Teenage Daughter Quit School and Doesnt Seem to Be into Anything..........

I'm afraid that I had the same problems with my son when he was that age. He is now 19 and things may just now be getting better. It sounds like she may be suffering with some emotional problems or may be experimenting with drugs which could be the cause of the emotional distress. The erratic behavior was the clue that led me to the answer which was drug use. Try to keep communicating with her. Although we don't understand why they do this we must still be understanding so we can keep the door open for communication. Offer her help and/or support for whatever it is that is going on. You don't have to condone it but I found that being able to communicate with him was better than not knowing anything at all.

hi B.!
i think you should have a talk with her, there might be something bothering her and you need to find out.
my daughter has been acting a bit like hat but that was because something happened to make her act the way she has...
i now have her enrolled in online school! its free here in AZ

good luck "L."

Hi B.,

I am a single mom as well. My son is 12 years old and will be a teenager soon enough. I know how scary it is to worry about the choices your kids make now. While I don't have specific advice for you about your daughter, I did want to share with you a resource that has become a lifeline of mine. Have you ever heard of "Parenting With Love and Logic"? It is a book written by Foster Cline and it outlines a method of parenting that prepares kids for the real world through loving, consequence-based parenting. To be clear, I am not associated with the book or its publishers, just a HUGE fan. There are books-on-CD, seminars, and newsletters. They recently published an updated book called "Parenting Teens with Love and Logic" and I am in the middle of reading it now. I have been using these principles for about 3 years now and my relationship with my son has never been better. Sounds like your daughter wants her independence but you are right that she also needs some strong, loving guidance from a parent who has her best interests in mind. Don't give up! Your daughter might be resisting you on the outside but inside she wants you to fight for her!

I say talk to the parents at the home she is staying, if they are uncooperative then get the police involved, the police may not be able to make your daughter go home but it will make the other family send her home. This is not an easy age, I have already been through it once and am ready for my second daughter, stay very open with her don't be afraid to tell her things about you, if she thinks you never did anything wrong then she will be afraid to disappoint you. I tell my children everything and they are very open with me, they may not tell me everything but they tell me a lot and I trust them. Good luck and remember she does love you, you are her only mother! She does love you.

Hi B., my name is D. just a little about me because i know a 17 year old daughter can be a complicated subject. I am 27, a phlebotomist, your daughter sounds alot like i did at her age. I didnt want my family there i felt like they were just in my way. But the reason why i thought they were in my way was because i was up to no good i know i am only 10 years older than her but i know what is going on i have a neighbor of mine their daughter feels very comfortable talking to me and every thing that i did 10 years ago and proably what was around and worse when you where in high school are out there still. The neighbors daughter that i talk to as a big sister i one year younger than your daughter and she was at the point last year quiting school and she wasnt doing to well. But you cant give them to much space to mess up their life you are still the parent remember that.... Dont let her take that away from you if you know where she is at you can report her a runaway because at this point she is not at your home and is not coming home and after 24 hours of her not returning home you can take a police officer to the home where she is at and the people that are helping her stay away from home will be charged with embeding a runaway and it is a fedral affence there are other things that you can do until she is 18 as well if you want to go that way but i think she just needs some good influnces in her life and it doesnt sound like the friends she is hanging with are very good ones. And always remember B. you are her mother take back what god gave you, your right to protect your child at any cost, with in the law of course. Hope every thing works out for you let me know my email is ____@____.com

Sounds like something has happened to her and she is taking it out on you. My daughter had something horrible happen to her and it took her a year and a half to tell me. Although her behavior let me know something was wrong, as she too was happy, great grades, etc and things fell apart for a while. My daughter and I have come a long way and she is doing so much better. Our church was so helpful to me in the meantime and I would like to invite you to find one in your area or if you send me a flower, I'll be more than happy to tell you about mine. Prayer is a powerful tool in dealing with teenagers! I hope and pray this helps!

