Surviving as a Single Parent Support and Inspiration

Updated on May 19, 2010
M.G. asks from San Jose, CA
6 answers

With so many things happening in today's economy such as layoffs, tax increases and cut backs and some of most needed services to communities, how are single parent households surviving? The constant worry and fear of keeping up with life's responsibilities takes its toll and I can't help wonder. I see many things on the internet such as grant money, work at home opps and so forth, but are any of these genuine? And since it seems as though the state of California has it the worst because of its debt, how can a single parent survive not only now, but in future years? There are many factors to think about such as the basics of keeping a roof over your head, food on the table and clothes on your back, but also cost of living, schooling and so forth. I'm just looking for support and inspiration because there are more days that are gloomy than sunny.

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A.S.

answers from Johnson City on

I don't know about the advertisements on the internet, but getting financial aid applications is as easy as FAFSA.gov. I would stay away from anything you see on the internet. I have been a single mom for a little more than 10 years. It's hard and I couldn't do it without my family. They help when they can with babysitting to go to grad school, have put gas in my car during lean times, and offer lots of unsolicited advice :) I think the most important factor in supporting yourself and your family as a single mom is education (in a field where there is work). Also invest in your children's future. Make sure they are feeling supported, doing well in school, and involved in the community. While some days are gloomy there are more than enough sunny days to go around.

3 moms found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

M G,
Things are tough all over, aren't they? I'm not a single parent, but even with my PT job and my husband's FT job and side jobs as well, we are feeling the pinch!
O. thing I have really noticed is that our food bill seems SO high! I have been trying to plan meals ahead and shop from a specific list and that has made a difference for us. It's also eliminated that dreaded "what are we going to do about dinner" issue.
Have you checked out Angelfood Ministries? Low cost food with no income requirement. and couponmom.com gives you the best deals at YOUR local supermarket and tells you if and when to use the specific coupons for the best deal.
As for work at home deals, etc., I always feel that "if it seems to good to be true, it probably is."
Are you a fan of Dave Ramsay? He has great advice for living on less than you make, no matter the amount! Check out his tv show or O. of his books. He has a good, common sense approach to managing money and eliminating debt.
I think, at the end of the day excessive debt is what does most people the most damage.
Good luck to you!

3 moms found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Houston on

As a single parent, I feel a lot of stress...but not so much where I expected it. Before my daughter was born I thought my biggest stress would be financial, it certainly plays a part, but my biggest stress is about time. My daughter is still quite young, but I start hyperventilating if I dare to think about what will happen when she is old enough for additional activities.

Already I am struggling with meeting my commitments at work, taking care of the house, trying (and failing) to find time to exercise, and being the sole caretaker of my daughter. Her dad rarely makes his visitation so I often have to use personal days from work or hire a sitter just to find a bit of time for myself and complete things that are better done without a toddler in tow.

A co-worker, with a stay at home wife, wondered aloud why I was so stressed about an impending deadline on a project. He felt that there was plenty of time. He was able to get the picture when I simply asked him how easy he thought it would be to do HIS job...plus all that his wife does. That is my life. Before I had kids, it was nothing to work nights and weekends to complete something...now everything is a balance of time and money.

From the financial side, my ex is pretty okay about paying the support. I can make it without it, but it certainly gives some breathing room. He will fall behind 2-3 months and then I call (usually because I need new tires on the car or the hot water heater has exploded) and kindly ask him to catch up so that I don't have to choose between paying the bills and feeding our child.

I am quite lucky that I work for a family-friendly company and have been quite well supported from a business point of view--with great benefits too. I am also very blessed to have an adequate income...even if it comes with sacrifices. I have to travel quite a bit. Usually away for 2-3 nights, but right now I am on my second 5 night trip in two weeks. My expenditures for childcare regularly exceed what I am paid in per diem. So that can create some financial strain when I have to travel many weeks in a row.

I combat all of this strain a couple of ways. One is to have a written budget. Knowing where the money MUST go over the long term makes it easier to say no to eating out when I really don't feel like cooking. I built a spreadsheet based on pay periods and have a very good picture of what expenses are occuring all the time. I even went so far as to look at past electric, gas, water bills and filled them in for the year so I can be prepared for spikes (electric/water in the summer and gas in the winter). I fill in things like my house insurance and car insurance. Figured out which things that if I pay biweekly means I will have some pay periods around Christmas with less fixed expenses to use for the holidays--like my car payment. It took me some weeks to get a good working model, but it have greatly relieved the stress of WONDERING if I will have the money or not. And it also helps inspire me to save now when it is clear on the paper to see I will need it in the future.

