Could You Afford ($) #3? - Melrose,MA

I find people put more thougt in if they can afford a pet. Whenever soemone is telling me they are thinking of getting a dog or other pet, they say their hesitation is the cost of food, vet and their personal time. Yet when some people decide on having more than one child "some" people don't factor in $$. In all honesty you have to. Education, healthcare, housing,food etc, it really should be factored in. How many kids are in the system because their parents couldn't afford to keep them? Granted that is the extreme, but why live tight or without basic essentials because the need of a child out weighs the means?IMHO

If you are having trouble with feeding, clothing and putting a roof over the the heads of the kids you already have, it's irresponsible to add another child into that situation.
If you can feed, clothe and shelter the kids you already have, then have as large a family as you like.

I told me husband that bringing a third baby into this world won't be a good idea only because we have high credit card bills and a car we are paying on. We are expecting number 2 in May and then we are done having kids. Don't do it if you are struggling now. Good luck

My opinion is that if you are having a hard time living within your means now don't bring another child into that. And that means can you afford all things the child will need without assistance. I saw a mom on here a while ago asking if she could claim disability while pregnant. Really? The money needed includes but not limited to, food, daycare, schooling, clothing, medical, dental, vision and so much more. If you need to seek states assistance for any of the above you can't afford to have another child. So pay off the credit cards and other stuff first. obviously not talking about a huge thing like the mortgage but if bills are tight enough that you will be paying credit cards off for years how can you introduce in more medical bills and food and clothing needs?

I needed to add this to my answer. WIC, Daycare assitance thru the state and circuit breaker help with utilities,. any of those things mean the state and therefor other tax payers are helping to pay the way for families. They do count as public assistance. (Not saying you are recieving any of those things) just in response to another poster who said Wic doesn't count. Since my taxes help to fund wic it does count. any yes everyone needs help sometimes but to bring another child into a household that is having a hard time paying off debt is not in my opinion a financially sound idea.

Please don't listen to these people telling you to just go ahead! You have two and while it would be a FAR better world if people would wait until they're financially in decent shape, even if your finances aren't perfect, there are much better times financially than others. If you have a lot of debt then NO, you shouldn't have more until you're out of debt - if ever. If you're having to use credit cards and have a bunch of high bills to keep your family of four going, then there's your answer.

I didn't see the episode in question, but will chime in.

We DID very much factor money into our decision to have one child. I grew up in a family that experienced a lot of poverty, and I know I don't want any child of mine growing up in it. From my perspective, there's a lot of lip service paid to "love" making the hard times for the poor 'all better'... the fact of the matter is that love doesn't pay for medical insurance. It doesn't put food on the table. It doesn't buy clothes that don't have holes, or new shoes or much-needed braces. Love will not pay for the extras that school requires children provide. Love doesn't pay for babysitting after school.

Love is great, but it's not the socio-economic panacea that our culture often likes to believe it is. Yes, it does make things better, but it is NOT a form of currency.

We took a hard look at our lives after our son was born. We have a reasonable house payment (we bought before the prices rose, back in 99 or so) on a reasonably sized bungalow we love. We have a good little '92 Honda that comfortably holds four, which was paid in full at purchase. We purposely live within our means--no vacations on credit, single car family, no cable tv/broadband services. We do not have an extravagant lifestyle, but can afford some of the things we value for our son: health insurance, nutritious food, high-quality preschool. With a second child, we'd have to make serious choices. We also know that we would be less likely to afford our son's extended educational costs in the future, whether he goes to college or wants to pursue something more specialized.

Thus, the decision to not have more children. When my husband went in for the vasectomy, we were absolutely clear in our minds that this was the best decision for our son's future, given our incomes and resources. When my husband was laid off and unemployed for the first 6 months of last year, it was tight, yet we managed to keep our heads above water. When I end my teaching work in June, we'll be able to maintain our modest lifestyle and keep our family insured, fed and happy. As a kid who grew up visiting the doctor 4 times throughout her entire childhood, eating subsidized hot lunches whilst working in the cafeteria and having peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner, and wearing ugly hand-me-downs, I am just not putting that on any child of mine. I just couldn't.

I think, too, that Octomom is an extreme example of having more children than one can afford. I know couples with just ONE who can't afford their child. That might have been a more interesting--and way more brave and challenging--episode.

Added: while we love the idea of having more kids, I've also known several couples who have divorced due to financial woes, often brought on by the expansion of the family and the financial pressures/priorities of the parents. Not optimal, and often foreseeable. I happen to feel that having children with the 'Have the baby, figure out how to afford it later" is irresponsible and based on an unfounded optimism. This is putting our own desires in front of the needs of the children. Not good.

