wrenching at the beginning but in the end it has always worked out. HOpe this helps and good luck!
tam

I am not the mother of a teenager, but the best recommendation I can give to you is to read Parenting with Love and Logic. My mom is a widow and parenting twin teenagers and is having a difficult time. This book has helped.

hi J., where is the dad? where is his imput? where you guys live is there a program offered big brothers? if so look into this i have heard so many great stories.as for your 18 yr old. i would give her a date to get a job with the conditions that if she gets a job by this date she can stay living at home. she is an adult now if she doesn't get a job by that date,or go to colledge she has to move out i know it sounds tough but you have to show her you mean this because she is just going to keep doing what she is because it works for her. and making you crazy then at that date if she doesn't come through change the locks to show her you are serious.she might hate you in the begining but she will learn that you have had enough. you need to get the reins back. in the long run she will be grateful. this happened to my second daughter and it worked and now she is in colledge studying to be a peditrition and she has thanked me over and over for giving her tough love.good luck or like i did i got counseling for myself. and was given this idea and she grew up fast now she is respectful. and just a delight.because if she was out on her own and she pulled this she would be fired ect. so its time mom get tough. i wish you all the luck!