Talking About Video games...incessantly

Feign an interest. You will be sad when he stops sharing this stuff with you, believe it or not. And yes, it's boring, I used to have to listen to it too. But I did my best to listen, even though my mind wandered a lot while he was talking and I couldn't have repeated what he was saying to save my life. I just nodded and said things like, "oh yeah?" "wow" "that sounds fun" "really" "hmm."

When I was a teenager, I made a vow to myself: I promised that I would not disconnect as my Mom did & become "old" when it came to enjoying & having knowledge about current trends....at that time, it was all about music.

I absolutely hated that my Mom & I could not enjoy new music together! I hated that when we got into the car, she didn't know the words/the band/etc. It was such a constant disconnect that ....I vowed to do it differently with my children (if I had any). As far as I was concerned, it was not about getting older....it was all about making an effort to try something new.

Fast forward to my children: I'm 48, my sons are 23 & 14. We make an effort to "hear" each other's words, to spend time together enjoying new music/movies/tv/etc. By contrast, my DH can't be bothered & feels isolated because of his own choices. He has limited himself so much ....that it bothers all of us. If our sons say, "hey, Dad, listen/watch this"....he'll give it a cursory glance & that's it. Instant disconnect!

The other morning, my older son said, "hey, Mom! I left a cd in your computer. Check it out." ......your ? today made me realize that this was a Victory Dance moment for me! Thank you!

As to a lack of subjects: whenever my son is driving me nuts with his video game commentary....I just smile & say, "hey, did I tell you about the antique bookcase I saw the other day? Omg, it was awesome! It was walnut & had 5 shelves. & omg, look over there! What do you think of how I rearranged that tabletop? & Did I tell you that I was going antiquing with Gma this weekend....& omg, I think I need to buy a new bra. My pink one is getting a little worn". !!! The 1st couple of times I pulled this, it took 4 or 5 sentences before my son realized what I was doing. Now it just takes "the look on my face" before he starts laughing! The end result is that he still shares with me, but acknowledges that -at times- he's making my eyes roll back into my head! ....& then occasionally, he'll walk over to a piece of furniture & start discussing it!! Humor is the answer to most things!

Soooo, give your son your time....it's well worth it!!

As an 'xbox widow', meaning, I've lost my fiance to xbox live, I feel your pain. Luckily for you, it's your son and not your man!!

If he brings it up, I would act interested. It's obviously something he's really into, and it (hopefully) won't last forever (like my fiance). My girls talk about things all the time that I could care less about (like who at school knows which dance, I don't even know wth 'the dougie' is), but I try to be sensitive to the things they care about. I want to keep that line of communication open so when it comes to the important things, they're open with me.

I would definately continue to try to interest him in other activities... sports, books, projects, nature, science, whatever... just to see if you can find a substitute that you can better tolerate, for YOUR sanity :)

I am so glad we have 2 kids, girls 11 and 14, who talk to eachother about the games they play. Sometimes I cannot follow the conversation at all, since it is a rapid fire swap of character names and things they do in those game worlds that just have no connection to anything I know about (except sci-fi books). I am interested to know they are happy and playing games appropriate for their ages, but I really do not care about games at all, so after a short answer when they keep rambling on I will tell them to go talk to each other.

Alexis-I think you are operating under a much different set of rules here since your son was adopted at 10. I can't remember-or maybe you didn't say what his background is but if it was underpriveleged in any way then I think it is quite normal for him to have such interest in video games like this. It is kind of old for this particular kind of obsession-my sons had it when they first got their systems at 5. But if his first experience with gaming is now then it is quite normal. Your son is fascinated by his game-and for good reason. As hard as it is for many of us to understand, for a good part of our population (particularly young male) video games are totally cool and a TON of fun. We should not marginalize this because of some idea the these games are 'bad' for the. I will venture to say that obsession with these games are as bad as any other obsession-sports comes to mind here. So let your son play his games and fake that you are interested. This phase will not last too long. My sons rarely ask me to watch them play now but when they do I ALWAYS oblige.
The only time that I will limit their gaming is if they become the type who hole up in the basement and want to do nothing else. Until then-I am fine with it.

Thanks for wanting to share, kiddo, but I'm busy right now. Mark it and show me later?

Is a phrase I've learned with my own son. That way we get ALL of it out of the way later in about 10 minutes of Q&A as opposed to "Mom! Mom! You gotta SEE this!" every 10 minutes.

Because on the ONE hand... "Noooooooooooooo!" but on the OTHER hand I absolutely want to encourage kiddo sharing with me. It's a balancing act. Showing interest in the phenomenally boring means his first reaction with NON boring stuff is still to bring it to the table (I make sure 'later' always happens that day)... but it also gets him to remember/organize his thoughts and doesn't have me getting up every 10 minutes to go 'look at me, mommy, look at me!' in older kid fashion.

At least once a week I also set aside some time to actually just sit with him and stare over his shoulder. It REALLY isn't interesting to me, but HE is, so I like to show my support. Kind of like baseball.

Hi Alexis,
I would be honest. My boys (12 & 10) play and although we have at times had to "detox" they know Mom doesn't want to hear every detail about the games. Dad will talk some and at times play with them but every detail is not needed for every moment they are playing. I want summaries and will ask what they are playing but I let them know if they want to give every little thing then they will in return have to do something that interests me that doesn't interest them. That is usually enough to stop them in their descriptions cause they think all my stuff is way boring!