I'm one of those weirdos who waited to have kids until I was financially secure.

As a result we aren't living off of credit cards, we aren't scrimping and pinching and living paycheck to paycheck, and our kids do not have to go without. We don't have to spend your tax dollars on welfare or so-called "free" kids' health insurance.

We work hard, we save responsibly, and we model good financial decision-making for our children because we think those are essential skills for life.

I would not have another child if I did not have enough to pay for college for the first one (and food, shelter and everything that comes before then). I do not think it is fair to expect that the rest of us who make financially responsible decisions should pay for those who chose to have multiple children they cannot afford. And we stopped at one - for the person who felt there would be too few children in the world if we all waited until we are financially secure - there are way way way too many people in the world for the available resources, climate, etc.

My personal thought on this is that if you cant afford them dont have them, why make them suffer being poor in a capitalistic society?
I only say this because I have tons of poor people living in my environment, they have lots of kids that I guess they thought would make them happy, but all of them are sad and depressed, even the kids.
If you can pay cash for the ob and delivery, go for it.
My husband and I decided on two because we knew that was all we could afford otherwise we may have had 10. Money definitely played a factor in our decision.

I have known at least a 14 women who decided to have another child (or two) in spite of looking into a sketchy financial future. I can count at least ten of them who are now depending upon other taxpayers to help make ends meet, and one of those moms has been couch surfing in other people's homes with her four for the past year. Some of them are being called many times a week by bill collectors.

Of course they all love their children dearly, perhaps even frantically. But I'll bet if you asked them, they would agree that fewer kids, being raised with more options and less stress, would have been a far better choice, and far more responsible and loving to the children they'd already given birth to.

And I also know lots of moms, myself included, who stopped with one or two kids for a variety of reasons, and while they would have loved to have more babies, they focused on the blessings brought by their small but comfortable families. Now many of them are in their 50's and 60's (I'm 63), and I know none of those women have regretted sticking with a smaller family – we've had conversations about that exact issue.

There are a million ways each of us can define our dreams. More kids is one way. But choosing a new dream for valid reasons is always possible: imagine a small famiiy with a little financial security and the possibility of giving one or two children greater opportunities, more parental time, less worry about living month to month with debt hanging like a sword over your head. A lovely dream, indeed!

I always chuckle when I hear people talk about being "ready" for another child, because it's my belief that you can be prepared, but no one is ever "ready." No one knows what it will be like until it happens. "Afford" is another of those subjective terms - everyone means something different when they say it.

We have 4 kids. We've always been able to afford extras like summer camp, vacations, dance lessons and birthday parties because we buy used (cars, clothes, furniture), I refuse to buy anything designer, I cook a lot of inexpensive casseroles, parties mean cake and pizza and we're willing to tell our kids "no" when they want something extravagent (like a fancy phone). We rarely carry a credit card balance, and we never carry it for long. We've lived in the same house for 17 years. My oldest 2 kids graduated from college, and paid 1/2 of their way through. (Our younger 2 are still at home.)

Lately, people are willing to applaud being frugal, but for years we had to endure remarks like, "How can you put your children in a used car? Their safety is at stake!" - and that was from our friends! (Imagine what other people said.) You have to be ready to do what you think is right, not cave and do what you think will impress people. And by the way, the answer to the car question is, "We've never been stranded, in an accident or had anything else happen that would indicate our cars are unsafe. Plus, a new car becomes a used one very fast!"

My parents had 4 kids and far less money than we do. There were no parties, vacations meant camping instead of hotel stays, and none of us ever had any private lessons. But, even with no health insurance, they paid for 3 kids in glasses and two in braces and didn't carry much debt except a mortgage. (They've been in the same house for almost 50 years.)

Having a child is a very personal decision, not one you can have others make for you; but, I'd let money be pretty far down the list of deciding factors. :)

I came from a family of 3 that had the electricity turned off once and a while. I heard my parents fight about money and we never went on vacations except every three years to grandma's. I was loved and clothed and fed but I realized the stress my parents were under to provide for us. I have only one child and will leave it at that because I want to be able to provide my child with the things that I did not have... not just material things but a stress free environment where you don't have to feel guilty for asking for things.

On an educator note: The single most defining factor that determines a student's reading level is socioeconomics. If you are working so hard to make ends meet you may not have the time or energy to read to your child or give them quality learning experiences.

This does not mean that you are in this situation but things to think about. Best of luck, whatever you choose.

We have decided to not have another child. I would love one, but our age and financial status are two reasons why we are going to stop. My husband makes very good money, but, we should be saving more for college and we should have a larger emergency fund. We also have in-laws in Ireland, and another 1k a plane ticket to go see the grandparents? It all adds up. Suze Orman is nuts. She was totally in debt before a friend got her started giving other people money. I do not like that woman.

