Our 18 year old son has prom this coming weekend. We have 3 vehicles - my husband drives a 2014 sub-compact, the kids share a 1999 POS, and just Saturday I finally got a big, shiny, fancy truck. For the last 3 years, I have been driving the ugliest truck (seriously) that broke down 3 times a week. For the last 3 weeks it hasn't worked at all and I've been walking or waiting until my husband got home to use the car (my office is in my home). My son thinks that he needs to drive this truck for prom. I said no. He is mad about it and won't let it go. My reasons for saying no:
1. The parking lot at the school has about 3 fender benders a day - seriously. It is extremely poorly laid out and full of new drivers all trying to show how cool they are. I really don't want my new truck to be a casualty of "cool driving" by either my son or another driver.
2. I don't want him to. Honestly. My husband hasn't even driven it yet. I have driven the POS truck ALWAYS for YEARS (before this truck, it was a different POS truck, and so on) so that way we never had 2 vehicle payments (my husband commutes a long distance so he needs vehicles that get good mileage and have little need for repairs). I have scrimped and saved for the last 2 years to pay off his vehicle really early AND get a large down for this truck (I didn't save by myself - but I am in charge of the budget so it feels like it). I gave up a ton of "extras" that I enjoyed for myself in order to make all this happen. I really would cry if something happened to the truck - only because I worked so hard to get it.
3. We have offered him my husband's car. No, it isn't a cool car/truck, but it is quite new and looks like we bought it last week - very shiny and in fantastic condition. He doesn't want to drive it. I told him it's dad's car or Hoopdee (that is what we call the kids' car) - he can take his pick.
4. The only place he really needs to drive to is to pick her up a few miles away and drive to grand march/dance and then to the lock in. It isn't like they are going to "enjoy" the comfort of my truck. Literally they are driving like 4 miles. What difference does it make WHAT they are driving. We offered to chauffer them - like dress up like a chauffer and everything. He said no.
5. What the heck was he going to drive if I would have waited one more week to get my truck? Obviously dad's car . . .
So, what do you guys think? I know I am being selfish about the truck but honestly I really just wanted ONE thing I could have for at least a month without one of our 6 kids accidently damaging it - I get that's what happens when you have kids, believe me I know, but just this one time . . .
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't know why I was feeling so guilty about this! Dad is going to have his car cleaned inside and out on Friday and young master mouthy pants will simply have 3 choices: Dad's car, Hoopdee, or walk and I don't give a hoot which one he picks. I think he could "feel" that I was having weird guilt about this and that is why he continues to push - no more :)
To clarify - we don't have limo companies anywhere near us and in all my years of prom, NO one rents a limo here. It just isn't done. We live in a farm community (we don't farm ourselves, though) where big trucks are the norm - plus we live in a bad weather area a number of months of the year so many of the high school kids actually have bigger and nicer trucks than mine! However, their families treat trucks like farm equipment and have multiple trucks around so if something happens to one, they have a back up or two or three.
It does make me sad that this particular son is so into having fancy things (without working for them) and his sense of entitlement is crazy . . . we have 6 kids (including a daughter who is also 18) and he is our only kid like this. So frustrating, but we know that he will get a super dose of reality when he leaves home.
Thanks again!
The answer is NO. Done end of story. He doesn't have any choices of the truck. Dad's car or his POS. HIS choice. If he keeps at you I would say "asked and answered, NO". Walk away.
Honestly, I wouldn't want my son to drive my brand new truck either.
He is 18 and wants to show off, I get it. Been there, done that. I was actually VERY in to cars until I had kids and then my money went other places :).
I wouldn't let my kids drive it either. Do kids not rent limo's anymore?
I didn't go to prom. I wanted to. I was on the poorer side, and single mom who couldn't help. I went work that evening in my pos car. Maybe if you remind him of his blessings he MIGHT be okay with taking dads nice car. If he still thinks he's a victim then his pos car would just have to do if he cant make other arrangements. I would think looking back when he gets older on this night, the vehicle isn't going to be the big deal. It'll be the girls he danced with (and everything lets). Some people aren't as blessed. He should be a little thankful.
Beggars can't be choosers. He can drive one of the cars offered or walk. Simple.
If his nose is bent out of shape, tell him to save up for a taxi.
You are not being the meanest mom. I saw her on the internet. She threw away her kids' ice cream. This is nothing like 'mean'. ;)
This is about someone being too big for their britches, and he likely knows it. He's not "entitled" to your new vehicle.
He can drive whatever car or truck he chooses when he is paying for it. Honestly, if my girls pulled something like this I would be really mad and upset. You don't even owe your son an explanation. It is your truck and you said no. He should count his blessing he even has a car to drive. My daughter has to borrow my car when I'm not using it.
I am in a similar situation. I have a 1999 GMC suburban I've been driving for 14 years. Just recently bought (no payment) a 2014 dodge truck. My daughter has her permit. She thought when we purchased the truck she would drive it. My husband said I don't think so. Your mom has driven the burb without complaint for many years. This is her truck and you can drive the burb or the Toyota. I think you are right in your assumption that if you had waited a couple of weeks, he would've happily taken your husband's car.