I too am a single mom and was a single mother by choice. My son, who is now 24, also dropped out of school in the middle of his senior year. Although he was not as disrepesctful, hateful and uncooperative, he did drop out. However, I agreed with his decision as the teachers in Las Vegas schools are pretty pathetic as is the school system. He has worked as a server and enjoys that a great deal. He is now getting his GED (his request) and hopes to go to a cooking school to become a chef. So, you see, there is hope. I would suggest that you lay down a few rules in order for her to return home. First, I would insist that she see an OB/GYN for some birth control. No one needs another unwanted brat to run around. Sorry if that sounds cruel and uncaring, but most of the time these children of children are nothing more than a nuisance and you will end of being the mother to this child. Second, she must work at something be it fast food, waitressing, whatever. But, she must work. Third, when the time is right, she must entertain the idea of getting her GED in the adult education system. Much better for some kids. They relate better and the teaching is better. My son is doing fine, and is on his way to a a career of his choosing, not one the school system here thinks he is suited for. Frankly, the school system here has no business telling any student what they are suited for. There is hope and she will come around. She may have heartaches, bad choices, and some falling down to do, but she will pick herself up and eventually learn what she needs to do through her mistakes. Mine has and he has grown into a fine young man.

My name is M.. I'm now 39 years old. I am speaking from personal experience and hope that it helps. When I was 13 I began craving what your daughter has "taken". By the time I was 14, I had moved in with friends, stayed there a week, moved in with my grandmother and eventually in with my sister. By the time I was your daughter's age, I had my own apartment. I was lucky. Not all teenagers end up that way as you well know.

My parents were on the opposite end of where you are. I know now that they loved me, but they did not "try" to bring me back home.....which is what I wanted at that time. During that time in my life....more than anything at all...I wanted to feel loved. Maybe if you loosen the "strings" a bit with the understanding that she needs to open up and be honest and communicative with you, she could be swayed to come back. I'm sorry I don't have a black and white answer for you and I normally would not respond, but I guess this is hitting a little too close to home for me. Just make sure that she knows that no matter what she does......she is loved. I hope and pray that it works out for you and your daughter.

Hi, B....

Having no children in your daughter's age group, take this message as you wish. :-)

I don't see this behavior as your typical teenage behavior. If the way she is acting is truly new and occured over night, something has happened. Get her back into your home and into counseling.. either with you or without you. From what I understand, it's typical for teenagers to go through some of what you explained, but all that?!?!--at once?!?! Don't know about others, but warning bells are going off for me..

Good luck!

Hello B.,

I've been in teenage/youth ministry for roughly 15 years. I've seen much of what you're going through. First and foremost, do you have a network of friends who truly care about you? Coworkers, Church family, book group, anything like that. People who you love and trust. It is very important for you to have support and ears to listen to you and shoulders to cry on. It is the thing that gets parents (especially mothers) through these really difficult times. The issue with your daughter is quite conditional and dependent on so many other factors that we as "internet counselors" could never know. However from what you have explained it seems that there is one thing I can say from my years of experience. She was doing well one day and not the next. Something was introduced to her, most likely a negative something. This could be a friend, an idea, a break up with a boyfriend/friend. something emotionally significant has happened to her to send her to this alternate course. If you think she'll talk to you, then the idea of taking her out to eat somewhere she likes is a terrific idea. Also please know that with teenagers, everything takes time. You may have to have two or three "meetings" before anything really breaks through. This is your baby, the girl who you've had the privilege watching grow up. She is still that girl (even if she doesn't admit it or think about it that way). I am praying for you and your daughter, as a mother what you're going through is one of my fears. I'm not just praying for the situation, but for both of you as individuals as well. :) I hope this helps even in some small way.

B.

Teenagers can often be difficult. They so much want to be adults and independent,however, they as we know are not ready for it. I have worked with teen at different times in my life. Make sure she has strong role models. Help her structure her time with lots of activities, because if she is left to make all her own desissions, they will be the wrong ones. When offering her advise teach her and guide her through parables ( stories). She will be more accepting of what you have to say if it does not sound like a lecture or "do what I say". Keep in mind she will make mistakes. Use this opportunity to teach her that in life we often learn more from mistakes, then our success and make sure she learns something from her mistakes. This is a time in her life where she needs to experiment to determine who she is and where she fits in. You may have a better perspective on this then her at this point, but do not lecture, your job is one of a guide. Expose her to different people from different walks of life. Make sure she is exposed to their (mistakes and success in life) stories. I hope this will help. In the mean time pray for her and ask for God's heavenly grace and presence in her life and yours.

