Teen Love

I knew a family that allowed dating at this age, but only as part of family functions (no alone time). This way the guy had to be part of the family and it caused him to have more respect for the girl because he had befriended the parents. As on observer, it just really worked out well for them. Make this stipulation, and you won't have to bother with him just "coming over". He will only be able to come over for family time. Its a little old fashioned, but if you ask me, those old timers were on to something.

Could you imagine going the whole week only seeing your husband for less than an hour a day? That is how she feels, she is in love. Make sure she understands and follows your rules for visitors, and that she understands about safe sex.

I guess I would actually WANT him to spend more time at my house. Would feel better about the whole thing KNOWING the kid, you know? Course I would want them to be HERE rather than at his house.

I think it's nice she's in love and happy. It can be a lesson in balancing things in her life that are important and an AWESOME bonding opp for you and her!

:)

I agree with the others. Teen love is a very real thing for them, even though we as adults tend to not take it as seriously. So how she feels would be the equivalent of how you would feel if you could only see your husband for 30 mins a day, if that, during the week. When people care about each other, they spend time together. My boyfriend and I live together and see each other almost everyday because of it. That is harder to do when your a teenager. I would say the important things are that she is completing all her school work before he comes over (if not then he can't come), she has some outside activities seperate from her boyfriend, and she still manages to see her friends at least once a week, then there shouldn't be a problem with her seeing him all the time. Plus, if you restrict her visits with him to much she'll start to sneak around and possibly will jeopardize spending time with other people besides him (i.e. if she can only see him on weekends, she might turn down that trip to the mall with her friends to spend time with him). I would definitely say to set limits, but they should be more so on like how late he stays over, or whether or not they can go out on school nights, as opposed to how often they can see each other. Also, it will give you a chance to observe their relationship and be a part of whats going on in her life.

Why does she want to see him? Because they are, or at least she is, in love. This is pretty normal at her age. If her grades are OK, schoolwork is getting done, other activities are normal, I would loosen the rules a bit. If you are too strict at this age, they start lying - "I'm meeting a girlfriend at the mall..." just to see the guy. Keep the communication lines open with her. Asking "why?" then dismissing her answer will not encourage her to talk with you about what she is feeling or doing. Teenage love is real love and also real important in learning how to be an adult.

You've gotten good advice. I vote for "overreacting."

I look at it this way if she is doing her homework and getting good grades and if they are not locked in her room it should be ok for him to come visit a couple of times a week. This way you get to know him better and keep an eye on them at the same time. Maybe you should have his parents over for dinner on a weekend and get to know them and see how they feel about them spending so much time together. If you try to get in between and keep them from seeing each other it could back fire on you. Try to remember your first big love and remind yourself how your parents reacted and how it made you feel, was it a positive reaction or a negative one? How did you react to their input on your relationship back then?
The more you are involved with their relationship on a positive level the more she is apt to come to you for anything!!
Good luck and God bless!

I agree that it's normal for teens, especially by that age, to want to see each other daily when they're dating. I think you've gotten great advice from some of these moms so far, so I won't repeat what they've said =) I would like to add that my husband and I started dating at 17/16 and saw each other probably 5x a week, plus talking on the phone every day for hours. This was the start of our now 11 yr relationship =) Teen love isn't just lust; it can be genuine, deep-rooted love with all the emotions that go along with that. I hated the fact that both our parents didn't take our relationship seriously, even after he proposed when we were 18/17. I think we could have had a stronger relationship early on if our parents had taken us seriously and respected our love as "real". It literally took until we eloped at 20/19 for them to realize we weren't just 2 kids in puppy love.

When I was a senior in high school I would see my boyfriend EVERY day of the week! It is normal to want to see someone you care about often.

Just set ground rules. No closed doors. (Only at your house if that's how you feel.) Ect. Whatever you and your husband feel is right for your family.

Talk with her about ABSTINENCE!

My first question would be are the getting physically involved, if you trust your daughter's word that they are not having sex or anything close to it, I don't see the harm in letting them see each other more than on the weekends, but I think every night is a bit too much. How old is this boy? If he is alot older it might be something to think about. I am only 24 so I haven't been out of HS too long, and my parents did not allow me to date or have a boyfriend until I was 18. I think that if they would have allowed me to have a boy over for dinner when I asked or go to a movie alone and unsupervised it would have lessened the chances of me sneaking around and lying to see him, and trust me it happened.

I don't think it's anything to be concerned about, she could be feeling that this is her "first love" and wants it to turn into something serious, I would just make sure she has a life outside of him, and doesn't let her grades slip and loose her friends.

I've had whole weeks where I could only see my boyfriend (now husband) once a week. When we were in collage (different schools an hours drive apart) often we could only visit once a month. I can't begin to tell you how much postage I went through writing to him every day - and he's kept every letter. There was no email or cell phones back then. We managed a long distance relationship/courtship that lasted 9 years before we got married. When he was interning in Annapolis out of collage, he'd be 3 months in NY then 3 months in MD and he'd be traveling for work, too - so it would be hard to see each other. We got our education, our degrees, jobs, etc first then got serious about marriage.
I think you are being quite reasonable. This might be true everlasting love, in which case there's no rush - they have their whole lives in front of them - or it could be infatuation and that burns out within a few months.

When I was that age I was never allowed at the boyfriend's house. He was allowed at our house though as long as my parents were home. It worked out great! My hubby & I started dating as Sophmores in HS and have now been together 13 years. :) Married for 7. I'm not saying she'll wind up marrying this guy if you let them see eachother during the week. I think as long as her grades stay up and she keeps her end of responsibilities like chores & stuff it would be OK. :) Good luck!

Well if she cannot see him during the week can she talk on the phone?
My husband and I were boy friend girl friend starting in middle school.. we spent HOURS each night on the phone.. Me on my princess phone he on his wall phone..

We laugh about it now.. Must have driven our parents crazy..Our daughter thinks it is "sick" hee, hee..

I have a "no boyfriend on school nights" rule for my daughter who is a senior in high school (he graduated last year). There is just too much with homework, sports, work, and home stuff. Occasional dinners are fine but rare. So far not too many complaints.