When we got the Wii, my son was 6 and we let him play it all the time. Then I relized that it was all he was talking about and I figured that if it was all he talked about, it was probably all he was thinking about too! We limit video games and computer games to weekends only - Friday after school until Sunday dinner (not constantly). And I will not buy a hand held version of any game because he would want to play it all the time and take it everywhere! When we are in the car, I want to talk to him, not hear about his video games!
And yes, I have told him before that "I very happy for you that you beat such and such level, but mommy is just not as interested in your game as you are" and then there have been times when I sit and watch him play Mario Galaxy for an hour!!

We are going through a similar situation with my son. He's only 6, and my daughter is 8, but she isn't quite as obsessed with video games as my son is. We got a Wii for Christmas, and we also pulled out my husband's old Game Cube, to let them play video games on occasion. But my son gets obsessed with them: he wants to play them all the time, he talks about them when he's not playing with them, and he watches his Daddy play them a lot. We decided to designate certain days as "video game free day" where they can't play at all. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are days where they cannot play any video games at all, and on the rest of the days they are limited to an hour or two a day.

I posted a similar question about "limiting screen time" (TV, computer games, etc.) and a lot of people suggested making the kids go outside and play first before letting them play any video games. Also, when you start to limit the video games, try and get him doing other activities that he might enjoy (sports? drawing? building model cars? have him try new things) or studying about subjects he's interested in, so that it isn't video games ALL the time. Good luck!

Ah, my son is 14 now.

"Santa" gave him his first game boy when he was 7, and boy, does she regret it now!!! His MawMaw and Father have added to the mix, with the result now being a PS3. Is he addicted to electronics? I would have to say "YES!". Do I limit his gaming time? "YES", it is only to be played after homework and chores, and many weeks not at all Mondays-Thursdays. Weekend play time is after chores, and whatever else I decide, are completed. I do let him stay up and play on Friday nights as everyone needs at least one night a week to fully relax and play.

My son does go on about his games. And on, and on, and on....he wants to share his fun with me - and since I don't play his games - I am horrible at them to the point of hilarity - I tune in enough to smile, and say "really,l how neat" at appropriate times.

Since the gaming systems are all in the family room, I see and hear more of the game play then I would like - but it keeps him "honest" and his on-line friends all know that I am in the room, so it cuts down on some of the trash talk that teen boys seem to be prone to.

But, I make sure that we do other things together - board and card games, playing chase in the house, local events, festivals and markets. I talk to him about current events and local politics, and anything that comes to mind. All ways to build him into a well rounded adult. Albiet, one who loves video games. LOL

It is all about moderation. Let's face it, our kids have toys that did not exist when we were kids (especially for me at 46!!). I pay enough attention to know what he is doing and who he is doing it with, since he is on-line now, but I give him some freedom about it all also. I do limit his game time, and I do take away his game time as a consequence for poor behavior.

So, go ahead and sit down and let your son tell you all about his games - look over his shoulder once in awhile so you are familiar with it. Then tune out and think about sandy beaches and drinks with umbrellas in them and occasionally smile and mutter "Oh, wow, really?". Then break out the Monopoly board or go outside and throw a ball around. Just have fun!!!

Good Luck and God Bless

My husband and brother in law are both still obsessed with video games sometimes! My son is only in Kindergarten, but he loves his Wii games too so I know how you feel. It is normal. For us, we have our son earn nintendo time with extra studying. He has workbooks, flashcards, reading material, etc. that he does. For every 30 min. he studies he earns an hour of Nintendo time to use however he wants. (As long as it is an appropriate time to play.) It works well for him. We also don't play every day and usually just on weekends.

In general, I think video games are like everything else our kids become interested in that we may not necessarily be interested in. Always be supportive and loving, watch/listen as much as you can tolerate without going crazy as long as it is just a differnence of interest and it will be ok. No need to tell him you hate video games, better to know what he is into and feign a little interest than have him afraid to talk to you because he doesn't want to bore you with his interests.

Best of luck!

Hope you have thick skin for some of the responses you receive!

Sad to say, it can be normal for some kids b/c that's all their parents let them do. Most of the kids I know who play alot of video games do talk alot about playing, new moves, new trap doors they found, etc. But most of them can move on to other subjects and play other things.

It does sound like you should limit his playing. I suggest either weaning him off it by shaving off 15-20 mins off each day/week. Maybe even encourage him to read a book and then discuss that with you instead of the video games. I'd hate for his reality to become skewed, if it isn't already.

Alexis,

For the boys sake, I would say that you need to consult his therapists about this need. Since he has ADHD-I (formerly called ADD) and has had some emotional trauma and upheaval with foster care and adoption, he should be in weekly therapy. There are many scenerios here that could cause a child to need to have your attention like this. It is not typical, and you should know if it has a developmental or emotional origin. If your son has not had a full evaluation from a Developmental Pediatrician for the ADHD-I, you will be very happy if you get one, it will give you a great deal of information about how he functions and you can alter what you do in parenting him to match.

Given all his circumstances, I would not seek advice from anyone who has not seen him and evaluated him profesionally.

M.