Teasing/Bullying?

Talk to the teacher so she can do some general educating about bullying/teasing. The kids may get the message. Perhaps a reply of "whatever" with an eye-roll? Like a who-cares attitude?

My daughter was being teased and bullied by a fellow student. Our school has an anti-bully policy. It was reported and reported and reported by my daughter to her teacher and the prinicpal. After nothing happened, we talked to the prinicpal. Still, nothing happened. In fact, the bully pushed my daughter that same day. So much for their anti-bulling policy. My son is 4 years older than my daughter. He went up to the girl and said, "So, I hear you've been picking on my little sister!" She has never bothered my daughter again. Sadly, I know that girl still picks on other children. Nothing happens to her to make her stop. Talk to the teacher, principal, school board. Talk to the parents. do whatever it takes. Our next step was the police but thankfully, my son fixed it. Just in case someone thinks he bullied the girl, he didn't. He just asked her a question.

He simply needs to learn how to respond so as to make it less interesting for the other kids.

Taunt: "Ohhh...you like Audrey. Hey...everyone! Jake 'likes' Audrey!"

Confident response (in earshot of Audrey and everyone else): "Yep. Audrey is super nice and smart. Anybody with a brain likes Audrey."

Taunt: "Eeewww...your juice is yellow...like PEE!"

Confident response: "Yeah, it's squeezed out of an APPLE. Tomorrow I might bring milk, which is squeezed out of a COW...now that's REALLY gross!"

The teasing you mention is pretty mild. I would work on his confidence and ability to let it roll off his back and respond confidently.

If it escalates, I strongly suggest that your SON (not you) talk to his teacher. Even write her a letter if he's not certain he'll remember what to say (or bring notes).

Best of luck!

♥
C. Lee

Telling the teachers or parents is not going to be the most effective approach. Sure, the kids might stop,but they are going to alienate him because he told on them and they got in trouble.

Best thing for him to do is to learn to laugh at them when they tease. As hard as it may be, as much as he might want to cry at these times, he needs to paste a big old smile on his face and learn to poke some fun at himself.

I can't tell from your post if this teasing has gone past the point of 'good fun' to 'meanness'. But i'm guessing since it's about things like the color of his lunch juice it's still inthe 'good fun' phase - meaning they are bored, and this has become a fun habit for them. They say something stupid, he reacts, and the cycle is fulfilled.

Practice some 'come back' lines with him.

"Jim, your juice is blue. That's so gross!" "Yah, but you know what would be really gross? If it were green - like boogers! And goopy! That'd be really gross!" (why do i always defer to potty humor with 9 yo boys???)

"Jim, you're shirt is just ridiculous. My 4 yo brother wears stuff like that!"
"Yah, I can see how you might think that. But, I don't care. In fact, that reminds me of a shirt my big brother used to wear - drove my mom crazy!"

I think the best rebuttles 1) contain humor 2) and re-direct the subject to a similar topic. They give the agressor something else to have fun with - which is usually their goal anyway because they are board.

My asperger's daughter had a really hard time learning this. Last year she came home in tears for days because everyone was teasing her saying she believed in Greek gods because she read so much mythology. Duh, of course they were just teasing. But she was convinced they really thought they were serious. After making some very logical arguments to her as to why they didn't really think this of her, I helped her with some rebuttles. "Janice, you believe in the Greek gods!" "Yep, I sure do. AND the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and leprochans. Oh, and sasquatch too." (said, of course, with laughter.) She tried it. And guess what? It worked, much to her amazement. And she never heard a comment like that again.

The teacher first. Go into the classroom, tell her, and then walk straight over to the "best friend" and say to him in front of the teacher, "Why are you being a bad friend to Billy by helping Joey make fun of him? He's been nothing but nice to you. I expect better behavior than this from you, or I'm going to your principal".

Put a little Fear of God in his best friend. The other boy will see it too.

If this doesn't work, THEN go to the parents AND the principal.

Dawn

I feel for you. My son has had a target pasted on him from grades 1-4 (he's in 4th now). We've dealt with a lot of stuff from other kids. It's infuriating. Does your school have a no-bullying policy? If so, that's good because you'll get that support. I would definitely talk to his teacher and ask if there is something she can do to help. I disagree that your son will be teased for this. I have never experienced this and only received support from teachers. I've had teachers where they talk to my son and the other person, where the teacher discusses with the class in general terms how to treat others with respect, and so on. One thing that's important for your son to understand is that the adults at his school are there to help him when he faces a problem he feels that he can't manage on his own.

