Teenage Friends

I hear you.. I have a friend that has 3 boys and they were all the quarterbacks, baseball team captains.. She said the guys that come to her house every day ate everything.. Even the bags of chocolate chips out of her freezer!

She was honest with the boys and would say, "guys, I am tapped out".. why don't you all go up to Taco bell and pick up tacos (on tuedays the tacos are only 59 cents) Or Sonic and pick up bags of burgers.. She mentioned it to some of the other moms and they gladly gave her money or sent money through their boys..

She also came up with bulk food to have on hand.. Bags of popcorn.. Regular pop corn that you pop in a pot.(lots cheaper than microwave). Lots of corn flakes (store brand), peanut butter, bread, milk, apples, oranges, ice cream, Tortilla chips, hot sauce, When she found chicken legs on sale she purchased tons of them.. They could be grilled with BBQ sauce or Teryake sauce.. .99 frozen pizzas.. they can also be grilled, baked potatoes...

She would make huge pots of chili, stew, sheet cakes..
Her sons are now in college here in Austin and on the college teams, so you can imagine the gatherings they now have.. She loves having them over to their home and these guys love being there.

I didn't read all the answers yet. We have a 16 yr old girl with friends over every weekend. Girls sleepover all the time.

The football players are here regularly. I let them clean out my fridge....they love it....we don't deal with leftovers!! I do keep a good stock of food and snacks. The one thing that irks me is if they take a water bottle or soda and only drink 1/2 or less. I do ask them to drink it all or get a glass.

Yes, I probably spend more on food, however, I look at it as an investment..... The teens love hanging out here...I know what they are doing... I know they are not out in a park, etc doing drugs, drinking, etc. I am glad to provide a safe place for them to hang out for those reasons.

I make sure anyone going home gets home before the city curfew as well.

EDIT: I had to edit this. I cannot fathom a family making a friend sty in another room while they eat and not provide any snacks. That is just unheard of and cruel.

Mom, this is so typical at this age of teenage boys, but you need to count your blessings that your son and his friends want to hang at your house. It is something you just need to deal with and not complain about. I would not let them eat every meal there though, set some limits.,A sleepover every weekend is a little much, I'd limit it to once or twice a month. I would feel proud and happy that my boy likes hanging at home, you can feel secure that he is not elsewhere where he may be getting into trouble. Hope this helps.

TF could have written my response!

Our son is now 20 years old and he routinely had the buds over. At first my husband even asked why I always said 'yes'. Because I knew where they were and what they were doing! And especially NOW I'm finding out that not all parents, even some of that I thought very highly of, had/have different values and parenting styles and didn't see anything wrong with allowing the kids to drink. Even though it is ILLEGAL!
The food was a small 'investment'. I am actually kind of picky about my food, but always kept cheap frozen pizzas. Frozen ravioli with a jar of sauce and they were happy! A brick of Velveeta in a crockpot with salsa and chips was one of their favorites!

Our daughter is now 16 and while her friends of course tend to eat less, I still always say yes when her 3 best friends want to stay over. Again, I know where they are and what they are doing.

Even when we remodeled our lower level a few years ago, it was remodeled with teenagers in mind. Now, we were very lucky because our pool table was given to us, and I found the ping pong table top, that you lay on top of a pool table, for $5. One time I had cleaned out the kids 'stuff' and had some of the old games set aside to donate. The guys found them and were down there have a great time playing Gnip Gnop, Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots, and Kerplunk!

We are not rich and like I said there are ways to have the food available to them without a great expense. Look at it that they enjoy hanging out at your house. You know where they are and what they are doing.

I guess the upside is, you know where he is and what's he's doing. That's a big bonus. Think about if he was always staying at the same boys house...it would make you start to wonder what the heck he is doing there all of the time.

