Teenager Problems - House Springs,MO

A problem as old as parenting itself. And, as his mother, you're probably the last person he wants to talk to about whatever it is. Perhaps counseling? I don't know the solution, but I'd like to wish you all the luck in the world.

Do you know his friends? Perhaps you could ask them or their parents. They might have some insights.

I definately suggest a counselor. I was similar in highschool and college. Finally I was diagnosed bipolar. It was rather rough for awhile, and my parents postponing it made it worse, I think. On the bright side, I never did drugs (except eventually those perscribed at the perscribed level, I was rather scared of them anyway) and now I am off all meds for over five years, happy and healthy. Find someone good for him to go to. Let him know you're there and if he doesn't like the counselor, let him change.

K.

I'm sorry that your son is going through such a tough time. What you are describing sounds like all of the symptoms of depression. This is a serious issue that you can't solve alone, if it is clinical depression. I would speak with your son's doctor to see if he can be evaluated for depression and referred to a therapist for treatment.
Good luck, and please, do take action. Depression is not something to be taken lightly and will not just go away

Turning to counseling is kinda a double edge sword because you are telling him- in his teenage mind - that YES he is a problem and he needs a dr for it. Everything is perception and our grown up perception is not their perception at all. A lot of times we talk AT our kids and think we are having a conversation. Have you asked him what he needs? or simple ?'s like" if you could have changed one thing about this week what would it have been?" and then just LISTEN. There may be something he isnt comfortable talking to you about. Also try a notebook. You can write to him, nothing accusing just something like " hey there, I feel like you are so busy tese days and so am I, so today ...... happened to me, it was a ...... experience. How was your day?" on the inside cover leave a note that says something like, hide this in the kitchen when your done s I can find it. Teenagers like to be sneaky so he may like the challenge of hiding it and with this game back and forth, you build trust, communication and a fun game!!

Does your health insurance cover any counseling? I'd start by mentioning these issues to his pediatrician. They might be able to give him a referral. The counselor at his school could be a good resource, too. I wouldn't ignore this (clearly you aren't). Whether it's a "phase" that will pass on it's own or not, he's gonna need some help and support to get through it. If drugs aren't the reason for the behavior change, you've still got to be concerned that he might try to "self medicate" with drugs or alcohol to make himself feel better.

Good luck. Your son is lucky to have a mom who notices when something with her child just isn't right.

This sounds a bit stronger than a phase. Sounds typical, yet not to this degree. I would talk to a doctor or counselor to see how to proceed.

Do you have a church or pastor or someone there to have your son talk with? I think he needs a reason to live, maybe he's depressed if you want to call it that, or just needs direction and purpose. Something is troubling him for sure. It's hard to get kids his age to open up unless you find the right person. If it is drugs you need to get help now and even if not you need someone he trusts to come along side of him. Don't argue with him or fight with him but please get help so he can find a reason to be happy and move on in life. It's such a hard time when there is school, talk of college, jobs, etc. and whatever else may be on his mind. Obviously if he's failing he doesn't see himself as successful in school or have a desire to do well in anything right now. Don't let him make major decisions until he gets his life in order if you can.
This may involve time and patience for you all.

He sounds depressed. Sit down and talk to him and if he doesn't open up then have him see someone professionally. I was a depressed child who didn't get any help and I wish I did. Now as an adult I have so much anger, sadness, and hurt that I take 3 meds to keep me from lashing out like I used too. Some children do out grow their aggressions however some do not. You know your son best use your best judgement. D.:)

I haven't read the other responses but it sounds a lot like depression. I would not take this lightly. Depression is very serious & needs to be evaluated by a professional. You could call the pediatrician for an appointment and/or recommendations for counselors.

I don't want to alarm you but I also don't want you to think you can just let it pass. .... let a professional help you to figure out what is going on.

You are already doing something about it by asking for help! Hang in there mama, it does get better. (I dealt with this with my daughter.)

J.

talk to him about the issues he is having with his father and get councelling! sounds like depression and could be a lot more severe than you think. I truly don't want to scare you but it does sound like he has some warning signs of teen suicide. Get the family to some therapy before it gets worse. you never know there maybe an under lying health issue also. hormone changes can affect moods along with thyroid issues. Be sure to have those ruled out as part of the problem.

been there, done this with our older son. It's not fun, it's heartbreaking to watch, & as I used to tell him: just because you think life sucks....doesn't mean that you get to suck the life out of all those around you.

I agree with the other posters: it could be depression, bullying, questions about his sexual orientation....all combined with drugs or alcohol. BUT until you & your son make a commitment to work on this together....with him taking the bulk of the responsibility......I am sad to say that nothing will work until he takes ownership of the issues.

