Tears..tears...tears!!!!

You definitely have a lot on your plate and it is no wonder that you feel like crying. Allow the tears to come. Do not resist them. It is your bodies way of supporting you in releasing some of the stress and anxiety you are feeling.

It is time to find some support. If you can get a second, third, or even fourth opinion for your daughter until you feel someone actually understands what is going on and can help her. You have the right to be mamma bear and demand care for her rather than giving your power away to doctors that act like they are gods rather than simply human beings with specialized information. Listen to your intuition. Your gut will tell you when you find someone that is really supporting your daughter's wellness.

You don't give any details about your sons life but I can't help but wonder if there has been a great deal of stress for him since he was really young. His symptoms sound more like him trying to cope with a stressful and painful life rather than there is just something wrong with him. Your son needs some support with better skills and tools to help him with his fears and stresses. He could really benefit from some play therapy and someone that understands emotional intelligence.

You could really use a counselor, coach, or group support. You need support as a mother and as a woman that is dealing with a great deal of emotion, anxiety, and overwhelm. If you are able to get yourself some support you will be better able to support your children. I know that most of us as women have been taught to help everyone else first and that we don't get to even be on the list becuase that would be considered selfish. That is a lie. The truth is that we cannot truly show up for anyone until we show up for ourselves. We must be on the top of our list or like you stated, we eventually just shut down. It is self-responsibility and self-love rather than selfishness.

I highly suggest you go and see your doctor and a therapist. You sound clinically depressed. This is a physiological condition.. It is not unusual for moms under a lot of stress to end up where you are right now.

Are your children in any type of therapies? They also need to be on a plan of how to learn to live in our society and be a part of life.

Continue to search for the right doctors that can evaluate your children and find the answers and some therapies or even better some solutions.

If you cannot do this yourself, as your spouse, a friend or a relative to help you,.

First hugs! I know how hard it is! My 6 year old is bipolar and ADHD. Just last night I had to drag him out of a resturant while he was screaming at me. Some days i cant take him anywhere out of fewr he won behave and the lookie-loos and jugdemental people will stare us down. I see a counseler and we all attend family therapy together. It's helped sooo much. If you need someone to talk to you can message me:)

i am sorry that you feel so alone. With all you are dealing with you may also be depressed. Find a counselor that you can talk to that can help you deal with your issues - that way you will be better able to deal with your children's problems too. If you don't know where to find a counselor ask some of the doctors that are caring for your children to help you find a counselor or ask the school counselor where your son attends to suggest some counseling. Ask them about how your son acts at school and what coping skills they can teach him. Ask about what other types of socialization programs they can suggest. How is your daughter progressing on her feeding tube? is she getting enough nutrition? Is she developing like other three year olds except for the eating disorder? If she hasn't been to a child psychologist you might want to visit with one of those. Good luck. Please get some help for yourself - when you are sad and have no support system, everything can look very bleak. You need to be strong yourself, so you can care for your kiddos.

If your child is truly this out of control then he is either not on meds for his mental issues or he is not on the right meds for his mental issues.

I am going to assume he has been diagnosed since it sounds like you've got this information from a doc, then I am also going to assume the doc was credible and put this child on at least 2-3 meds to help him behave and to help the over activity in his brain.

If your child is not on any meds then it falls on you for his actions. He is not able to help himself to behave differently if he is truly ADHD.

I wish you would have stated what meds he's on and how often his dose is given and what kind of behavior plan he is doing. Those things really make a difference in how a child acts and what is going on in their brain.

I have read some of your other posts and understand you don't do meds. So that is why I made the point of stating about meds first.

ADHD is a medical condition that is not something that can be controlled by the child or the parent.

If your child had a seizure disorder where taking a medication controlled that and you refused that would be neglect. If your child had diabetes and you chose to not test their blood sugars and give them the meds to help with that, that would be neglect.

By not medically treating this child's biological illness it seems to me that you would not be trying to do the best you can for this child.

His brain is shooting signals around like a ping pong ball in a vacuum that just got air, or a pinball in a machine. He can't control that, nothing can but a medication made to do that.

