My daughter is 17 and has her permit for a year . not motivated to drive at all but wants to get her license. She is never asking to drive, doesn't seem like she wants to ever drive, she is embarrassed that I still take her to school, but she doesn't do much about getting herself to a place where she wants to do this. So I told her ok - permit ends in march something. We will borrow a car ( Smaller cuz I have a suv) and she can practice driving that for a few days and take the license with that car...... see if she will pass- it is planned march 6 to have the car, my friend offered and totally fine with us using it. she has not driven in like 4 weeks now, waiting to get the car to practice. UGH. Ok she is shy, she is intimidated, she is sweet, she is a straight A student, she is stuck! I am tired of asking, pushing, encouraging....its been a year.
Do I still get the car, have her try to get the test, and then if she passes, will things just change and all of sudden be motivated??? I don't know that I am ready for her to drive alone regardless because she needs more practice..... she does pretty well I may say, but not ready for her to be alone yet... I guess I am stuck too.
Thanks so far. And I want to make clear that I am not pushing her. I gave up pushing her months ago and because I don't ask her to drive or encourage her too - she won't do it for herself or care. So that's my issue. Do I stop and wait.
She says she wants to take the test. She is not ready but doesn't make effort to be ready
i still had my learner's when i got my first car.
that was finally the motivation i needed to get 'er done.
i'd let it go and let her find her own motivation.
khairete
S.
This is NOT about the other car. It really isn't. She's not interested, motivated or even prepared. Stop forcing it. If she won't practice, the last thing the rest of us need is someone so inexperienced on the road. If she really wanted to drive, it wouldn't matter what vehicle you had available.
One of my stepdaughters was like your daughter - no interest. She finally started driving at 20 when her younger sister got her permit and was close to getting her license.
Encourage her to show independence and maturity in other areas. Does she do her own laundry and can she cook a few basic meals? Does she take care of her room and her assignments and her own reminders? If so, great. If not, then you are doing too much for her in every category. Stop, and let her deal with the fallout.
Stop fighting a battle you cannot win.
She's clearly not ready. And she can't "practice for a few days" with ANY car and be ready for her test! My girls had professional instruction (required here in CA for anyone under 18) and I had them drive with me as much as possible for six months before they took their test. Even then they were just okay drivers, not great. Also her driving someone else's car is a huge liability for your friend, and you. And I'm pretty sure when she goes to the DMV to take the test they will require her to show proof of insurance.
Please look into the law where you live and talk to your daughter, SHE needs to be serious and motivated before getting behind the wheel, until then she'll just have to continue to be "embarrassed" that's her choice.
If she's not motivated, I wouldn't push it until she decides she's ready.
Driving at that age can be very intimidating. Most kids want the license as soon as possible but there's nothing wrong with waiting.
I would not use a car I've borrowed no matter how good your relationship is with the friend.
You do know, as soon as she's licensed she'll need insurance coverage which is pricey for teens.
My daughter (22) and I have 3 cars, good insurance discounts, no traffic infractions and still pay around $2700 a year for auto insurance. That price is discounted because we pay in full each February.
Just let things fall into place and don't push it. Best wishes!
I have a 16 year old with a license and a 15 year old I'm working with now on his driving time. I can relate to all you're saying. I would put it in her court and say, if we don't get x,y and z done by this date, you won't be able to test. She might be more motivated after getting the license, or not. What is driving her fear? Failure? Is she scared she'll wreck? In my case, I made my first boy do DOUBLE the time required just to make sure he was ready. That was MY requirement. When I get tired of micromanaging, I just quit and it usually turns around quickly after that. Good luck Mama!
In Texas the law states how many hours a person has to practice before taking the driving test. We did parent taught drivers ed and I told my daughter she had to complete the mandatory hours because we weren't signing her completion certificate unless she did. She was 17 when she got her license. It was a long time before she was able to go solo long distances (we're rural) but I did let her run errands for me in town by herself. She drove one of our trucks from Kansas to Texas in December. I was so proud of her.
If she's not ready, for whatever reason, let her wait. There's no harm in waiting. Some people just aren't ready at 16. European countries usually require the driver to be 18. She needs confidence and the only way to get that is practice. When it becomes a priority, she'll make it happen.
I think I practiced driving almost daily with my mom for a year before doing my driving test. She would have me drive us to the grocery store or wherever. She first started me off driving around in empty parking lots. When I gained confidence she had me drive on neighborhood streets with no traffic. We progressed slowly to regular roads. I also took a driver's ed course and practiced driving each week with the instructor. Your daughter will not be ready by practicing for a few days! It sounds to me like she is afraid. When you ask her why she does not want to practice what does she say? PS - My husband did not get a drivers license in either high school or college. At about age 26 I taught him how to drive!
Why are you asking, pushing, and encouraging her? If she isn't ready to be a driver, why isn't that ok? Lots of people don't drive. So if she doesn't want to or isn't ready yet, she'll just have to learn to get where she needs to go by negotiating rides from others, bussing, walking, biking, uber, etc. She'll only be motivated if and when it becomes important to her. She's obviously not that motivated by being embarrassed to be driven to school if she's not taking any action. If there was no school or city bus available, I'd be more than happy to drive my children to high school. After high school, they would have to take on the responsibility and a more active role in figuring out how to work out their own transportation needs. The downside of her not being willing to drive early is that she will have less freedom, opportunity, and more inconveniences around her own social life and activities. but I'd let her make that choice if she wants
I was afraid to drive. My aunt told me to start driving by driving with her. It wasn't a choice. I could say no. If I had, there would not be anymore talk about driving. MMy aunt said you and and I are having a driving lesson. Her confidence that I could drive, felt like support. We had a long circular driveway. I drove round and round.
