I have beautiful twin girls, age 2 1/2. They are wonderful girls with very active imaginations.
As a family we are in the habit of giving expectations and then following through with consequences. This has really worked for us and the girls are well behaved, except at meal times. They have terrible table manners. Eating is not an issue, they always eat their food and they are not picky.
The big problem is playing with food, dishes, utensils and drinks. They are not really being naughty they just pretend that their food is "alive" and so the food talks and swims and fishes and does just about everything a 2 year old can think about to do with food until there is a huge mess and no one wants to be at the table with them. It is really embarassing when we have guest over or when we eat outside of our home.
Our strategy for dealing has been first ignoring it, but that does not work because they are happy to just sit there and play for the entire meal. Second, we tried taking the food, drinks and dishes being played with away. However as soon as they get it back for that meal or for the next the playing starts all over again. Any ideas for how to teach my children that meal time is for eating and enjoying each other rather than playing with food and dishes?
Why not try giving them less food? If they only have two bites-worth of food on their plate, they can't make much of a mess.
When they eat the two bites that you've given, then they can have more.
Good luck.
I have read the other responses and did not notice the first thing that came to my mind: limit what you put on their plates. Give them one item at a time and in limited amounts. First a few bites of chicken When that's gone then some peas, just a few. Etc. If you limit the supplies you limit the mess. It's very developmentally appropriate and actually delightful that your little ones are so creative. Of course you don't want a mess at meals, but there is middle ground.
Hi A.. I just wanted to chime in as a fellow mom of twins. I have twin boys who just turned 3 and we deal with this issue too. their imaginations are going crazy and they think everything (fork, spoon, food) is an airplane or magic wand, etc. It's really funny, but it gets frustrating when they are making a big mess and not eating. we have tried to be very consistent with our messages that we don't play at the table. If it gets bad, we escourt them over to the time out area in the other room and tell them that this behavior is not appropriate at the table and they can come back when they are in control of themselves and are ready to eat without playing. When they come back, they are usually very good about focusing on their dinner. I also like to remind them that they will have time after dinner to play for a while but that this is not the time for playing. Sometimes with my boys, they rile each other up and they get really goofy and silly at the table. The best thing I have found for this is to turn their chairs around so that they can't see each other. this diffuses the situation almost immediately. it's no fun anymore if they can't make each other crack up. Having twins is the BEST and your girls are reaching a wonderful age where they will play with each other and not need mommy or daddy always there to play with them. What a glorious day this is!!! Our boys have started playing together really well and they can play happily for long periods of time and I can actually get stuff done around the house now. Yay!!!
I have a daycare and preschool in my home and have younger children as well as preschool-aged children. The type of behavior you are describing is developmentally appropriate for children that age. However, while they will not be able to behave in a manner that is typical of adults, they can still be taught table manners. I do allow the children to enjoy their meal, but when they begin to play rather than eat, or if the behavior "crosses the line," (their feet are touching the table, they are swinging their arms carelessly and nearly tipping their drink over, etc,) I remind them that we are at the table and that they need to be using their "table manners." That being said, studies show that people are able to sit for their age plus two minutes before they begin to fidget, up until age 18, and even adults begin to fidget after about 20 minutes. That means if they have done well for 5 minutes or so, they have done very well. They cannot be expected to sit "properly" for 20 minutes at the table during toddlerhood. I am a believer in using manners, but I also don't want to squelch all of the fun and playfulness that comes along with childhood. It is a constant balancing act between allowing "kids to be kids" and teaching the children to behave in an orderly fashion and to be thoughtful of those around them. If you have toddlers who are eating well though, then congratulations! Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters and maybe you don't want to change too much and mess up a good thing! I would just say that if they are no longer eating and just playing, it is okay to excuse them at that point. Blessings to you and yours! :)
Everything they are doing is developmentally appropriate. They are exploring textures and using dramatic play. What you can do is provide them with other activities to foster this wonderful development. You can get them play dishes and food, and have sensory activities for them such as painting, play dough, water(i.e.with sponges, washing the play dishes),scooping oatmeal or beans or rice in a tub, etc...then you can set boundaries at mealtime without stifling their development.
Enjoy this wonderful age of exploring with them:)
You can also get them little brooms and dustpans to have them help you clean up the messes:)
An afterthought, maybe you could put less food on their plates? Or have them serve themselves at the table?
Good Luck!
I agree that this is perfectly normal behaviour - however that does not mean that your mealtime has to become a mess every time.
When my daughter (who is quite a bit younger) starts playing with her food, I know she is done, wipe her hands and face and give her a toy instead of the plate. Maybe for older kids you could also give them some paper and crayons, if you would like them to sit at the table a little longer.
Once she gets too fidgety it's time to get up and play for her, while my husband and I finish dinner.