You could come right out and tell some of the moms "Look, I love having the boys here, but they are eating me out of house and home". I'll betcha that these moms have never even thought about the fact that these boys are costing you a fortune. I think once something is said you will start getting a little help. Once again, if I knew you and you were a good person, and my son was staying by your house, I would be happy that he was someplace safe and I would pitch in for sure.

it's a real concern. our house was *that* house for years, until my boys started driving and could start their foraging expeditions elsewhere<G>. the problem is that i adore teenagers and love having them all around, even if they wreck the family food budget.
i suggest you bulk buy all you can, eg pancake fixin's, rice, bagels and cheap tomato sauce and mozz cheese (to make much cheaper bagel pizzas), cheerios etc. then be firm about what they're allowed to have. for example, if there's one big bag of chips for them and one for the family lunches that week, make sure they're aware of that. my herd was always courteous about staying away from what was off-limits if i was clear about what those limits were. if i didn't draw lines, they'd clean me out like locusts.
don't hint. it will never work. if you want to contact the parents, do so with forthrightness and humor, eg 'can't wait to see the boys this weekend! i'm taking up a pizza fund collection so i don't have to stop at the food bank. how about $5 each?'
good luck!
khairete
S.

Can you stock the cupboards and freezer with cheap teenage food? At least you know where your son is and what he and his friends are doing. When my kids brings others home I think it is a compliment, my kids want to share their house with their friends.
It has kept my now 21 yo off drugs and pretty much alcohol and cigarette free. He did have a beer at a friend's house graduation weekend and tried to smoke a couple times. He never did in the house though and I knew the others weren't either while at my home. Food was a small concession to pay for their safety.

t.

I could be totally stupid with my answer, as my son is only 3.5 years old, but I'm thinking that "hinting" is not the answer, and that direct but humorous request would be the best answer. I'm assuming that the parents have to give permission for the kids to come over and they HAVE to know how much teenage boys eat. Figure out how many boys come over, and how much it costs to feed them and/or what they seem to eat most consistently. Once you have an idea of what would be easiest (potluck, a little cash for a shopping trip - perhaps that night when the boys get there), then let the parents know. "I LOVE having the boys over - they have so much fun together, but you know how much boys eat... it's a little overwhelming. I'd like to (potluck/shop) - which is easier for you?" That way, parents who want to send them with food, can, and parents that give you money.

I have to say, if my kid spent 24 hours at a friends place, I'd be happy to give them $10 or more - heck, it's cheaper than babysitting :)

My son is 14 and, like yours, has some very good friends who prefer to be at our house than at their own homes. One in particular, who in the out of school times, will stay over two or three nights in a row. My son also has a Thanksgiving Day tradition of inviting his friends over during the holiday week for a full traditional meal.

I would never dream of asking their parents to kick in on the food bill while these boys are in my house. They are are guests.

If the expense is too great why not limit the number of times the friends can stay over? Say once a month. Something that keeps the friends together but reduces your expenses.

There is a reason these boys prefer your house. Do they get away with behavior that is unacceptable in their own homes? Do they have less than desirable homes lives? Maybe your house, and you, are the most welcoming home and they gravitate to it because it is open and welcome. This is a good thing.

I prefer to have my son and his "crew" at my house and foresee this going on throughout High School. I set behavior expectations, and anyone staying over night usually winds up with chores - taking out the trash, washing dishes - heck, they have even helped my son mow the lawn and done laundry. It makes his friends understand that when they are in my home they are a part of my home. I may limit the amount time they can be here - but they also understand that they have a haven if they need it.

Try not to sweat the expenses - let them know that when they get after school/summer jobs you expect them to help out with the food bill but until them welcome them into your home and be happy that they are safe and happy.

That is great that you provide such a wonderful home that your son and his friends like to hang out there. The kids will remember that when they come back for their class reunions in years to come! How how about being direct?? Hey guys, you eat us out of house and home--How about stopping on the way over and picking up soda and ice...or pizzas for everyone? Hey guys, that is the third gallon of milk you all have gone through this weekend. Please Stop at the store and get some on your way over here. If you were going to have a cookout--i would give them an item to bring. I would also invite the parents to come, and just bring it us casually. Hey, if you are at costco, please pick up an extra case of chips, we can't keep your son, their son, and other boys in chips these days.

