My husband and I have 2 great, very active daughters, ages 4.5 and 2.5. For a long time my husband has wanted a third child and I have been interested in the idea, but still uncertain because of our financial/living situation: we have a very small home and not enough $ to get a bigger one; and we are often strapped for $ to do the kinds of things we'd like to do (remodel, travel, get new appliances, etc), though we have enough for all the basics (right now). The thing is, this could improve in the not-distant future. My husband seems to have good prospects at work and hopes to be earning significantly more in the next 1 - 2 years. We feel that we (and our kids) are not getting any younger and keep thinking about whether we should try for another one before more time passes. We don't want a really large age gap in our children and I plan to go back to work eventually (right now I do very part-time, which produces little income).
The other issue is that I might need bedrest or partial bedrest, which would be tough with two kids around. (It happened last time.)
In the ideal world, I'd like three kids, but only if I can have the resources to support them and to get occasional help (like some babysitting or daycare part-time)... which is so uncertain and not exactly in place right now.
Should we take the leap and try for another? And if you have three kids: Has it been incredibly hard having 3, esp. in a small house?
We have been holding off so far. We went to a financial advisor who told us point blank that we could not afford another kid, and that kind of scared us out of it for now. But life is short and fertility will not last forever. It has been a summer of indecision, waiting to see if financial factors will improve, and they have only changed slightly, not enough to get us to a better position. I think we'll have to try to make a "real" decision in the fall/winter and hope that we can both live with it. I am still much more on the fence while my husband wants to go ahead and take the chance, not worrying about the $ or space issues. Thanks all for your input.
Honey money will never be right to have a child. IMO as long as you are feeding them money is not the reason to put it off. Now if you go hungry 2 days a month with food stamps then yes have another one is a bad idea. Otherwise go for it.
Unfortunatly I can not answer your question just yet, since we are preg with our 3d now(16 weeks) Our boys are 3 1/2 and 5 1/2.
I never wanted to wait this long, but due to my husband's personal sruggles this is how it turned out.
My husband is self employed so we never know when he would get a paycheck. WE are Christ followers and believe that God would provide as long as we are obedient. And He does, just yesterday He provided a bigger car (our boys are still in the car seats and we can not fit 3 of them in the small car we have right now) for us in the very supernatural way. It was amazing!!!!
Anyway.... we are still in the small 3 bdr townhome and all 3 kids will share a room( in Russia where I am from a family of 4 usually lives in a 1 bdr apt..... that's how I grew up so 3bdr is huge to me:))
I have many friends who gave me bunch of baby clothes(I already got rid of everything) so we do not need to buy that.
My boys were on formula, but I am hoping to breastfeed this time....savings there.
And a friend of mine selling me her cloth diapers for half price, so again....savings.
WE do not go out often, and vacations for us are a weekend at the beach at the friend's house.
I am not on bedrest, but sick, just as I was with my first 2 for the whole 9 months. So I would lay on the floor a lot and we would play games,sit in the chair outside and watch them play or my very awsome friends take the boys sometimes and let them get out.
I doubt you will regret having another child, but if you do not you might always wonder what if....
But that's just my 2 cents:)
Have you thought about becoming a foster parent? The benefits are great!
- you can foster kids that are available for adoption
- you can set the age limits to who you foster
- you help influence a child's life
- no morning sickness
- no bed rest
- if you decide its not working, you can withdrawl your name
- the state covers the childs medical
- the state pays you a monthly care allowance for the child.
It truely can be a win-win
My wife and I had 8 kids. If we had waited until we had (more or enough) income or a large enough house or a nice enough car or enough . . . ??? we never would have had any kids. I now have 16 grandkids and 2 more on the way. We've been married almost 37 years. Look at my profile.
We did lots of things as a family. We just saved and did the things we could afford. We went to the lake instead of going on a cruise. We went to the mountains and camped or had picnics or rafted the local rivers instead of making an annual trek to Disney World.
The only thing I would change is that I would have had my family closer together. The three oldest are 14 and 16 months apart. The last three are 29 and 42 months apart.
Because I had a lot of kids and because acquaintances usuallly ask how many kids you have, I found the ideal for most families is four kids. When the kids are grown most parents that have one wish they had had three more. The ones with two wish they had had two more. The ones with three usually wish they had had one more. The ones with four or more are usually satisfied with the number they had. This is except those families that raised their kids to go on to institutions of "higher learning" like Sing Sing, Leavenworth or Alcatraz. They wish they hadn't had any kids.
Good luck to you and new larger family.
p.s. As far as difficulty in raising kids goes, one was the most difficult. Three was a lot easier than one. Five was a breeze compared with three. And Eight were the easiest of all to raise. If you want to know why, e-mail me.
