Teenager Advice - Bronx,NY

This is really hard on the mother. It's your son. He needs to get to know his father.
My daughters tried living with their father at different times. The older one returned after a month telling me how overbearing he was. He paced the porch if her bus was late or if it took her more time than anticipated at the orthodontist.
My second one got fed up with all the rules after a summer with him. She used her own money to take the overnight train home.
Boys do have a stronger need to find out who their Dad is since they are trying to become men.
One of my friends with great sorrow let one son then the other go. They are close to her to this day. Both were 16 when they left.
Let's get some perspective on this. When my grandfather came to America on his own he was only 17 but society did not have this extended view of childhood back then.
Build a life for yourself. Even if you have other children at home take a course in something you always wanted to know about. How to make U Tube videos or learn another language. Fill up your time. Invite friends for dinner on Tuesday. They'll leave by 10pm due to work the next day and you will have had an interesting evening.

It sounds like he went to live with his dad. Something a boy needs is a good male role model. If your ex is a good role model, feel better knowing your son is getting that when he needs it most.

You are still his mama. He still needs you. Show support, love, and encouragement. Communicate with him as much as you can without annoying him. Send a text or email telling him you love him or you are thinking of him with a smiley face. Don't bash your ex to him and point out the good parts of him.

If it isn't a good situation he will let you know as long as he doesn't think you will tell him "I told you so" or "yes, your father is terrible at ....." Keep the line of communication open and without putting in any mom guilt. :)

Hugs and best wishes to you all.

I was on the other end of this with my stepchildren. They came to live with us when they were 14 & 16. They had moved away from us, out of state, when they were 4 and 6. That was hard and heartbreaking for their dad. I didn't even realize how hard at the time.

I don't know any background about your ex, or your son, so I can't be specific. But many teenages can benefit from the parenting that a Dad can do at this age.

I don't know how to make it easier. There are many ways to keep in touch. As long as you make the effort, he will know that you care. Don't expect him to initiate it.

You don't know if this is the "right" decision and neither will he until he does it. Let him find out, with no negative input from you. And, one thing we were told by a wise counselor, don't let him bounce back and forth between households. He's made a decision and needs to stick with it. He can't come running back because he and his dad disagree or fight.

I have a very good friend that has 2 boys. They were both mama's boys. But when they were in about 7th grade, everyone realized, they needed to be with their dad. They just had to be "maintained" by their dad for all sorts of reasons. The boys love their dad, but he was and still is not a replacement for their mom. Never will be.

One boy just graduated yesterday from college! The other is in high school.

They call their mom all of the time as though they still lived/live with her.

The good thing was that when the boys got in trouble.. it was under "dads watch". This allowed mom to be disappointed and back up dads decisions about discipline but not be the parent that had to really take on the stress of all of the punishments and everyday grumpiness. They got into a bit of trouble in high school and my friend knew if they had been with her, the ex would have TOTALLY blamed HER..

My friend took up exercise. She started a book club. She worked longer at her job and got monetary recognition. She started a summer program that gave her enough money that every summer she was able to take the boys on amazing Vacations. She was able to remodel her home..

She just placed that everyday mommy energy into projects.

Hang in there. We have to do what is best for each child, even if we suffer. No Regrets..

i kno its heart breaking, you will be in mourning for some time because hes alive but yet in silence. my sister went thru this, she lived with me with her daughter, but her 2 sons stayed with the dad. they never called, never wanted to visit. it was years later when the younger son was married that he came to visit with the push of the new wife. focus on your family now.