He is out of control. He needs you to get him on the right medications. Our grandson is on Depakote to help stabilize his moods and on Ritalin to stabilize his brain function. He has not been sent home once this school year and so far they have not wanted to have a meeting at all about behaviors or any lack of attention in class. He is excelling in school this year since going on these meds. He is doing great. We do still have some behaviorism in the evenings and when he's bored but over all he is a different child.

That's what meds can do, his brain is functioning at it's best ability and he is able to control his temper a lot more. He's still a hot head and can go off on someone if they are mean to him or say no when he really really wants something. But those are things he can learn to control as he matures and keeps working on coping skills, stuff as it becomes age appropriate.

I strongly urge you to find a good pediatric psychiatrist that will work with you on your ideals and be someone you can trust so you can try medications until you find a great combination that will work a miracle on your son.

I'm wondering if you need to see someone about how to discipline your children so your son is able to behave around others so they can enjoy him and then you also could enjoy him. Your daughter may be needing another opinion on her situation too. I know you said she's seen doctors but this is also maybe a situation that needs strong love/discipline. There are children who refuse to eat for attention, etc. I would try to take the kids to a child psychologist and you also need some kind of help. Maybe go as a family if you can.

I'm sorry you're going through this! Having a child with a developmental issue can be so isolating - bless your heart.

Is it possible for you to get involved with a parent group of people dealing with similar issues? It sounds like you need to meet some people with similar challenges. We all need encouragement and support.

I'm praying for you N.! Hang in there.

Hi N., I am so sorry for your painful situation. People can be so cruel! Do you go to church? For me, God is the answer to everything. Also, counseling is also a good idea. The stress sounds like it is a lot. I am happy to talk to you and give you info about a church if you are interested. I also have a psychology background and may point you to some counseling. Reach out if you are interested. lots of luck to you !

I am so sorry. Hugs to you--I can't imagine how tough that all must be. I agree with someone who posted below about church. I go to a church that has a great kids' program and they are especially great working with kids who have special needs. But my church is in Morristown which is far for you. Two other things that may help you...I know a lot of times, food and behavior are closely linked. A lot of times kids have sensitivities to things like white flour, sugar, gluten, and it affects their interactions and behaviors. They aren't bad kids--just kids who need dietary changes. I do not make any $$$ off this, but there are two holistic health counselors who have had free calls online about food and family wellness--you may want to check them out since there is a lot of free info there. One is Amara Wellness and the other is Nature Girl Wellness--if you google them, you should be able to find their websites. Third, it doesn't sound normal for such a young child to have an eating disorder. By making that statement, I am in no way blaming you or her. But I'm wondering if that's what it truly is, or if there's some other underlying cause? If I were in your shoes, I would get a second opinion. I have a pediatrician who is fantastic--he's so good, my husband actually went to him when he just wasn't getting answers anywhere else about a health issue he was facing. My ped is in Essex Fells, which is near Caldwell, and I know that's far for you, but in my opinion, it would be worth it for a one-time visit. Or, check around and find a really good holistically minded ped near you. BTW, my ped's name is Howard Schlachter in case you are interested. Good luck with everything--I'll say a prayer for your family. God bless you.

My 9 year old had adhesive, my 6 autism, my almost 3 year old twins autism and hearing loss and I'm. 7 months pregnant. I understand where your coming from. We tried therapists for quite some time to no avail. I was hesitant on meds but finally gave in. Vyvanse is my savior! Their behaviorhas improved, I'm less stressed, the house is quieter and I can easily take them all out. Everyone asks to spend time with my kids. I see it as, these are diseases and a disease needs medication. It took some time to find the right ones but since then I couldn't be happier. I don't care that others judge me for this because they have no idea what its like to live with it. Both older kids are even on the honor roll. Good luck mama! Keep your head up and follow your gut!

If you're refusing to give your son meds, then you have no reason for "tears....tears...tears" You are facilitating the situation. If you want the situation to change, you are going to have to give your son the meds so he CAN change. Your heart must not be too broken if you can withhold medications that can be life-changing for your son.

Search your own heart and make a decision and then be strong enough to live with that decision. Think also how your son will feel when he's finally made it through a hellish childhood and discovers that it COULD have been better if you would have let him have the medication.