One more thing is that kids that age enjoy messes, so make sure you give them some messy activites every once in a while. Splashing, squishing, muddying is all very imortant for their sensory development and most children don't get to do this very much any more - if you don't want that to happen at the dinner table, give them another outlet at a more appropriate time and location.
The best advice I can give is to take the food away immediately when it happens and they are done with that meal. Do the same thing at the next meal and the next until they eat without making a mess. While I have not dealt with children playing with food I have lots of experience with little ones getting up from the table while eating, and this is how I break that habit as well. They have survival instincts - they won't starve.
It's wonderful that your girls have such active imaginations and can invision a whole story with whatever is at hand. Great times ahead!!!! Now, for the dinner table. Reasoning with a two yr old is not always possible, they don't have the emotional capacity to reason. So it's consequences. First explain to them that it's a no play zone. Once the play starts, the meal stops. They get down from the table and can go play somewhere else. The dinner table is not a play place. Don't relent, be firm. This means no grazing. They can come back to the table to eat and not play when they're hungry. They start to play, the get down and go play somewhere else. Granted this doesn't work well in a restaurant, but until their behavior is under control, you really don't want to go to a restaurant with them. When you do, ease your way into it. Start with a McDonald's, and I-Hop or Denny's. They're accustom to noise and children. As they learn their manners, then they get to dress up and go out somewhere special. I wish you well.
I agree with those who said to end that meal for then and not feed them again until the next meal, and if they start to play again then end that meal, ect.... Kids will not let them selves starve, and they will figure out that if they don't want to be hungry they must behave at the table.
Pretty normal I think for toddlers. My 5 and 7 year olds still play. Do you sit at the table with them? My kids are much better behaved if we are with them ineracting and showing good maners and not in another room telling them how to act. I really like the playdough idea so they can get that creativity out of their system a bit. Oh and the idea from Laura U to have them help dish up their own plates is a good one too, my last daycare teacher did that and it taught the kids a lot, we do it for homemade taco night and my kids love it. I just have to break down and get serving dishes dirty and do it more often. (dishes are not my thing)
I am not sure why you care what other people think - this is totally normal behavior for 2 year olds. If they are eating, let them do it...As long as they are not interrupting other people as they eat -I would just not draw attention to it...it is a process that shows their creativity, and is not really a behavioral issue in my opinion.
A. This may sound mean but its what my dad did with us & I also tryed it with my boys take the utensils away from them & put there dishes on a clean floor &tell them if they want to play thats fine but they get to clean up the mess when they are done it took a few times but they did not like cleaning up there own messes & it may work at the table just try it.
J.
Hi A. - This is normal & it is OK. They are exploring & learning more about their environment. Since they seem to enjoy this activity see about making their own kitchen area. You don't have to spend lots of money to "buy" a set, just go to the furniture and grocery stores & get some big boxes. A tall one can be their fridge, a tall one can turn on its side to be a sink & counter. Place a small plastic tub in a cutout in the box for the sink. The kids can help with this & decorate it how they like. You can draw with a pen the stove on top of a box too. Another box can be their dinner table. Stop at a second hand store & buy some real "play" dishes & pans. Get them a broom & dustpan as well as rags to help "cleanup". This will help their creative & play time then you can help them to learn that at your dinner table you have table manners. Help them in their "play" time to start learning those before you have high expectations for the regular dinner table. I have high expectations of my boys too, the main thing we pushed with them was please & thank you, this will help stir them on their own to realize that their actions affect those around them. When your kids have fun with their "new" play time then they can relax more at the dinner table with you & when they start to play at dinner then remind them that this is the BIG table & they can play at the little table when they are done eating with you. You will also find that kids have more FUN with boxes than with expensive toys. So save some money & go play with boxes & see what imagination your kids use. Take care & enjoy this fun time!
With my daughter if she had eaten enough, we did a litttle "Uh oh, meal time is not play time" & took everything away, she didn't get it back & we let her be a little hungry to remember that feeling. Took about two weeks & it killed us but the behavior stopped. If she hadn't eaten enough, I took it myself & fed her. I said, "your a big girl, meal time is not play time." She didn't like not being allowed to feed herself. About a couple years later when she didn't need a booster seat she decided to start getting up & playing at meal time. When she did this we propmtly took away the food until the next meal time for us & then gave her back the food from the previous meal (no snacks in between). Took about two weeks again & it was very hard for us again but, that's what parenting is hard. We were each others cheering section and we agreed to stay on top of this & keep the same rules. It worked she is 7 now & pretty well behaved at the table. I hope this helps & remember nothing is instant & you can't get lazy. They will see this as the chink in your armor & go for it 100 times more after you give in once.
On another note do you have play food & kitchen for them? Giving them an alternate outlet for playing with real food really helps, they want to copy mommy.
