My 11 year old son cannot remember to hold his silverware properly. His 6 year old brother and 9 year old sister switched over to holding silverware properly when they were about 6 years old with only a few reminders, but he can't seem to remember. When I remind him he says, "How am I supposed to remember to do it that way?" For everyone else in the family it feels funny to hold silverware with a toddler grip. Any ideas on how to get him to remember? He seems willing but I am getting tired of the reminder method!
Updated: He does hold his fork with his right hand consistently, it's just that he holds it with a fist grip. No fine motor skill issues - he holds pencils, etc just fine. I just think he is going to look really funny on a date or in job situations if he doesn't figure this out some day!
Do you see any fine motor issues with him? How's his pencil grip? Can he easily pick up coins from a flat table? Does he like to draw, color, etc? I would think if it was a fine motor issue, a teacher would have pointed it out by now though, and OT helps with that.....Just a thought as my son had some awkward crayon/pencil grips as well as his hands would tire easily and he did OT with much success. Just a thought. Good luck!
We started the "switch" (aka knife and fork switch) during the colonial times. I've heard several different versions... but they all boil down to the idea that having an angry man with a knife in his right ,hand left the door of opportunity for throwing that knife, open just a little too wide. Hence a law was enacted in several areas that banned a knife being in a man's right hand until he was actively cutting his meat and then it had to be put down, and a fork replaced with it (apparently forks were not viewed as such deadly weapons... but let me tell you... my mum wielded hers ferociously when our posture was less than desirable.) I'm not too certain as to whether the Imperial forces enacted the laws during the revolution, or whether it happened prior. I DO know that we transitioned to riding on the right side of the street so that we could "legally" run brits over for being on the "wrong" side of the street.
But I digress.
I know this, mostly because I prefer the European fashion of eating, and would *constantly* forget to do the hand switch... and was similarly reprimanded for it. (My chopstick etiquette is flawless, but my own country's eating habits I just sort of ignored. I have to admit... in part, it's because it ticked my mum off.)
I was forced to learn etiquette at the tines of a fork (and still have scars where my mum would jab a little overzealously, but she took my dad's career seriously and properly behaved and etiquette'd children were political assets ). For my OWN son (the fork memories still strong)... we turn it into a game. We pretend to be eating in Rome, the UK, or Egypt or Arabia, America, or Japan... in a posh or casual restaurant, in a posh or casual home, or in a slum. When we have friends from other countries come visit we have them set the "game". It's really fun how minor variations exist.
The "game" seems to work fairly well. Kiddo particularly likes Japan since he can pick up his bowls and slurp and Posh US or Continental service because of the vast array of silverware and glasses.
I second the fine motor question.
well in Europe and other places, they hold their knife in their right hand, while the fork is in their left hand... and they, with the fork facing down, then put the food in their mouth. Their hand, is gripping the utensils, like in a toddler-grip so to speak.
is this how your son is gripping his utensils?
How is his overall coordination for things? Does he usually 'forget' things or how to hold them or manipulate them? Or just his utensils? Or does he have a hard time following/remembering directions overall???
all the best,
Susan
At least he is willing.
Hi B.,
Does he hold his pen correctly? It may not be forgetting, but holding his silverware "properly" may not be comfortable.
He may need a fatter handle or a different type. If this is the case, go to a dollar store where they many types of cheap silverware loose and have him try some out.
I hope this helps.
R. Magby
Sorry ~ but I'd have to say to pick your battles. Does it really matter how he holds his silverware? Be glad he's not punching his siblings or cursing at you. Age 11 is so hard on kids. It's what 13 or 14 used to be. Yikes.
Hang in there!
Coming from England I am having a battle to get my kids to learn to hold their cutlery/silverware how I was taught and NOT the American way of switching which just seems plain wrong to me - more time consuming and messy. Since we are going home this Summer to visit the Grandparents we need to get this done. They would be horrified to see someone switch fork hands and put down their knife so I know I am in for an interesting time! When President Bush visited the UK and dined with the Queen the newspapers were stunned at how he ate and switched hands - seen as very backward and immature and extremely bad mannered!! I think part of the reason is that in schools you don't seem to have proper silverware for kids to learn on, just a spork thing at our school. You can't expect kids to learn to eat properly with one of those...
I guess as long as he is doing what you all do then that should be OK - just don't be surprised if you go abroad and see people looking at you a little strangely in the cafes!!
Well I am constantly striving to instill proper manners in my children. Although people comment quite often how polite they are. Its sitting at the table in our kitchen that we need to work on.
We don't have the forks in the correct spots. Although I should of spent more time on that. Its more keep the plate closer to were you are eating. Don't stand while eating, please ask to be excused.
I believe one of the most important virtues is be consistent in whatever lessons you are trying to instill within your child.
It might not be comfortable for him. I feel my husband holds his silverware so funny when he's cutting something. At least he gets the job done and any other way feels awkward to him. I know that no one taught him the correct way, but I sometimes wonder if he would've still continued even if someone did. He also thinks I cut weird and that he has more control with his grip.
Maybe he will figure it out someday, maybe he won't. As a mother of four I say if that's the only "bad table manners" he has then be proud and let it go because there are more important things to worry about. I would worry though that always correcting him or harping on him about it might create bigger problems like self-esteem issues or perhaps his relationship with you.
Good luck!!