As I type this in my dining room my college freshman daughter and ten of her high school friends are in my kitchen, with a stack of pizza boxes like you can only imagine. These girls have been part of our family life for years -- and I wouldn't have it any other way. This fall, while my daughter was still at school, a couple of her friends were home on a break and came over to say hello. It felt weird to them to be home and NOT to be at our house, they said. I was thrilled.

Like others have mentioned, I've fed them, laughed with them, scolded them, had them do chores, gratefully accepted treats they've brought (and I found once one or two did it, the others kind of followed suit) and been absolutely thrilled that they were laughing over pizza in my kitchen, not at someone else's house drinking or whatever. I've overheard conversations they've had about school, boyfriends and all manner of things they'd never say directly.

Pot luck is popular with this crowd -- and I didn't hesitate to make my daughter responsible for getting it going and making sure people were bringing enough to share. I keep extra blankets & pillows in a cupboard in the basement and they've learned how to be excellent guests -- and I've learned how to let go a little. Additionally, the parents all keep in touch so we can reinforce each other with the girls.

It passes too fast. One day, when an open bag of chips hangs around long enough to go stale, you'll remember these boys -- and how much they made you crazy -- and you'll smile.

BTW -- a big YES on a large pot of pasta and jarred sauce. Keeps 'em happy & full. Keeps me out of the poor house!

Teenage boys can eat you out of house and home. Sigh. I've lived with enough of them. 2 weeks worth of groceries gone in a day and half. $100 worth of food in an afternoon.

I have no idea what to do about it as a parent... and I'm looking forward to reading answers to what I'm sure will be my 8yo future... at the time I instituted a "pay up or eat out" jar. Wherein my brother & his friends had to chip in in order to raid my fridge.

I am surprised that nobody has suggested to talk to the boys directly. My suggestion would be to say to them " You guy's know I love having you here, but you eat to darned much, and your gonna have to bring your own food or money to buy it with if you want to keep hanging out here. I just can't afford it anymore." Or something along those lines. Teens need to be taught that eventually they need to take care of themselves and they will not just have everything handed out to them wherever they go. Making them aware that they need to chip in with either food or money is a great first step for them.

So, I was reading other replies, my head screaming "don't you know how lucky you are to know where your son is!!!" when my almost 18 yr old son came and sat in bed with me. His reply was that your son should not be letting them eat all the food. Notice he put it on your son to slow them down, not you. Believe me, if they are comfortable at your house they will stay whether you have food or not. I know when my son goes to a certain friend's house there is never food and if they are hungry they have to hit the local convenience store for something to eat. Honestly, I encourage my son and his friends to stay here. The peace of knowing where he is at 2AM is worth everything. Come up with cheaper eats instead. Popcorn from scratch. Leave baked potatoes in the fridge so they can sprinkle on some cheese and microwave. Don't buy cold cuts, ever, they are just too expensive to be inhaled. PB&J. Make your own bread, the amount of money they charge for bread is ridiculous. Make waffles and pancakes from scratch and put them in the freezer. There are lots you can do to save money on food. And remember to let your son know it shouldn't be a free-for-all. Finally, this old lady has to tell you my husband and I (we've known each other since we were 12 and married 34 yrs) still speak lovingly of the couple who took us teens in. How they stood us in their basement night after night I don't know. But we were grateful then and understand now.

My house was always one of 2 houses the kids came too, and even now that my son is in college, this is still the case. At the other house, they just have those freeze pops and some soda, and that's what the kids eat. They like that house because there is an air hockey table, a pool table, and a TV. I tend to do more chips and I also do veggies & dip but that's it. They don't all stay over - you need to have some control there.

However, the kids all bring the dishes up from the basement TV area, and they rinse & recycle the soda cans. My son also has them participate in bringing in some food, and sometimes they get pizza and all divvy up the costs. If they don't have jobs, they can do chores to earn money from their own parents.