J. w

I'm not really sure how helpful this will be, but i was kinda like your daughter is now. I am young and rebelled horrificly(sp?) around the same age. Maybe you might consider an more mature atmosphere for her? Something like Phoenix Job Corps. I went there, They have dorms(for the more independent student). They have a high school diploma program and a GED program(whichever you prefer to do, and they train you in a trade from buissness classes to Nursing assistant classes. They focus on training the students there how to become responsible focused adults and give you a kinda sense of being on your own. They have Very strict security and certain rules to follow by. But maybe that might be a place you could breathe easier with your daughter attending. If you wanna know more let me know. Good luck with everything. Dont forget that its just a phase, and even though its hard to tell, she still loves you very much. A. C.

I was a rebeloud teen too. I still went to school but I tried to run away from home and had my brother come and talk to me. I went home but still went out until all hours of the night, didn't care if i passed high school or not. I barely passed. I didn't really think about the consequences of my actions until i was 18 years old and pregnant with my son. I am speaking so close because i am only 25 and seems like just yesterday. For me, it wasn't until after my son was born that I opened my eyes and realized I needed to be responsible not only for myself but for my beautiful little boy. My sons father is not in our lives because I saw him helping me make those bad decisions. I would see who might be influencing her to make these decisions (friends, boyfriend, etc.) Since them, I am now married to a wonderful man, have 2 beautiful children and have a steady job along with my husbands business. I know realize that my family was trying to be there for me and always has. Sometimes it takes something drastic to make you open your eyes. I would really see if your daughter would let you take her out to dinner (maybe somewhere she wants to go) and tell her how you feel and tell her you set rules to protect her, she might not be open to it but there are ways for her to open her eyes. Just like one person said here, take her to juvenile detention and see what it is like there. See if she can talk to them and show them the decisions they make might not always be right. I hope everything works out and if anything I wouldn't mind speaking to her as well. Speaking to someone that has been through it, sometimes gets the message through!!

Hi B. -

Check into the legalities of being considered an adult. In some states, our "babies" become adults at 17. In other states, it is 18. Before you talk to her about living with the people you don't approve of...get your facts straight. You need to explain in logical terms why you feel they are not a good influence on her - then you have to tell her that whatever her decision, you will stand by her. Right now, it is all about control. Who is going to win the battle and who will win the war??? My daughter just turned 20 and she too went through the whole "living with her friends" thing - fortunately, she did finish high school first. Also, ask her what she wants to do with her life and how she intends to reach those goals. Maybe you could even do a little research for her - show her you are there to help - like educational requirements, on the job training, salary, expenses of living on your own, things like that. Consider hiring a life coach for her. A life coach will help her come up with her own answers, instead of "telling her" what she needs to do. Then the responsibility falls on her to follow through if she intends to achieve her goals. Talk to the family she is living with - or have the coach - and get them involved. They have already accepted the responsibility of housing her and as such are already contributing to her decision making by their actions.

Please let me know if I can help,

M. M. Ernsberger
Mind-Body Therapist
Children & Family Life Coach
www.hypno4kids.com

Dear B., you have my sympathy. I am also a single mother. I have gotten three of my 5 sons through the seventeen "I know everything and need to start my life now" stage. I am halfway through number 4 and hold my breath that the last child will not go through it. First let me say, that due to current technology, we now know that the human brain has not reached complete development until the age of 24-25. Your daughter's body is definitly adult size but in many aspects she still does not think like one because she is not supposed to think as such. You are correct in that she still needs guidance. I promise, with proper handling and staying firm, she will come around and one day thank you for being the terrific mom. Please be assertive in bringing her home. She is 17 and is still underage. You have the right to bring her back home. Give her the choice of coming home on her own or getting the authorities involved. Set a deadline for this arrival home and stick with it. If she refuses to go to school, then insist she will not stay home all day but will get a job. She will find this a daunting task because it is not easy to find a good paying job without a high school diploma. That diploma represents tenacity and employers look for this trait in a person. Have her look into GED programs if she is not going to school. Have her find out the process and then together set the deadline for that end result. Seek counseling together as a family and also individually. Teenagers do need a voice of reason in their lives but it is not always heard from the parental unit. Talk to her without judgement (not an easy task) and then sit and really listen to what it is she is saying. Are some of her request that outrageous? Find a way to compromise in a safe and respectful way. She wants to stay out until 2:00am, that is not the safest idea, so how about midnight. She does not want to go to school any longer, not the smartest idea, but then make her responsible for the next plan and have her stick to the plan, GED, Job Corp, getting a full time job, etc. If she chooses not to go to school, she now pays you to live at home just as if she would if had her own place. It does not have to be $400.00 a month, but something that will help her realize how important her education and continuing education are to her. Say, $120.00 a month and then set it aside so that when she is 18 and wants to move out (at that age she can), she now has a downpayment on an apartment or if she decides to go to trade school or community college, she now has some money for it. Build a support team for yourself that will hold you accountable to sticking with the plan. Remember she is not a small child, she is about to jump off into the adult world and although she needs guidance, you will have to let go one day soon. God gave us our children as temporary gifts. We are entrusted to love them, teach them, nurture them, and then let go so they can go out on their own just as He has done with each one of us. Good Luck and let me know if I can be of any support to you: ____@____.com