You are not responsible for his feelings. He can be mad, that's his choice. If he were mine and he gave me lip about it, I'd let him know he was on thin ice for his dad's car. If he were disrespectful to me AT ALL, he would be invited to pick his date up however he could work it out on his own without using either of the other cars.
To bend to him because he's mad you're not giving him his way is juvenile. That's not how it works in the real world he'll soon find out.
You worked hard for this vehicle. You sacrificed and drove a less than reliable car. Our kids do not get to start out where we worked hard to be.
My standard answer would be I love you too much to argue with you about this.
ETA: Any further whining/distespect/fit throwing will result in your losing the other vehicles as an option as well. Choose wisely grasshopper.
He is SO NOT ENTITLED to your brand new vehicle.
You made an offer to drive him - he turned you down.
Bummer Dude.
Consider taking it that night and going to a movie or out to dinner.
Looks like he's going to have to car pool with someone else to get to the prom and back home again.
Your car, your rules.
And if he keeps bitching about not getting to drive a vehicle that's NOT HIS and that he's NOT PAYING FOR in any way, he will loose access to dad's car as well and his girlfriend will have to drive HIM to prom.
Time for son to get with friends to get a ride to the prom.
Your car, you make the rules and you pay the bills. He will have to learn that he can't have everything brand new just because of the affair or function. If he dents it you will not have a new car but a dented one that is about a week old. A no go in my book.
The hoopdee would be the car of choice and then dad's car but my car is off limits. No discussion required. Stick to your guns. There is always the shoe leather express.
the other S.
PS Our son did something stupid right before prom and dad was going to let him borrow his car until then. So he had to find a friend who would pick him up with his date because of his screw up. A valuable lesson learned.
I was always the mean mom when my kids were little until they left home. Now they are the mean ones to their kids.
Do keep us posted.
Stick to your guns on this one mama. NO he can't drive your truck. I agree with every thing you listed as reasons why he shouldn't drive it. You're the parent, what you say goes. Period. It's not like you are making him walk to prom. He has 2 other cars to choose from. Stay strong and keep us posted!
I have a brand new bus pass.....
Congrats on your award.The competition for mean mom is fierce so to be crowned the meanest is quite an accomplishment on your part.
Your truck, your rules. He's 18 yrs acting like 18 months. If he asks again tell him that no is a complete sentence so unless he wants to have his date pick him up (after you take away the keys to the pos he drives) he'd better knock it off and start acting his age.
It is YOUR truck HE didn't pay for it, he doesn't pay the insurance on it, he did nothing to make acquiring it possible.
HE has no intrinsic right to drive it.,
You have offered him the use of vehicle. You are not obligated to provide him with a vehicle to drive, He can either take the car you are willing to allow him to drive or he can walk.
Well you've listed out your case really well.
The thing is, you don't have to. You're entitled to just say "no".
He's trying to guilt you into giving it to him for the night. Typical.
I just wouldn't justify it because if you give him this list of reasons why not, he'll try to argue or make his case, and why even go there?
I would not either. I got to drive my BIL's broken down Pinto when I went to prom, complete with dog hair. I survived!
I get some kids are showy and it's a big deal to some. I like the limo idea. Have him and some friends get together and rent a limo to get there. His date might like that better anyhow. Quite a common thing here. Why not offer to help pay for that? Say the truck is off the table, but that's your offer - take it or leave it.
Good luck :)
You are definitely NOT being a mean mom! Your reasons are totally valid! Even if your reason was, "because I said so," that would be a good enough reason. Stick to your guns. Teens are good at guilt trips! And you are NOT being selfish.
No is no... this is a statement and not a debate and you really don't need to explain yourself.
I understand that Prom is a big deal for teens, but no, he doesn't get your shiny new truck. You don't even needs reasons. He can drive one of the vehicles offered, or stay home. End of discussion.
You deserve to be selfish about the truck, and you can put whatever restrictions on it you please. Let your son have a hissy fit if he wants. Yeah, "Bummer, dude."
Don't give in.
I think you are perfectly within your rights and if he continues to bring up the subject as if we were actually having a conversation I would be tempted to take all of the cars off the table and let him drive the car he owns. Oops I didn't see that he had a car. So I guess he could walk or whatever. Your car your rights.
You could always tell him he could drive the car with putting up some money like rental car companies do. They require a deposit.
In all honesty, in my home we don't allow the inmates the run our asylum. No is a complete sentence. You own him no explanation. Tell him to ask his father and let his father tell him no. The reason he continues to come back to you is because he hopes you will break down and tell him yes even when you mean no.
Stay strong and stand on the NO you believe in your heart is the right answer for this situation.
Youre not being selfish. You worked hard for that truck, you scrimped and saved. Your son doesn't have to ride a bicycle - there's another vehicle. By a week later it won't be an issue.