Definitely go to simpler and cheaper snacks! You can be amusing about it - as others have suggested. Just have your son tell them the kitchen is closed after a certain hour, and that you are not a short order cook. It's time for them to learn to function as semi-adults and that means preparation, clean-up, and shared costs. If you don't have the food in the house, they will start to bring it.

I agree that you are very lucky to have a son who is comfortable at home, and who has friends who want to come over. And the luxury of knowing where he is on Saturday nights is really great. The other parents are probably relieved that you are taking on this responsibility, both financially and supervisory. They are also, to some degree, taking advantage - but no one can take advantage of your without your permission and cooperation.

Even now, and also as he gets older, be sure that you are on top of what they are doing. Be sure that no one is bring beer into your home, and that no one is coming in the back door without you knowing who is there. You are responsible, under the social host law, for what goes on in your home even if it's behind your back. I'm sure they are all good kids, but even good kids get pressured and/or make poor decisions sometimes. Have a plan in place and discuss this with your son, more than once, starting now.

Good luck.

Your son should be the one to tell his friends, "ok, tonight we're going out for pizza, make sure you have some cash on you, my mom's going broke from feeding all you guys every weekend" or something like that. Maybe if his friends have to ask their parents for money every weekend they will start to get the hint. It should be common sense for parents to send their kids either with money or a snack if they are hanging out at your house all the time, but to give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe it never occurred to them! My son is 15 - when he has friends over they always know what to expect - either I will feed them or they will go out - but they always get a heads up before hand so they make sure to have dinner money if they go out. I think it's great that your son and his friends feel so comfortable at your house, but you definitely don't want to feel like they are taking advantage! I don't think it's unreasonable for your son to ask them to chip in if they order out from a restaurant, or eat out every once in a while.

My friend has been going through this with her daughter.
My friend loves having her daughter's friends around, but they eat everything in the house.
She's a single mother and she sat her daughter down and explained to her that she simply can't afford to have her friends over every weekend.
The girl is with her dad during the week and he doesn't allow her to have friends over so she understands that she needs friend time, but having them stay and feeding them has just gotten too much. Groceries that should last 2 or 3 weekends is gone in one and she can't keep doing it.
Her daughter is 15 and she understands. She can have one friend for one sleepover a month. She can still have friends over, they just have to go home. She can't feed them for two days.
Other parents likely assume that you don't mind having the kids and don't think about chipping in with the food.
I think you should talk to your son and let him know that the every weekend thing is just too much.
I have a teenage boy and believe me, I know how much they can eat. When my nephew comes to stay, my sister always brings food because she knows her son will clean me out.

Short of saying you're having pot luck style dinner and everyone brings a dish, I don't know what you can do other than limit the frequency of the sleepovers and the number of the guests.

I will be interested to see your responses.
Best wishes.

It's a phase that you have to deal with. Teenagers love raiding the fridge. Best thing to do is stock up at the grocery outlet.... it does phase out after a while. I dont think you would be out of line to say something to the kids about it like "Hey, you guys are eating me out of house and home, why dont you bring some pizza money next time you come over?".... OR just tell your own son that you totally cant afford feeding everyone anymore and that it needs to come to a stop. You might get lucky and have them toss you a 5 dollar bill now and then. It sounds like you've been a great "friends mom" and they love coming there. This too will pass. Enjoy it while it lasts. Once they all move out of the house you will be amazed at how little grocery shopping you have to do and you will miss these days.... lol

We have a no dinner policy in our house. Every weekend someone is staying over with my 15 year old son. I don't mind them staying here but if they are here at dinner time they must stay in my son's room until we are done eating. As far as snacks I just don't provide that much. We have off limits cupboards that my son knows he can't go in if he has friends over. And then as far as the availible snacks go once they are gone they are gone. I buy that kind of food, like chips, and cookies and ice cream once a month. And do not replenish until the month is over. It was a bit strange to begin with but all his friends know the limits now and it just works. Of course they have also made friends with a deli in the neighborhood that throws out food at the end of the night so they go there at closing and fill up!
So I think if you just set limits and make them clear to all your grocery bill should lessen.
Good luck to you! Teenagers are hard