Which brings me to what others have said about your sticking up for himself. First, this can be a long process because it takes practice and self-awareness. And when I mean stick up for himself, I mean that he needs to feel empowered with confidence and self-esteem (which will work for him in the long run anyway!). Yes, he definitely needs to learn to respond to teasing, but he needs these other things too. Our school uses Kelso's Choices: http://kelsoschoice.com/

Lastly, reinforce with your son and encourage him to seek out new friends. Talk to him about what makes a good friend (which can help him identify people to choose as friends). Since he has a best friend who has started teasing him, talk to your son about the kinds of choices his friend has made, whether he would like to continue that friendship, and if so, ask your son for ideas on how to resolve the conflict with his friend. Some ideas you can suggest are: he talk to his friend outside of school or you talk to his parents. I would do your best to make it his choice on how he would like it handled. I think he should feel comfortable telling his friend things like "when you tease me about my juice, it makes me feel like you don't want to be my friend, and that makes me sad".

We've been through this sort of thing, especially a falling out with a best friend that included teasing and some bullying, and finally this year, after much encouragement, he's now establishing a strong friendships with a couple kids in his class and with friends in the neighborhood. When I told him I was pleased for him that he's making new friendships, he responded with, "it sure is a lot of work and it takes a long time." Yes, yes it does.

Good luck to you and it will work out!

your son needs to tell the teacher.
And if that dosen't stop it then you need to talk to the teacher.
But HE needs to stand up for himself and tell them to stop , come up with some good come backs he can say so they will leave him alone. If he doesn't stand up for himself then it will continue no matter who you talk to.
http://www.bullystoppers.com/101_great_comeback_lines.html

You never go to the parents unless the behavior occurs in a social situation such as a play date. You go to the teachers because it's occurring in school and because the teacher is in the best position to observe it. You can also go to the principal or a guidance counselor/psychologist who might observe these behaviors at other times, especially if they sit in on a classroom or patrol the lunch room. The behaviors must be observed by an objective person before anything can be done. They can also talk to your son.

If he plays sports, then discuss it with the coach and find out if it's happening there as well.

By 4th grade, your child should be willing and able to talk to the teacher directly and ask for skills to use to either cope or advise her/him when the bullying occurs.

I would talk to the teacher. If you go to the parents they may feel attacked. Let the teachers deal with the child and the other parent. The only way I would approach the parent is if they are your close friends. One of my friends boys that two year ago I kept over night twice a week told a bunch of kids that my son still wet the bed. I told the mom for two reason. 1 so she knew why I went off on her son if he said something and 2 so she would back me up which she did. If it had been anyone else I would not have said anything.

I assume your son has asked them to stop?
It's always in your child's best interest to teach him to stand up for himself.
Now if he has done that and they are still harassing him I would let the teacher know. She and the yard duty teachers can monitor the situation.
I have only called a parent ONE time in almost twenty years as a mom, but that was due to an extreme case of teasing which caused my daughter to be fearful at school (and it was happening outside of the classroom so it was hard for the teacher to monitor ) Lucky for me the parents were very receptive and concerned and their son left my daughter alone after that!

I am so sorry for for your son.
Tell your son to stand up to the bully. They don't like this nor do they like having attention called to what they are doing.
Tell him to say "Knock it off. Leave me alone." loudly so everyone can hear.
Document everything in writing.
Tell your child he is okay and it is okay to stand up for himself.
Make it known to the teacher, principal then superintendent.
You want to call attention to this, not let it go under the radar.
I don't think ignoring works for bullies but standing up to them works better.

Talk to the teacher first. Since it is a small town and he plays sports with them, maybe you could mention it to the parents. But it might make things worse for your son if he's starts to be seen as a tattle tale. Explain to your son that the boy he thought was his BFF is not really his friend bc if he were, he would not be treating your son this way. Encourage your son to find a new BFF.

I have been on both sides of the bullying issue and I can tell you most of the time it occurs because the bully find the person and the responses the person gives very amusing. Do not teach your ton to give "witty" comebacks. That will only make them make fun of him more. I think you need to get the teacher involved and have your son completly ignore and act like the they don't exist. His only answer can be "ok" or something like that. They will soon get tired of making fun of him.