However, she is exactly right. If you have debt on credit cards, you probably shouldn't be having more children. Children are expensive, things happen. My second had a kidney issues, so he had surgery at 4 weeks, and again next month. Two years in a row of really high medical costs.... Thankfully we had enough money set aside to cover the costs, but what if something really goes wrong with #3?

If you have a very good income but really high debt, then you really need to change things, and having another kid isn't going to be the answer --if you ask me.

I am surprised by a lot of answers. But I get that this is a very emotional Q&A.

Based on our personal history and experience, yes. Money SHOULD be taken into account when having children. A lot of answers say 'no' but then go into things like budgeting, cutting off health clubs or other things. So in the end, everyone does seem to agree that money should be considered.

If you have a high mortgage and a high credit card debt (plural?), you're asking for trouble. In this economy, your mortgage could go red and you end up with balloon payments you cannot afford and then your home is taken away. We have seen this happen all over the community we used to live in. Credit card bills? If you are in debt and only able to pay part of your invoices, you are basically on a hamster wheel the rest of your life bc you are paying interest over and over and over which means, in the end, you will have paid 500x what you ACTUALLY purchased on those credit cards.

You also have to consider what you're willing to give up for #3.
How long can you go without eating at restaurants, making all of your meals from generic brands, shopping at wholesale and resale shops, not buying extras like books or magazines, no health clubs, no vacations, no trips to the salon or getting your hair highlighted.

Trust me... if you are that tight on money, those things go OUT the window (or should!).

We've been there. Had to when we were surprised with #1. And we both had good jobs. It stunk going from one lifestyle to another. I really felt sorry for myself.

Trust me, I LOVED my daughter and being a parent but it was hard seeing others get to do all these things and have all these things that I USED to do/have and after a while it becomes a HUGE stress.

And temptation WILL get you.

I had a friend who went against the "money should not be a factor, my son needs a sibling" thing. she had a daughter and couldnt pass down clothing so had to get all new clothes and now depends on family to help her (that is not fair! your choices shouldn't effect those around you, family, government or society). Though I am not against social welfare. She has had to move several times bc they lost their house and never thought her husband would lose his job.

You have to think about the unforeseen!
what if you have that 3rd and you DO lose a job?

you must plan ahead.

if you don't have a savings account, but more importantly you're in high debt? it's not the 'best' idea. anything could happen. (loss of job, severe illness, bankruptcy, lose your house etc).

.

first, i want to say, i feel your pain (if that is the right word.) i only have 1 & i had her young & we have struggled financially. i originally wanted another when my daughter was 4 or 5, but my daughter just turned 5 & still we are not ready. i want one for not only me (cause they are just so darn cute & fun,) but also for my daughter to have a playmate. but i know it wouldn't be fair to any of us to have another one. i still feel like we will have another baby, but it just will be farther down the road, & that is hard to deal with when it seems everyone else has babies. :(
having said that, i agree with the ones saying you might want to hold off a bit. i also agree that if you have a good income & everyone has plenty of toys, etc. that you probably can pay off that debt if everyone works together to cut down on certain things.
but whatever you do, you have to put the future child best interests in mind, not just your own. i have learned that the hard way. i am very glad i kept my child. i've learned & grown a lot from it, and she is still a very happy child. i just know that the next time around, i will be thinking a little more clearly. :)

Have another baby and stop spending so much. If you have a very good income you shouldn't be in credit card debt. I think if you severely tighten your belts for a while you can pay your debt off sooner than you think, and you won't have to forgo having a third child.

If you're totally self sufficient and your kids are well taken care of and that'd be the case with #3 too, then you shouldn't feel like you can't have #3. I think after the basics, people have different ideas of what's "necessary" to provide for their kids. That's all personal preference. I don't care if people want to use public schools, not have their kids do fancy things like horse back riding lessons or private tennis etc. The one thing I do have issue with is the number of people who seem to expect their kids to get financial aid for college. IF you do want your kids to go to college, I think that should be factored into your decision. I just don't understand where people think all this financial aid is supposed to come from. If everyone wants financial aid, it means no one is paying full tuition so it's a downward spiral. Same for retirement savings. If you can have 3 kids and still be self sufficient in retirement, go for it. But so many people aren't saving enough for retirement and that's a burden on everyone else someday. An easy rule of thumb is to multiply what you need in income after retirement by 25. Assume you live 25 years after retirement (or 20) and if you want $50k in income a year, that means you should have $1mm saved today. If you have credit card bills, it's doubtful you have much in retirement savings at all. Social Security may not be around when we retire and if it is, it doesn't nearly cover most people's desired lifestyles.