I JUST went through this with my 17yo daughter. She was at her boyfriend's house. I finally told her that I was legally responsible for her and if she didn't want to come home and live by my rules until she's 18 then I needed to report her as a runaway and incorrigible to protect myself from being charged with child endangerment or whatever.

I then pointed out if I reported her that JV would decide where she lived, not her. The law also says she's supposed to be in school so JV would deal with that also.

Furthermore, I told her when she came home I wasn't going to put up with her bad behavior. She better come home and be pleasant (stop hitting and fighting with her younger sisters) or once again; I'd turn her over to JV.

We worked out the ground rules ahead of time and she's home now. She's been home 2 weeks now and she's been an "angel" so far. Fortunately, the boyfriend forced her to go to school also. She'd been skipping before she moved out and when I got the call I told the boyfriend and he has pushed her to attend school.

Good Luck. I know this is difficult. If its any consolation, this is my 3rd teenager and it really is a very common thing. They think they are 'grown up'. Like you said, they aren't. You have to remind them you are still responsible for them and you still call the shots; and the law is on your side.

I also explained to my daughter that the judgement part of her brain isn't developed yet and so her bad choices are more physical than mental; and not necessarily her fault. (I've read several things about that.) I've also explained this to my 2 13yo daughters as well. She said she appreciated knowing that, and it made it easier for her to rely on me a little more for her judgement calls.

The good news is that for some reason when they turn 18 they start turning back into that kid you were so fond of before they turned into satan at 13. LOL... I'm kidding of course, well sort of, but you get the idea.

Good Luck... If I can help any feel free to contact me directly. As I said, this is my 3rd one and I have 2 more to go.

A.

Your daughter is not 18, not an adult. You are her mom. As you said, she needs to come home and you need to make that clear. Once that is said she needs help, counseling for both of you to figure out what happened and what her plans are for the future and what your plans are as a family to make those things happen would be the place to start. Your daughter needs you to take a stand and let her know that she is important enough to you that you will fight for what you know is best for her.

My family is going through this right now with my little sister. Well it has been an on going battle since she was 15 and now approaching 18. She has dropped out of school, stolen money from a family business and the list goes on and on. With my sister each year got a little worse. Their is a reason for the way she is acting you just have to figure out a way to get it out of her. Was she abused in any way by someone close to her? Did the friends she use to have neglect her in some way for something she did? Etc...something has happened that is making her act like this. I wish you the best and pray that you guys make it through this. My parents let my sister just continue to get worse and now I dont think she is going to recover from her mistakes. Good Luck.

Hi B.,

When I was reading about your concern something pop up in my mind. I've work with teenagers at church and you'll be surprise of the things that happens these days. Is hard to say but I'll be straigth, you have to look if your girl is doing drugs or if she was abused. If the change was as radical as you mention one of these things could be happening. I understand it's not easy to take this advise, but please considere it. If she doesn't want to talk, just take her for a drug test and to the gynecologist.
Take her back to home with out excuse, there is no but, nor if. She needs you as authority and support even she doesn't like it. Don't be afraid to be strong, your girl is your responsability. I'm sure you both love each other, you'll find the way to take her back.

Hi B.,

It has been awhile since I was a teen but I have a lot of relatives, and I know what it was like. I was the same as your daughter, but 15 and thought I knew everything. The only thing I think advice is let tell her she needs to come home and that you don't approve her being in any home that isn't yours until you and her have your relationship. If she rebels, tell her that adults(since she wants to be one) work things out and talk things through and if she wants to be an adult, she needs to start acting like one and communicating with you (Hopefully she takes the bait to start the platform of talking to you). If she still refuses to come home, and you don't want to force her to, then see if you both could do "dates" to see how her days are. Don't give her money, or anything and everything she wants, just give her your time and attention. That is probably want she wants, she doesn't know it yet. Maybe try to talk one and one with the family she is staying with. I know it isn't much advice, but I hope it helps!