Okay, this one is probably going to draw some fire...but...another way, that goes along with the budget, it to figure out what you can pay a little late without penalties. Of course, you have to be careful with this as it can wreck your credit depending on how the utility, mortage companies, etc are reporting. For instance, my mortgage payment doesn't report it as a late payment until the 15th of the month and no late fees. I DO give them the courtesy of calling and telling them when they can expect payment and I live up to it. But a bounced check is more work and expense than arranging a later payment. It isn't like your lights are going to be turned off if you are two weeks late. It isn't the way I like to work...I was always a pay early type of person. But circumstances change and a phone call to the companies in question...before the bill is overdue...will often go a long way.

I made a lot of cuts. No cable, one phone line, found a cheaper hair stylist (who does a better job), rarely buy myself new clothes, looked at ways to better weather-proof my house.

Last, if you feel overwhelmed, find someone to talk to. At one time in my life I saw a therapist on my own when I was struggling with some major life decisions. My ex and I saw a marriage counselor...it didn't keep us from getting divorced, obviously, but he actually help me see that I was putting up with behavior that I shouldn't have. When my daughter was born I was part of La Leche League and a Mother's Group. If I could overcome my time struggle, I would see a therapist/counselor/coach on my own again. I don't want my family to worry and my friends become to "generous" with gifts if they see that I am struggling too much.

Good luck. You can make it. You will make. Remember that others' circumstances are worse than yours. If you feel guilty about being away from your kids for work, remember that they could be much worse off than having a parent that loves them but still has to provide for the family. Don't let the stress of worry overwhelm your ability to succeed.

For work at home opportunities, search the website

www.komando.com

She is a talk show host that has vetted many of these companies for legitimacy. I listen to her show quite often and have a friend who used the list to do some work at hom.

P.S. Wow...that was really long, but I feel better as I sit her away from my daughter for the second week in a row.

3 moms found this helpful
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M.C.

answers from Detroit on

I was a divorced mom raising a daughter for about 8 years until I remarried. My daughter is now 15. My life was in the dumps for a while until I decided to get my head on straight, take control, and set goals. I remember how difficult it was to save money, pay bills, go to school, and try to be the best mom I could. I worked full time and went to school part time. Then I did the reverse, so that I could spend time with my daughter and finish school faster. My biggest help came from my parents and university faculty. I don't know where I would have ended up had it not been for them. They babysat and helped us any way they could. I prayed alot for help and the Lord answered my prayers. God bless my parents for their support and love. I've learned that if God hands you lemons, you make lemonade. You set goals. You remain positive and hopeful, and most importantly, you work hard to reach your goals. I graduated college with honors and ended up with a good job. I worked hard in school and part of that was due to some wonderful faculty at the university that I attended--they helped me on the road to success. I explained my situation and what my goals were. I received all kinds of grants and financial aid. They even prepared a life plan for me to get me through school. I am forever grateful to them. If you genuinely reach out to people with the best intentions and ask for help, you will receive it. Never take what you achieved for granted and always remember those who helped you. When it comes to career choices, you have to follow your head sometimes rather than your heart. You pick a field that you know will offer job prospects and provide you a comfortable life. Even though times are tough now, we don't know what the future will hold, so we have to be as best prepared as possible.

M.

3 moms found this helpful
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D.H.

answers from Indianapolis on

There are many ways to keep afloat.......coupons, making out a list of meals for the week and only buying what you need........

As for the gloomy.......try looking at the positive side......look at what you have, not what you don't or can't have.

My husband has been unemployed for over a year........I'm trying to start a new business.........and looking for part time work to help............we are barely making it ...... So remember, there are people a lot worse off than you........

Yes, there are work at home jobs that are legit.....you have to work to find them.............

Take care.

2 moms found this helpful
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K.F.

answers from New York on

Perspective plays a great role in life and living life to the fullest.

Some of my strategies for successful single parenting include having a financial planner. (I'm not a millionaire or even well off but I just figured it couldn't hurt.) The advice I received has helped me tremendously. Advice such as opening a savings account online where I make systematic deposits into this account. I have watched this account grow and grow.

Other things I have done is figuring out what talents and skills I have that will help me earn extra money. So I sell things on Ebay, do some holiday baking, babysit other children during off hours and special times like Valentine's Day and other things like that. I'm active at my local church which broadens the number of people I'm exposed to. I have sold handmade jewelry and other crafts. What talents do you have that others would want? Do you like dogs? Perhaps you could be a dog walker or dog sit. There are so many ideas you can do to help you out.

I find that planning out meals for the month really helps to save money. Get a deep freezer if you can and use that to store your monthly purchase of meats. You can get things on sale and store them. You can also feeze leftovers and bring them out at a later date. The food is much more tasty the second time around when all the seasonings have done their work throughout.

Yes these are challenging times but you have so many options at your grasps. Just quiet yourself down and think them out and then do them. You will both be just fine.

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