He has to want help, he has to want to help himself, he has to embrace himself as he is & work toward how he wants to be. Until he reaches this point, no counselor or med will be able to reach him.

With our son, I found that he would talk with me on road trips. I would periodically corral him (which in itself was a challenge) & we would hit the road. Nighttime drives worked best. It was pretty much the only time he would talk....& if my Mom was available, then he opened up to her much easier! Sometimes I would set up a trip for just the two of them, knowing that he needed to address issues. AND the best part was that he never, ever knew what we were doing!

We used the school counselor (what a crock! His recommendation was for our son to liberate himself & try living on his own. He told our son that this was the only way he would ever appreciate his parents & his life. I hated the man!). We also tried a therapist....who did nothing but push meds at our son. He told her NO, I told her NO....& she asked him several more times. He finally reached the point where he lost ALL respect for her because of the meds issue. He felt like she was just wasting his time. & I pretty much agreed with him.

Sooo, corral him, put him in a position where he can't escape from talking with you......sometimes I use props when talking with my boys. So what about taking that ride & hand him a stack of handmade cards with conversation prompts on them......the very issues you think may be bothering him. Just tell him you can't read his mind, you need help in understanding "who" he is, & as silly as it sounds....keep his favorite music cranked! It really does help...... I wish you Peace. Please feel free to contact me personally.....

That sounds very much like depression. I was depressed in my teenage years, and except for the failing school part, that was me in a nutshell.
You can't just wait for him to snap out of it. Depression can go on for years and years if untreated. Is he suicidal? If so he needs intervention, whether he wants it or not. If not, get him in to see the doctor, a therapist, anybody.
Be careful though, he is a teenager, and sending him to a therapist, especially if he doesn't necessarily want the help, can be a little bit of a trick. He has to realize that it's not okay to be upset all the time. He essentially needs to understand that it's not okay to give up on life, etc and that doctors can help him be happy again.
Good luck!

K.,
I am so sorry to hear of your troubles with your young adult son.
I can totally relate. I have 3 sons and they are all in there 20's now.
However, my youngest is still struggling with the use of drugs. We hope to do an intervention with him this summer. My husband and I live overseas and have not been there to help him right now. But once they hit a certain age they are pretty much on their own. Their is not much we as their parents can do, except pray. Which trust me I have done alot. This is a pattern for either drugs or being rejected by his peers. I would definitely talk to his teachers and find out what kind of young people he is hanging out with and then to find out what he is doing. Then I would definitely confront him and talk to him. He may become angry but do not worry because you will rather him be angry than to be something else. I know this may sound harsh, however, if I could do it over, I would. My husband and I would differ on what to do. I felt an interention for our middle son was right and maybe have him go to military school or a private Christian School. We definitely needed to get him away from where he was. My best to you and hope all goes well. Let me know or post back here as to how things turn out. Just make sure above all else he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that you and his father love him no matter what and accept him no matter what. That you will be there to help him through anything. But that you will not let him hurt himself. Really hope and pray all goes well. God Bless you!! K.

If this was my child i would start at the school talk to his counslor. find out if he is hanging out with kids that are known to do drugs. then if he and dad are always fighting then he may be getting super depressed so i would have him talk to a counslor that can help him understand what he can do to change his attitude. also if dad and him have never been that close he is almost grown (in his mind anyway) and he is probably sick of dealing with it. that can cause him to shut down. good luck mama

I read through the answers you've gotten so far, and I agree with them. There is just one other option that has been going through my mind. Could he be interested in boys, not girls? Is that making him so moody and making him fight with dad all the time?

I don't know your son, but I've seen this happen with other families near me. There is a great resource through Exodus International, and an even better one through the International Healing Foundation.

In any case, good luck.

I agree that it could be drugs or an inhalent of some sort, which is popular right now. But it could be bullying too. Is he being bullied? You need to get to the bottom of this soon or he may be on a path of destruction. My prayers go out to you. Good luck and God Bless.

I would go and talk to a counselor and see what can be done. Teen suicides are a very high number and this is how it begins.

Your son might be depressed. Make an appointment with his family doctor and perhaps you could get a referral to someone who deals specifically with adolescents. I wouldn't spring this on your son, though. Talk to him about it and let him know that depression is a chemical inbalance that can be treated easily with medication. Perhaps some talk therapy for him or all of you might be helpful.

Something is wrong. Could be a girlfriend, bullying, drugs, or something you haven't even thought of. If he won't talk to you, find someone he trusts. A pastor, doctor, counselor. Make it your business to find out what has gone wrong.

K.
I agree the the counseling suggestions. But also consider doing a drug test.
Victoria