Teen and Young Adult Help

That is a tough one, knowing how I was when I was that age, nothing my parents said made one bit of difference to me. As a parent myself all I know now, is that I really wish I would have listened to them....LOL
I think my best advice for you is just to support him in his decisions. Be there for him, and at the same time, explain to him that you don't feel she is the best person for him. I know how hard it is for parents to sit back and watch as our children make decisions we know is not good for them, but on the same hand, I know as well, that having paid my own consequences of not heeding the amazing advice of my parents, that he will realize that you are only out to see that his best interest are met. He will make the right decisions eventually, and it will be because you took the time to support him, and listen to him, and offer your opinions to him as well.
Just let him know how you feel, and what your concerns are and let him take it from there.

I would also maybe take the time to talk with her, a little. Nothing to obvious, maybe a few questions here and there about things you need to know, or things that bother you. Maybe this is the only way she knows how to be, and sadly, maybe she hasn't had the posotive influence in her life, that you have given your son, maybe she is acting that way out of envy for what he has and she doesn't. It's so hard to tell what sort of support someone has or hasn't had in their lives.
Just my opinion......Hope it helps!

T.

This could be a rather tricky situation. I'm pretty direct. So I would probably talk to the girl, without your son around. Explain to her that you have certain expectations of what should go on in and around your home. Tell her what you expect of her, just as you would tell your kids what you expect of them. Obviously, you don't have any real authority over her actions. But you have every right to require that she not hit your son in your home, and not treat you disrespectfully in your own home. Give her fair warning that if this does not stop you will no longer welcome her into your home. And stick to it. You could, if you feel particularly generous, even give her a three strikes and your out, clause. But, that is your home. And it is YOUR choice who can be there. I realize it is also your son's home. But, he should also be old enough to that responsibility for the actions of his guests, and understand that out of control guests are not welcome back. As long as this is clearly not done in anger at the girlfriend, and you remain calm, any anger your son might feel because of this should readily pass. Also, seeing you stick up for yourself when the girlfriend wrongs you will set an example for your son that he does not need to tolerate being treated badly either. You can't stop him from seeing her. But, you certainly can stop him from seeing her in your home. I'm a bit more strict that some people when it comes to teenagers, but I hope this helps.

Do not give up on him. Call the local domestic violence shelter for more advice on what to do.

I work in a domestic violence shelter and I agree with the previous poster, I would call your local DV shelter or the national hot line if you don't have one close by.
Most deal with women as I am sure you are aware but they should have a case manager that could advise you in some way.
I am very sorry your family is dealing with this but as the others said this is a difficult age. However, he needs to know that he deserves better so that once she is gone he doesn't fall into the same type of relationship with someone else.
Good luck!

Hi L.,
I feel your pain. My oldest son met and married a pregnant stripper over a year ago. My daughter-in-law has had an abusive childhood and the baby's father was abusive to her as well. She is not always the nicest person in the world but my son loves her anyway. She is bipolar and very abusive verbally when not taking her medications.
As much as I'd like to educate my son in emotional and mental matters, he does not(as usual)listen to what I have to say. So I keep my feelings to myself and let him live his life.
I do love my daughter-in-law and grandson(who is almost a year old) very much, so I stay out of their marriage.
My advice is to just bite your tongue, as hard as that is, so that whatever does happen between your son and his girlfriend your son will not possibly alienate you from his life and you can be there for him should the relationship not work out. Unfortunately the more we try to keep them from getting hurt, the less they listen.

Good luck!! K. H.

Unfortunately until your son sees what she is doing to him is unhealthy there isn't much you are going to say that will open his eyes. That doesn't mean you should sit back and ignore the situation. Some day he will look back on the things that you say and realize that you had his best interests at heart (I'm speaking from experience). As far as the girlfriend being rude to you or your family in your home, there is absolutely no reason for you to put up with that. Your son may not have enough respect for himself right now to get rid of this girl but he should have enough respect for you and your family to not bring her into your home if she mistreats you. If I were you, I would firmly put my foot down and tell BOTH of them that if she does not show respect in your home then she is not welcome in your home. If your son does not respect that then tell him to find his own home to entertain his little beast in. It's tough being a parent to a teenager and sometimes you have to make decisions that break your heart.

I'm saying from a kids point of view, as I remember when I was in a realtionship that my parents didn't want me in. I ended up marrying the guy and now divorced him. Don't force him into anything. He can make his dicisions, the more you say something the more he will want to stay. Give your kid a chance to make his mind up. Let him see thru you what a healthy relationship looks like. Even let him see how the two of you fight. Let him witness an arguement and as a adult how it is resolved. The more you push the more he will not listen to your loving words. Let him hang around his buddies they can see what is happening too. they may even say something and help him lose the girl, but in his mind he did it because he wanted too.