Here in the NY metro area the thing "mean moms" have to decline is overnights at hotels in the Hamptons, stretch limos, etc. I lucked out becuase my daughter went with a small gorup of friend and went to a family's house for a few hour post-prom party. She was home in bed by 2:
Updated
Youre not being selfish. You worked hard for that truck, you scrimped and saved. Your son doesn't have to ride a bicycle - there's another vehicle. By a week later it won't be an issue.
Here in the NY metro area the thing "mean moms" have to decline is overnights at hotels in the Hamptons, stretch limos, etc. I lucked out becuase my daughter went with a small gorup of friend and went to a family's house for a few hour post-prom party. She was home in bed by 2:
Nope. The end.
Or here's an idea... tell him to actually get a chauffeur. I know lots of kids rent a limo for events like this. Maybe he and his pals could go in together and rent one to pick everyone up and drop them at the school/event. Since it's a lock in, parents could pick up the next day. Or the kids could arrange to have their own "hoopdees" left in the parking lot for there convenience the next morning. If they are just using the limo for an hour or two to pick up everyone, the rate shouldn't be astronomical, I wouldn't think. Might be a minimum rental period though. It's at least worth HIS time to check into it, if Dad's car just isn't good enough for him. (sarcasm)
Yes, I have a teen son, too. :D
Stick to your guns. And tell your son to quit whining like a toddler (cause that's what he's doing), or he'll lose the option of Dad's car and his only choice will be Hoopdee.
I am with you mom. The reason we have so many entitled people out there is because they always got their way without having to earn their way. He has his choice of two cars - that is two cars more than I had a choice of at his age. My date didn't have a car either - so my dad picked both of us up and drove us to prom and picked us up afterwards and drove us each home. Guess what? I had a date and a new dress and got to go to prom and I was happy! My mom even gave me the money to have my picture taken by the professional photographer at prom! Yes, it was 1989 - but I still have good memories of that evening. As much as I wished either I or my date had a car to drive! Stand firm and he can get over himself!
stand firm. its your new ride. he can rent a car or fancy up his own pos. wither way hes not taking your new one. i only allow water in my car and if the shoes are muddy my kid has to take them off. (last august we bought our first car thats still got a warranty... thats huge for us considering every other car purchase was for 80 thousand miles or more already on the vehicle)
if i were him i would of taken the chauffer idea... that would be cool!
Congratulations on all you have done to get this great vehicle that you love!
Hold tough. I'd suggest that you not put him on the insurance for this truck (ask the insurance company how much that premium would be) and let your son know premium + deductible = what he needs in his bank account before you will CONSIDER it. Then deduct for an "immaturity factor" which he is displaying by incessantly arguing about a 4 mile drive. If he's so ridiculous about that, he's not responsible enough to look ahead and consider risks/consequences - like the number of fender benders they already have, which will at least double with kids distracted and excited. So the answer will still be "no".
He's lucky he was offered Dad's car. Tell him he'll lose that too if he keeps showing he's childish.
If he has so much money, he and the other kids can chip in for a costly limousine to drive the 4 miles.
You don't have to go to every fight you're invited to. Walk away if you have to but don't feel you have to justify this until he understands it. (For fun, you could go down there the night of the prom and take photos of all the damage to other cars!)
Sometimes life sucks. Maybe now is a good time for him to learn that. Don't give in. Good luck.
Around here the mode of transportation to/from proms are limos and party buses.
He's not entitled to your new car.
While I get the new car syndrome, I'm also the one that unintentionally inflicted a lovely dent in my front fender with less than 1200 miles when it was new. I guess YOU want to be the one to have that privilege. (My fingers are crossed that doesn't happen to you!!)
I think the likelihood that something would happen is slim, but I'm assuming at 18 he has a job and all. If this is his hill why doesn't he use his money to rent a limo?
I'm not sure if it is because I have girls, but I fully expect to have to give into all the prom hype and will end up paying out an arm and a leg so the evening will be 'magical' (barf... ;-))
Truck like SUV or pickup? If pickup, tell him many girls wouldn't love that for prom anyway... And you are not being mean. I grew up in a very wealthy town and many many kids drove an older car to prom versus the expensive ones their parents had. Someday he'll realize you weren't being mean. I'd have never expected my parents to lend me their nicest car for anything. Probably a bit of a case of he's nervous deep down and kind of latching on to something to complain about as a distraction?
NO. It's a complete sentence.
Offer to be his driver. Pick him and the date up and drop them off.
Who drives to prom? Here we hire a limo.
I'm the odd one out. Sure it's your truck, your rules. But if it were me, I think I'd be really excited to share something with my kiddo to make his special event more special. Then again, I only have one kid vs six, so it's probably easy for me to say.
Didn't read it, sorry, you went to a LOT of effort to present your case.
In my case? I'd simply pull out the insurance policy and show him the clause that states no drivers under the age of 25. We have that on every single policy except the kiddo car. This way there is never any question or supposition or anything that gives them the idea that they "might" get to drive my vehicles. If they get in it when I'm not there and drive it, wreck it, then they get to have a heap load of trouble. So they don't even try it.