My daughter and friend were anxious about driving. I drove to a large empty parking lot, helped them learn, as each one drove.
My daughter was always up for an adventure so she bugged me. Because I was shy and anxious, I never asked to learn. I suggest you try to get her involved by taking the lead and taking her for a drive. I suggest that she needs to have physical support as well as a confident adult to help her. That's not pushing. It's encouraging her by you or another adult participating in the driving while not giving her a choice. If she has basic skills down hand her the keys and saying drive me to the store.
My 16 yo granddaughter lives with me. Anything I say that feels like nagging to her, is not effective. My granddaughter says she wants to drive, has not gotten her learner's permit, and is not doing anything to learn. I'm waiting until she gets serious about driving. I know it's OK if not better, to wait until one s older and more mature.
You know whether she's interested in a serious way or if she's interested because her friends are interested. I would stop saying anything else to her about the deadline. Unless she's been practicing regular she will not be able to get her license in 3 weeks.. I suggest to let go of you wanting her to drive. Stop talking about it.
I definitely would not have her drive your fruend's car unless your friend has cleared it with her insurance provider.
In my state, a new driver has to have 10 hours of road testing with an instructor, 30 hours of observing other students with the instructor (they sit in the back seat during other kids' lessons) and 40 hours of practice driving with a parent (or other adult) before they can take their road test. A minimum of 50 hours of practice behind the wheel. Has she done that much driving? If she hasn't, even if your state doesn't require it, then set that as the minimum standard and she can schedule her road test after that.
My oldest son was very eager to drive and once he got his permit, was behind the wheel every chance he got. A bad winter two years ago meant that there was a long backlog of road tests that put his test several months behind so he got his license 6 months later than he could have gotten it, but he was more than ready and hasn't had any accidents. My step-daughter was much more reluctant to practice driving. She and my ex had moved out by the time she took her test, but she was well past her 18th birthday by the time she bothered to get her license and even then, didn't drive after because she wasn't motivated to pay insurance to get a (free!) car on the road.
Sounds like your daughter isn't ready. A driver who lacks experience and confidence is a danger to herself, her passengers and others on the road. I would not let my child test for his or her license unless they had 50 hours of practice and the motivation to do so.
While you're waiting you need to go everywhere you can think of. Make her drive every time.
I learned to drive a Rambler, standard shift, my dad taught me a bit but mostly my friends taught me. I was over 18 and out of high school when I got my license. I was dating a guy and he told me I could practice using his car, I practiced because he was cute and I wanted to impress him. I had zero idea how to parallel park though, Mr. Pig and Mr. Carver hadn't really had us do that much. So the man doing my driving test had me try but it was abysmal. To this day I parallel park nose first. Do quite fine though.
When I finally grew up I knew I could drive anything I put my mind to. Taking the test in a smaller car should be fine. I have driven everything from a small Volkswagen Rabbit to a semi. I drove the semi on a straight street that was completely empty, but I shifted gears and drove it. I did. To this day I can still drive a standard and can get in an SUV, truck, mini car, and drive it, park it, and do fine.
I have taught adults how to drive a standard too. I took one guy who'd tried his whole life to drive one. I used a very old car that was going to be scraped before too many more years to teach him in. I figured if he'd tried and failed then the transmission was going to be a goner.
I took him to a huge mowed field. It was ours so I knew it well and there wasn't anything he could damage or any holes or anything that could damage the car.
I told him to close his eyes. The car was running and his feet were on the brake and clutch.
I had him feather the clutch barefoot. So he could feel the tension and how it changes when the clutch is engaged. He learned to drive a stick.
I think you can help your daughter by just making her drive as much as possible. Park far out in the parking lot if she can't park yet. That's okay.
It could be anxious about driving in busy area, parallel parking, left turns driving in the dark. I think maybe if you pretend you are not feeling well or you can't drive for a while because of leg condition....you could say, "Hey, I really could use your help if you can drive me to the bank, or store etc. She may feel helpful and say okay...maybe the more practice under her belt, she will feel more confident with different driving conditions such as traffic or highway driving (faster speeds).
Best of luck. Once she gets the hang of it...all you might hear is "Mom, can I have the car...pretty please!"
Let her get her license. Then she can slowly practice if she wants to rather than her deciding she wants to drive and then you have to practice, take test. My daughter had no interest in driving. Started when she was 19.
Here's my question. Do you have to have car insurance for her to get her drivers license? If your state mandates that she has to show up at the DMV with insurance, that's a lot of money to pay for a kid who really doesn't want to drive. My own kid didn't care about it and I got him a DMV identification card instead. Much cheaper. He's in college and doesn't need to drive, and I don't need to pay 2 grand a year just for him to have a driver's license in his wallet.
The only way she is going to be motivated to drive is for you to tell her that she won't be getting her license until she learns to. And she shouldn't be driving your car once in a while. She needs real practice.
Wait until she is keen to actually learn and practice.
My daughter couldn't wait to drive. Then she took drivers ed and she was terrified. That showed me my daughter understood the huge responsibility that comes with driving.
I was having leg surgery and I wasn't able to drive for 14 weeks. (Ugh!) This was the push that motivated my daughter to get her licenses otherwise I don't think she would have minded waiting either.
