S.S.
My 4yr old son is going through a tantrum bout (it goes in waves) and what I have found to be most effective when we are at home is to make observation statements and leave the room. For instance, when he is throwing a fit about getting dressed in the morning--screaming, crying, yelling, flailing about--I say please get dressed (calmly) and then I leave the room, then a few minutes later I come back and say "I see you have not gotten dressed yet" then I leave the room. When his tantrum is over and he is dressed, I get down to his level, give him a hug and validate his emotions. "I know you were upset but I am glad that you got dressed for me." I am not rewarding his tantrum but just acknowledging that he did accomplish the task. It sounds crazy but his tantrums have gone from 20min to 5min to minimal.
I feel that by not feeding into the emotions he is left to deal with them and as adults we know that we are the best at calming ourselves down. Whenever I get angry or I try to tell him to "Just, stop it!" it just escaletes the emotion and is ineffective.
Hope this helps,
Suzy and her men