This would be my nightmare -- I have triplets who are 17 years old. Two girls and one boy. Do you know any of your daughters friends? How about her former counselor at High School? I would really try and connect with any person who might be able to have some kind of impact on her --- good or bad. The idea here is to start and maintain some kind of communication which could possibly lead to a changed behavior - to the good.
I would also speak to the counselor to find out how she might be able to finish up High School, if she chooses not to return to that specific school.

Don't give up; she needs to hear from you in many different ways that you still love her and want to meet her in a 'neutral' place -- not at home; not at where she is living; but for a 'coffee'....

L.

Hello,

I have to agree with the other moms, I think you need to get her back into your household. I also think something might be bothering her for her to all the sudden start acting up. The other family should not have taken her in without talking to you. I'm sure it won't be easy to face the issues with her and she will probably fight you on bringing her home, but in the long run it's for the best, and your doing it because you love her and hopefully one day she will understand this! Good luck! I hope it all works out for you both.

Hi B., I have a 16 yr old son who is a daily challenge for me. But I have received ALOT of help from a GREAT couselor! My son really likes her and so do I! If you would like her information please email directly at ____@____.com. I referred many others to her and eveyrone comes away very happy with her!

good luck!

http://www.parentingteens.com/
http://www.4troubledteens.com/

Hi B.,
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I'm sure it is a nightmare for you and a scary place to be with not knowing what to do any more with your teenager. Not having gone through this yet, I'm not sure what to say other that I will pray that everything works out. I have provided two links that will help you in dealing with your current situation. Don't give up. I know it's hard. (being a teen once myself). :-)

My girls are not teenagers yet.
So my opionion may be worth nothing, but , your daughter is still a minor, and you are her legal guardian.
I would do what ever the law allows to get her back under your roof and back into school.
Sounds like it is time for some tough love.
I would be in contact with the family that took her in , and keep communication open with them.
Best of luck to you.
Heidi

At 17 your daughter is still your legal responsibility and should not be allowed to move out. It is true teens are still children in adult bodies - the brain is still developing until around 25 years old, mainly in the areas of higher reasoning. Sudden abrupt changes in behaviors and attitudes are a strong signal of chemical addiction or physical/emotional trauma. This is a cry for help in my opinion.

It is difficult to experience being a teenager parent. It is helpful to take a specialized step that help to come out of the problem in a healthy way and I would like to suggest to take help from a specialized counsellor with years of experience dealing with troubled teens.
http://www.troubledteens.net/

Hi Barbara,
How wonderful that at the age of 17 your daughter has found a flop house to avoid responsibility and accountability.
You have only a few months before you can legally say
"you are an adult go get a job".
However, legally your responsibility is the parent and only for a few months.

There a program in AZ called Project Challenge.
It is a 5 month boot camp and your daughter will live
there with 24 hour supervision. Finish high school
and get a pell grant to start college.

She wants out well let her go on terms that you know she
is safe and being held accountable in a constructive
environment.

Warmly
C.

Hi B.,
I am so sorry for your heartache. We had a similar issue when our daughter was 17 - she left for a month, although she did stay in school. And now I'm struggling with my 16 year old son wanting to drop out. Of course, he doesn't want to MOVE out, so we're lucky that there's some incentive there to stay in school, but he is failing most of his classes and will not graduate on time. He used to be an honor roll student.
I don't know how anyone survives parenting teenagers. I do know it seems like a constant fight and struggle. But in the end, please keep in mind that you still want to keep her in your life. While we all know how important an education is, she can always go back later. I put my parents through a lot, ran away, dropped out, all of it. Eventually everything clicked - but it wasn't something they could make happen, I had to come to my own decisions. I was 16 when I left home. I did go back, but at 17 I left for good. And before I was even 18 I mended the relationships with all of my family members.

I know none of this is advice on how to get your daughter back, but my friend lost her 20 year old son a few months ago in an accident. At this point I am just thankful for every day I have with my children. Keep the lines of communication open with your daughter - she WILL need you, and you want her to be able to come to you when she does.

My Goddaughter has quit going to high school and will be going to adult school as soon as she turns 17 (a couple of weeks) I am looking forward to seeing any replies to this because I feel she is in a similar situation and has even experimented with drugs. I feel a bit helpless.

