Taking Care of Our Things

I feel for you. I have a daycare in my home, so little kids here, and I homeschool my 3 kids, and we have a baby due in December. And where is my husbands 2000$ laptop that still isn't paid for that he had to have..... on the living room floor.

He left the other day for work, while I was in the restroom, and the kids where all here, and yep, there is was, genius!

Or the other day. I had the kids and we were with my mom, DH being GREAT cleaned the carpets, next day he walks in after work, with his shoes on, when it was raining outside and left muddy footprints in the carpet.

Funny he still didn't get it. For him time and money both grow on trees, even though he works and I'm the one home taking care of it all 95% of the time.

Talk to your mom, how did she teach you to do it? It's a learned behavior and apparently the way you are trying to get the point across to them isnt working so you need a new strategy. I think you need to get more firm with hubby and make him realize he's a role model and you don't like to have to correct him like a child in front of your children. Tell him to buck up and be a dad and help you teach the children how to be responsible. You are totally right to start it at the young age of 3, it's definitely not too early.
Ask your mom in law what's wrong with her boy, lol. Maybe she can have a talk with him and let him know your frustrations and that he needs to get on board. Men love women to clean up after them, lots of em say "thats what I have you for".... which is rude but an unfortunate fact. You just have to figure out how to fix that. I'm sure you will get some good suggestions here. It sounds like your husband is a little spoiled. Also, just for your own mental health, you might need to mellow out a little bit, raising kids means you will have stains for quite some time.... so get used to it.

You need to take control of this now.......tell your husband that you aren't rich, and yes, they are things, but they are your things.......(your meaning the families) Sit him down when the kids are asleep and tell him enough is enough.........that you are tired of the house being this way, he's irresponsible and teaching your kids to be the same way. He's a grown up now and time to act like one.........does he expect if something happens to you to just "replace" you or one of the kids? Hopefully you have control of the money, if not, get control.........

Then hide things when they are left out......take them away......if your husband wants something that has been hidden, due to him leaving it out, tell him that you are sorry, but he left it out....it's gone and you don't have the money to get a new one.............and that you need him to start paying more attention......another thing I did was "add" up all the things that were left out, or messed up..........then show him the replacement costs.......throwing money away like that is wrong.........does he have anything that he loves.......football cards, a game, anything? What if YOU left it out and it was destroyed? Would he be upset, especially if you can't just go out and get a new one???? Hit him with something that is important to him........that's the only way they "get it."

Good Luck, stay strong, and make sure you teach the girls that they do what you say and that Daddy will have to do whatever, but you are not letting them do it......and say it in front of Daddy too......saying that we want our house to look nice and our things to be pretty.......so we can show that we are responsible......

Take care.

p

OMG! I think you must be living in MY house! My husband is a total slob at home, he leaves EVERYTHING where he last used it...even if that's not where it belongs. I also have 4 children who are taking after their daddy. Well, i have to give credit to my teenage daughter (believe it or not), she's neater.

The thing that burns my butt is that he is a self proclaimed OCD sufferer. Are you kidding me?!? His excuse is "Well, if it can't be perfect, then i just don't care...it has to be all or nothing". His office at work is pristine, but then he comes home and leaves his work clothes, socks, shoes, etc. scattered all over! Kids are the same way. Whenever they can't find something, it's always MY fault! I'm expected to know where EVERYTHING is, whether i put it there or not. You know why? Because we are the ones who are left to clean up after everybody & actually put the things where they belong!!! It's disrepectful in my book.

And the part about "We'll just get another one"?, same song here. Yet my husband likes to gripe at me about money because i am a stay at home mom. Mind you, a very frugal SAHM. Men! They are just so frustrating. The kids see their lax attitude, and follow suite. Then i'm the 'bad guy' for getting after them about cleaning up. Sometimes, we just can't win. I don't know if i've been much help-but your dilemma has helped me rant. Lol. Just know that you are NOT alone, and i totally agree with you. Children & hubbie's should put forth some effort, we are not their built in slaves. And replacing something because they were careless with it in the first place is not a solution, it's stupidity. :)