I have 9. There has never been "enough" money, or "enough" room, but we've always made it work out. I had 7 kids in a small house, when we finally took a leap and purchased a 6 bedroom. With little kids, a small house isn't too bad. When they get older, it can be a bit more hairy.
There is no harm from kids sharing rooms, and not having every new toy on the market, and boutique clothing. Kids don't need all of that (in spite of what they may try to tell you). Three kids really isn't that many.
Bedrest can be a bit tricky, but it depends on strict and severe the problems are. My third pregnancy was twins, and I was in and out of the hospital. I had to have back up for that, and it magically appeared. The others I have been able to manage w/o additional help.
Essentially, where there is a will, there is a way.
I feel for you! We are in the same position. We would like to have a third, but due to our age (40) we would need to do it ASAP. My husband is a teacher and our single income situation is tight and about to get tighter. We will be suffering another as of yet undetermined % paycut and a 15% hike in health insurance premiums. We really don't feel we can afford another child, at least in the manner we would want to care for all our children ( i.e. be able to afford braces, team sports etc.) My children have never had a babysitter -we don't do anything requiring a babysitter due to our budget. The grandparents are helping with preschool for our son as it is. We are quite bummed about the whole situation. We are trying to be positive and be extra thankful for the two wonderful children we do have. I wouldn't worry about the small house-you can make it work. After all many kids live in small houses or apartments, share rooms etc. Utilize the parks heavily for outdoor play and burning off kids energy if you don't have much yard.Besides it will make you think about your purchases and whether you really need something in your house or not-it will help with your budget! It will also force you to rid the house of old toys and unused items in a timely fashion unlike many folks. Don't really have any great advice, just wanted you to know you are not the only one out there with these concerns......
Go for it. Your kids (and you) aren't getting any younger. I have a friend whose sister is 5 yrs older and she said it wasn't a close relationship at all (could be because of personalities perhaps, but the age gap had a lot to do with it).
Have faith. If it feels right for you, and is, it'll happen and the sooner you have all your kids in school again, the sooner you can go back to work... travel... remodel.... etc.
People are also more likely to help when you have little ones and are sick than when you have older kids (who might NOT be a help) and are on bedrest.
Your kids are so yound still... I say hold off. Enjoy them and if another baby comes or you whole heartdly choose to have another then good for you. But you're just getting to the easier stage with them so enjoy them... take a vacation; have some fun. :)
I don't think my answer is going to be that popular either. I say I'd wait until finances were in better shape so that you wouldn't have to STRESS over it too much! I stress over money every day with just 1 child. I would love to have another but don't think we will at least not for many years. As another mom mentioned it would run about $5 grand for the prenatal and birth! That's not for everyone, but with my insurance plan I know it would. We are still paying off the birth of our first. I don't think kids need a lot. I'm not into them having cell phones and video games and the best vacations etc. but still just for the every day stuff like food and diapers it is so expensive.
On the other hand, my sister has 10 beautiful children and I think she would say go for it! Her family is so darling. Normally, I wouldn't even mention that but there were some replies from moms with lots of kids. It's refreshing to hear she's not the only one! I couldn't do it though, that's for sure.
I would hold off. We are in a similar situation. My DH and I wanted to have three, but our health insurance changed at the beginning of the year. It would have cost us about $5000 to have another child with the prenatal visits and the hospital stay. We decided to wait for at least another year before revisiting the question. To tell you the truth, I am now starting to think about all the vacations that we can start taking since we won't have "babies" anymore. I'm thinking about maybe going back to school when my youngest is in Kinder.
I say, "take the leap!" I am in a similar situation, and am now pregnant with baby #3. I was also worried about finances, and the busy-ness of having three. I talked to so many older women from my church about family size and if they would have done things differently. So many said they wished they would have had more children, despite difficult times, finances, and sickness/bedrest/tough pregnancy issues. I agree with many other people who responded--kids don't need expensive stuff. In fact, I believe it just makes them more spoiled and develop a skewed sense of entitlement. I believe kids need to learn to work for things they want. Parents can provide the essential needs (plus some occasional birthday/holiday gifts). The longer kids learn to wait for things, the more they will appreciate them. I also believe one of the greatest gifts you can give your children are siblings. I think the family is richer and fuller for having more little personalities around the dinner table. There are still many unknowns in our situation, but we are excited to welcome baby #3 into our family. God will provide if we trust Him.
