Tantrums Without a Pacifier

I had the hardest time breaking my son from his pacifiers. He was only one years old and already had a strategic plan to keep using his pacifiers! Whenever I saw him with one, I would take it away. A few minutes later I would see him walking around with another one. So I took this away from him and then carefully watched him afterwards. He had placed a couple of pacifiers conveniently around the house for his own comfort! LOL!!! Finally a girlfriend recommended taking scissors and cuting a small piece off the tip. IT WORKED! After he put it in his mouth he made a face, spit it out, examined it, tried it again and didn't like it. This went on until he decided he did not like them anymore. Everyone's experiences are different; mine was just adorable! Good luck!!

Hi C.,

Both of my girls were like that with their pacifiers until we cut a hole in it. When they tried to suck it and realized something was wrong with it, they threw it down and would not touch it anymore. They would look for it of course and we would leave it on the floor as a reminder and when they attempted to pick it up and suck on it they would realize it wasn't good and they forgot about it. Try cutting a huge hole in it and giving it to your son or leaving it in his bed and see how he takes to that.

They would still cry at night for a week or so but after that they were fine, they found other ways to console themselves. Good luck.

my 2.5 year old didn't use pacifiers and my 3.5 month old hates it. so i can't relate, but my friends have shared stories of how they had a little "ceremony" with their daughter where they let go of the pacifier by sending it up onto a balloon (explaining that other babies need it now, and that she's no longer a baby, but a big girl).

Another friend, just told their son that the neighbor's dog ate it. And every time he cried for it, she reminds him..."remember what happened to your binky? Remember what the dog did to it?" Eventually He accepted it.

Kids at this age have no concept that you can actually buy another one. So they are more easily able to accept the circumstances.

hope these ideas help.

My son is 2 1/2 and still loves his pacis. When he was little we kept about 10 in his bed because he kept losing them and would wake up crying for it, so I put a big handful in there and he learned how to hunt for them. As he got older we took one away at a time and he never noticed. We are down to 2. When he turned two, we cut a slit in them both and he didn't notice. Each week we would cut a tiny bit off the ends. After a week or so he noticed they were different but wasn't quite ready to toss them. Now they are really just the holder parts and he just holds them at night. He can sleep away from home without them. He tells me they are broken but likes holding them. He is the kind of boy that will just toss them one of these days. I have heard of just cutting them off and then the kids throw them away but my pediatrician said if you do it gradually they can ease it to giving it up. Just a thought...

Hi C., it sounds to me like the pascifire had become addicting for your son, to feel he needs something that bad to throw the type atatrums you discribe. If it were teething or a real problem then it would still be there away from home, but you stated that it only happens at home, which tells me tatrums are allowed and they get him what he wants, So you and your husband have to decide, if you are going to let your son, first throw tatrums, then are you going to let tarums, be the reason you make a decision to give in. I'm 51 never used or believed in pacifires, but I am sure you will get plenty of advice from moms who do use then, Just wanted to share with you what the siruation looks like to me. J. L.

We went through the same thing just about the time I planned on removing it all together. Like you we only keep it in the crib, but after she turned two (way past when I thought we would still have it) she became more and more dependent on it and like you...when crying or having a fit would scream for it or run to get it. Just tell him the rule is if you want your paci, you must be in bed because Pacis are only for bed. Sometimes she would say okay and just stay in her crib for a while, which was good because it gave her cool off time for the tantrum and then she was fine. But....the longer you keep it the more dependent he will be on it. You may want to start it on it's way out, although it isn't such a bad thing either. Ours turned 3 in July and about a month later she wanted to get out of bed after bed time to show me a book in the kitchen, I said if you get up I will take paci's away for ever, she said okay I am going to show you the book in the kitchen. That was the end of it. Two days later she was getting upset and said I want my paci. I said hey do you want a popsicle? That was the end of it and she hasn't asked for it since. I also have a friend who tied the paci with a zip tie to the side of the crib, so if he wanted it he had to stand there and suck on it, that was the end of that one too! Good luck.
On another note, we just went to the dentist for the first time and they said we were super lucky she didn't have a giant over bite after having a paci for three years! So beware of that when considering.

We had the same exact issue at that age. I tried so hard to stick to keeping the "bink" in the bed, but the crying/screaming just got out of hand. I finally decided that if he was happy with it in his mouth, I'd just leave it alone. Really, he wasn't so old that it was disrupting his teeth, and toddlers seem to know what soothes themselves, so why not? When he turned two we threw all the pacifiers away and told him the trash man needed them (He loved the trash truck) and that was the end of that - hardly a peep out of him. So my advice is to just let him have it, a happy baby means a happy mommy - and don't worry about what other people might think, your child is more important than a stranger's opinion :)

Oops... it sounds like the binky is now his "lovey" (AKA security blanket) since he's been using it for so long. Does he have any other type of security item that you can substitute? I took my son's binky away at 9 months because I wanted him to sleep through the night and it wasn't working with that dang pacifier. It took me a long time to realize it, but he eventually ended up wanting a certain blanket to fall asleep with (and then he wanted to drag it all around the house). Maybe try introducing a new security object (assuming you want him to stop using the pacifier)?

P.S. And in regards to the tantrums, if you give in to ANY of them for any reason, they'll just keep coming because he's learning that he can get his way that way. Stand your ground and let him throw his tantrum (and you try to stay calm through the whole thing) until he realizes it's not going to get him anywhere.

Hi C., I have a son who is 2 1/2 years old son he used a pacifer but by the time he hit 11 months, I just threw them away. I would just tell your son that he is a big boy now and doesn't need it anymore and have him throw it out. He may cry for a couple of days but then he will stop because he will know that he can't have it anymore. Maybe you can get him a stuffed animal ( they have some for 3 and under) and he can hang on to that. My son has a monkey that we got from walmart and he loves it and that is what he goes to bed with every night. I hope this helps! God Bless you!

If you are dead set on not giving it to him except at sleep time, then you may just have to deal with the screaming & crying. However, having 2 HUGE binky babies myself, I just let them have it. I know a lot of people do not agree with this...just don't let it get carried away, though. He just may be going through a phase and that really is his comfort right now. It doesn't mean you have to give in forever, just guage it. I spoke with dr after dr re: the binky syndrome (as I liked to call it with my binky addicts) and I never got a negative response about just giving it to them. I did urge them not to talk "through" their binky. And eventually I did have to deal with the tragedy of taking it away for good, but in the meantime, I let them have the binky....That's what I did anyway...They are now 4 & 6 and the binky certainly was not detrimental to them in any way. Your son is only 17 months...still a baby.

C.,
First, try to answer the big "why". What happens just before he goes for the (Binkie/Nuk-BN)pacifier? This is call behavior analysis (ABA). Then you will know how to find a replacement behavior, but if the BN is not deforming mouth/teeth, this may not be a battle you want to fight.

(After the ABA, this is a great time to offer choices and give him acceptable control over a situation. Once you get in the habit of guiding allowable choices, you will have fewer problems in the future.)

ALAM: 18 years SpEd teacher for students who are emotionally disturbed and/or have a learning disability and students with Autism. LOTS and LOTS of behavior modification involved with my job! Mother to 3 (2g-36,33; 1b-19) Grandmother to 2.

Stay in touch if you would like a phasing out schedule or other suggestions.

B.