Tbehavior

I know it's hard, but if you chime in to tell him to listen to his father, what you are actually teaching him is NOT to listen to his father unless YOU also tell him.

It is very frustrating not to be on the same page, but it is important to value eachothers "pages" (unless you think his page is dangerous)... it can't just be that dad has to do things mom's way.

Good luck with this.

T.

Let your husband father the way comes natural to him and you discipline the way it comes natural to you..

Moms and dads sometimes do things differently..
And certainly, try not to butt into the other parents situation with the child.. Instead wait unto the 2 adults can speak privately and then share your thoughts and ideas. There is more than 1, 2, 3, 4 ways to parent..

For a child that will not listen, what I like to do is no yelling across the house.

I touch the child lightly on the shoulder. or arm. Get down to their eye level and say.. "Listen to my words.."

Then I speak or give the instruction , and then ask the child to "repeat what I just said."

Sometimes, I give a time limit..

"In 3 minutes we will be leaving."

Or "In 3 minutes, begin cleaning up this room and then wash your hands for dinner."

You cannot undermine him by chiming in like that. You and your husband have to talk when the children are not around and come to some agreements about House Rules. Post them even if the kids cant read so that it's clear to you and your husband what you have agreed upon. If you and your hubby cannot come to an agreement (at a quiet time) make an apt with a family counselor specifically for this purpose. It will be worth paying for a couple of sessions.

I agree with Laurie but I also think it is important for the two of you to discuss this issue in depth. It could be that your husband doesn't understand your reason for disciplining the way you do, or realizing that he may be undermining your efforts. Or perhaps he wants to undermine them in a passive aggressive way, because he doesn't agree? It could be that he has stronger reasons for his approach than you think, and maybe if he was able to express this you'd reconsider your own. I'm just throwing things out there. Like Laurie said, i think it is fine for parents to have different approaches to aspects of parenting, beneficial even, however I don't think it is good when the parents are blindly out of sync and in conflict, because it projects an image to the children that you are not a united front. That is confusing for children, and sets the grounds for issues later in life. It is also a very common thing and I don't mean to blow it out of proportion. I think marital conflicts about parenting are a part of most relationships and are just one of those things that keep the family evolving and growing. I wish you the best of luck!

You CAN help it. You need to get on the same page when NOT in the middle of a discipline episode. My husband and I agree totally on parenting, but I'm pretty much guiding him-like you, I'm the main disciplinarian, and he's barely home-so in THEORY, he's right on track, but when he gets home from a long absence, he's out of practice. For instance, he KNOWS we don't give lots of warnings, get exasperated, yell and THEN discipline, or ignore things, we just act after a warning, which keeps all the behavior on track. But when he gets home, the kids test him, and since he's out of practice, he accidentally ignores stuff, or starts giving too many warnings and getting mad (after he's ignored stuff, so the kids know they have all kinds of leeway...grrrr...). ONCE or TWICE in an "emergency" I've interfered. But 99% of the time, I let it go, and approach him afterwords in private. This way, he gets what I'm saying, and knows what to do next time, and doesn't feel offended. I make a POINT of not BEING offensive about it too. I phrase it as "You did really great in ____(whatever random distraction to get his guard down) but REMEMBER, if you give too many warnings, they get used to getting that many chances before they have to listen..." and he does do better the next time.

So. Get on the same page, but don't interfere WHEN the discipline is happening. Ask your husband if he wants his son to listen to him, or not. He may not care that his son is ignoring him. If he doesn't care, and he doesn't want to discipline it, you have to sort of accept that, so don't be accusatory, just find out. If he DOES want his son to listen to him, "support him" in making sure he keeps his authority as best you can.

I have always had this problem. My husband and I are worlds apart when it comes to discipline. We have tried to work together on this, but it always ends up that he goes back to his old ways. My children are all older now and really this has not been a big deal until they were older and realized that mom and dad are not on the same page.
With this experience... that is the first thing I tell new moms. Get on the same page from the get go. Its a really hard thing to do especially when you dont see eye to eye on things. For an example, my husband never felt school was important. So the kids were never made to do homework or assignments. This especially bothered me when he would take them to do things knowing they had work to do. I am the polar opposite and think school is a childs work and is just as important as the work we do everyday. This is just an example, but Im just saying how hard I know it can be.
If I can give any advice, it would be try your hardest to get on the same page. Talk about it before something happens or even after and then you can use that as an example. You and the children will be thankful for it when they get older. HTH