1) Men are not wired like us; they need specifics, examples, details, strategy, and for us to SPELL IT OUT. If I waited for my husband to clean something on his own free will that was not his own prized possesion or domain (a.k.a. the garage and yard) and their contents) it would never get done.
2) Tough love or learning things the hard way is not easy but it works. You destroy your clothes you wear them destroyed, you throw your stuff everywhere and break your things you will have to make do without them being replaced. Kids and adults need these types of reminders every now and then.
3) You can not give special care to your things you no longer get special things. It did not take long after I told my daughter that if she did not start picking up her things and putting them away and not destroying them I would give them away to kids that are more appreciative (I busted out the trash bag and filled it and went all the way with what I said I would do). Now any time I bring out a trash bag and head towards her room or toy box she knows she has gotten too careless for our liking and she starts to pick up again.

I wish I knew the answer lol. I go through the same thing! It's tiring. Last week our expensive canopy had been left up for TWO WEEKS and a storm came threw blowing it into our neighbors yard, of course he was at work, no one was around so I had to wrestle this thing which was wedged up against the house and fence. The frame broke, the canopy ripped. I was SO MAD. And of course it was just "we'll get another". HELLO, not the point!! When it's something he feels we should have no big deal, but when I want something, like when our camera broke, I got "we really cant afford that now" He broke that too by the way!
I get so frusturated myself, nothings picked up unless I do it. No one ever knows where anything is, and they're too lazy to look. But I hear all the time, it's a man thing. HUH! Must be nice to get away with stuff because of those excuses. What do we get to use as an excuse to be lazy lol?? Hang in there, I feel your pain

Ok, I'm going to play devil's advocate because I used to feel the way you do -- for at least 1/2 of these they ARE just things. You childrens' clothes are going to get stained, toys will get broken, food will spill. Speaking from personal experience -- when you can let SOME of that go, you will find your blood pressure will go down and your relationship with your husband will really improve.

HOWEVER -- since your family doesn't see things the way you do you need to be specific with them. Telling them "take care of our things" is way too broad. Tell your family "When clothes are dirty I expect you to put them in the washer and start a cycle" If your oldest is old enough to (5 yrs or older) she him or her how to. Remind them that it is something important to you and its not fair for you to have to do it for them. Tell you husband that it is not fair for him to put you in situations that you have to parent him, but if he is going to treat things like a child you will "ground him" from the camera. If he can't put it away, he can't use it.

Beyond that though, when you see a dirty rag on the counter and feel you face get all hot and your teeth start to grit, STOP, breathe, and remember that you have faults too, its not the end of the world, and in the grand scheme of life that stupid little rag is not worth ruining your day.

In my opinion I wouldn't say anything and let the house go. Otherwise you will be the nag who picks up....for your husband. For the 3 year old take toys away. That's an age where they still listen

I think a lot of us have been there. It is very hard to change people, they have to change themselves. That being said...focus on your 3 year old. Worry about teaching her the way you want things done. If there is a certain way you want the playroom, don't let Dad oversee it. Go in there with her and teach her how to do it. As she does it correctly praise her, reward her, something. Then after a few days have her try it on her own, then let her show it off to Dad about how great she did. As for the laundry issue...I have been picking up my husband's work clothes from the floor, couch, chair, you name it...for the past 10 years. It isn't going to change. He isn't going to change. Just don't let it pile up. The stains can be frustrating, but the thing to remember is that your children won't be in those clothes for long. If your husband wants his clothes to be stained, then that is his choice for not cleaning it up when it happened. I know this is going to sound like it will be more work for you, but maybe each day after the kids are in bed you can take 2-3 minutes and do the pre-treating for the clothes, sort the laundry, etc. Even if it is a couple minutes of work each night when you normally call it quits for the day, I think you might be less stressed about it in the long run.
As your kids get older it will get easier. My kids are 9 and 7 and it is a fight sometimes to get them to clean up, but I keep my foot down and it gets done. We spend our Saturday mornings getting the house cleaned up and then just have to do some spot cleaning during the week. My kids have made MANY comments about why daddy isn't helping...I tell them to not worry about that, just worry about what you have to do. Set the expectations for your kids now and slowly build on that. When the kids are helping out, it will be less work for you, and less stress. And you may find that your husband helps out a little more then.