First you probably did nothing wrong, don't first blame yourself. However you are still her legal guardian. So her moving out is unacceptable!!! You need to be hard to a degree right now. You are the parent. The teenage brain is complicated. She may be experiencing depression, around the wrong crowd, whatever it is you need to reel her back in. You need to let her know her options, boot camp for teens, group homes with the state, or home with you and your rules. Granted to do it with reasoning and not forcing her to rebel completely which in of itself is a major feat. I would sit her down, tell her she is not grown up and her growing up too fast will effect her forever. She doesn't get to dictate how the family is or what she is doing, she just doesn't. Maybe take her to juevenile hall and have her see what happens when teens rebel and run away. What she has done is illegal and considered running away from home. You have to play tough love to a degree too, letting her just do what she wants how is she ever going to learn to accept responsbility for her own actions? Counselling, call around ask the school, but you both could use it to for opening up the lines of communication.

First off, I am very sorry and can only imagine the pain and fear you must be feeling.I think it is very crucial to stay calm with her and just let her know that you love her and care very much for her. Let her know she will always have a safe place to come home to but there are rules that she must follow. Then, get her back in school!!!!! Even if it means calling the police on her everyday! Find out the reason why shes not going. Is she getting bullied? Take her to a couselor too. As a teenager, you just want to feel like youre being heard. It will make her feel better.

Hi B. -

I don't think I can offer any advice since my kids are 9 & 10 mos, but I want to lend my support as one who was in you daughter's shoes. When I was 16, I became very rebellious as well, my mom was single and/or married to an alcoholic most of my life. I was confused, angry at my father for rejecting me and my mother for everything else. My mom had her problems, but she never gave up on me, and after a long haul we got through it. I'm glad to hear you aren't letting go of your daughter so early - she needs you so much right now! I wish you & your daughter the best of luck with this trial, it has got to be such a scary place to be. Don't give up! Take care...

First let me start by saying that I understand and feel your pain-only the person I'm refering to was my brother. He did the same thing as your daughter did and is now in NA (narcotics annon.) meetings. I hope this isn't the case with your daughter, but it sure would explain the sudden change in attitude, and life style. If you can talk to the adults (if any) of the house she's living in and ask them, also you can flat out ask her. Mom's can tell if their kid's lying. Good luck and I'll put you two in my prayers. You may also want to talk to a family counsler-ask your doc for advice.

I agree with some of these other moms - she has either been abused in some matter or is abusing drugs of some sort. Tough love is just that, go get her with force if neccasary!!! Take her to the doc, have her tested for drugs, then get a plan of action as to what the doc says, Love her no matter what! I was one of those teenagers who was wonderful, then at 16 was raped on a date, I treated my mother exactly as your daughter is treating you, mom forced me to a therapist, now over 17 years later I have three wonderful children and am very happy for the tough love mom gave me. It was hard on my mom, but she knows that I needed and we have a fantastic relationship today, she is my best friend and we work together every day!! Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers!!

I can't tell you how to raise your daughter and I can't tell you what she is feeling. But I can tell you that what your daughter needs most of all is for you to love her (tell her you love her) and be patient. Let her know that she is always welcome in your home (along with your rules) but you can't force her to come back because that will just make the hard feelings worse. If she belives that you really want her there then eventually she will come home, but it may not be as soon as you would like. She is 17 and needs freedom give a little wiggle room for her to learn with because she has every right to make her own mistakes just like you did at her age. Her mistakes will be her own and so will the consequences but when life gets too tough for her be there to support her through the hard times. It won't be easy to watch her get hurt when you know how to stop it but sometimes you have to let your child learn through hard knocks. I wish you the best!

We went through the same thing with a daughter, except it started at age 13. We tried everything, a different school, living with a cousin's family, with a judge's family, a center for out of control kids, couseling, eventually allowing her to live with her boyfriend, with the stipulation that we had to physically see her every week. OUr counselor told us that what we were doing was just buying time until she 'grew up'. She is one that had to learn by doing, not hearing. She is now 30 and not quite to 100% of our standards, but almost. It is a tough time, and I'm so sorry that you have to deal with it as a single mom. Tough love is so hard. Always let her know you love her, but that what she is doing makes you sad. If she understand that you will always be there no matter what, at some point she will come back, but may never admit what she is doing or has done was not right. Pray for her. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Set limits and stick to them. and especially remember that you are not alone and you are not a bad person. Your daughter has free agency to choose, just not free to choose the consequences. I hope and pray that you and your daughter can hang on until she recognized her own worth and the love of her mother.