This won't be a popular answer but I'll post nevertheless. I agree lack of money for extras, fancy vacations etc is no reason to not have a 3rd. But how about the environment? 8 kids - what if everyone did that? The earth can not handle this constantly growing population. Do people think about what kind of environment they're leaving to these children? There is a bigger picture than what an adult may want for themself right now. Also, with the California budget situation, it seems that parental support of schools has become a necessary fact of life. There just isn't enough money to continue to keep class sizes reasonable, keep libraries open etc unless parents donate. Our district's "ask" was $900 per child this year. I saw the list of people who donated and who donated over $1000. Very few were on the over $1000 despite having MULTIPLE children and many people donated NOTHING. "They can't afford it." Really? But the rest of us can carry their load? Having children creates a responsibility to the community in my opinion. None of my business and I could care less if a family has 10 kids in a 2 bedroom house if they don't expect funding for all these children to come from other taxpayers. One of these 5 children gets seriously ill and "oh, we don't have good healthcare." So what happens? Public pays. Perhaps people should think about these things beforehand to make sure there's very little risk they don't become a burden to everyone else. We can afford private school so I'll leave the public school mess to other families and take my disproportionate contributions with me if everyone is not willing to be responsible and pay their fair share - a larger amount if they have a large family! I agree with the posting from someone suggesting foster children. Help solve society's problems - don't add to them.
Sorry to rant and I'm glad you're at least thinking about what having a 3rd child means. You sound like a thoughtful person.
Hello, I want to just give you my 2 cents worth of thoughts. We have 5 children , 1 is a foster child that just never left home! I have been on complete bedrest with the last 2 of our child to save thier lives. Believe me it can be done and with much ease if you prepare for it and work things out ahead of time.
Our children got so good that when I got bored of being in one room they actually moved my bed to another withthe help of friends so I had a new view. After a while my husband organized this for me every 6 weeks. We bought a freezer so that meals could be done ahead of time. I was allowed up to do things for a hour a day so we made great use of that time. the young children learned to bring me things so I'd peal fruit and vegetables then they'd take it back to the kitchen ready for the next step. Lots of crock pot dinners and friends that brought meals in. I had family or friends do the shopping but now you can order online to safeway and they will not only deliver but will put it away for you. We streamed lined the housework by getting rid of anything we really didn't need so that got rid of the clutter, and extra clothes that were otherwise piled around. hired someone to pick up and take the children to and from places that I couldn't and even had a 12 yo neighbor child help with things for me and paid her. It is all do able and I can tell you that the 2 children we have becasue of it are der to everyone's hearts becasue it was a family effort. I have never never once regretted the example of sacrifice and love that my children learned from this and the experiance of them learning to not be selfish was priceless. We made choices not to go to fancy vacations but we did do alot of camping and exploring the United States so we made it a great experiance( one firend that lives in the bay area has been to Europe and never to Half Moon Bay) go figure! By the way we also lived in a small house and did just fine. In this day and age getting a bigger one is easier with short sales going on everywhere. I will tell you that if I had just looked at the items on paper for expenses and time consuption I would never have afforeded my first child! Make a wise and good choice for your mariage and your future.
When did we start putting finances and the ability to have a "perfect" home for our children so high on the priority list? I'm older, so maybe my perspective just isn't in tune with the times. But, my thought is if you and your husband both want another child, don't wait. You can wait until your life is "ideal" for having the third child, but you really don't have a gaurantee that will ever happen. So I think, go ahead and have your child. You say you want to eventually go back to work full time. For most moms who try to at least partially stay at home with the young ones, that means sometime after the last child has entered first grade, when all the children are in school at least most of the time that Mom is outside the home working. The sooner you have the third child, the sooner you'd be able to go back to work, in that case. We worry about all the material things we can give, or not give our kids, but the most important things we can give them are our love, our time and our interest in teaching them what they need to know in life. Sometimes those come best when we don't have all the material goods in life to offer them.
I don't think there is ever "enough." That is completely relative and nobody else's business if you are meeting your family's needs. Not to be depressing, but someone could finally be "ready," then somebody gets laid off, you lose a home, etc. If you feel your family will be complete with another and you can meet that child's needs now, go for it. We are living in a 2 bedroom rental, but have a great yard, a park down the road, and babies really have very basic needs in the first year of life, so we are working on our third. If we haven't been able to buy a house by the time the baby is a year or so and needs to move out of our room, there is enough room for the kids to share. Small living space (especially small sleeping space) is not harmful for kids. Live by your standards, not somebody else's. It is also hard to plan for "in case" with your health, that might be a bigger concern, but see what you can plan for a little extra help and make sure your husband is ready to fill in where you can't. I had perfectly easy, healthy pregnancies, but a third might be completely different. We also do not want a huge gap between our kids. Simple family living can be the happiest sometimes. :)
