Teenage Disipline

Or......you could create an atmosphere of communication instead. You and she together could be a TEAM in helping her have a good life.

:)

You posted that you did this last year and it really helped. Sounds like you're back in the same exact situation and wanting to deal with it the same exact way. I'd recommend counseling to get to the bottom of WHY she is acting this way. sounds like a girl who really doesn't like herself. and she started at 14, please try to get help for her from a professional.

What is your end goal here? If it is to have your daughter hate you, move out the day she turns 18 (or sooner) and never see or hear from her again then I believe your tactic will work. She has made you feel powerless and your immediate reaction is to "out control" her. You are caught up in a power struggle that will continue exactly as it has been unless YOU change your methods.

I see you have posted similar posts in the past so obviously what you've been doing so far isn't working. Time to try something new. Look at what you HAVEN'T tried so far. Counseling? Talking to teachers? Spending the day glued to her hip, going to classes with her, sitting with her while she eats lunch at school, etc? Talking to Law Enforcement? Your Pastor? Talking to other parents who have navigated these teen years successfully? Parenting classes (Love & Logic Teen Years is incredible)? Finding a hobby or volunteer opportunity to do together?

The answer is out there and its going to take lots of trial and error to find it but you can do it.

That sounds like a lot of time for her to be alone, seething and hating you. I'm pretty sure she's not going to be in there thinking "Gee, I deserve this, I should have behaved better." I don't have an answer for you but maybe substitute solitary confinement with forced family time with no electronics or friends.

I think this is a really BAD idea!!!!
You do not need to lock her away but to communicare with her. Get into family counseling and find out exactly what is going on with her. She is acting out for a reason and as her parent you need to find out what that reason is. You have 3 years as her parents to make some of her decisions for her. Decisions about medical and psycholigical treatment are right now up to you. Does she need to be placed in a mental ward? Could she be bi-polar? is she into drugs or drinking? Was she sexually abused? You will not find out the answers to any of these questions until you start talking.

I mean talking rationally **no yelling or accusations** . She needs to feel loved and cherished and locking away your child will not leave her feeling loved or cherished. Only through love and talking will you be able to sort all of this out.

You know the idea of parenting is to give your child the tools they need to make good decisions and grow into responsible adults. If you try to strong arm them into acting a certain way they usually respond by acting out. Putting her on lock down is just showing her that you are a bully who doesn't care to give her the tools she'll need to make her way in the world.

When my children didn't toe the line I had them be my pals. If I went shopping they did too. If I was in the living room, they were right there doing their homework. "If you are going to act like a child then you will be treated like a child. Children don't get to spend time alone because they need supervision at all time."

The computer was always in a common area where anyone could see what was on the screen. At 15 your daughter needs to learn that rights equal responsibility. If she was to have the right to do certain things then she has to meet her responsibilities.

I have heard of some people who do this crazy stuff...will it work for you? I don't know. Would I do it? Heck NO!

I would be doing a complete strip of social life and electronics and then have her be stuck to me like glue...I would call it on Mom Lockdown. She would be helping me with chores, shopping, making meals, laundry and being with me every minute of the day....seriously stuck to me ALL weekend. I am obviously more an 'in your face...talk to me damn it' kinda Mom! :)

This is the third time you've posted this question, are you for real?

I have a 16 year old, any my take on this situation is that if things are so extreme that you feel you must hold your daughter prisoner in her own home, you need some professional help in dealing with your teenager. Don't get me wrong, I am not against tough love and discipline but if the situation is this dire, I think there are issues that you need help in dealing with. Good luck

I don't know if your a Christian but I'm currently reading the best book yet for the teen years. It's called "Age of Opportunity". I'm learning so much and finding out some mistakes I'm making in parenting a teen. I think it could be helpful to you . It's worth it to stick with it and pull from the book the things that ring true for you. I'm having lots of "ah ha" moments and I'm about half way through it. Right now your going into power struggle with her and I hate to say it but Teens can win these. You can ground,take away, control, all you want but it's where ever their heart is that matters. And we have to have their hearts or we lose. So take a look at your situation and think..... Do I have my teens heart? No?... How do I reach it. Does the punishment you've outlined reach the heart or does it create a wall. Teens and parenting them is so complex. This book has been a great comfort to me and has helped me make some since out of this challenging time in parenting. I hope it'll help you to.

I'm curious. You have three questions posted, all about punishment. None about modeling good behavior or raising children to be productive members of the family or society.

Are you actually the teen and not the parent?

If you are, in fact, the parent, please get some professional help in raising your teenager. Consider coming from a standpoint of discipline, not punishment. I'm sure she's a wonderful girl who needs love and strict guidance. Also, in my opinion one child (even at 21) does not need to be involved in the other child's discipline.

Raising Teenagers with Love and Logic. Brilliant book. In three short years she will be an "adult". Please read this book (or listen to it, it's on CD). I picked mine up at half price books.

Blessings!
L.

Sounds like a mole, asked this for the 3rd time and pretty much word for word....did this happen to you??....if so it is wrong..there are other more productive ways to disipline your kids.

From what you describe sounds like a normal teenager who did not have boundaries when younger. You guys did not follow through with correction. So now she runs wild. How about going to counseling to find out what is going on with her? Do you do family things together and do you do one on one things with her?

I have not heard about the lockdown thing. Perhaps a weekend at the local childrens center will give her an adjustment to life.

When my son was 8 he started to act up. I called the center and talked to a person and went down for a visit. He still remembers that visit to this day. He wasn't bad but would not listen and I wanted him to know where he would go if he didn't listen to me at home.

Good luck. Try the book love and logic or something like that.

The other S.

My big threat was military school. I got the brochures, surfed the websites, and found the "best" place for my kids. Then I told them that if they messed up, that's where they would be going. They'd be earning free time... earning TV... earning time with friends, etc.
I have a friend who threatened military school and followed through. Her kids turned out to be phenomenal young men. They needed the structure. They were mad at first, but then enjoyed their 4 years there.
My kids have never given me any grief, BUT I am the mom. I control what they do, who they are with, and the technology they use - and I'm not afraid to take any of it away. There are no computers in bedrooms. There are no iPads or laptops in this house, never mind bedrooms. They have a car to drive, but it's in my name. I can take that car away faster than they can say, "what?" I do not put up with mouthiness or bad behavior. They know the consequences, and they do not like them.
Write down your house rules and the consequences for not following them. Then implement them and be consistent. Take a tour of a few military schools and bring your daughter along. She will not like the thought of wearing a uniform, following orders, and no freedoms. It might be exactly what she needs.
Whatever your threat - you have to be ready to follow through.
LBC

Like another woman posted, is this for real or is this some research project for a sociology class?

My parents did something very similar when I was about this age. It will get nasty for a while, and she will resent you if you have to do it, but I learned from it. Just a thought: talk to the teachers about what kind of work she will need to do to catch up to the rest of the class. For example, my 3rd grader is struggling with his fractions, so I asked the teacher what to do. She said to practice the times tables. Whenever he needs a time out, he does drills, and his fractions have gotten a lot better. So be a tool for the teachers to use, and vice versa.

As much as they seem to hate dicipline, they need and love boundries. It tells them that you care, and it is obvious that you and your husband do. It is never too late. Don't give up. Yes, I agree that something is going on and she may need some help, but that is for you and your husband to figure out. There are lots of ways to get the healing we need. I would pray for guidance.
Blessings,
M.

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