Teenager Out of Control

Well, first of all let me say that I will be praying for you and your family. I admit that I have no experience with unruly teenagers, mine is only a toddler, but I was once, not too long ago, a teenager too. My suggestion is that you spend lots of quality time with your daughter. My experience with siblings with drinking problems are that they drink mostly because they are insecure about something. It is your job as her mother to find out the underlying cause and nip it in the bud! Whether she responds to you alone or if she needs counseling, get her help because it will only get worse.

Someone needs to be home with her at night while your gone because she has proven that she can't handle being alone. I wouldn't keep alcohol in the house. She's going to experiment with alcohol but you shouldn't be the provider. How about having her get a job also. Making her own money may help her gain self worth and have a bit more respect for herself. Although it sounds drastic I would look into group home-school where a parent not only home schools her children but takes others as well. Even if that is not the route you may choose I would let her know your looking into it and take her to check it out. she will hate the idea a maybe get a better attitude to avoid having to go.

Billie I have found that when my oldest daughter started acting out it was because I worked too much and didn't spend enough quality time with her. Once I cut back on work hours and started making time for jusy her we are much better. Sometimes I think we forget what is important and what growing up feels like. Don't panic just try and see what happens. I also suggest therapy because they can get to the route of the problem really fast and help you if QT is not the answer. The counseling company is called Innovative Interventions ###-###-#### and ask for a Laura she is a great counselor!!!

I'm 23 and this is gonna come from a personal, "I've been there" stand point. I was once at that point myself and actully worse then that. Me an my mother really didn't get along and I had a younger sister that drove me up the wall. I didn't value anything at all. I did ALOT of stuff that I regret now. I had my first child when I was 19. Yeah i actually thought it would be fun at that age to have a child. Boy was I wrong. But now I have 2 beautiful children that make my day worth living. But my main point is at one point and time my mother would threaten me with a "christian boarding school" It's called Onieda I believe. Honestly looking back on everything I actually wish that they had sent me there. I'm 23 with 2 children, just now started college and is working at a daycare for min. wage. I honestly believe i would be better off. I wouldn't have done have the stuff I did and I wouldn't have to live with what I did. At that age, what she is doing is everything everyone is doing. Trying to make themselves feel older and to fit in. And knowing what I was doing the drinkin, having sex and skipping school where only the things my parent's figured out about. There was alot more. I know this is all scary. I was on the other side. My only advice is to seek professional avice and look into a boarding school. My email is ____@____.com if I can help with anything else.

I remember when I was 16 I was constantly pushing my parents' buttons and boundaries. And what always worked on me is taking everything, and making me earn it. By that I mean, I was allowed to go to school and work. My parents threatened to take soccer away from me which was my life in high school. Know what she really wants and likes and make her earn that privilege. If she loves hanging out with her friends take that away from her, don't bend or waiver. She needs to know that you all have had enough, and aren't going to take anymore. 16 year old need boundaries and rules, they are starting to realize that they have some pull now. But they don't know how to handle new responsibilities or privileges. I believe that it's at this age that kids need guidance that will set the tone for adulthood.

Unfortunately I was also sexually active w/ my boyfriend, you really can't stop her unless you lock her up or keep surveillance 24/7, both unrealistic. All you can do is let her know what consequences she will face if she doesn't stop or practice safe sex. And if she still doesn't listen then let her babysit a baby for a precious weekend. I wish someone should have done that to me. I was safe with my first partner, but all that went all out the window when I met my daughter's father. When you're in love everything goes out the window, I was a a teenage mother at 19. I'm not trying to scare you, just letting you know what COULD happen. I hope that I've been some help. And good luck to you.

Here is another "I've been there" response. I was a terrible teen aged girl and it started with a traumatic experience and hormones. I will spare you all the details I put my single mom through because I dont want to scare you.

Intervention is vital and the sooner the better. For me, there were little options available to my mom or I. Looking back, I think professional help addressing self esteem, self concept, self worth and all that other self perception stuff would have helped. The fears among other emotional immaturities coupled with two unavailable parents is what lead me to make self destructive decisions. This is is just my experience, only you know what maybe going on with her.

The good news is you can get to the root of the matter, pluck it out, because there are resources available. Having said all of that, my advice to you is to believe in her no matter what.

Can you say boot camp? If she won't listen to you and she's pulling stuff like that, maybe military school or boot camp could make an impression.