If people waited until they were financially secure, or they had enough in savings... the human race would have dwindled to a point where they'd have to create a baby factory like in the book "Brave New World".

Most people will NEVER be financially secure - especially not with the American capitalist economy and no health benefits/social benefits safety net like they have in Europe and other Developed Nations.

Have children as your body is able... money will come along. Having a busload of children is irresponsible no matter what your financial situation is, but 2-4 children... a family shouldn't have to wait for money.

I skimmed over a lot of the replies and most seem to be implying you would need some sort of assistance for #3. I'm not getting that impression from your post. If I understand it correctly, you have a mortgage and cc debt and like most people in today's economy have begun to buckle your belt a bit. I'd say the biggest thing to consider here is your age. If you are young enough to wait a year or two than wait a bit and pay off that cc debt. If you are 40 or over than waiting is not an option because Mother Nature will make that decision for you sooner rather than later. I guess I'm in the minority in believing that my children should work for what they want in life rather than holding their hands out waiting for Mommy and Daddy to just hand it over. We are a two income family and have 2 daughters, 4 year old and 7 month old. They are very well taken care of, have plenty of clothes, toys, food, books, etc. Our oldest started Catholic school this year and we plan to provide private school for both our girls and any more blessing from heaven that God bestows on us. We are saving for retirement as well as college educations. We plan on raising our children like I was raised. Mommy and Daddy have X amount of money for each of you to purchase new clothes, shoes, etc. If what we can afford to buy for you is not "good" enough and you must have $150 designer jeans or shoes than I suggest you get a job and pay the difference. That is EXACTLY what my parents did with all three of us girls. And I think it teaches a valuable lesson. We learned to budget very well and also to not make snap decisions on purchases. We step back and think about do I really NEED this or is it just something I WANT because it's trendy right now. My parents didn't buy us cars however they helped us save for our 1st vehicle and paid the premium to add us to their policy. But the vehicle maint was our responsibility. IMHO parents make a mistake just handing things over to their children. Kids come to expect they have a right to high dollar fashion and the latest gadgets. They do not learn the value of a dollar and what it takes to make a dollar. That is just not the real world. We work for what we want in the real world. People, including kids, appreciate things they've worked for so much more than things being handed to them. INCLUDING their college education. We will of course help our children but expect them to contribute as well. Too many kids today head of to college on their Parents dime and then don't take it seriously or think it's party time. If they are paying for some of those books or classes then they'll be far more serious about doing the work. Don't put a lot of stock into whether you will be able to afford to purchase designer clothing, gadgets and vehicles for your children. In today's economy I think everyone needs to learn to be as thrifty as possible. While we could afford to purchase new clothes for our girls, I rarely do. My youngest wears her sisters hand me downs. They were both born in the summer so the timing worked out perfectly for sizes. Why buy new when the old is still in perfect condition. For my oldest I shop the Wee-Sale (huge consignment sale for kids) twice a year here. This year I purchased 2 winter coats, matching Christmas dresses for the girls, 3 extra Christmas dresses for our oldest for Church, 14 sweaters, 5 dress shirts, 12 pairs of pants, 2 track suits, mittens, gloves, hats, scarves for a total bill of $150.00 Most of the items still had the tags on them and are Osh Kosh, Old Navy, etc. I also shop with coupons and stock up on meats when they are on sale. We do our best to save where we can so we can afford the occasionally splurge on other things. Tighten your belt, bargain shop as best you can and then apply those savings to your cc debt to get it paid down. And by all means if you and hubby decide you want to go for #3 then GO FOR IT. Good Luck and God Bless.

If you have kids without money - you make them disadvantaged... plain and simple... You want to have them because you have instincts... just like animals do, to pass on your DNA. In some places women do not have choices to have or not to have... You have... so chose wisely.

I think this is a very personal question...kind of like asking people how they invest - for retirement, for college, savings, etc.

Some people believe that children/family are the most important things in the world and that plenty of people have had great, loving families without lots of money or stuff. Look at Dolly Parton or tons of other celebrities who grew up very poor but said they never felt like things should have been different - it just WAS their reality.

Other people believe that it's important to provide well for their kids. Not only with love and affection, but with never having to worry about where their next meal will come from, go without, and knowing that their college will be taken care of. Some people choose smaller families so they can do the extras like go to Disney, the Bahamas, etc. every year to expose their children to the world.

And then there are many who are somewhere in the middle.

I don't know that anyone else can answer this question for you.

I personally think that we have been very smart about how we got/get things for our kids/family. We originally registered for "gender neutral" toys, clothes, and nursery items - so they've lasted us through all of our kids. We also buy and sell a lot on ebay, craigslist, garage sales, etc. I think most kids items still have a lot of life left in them, and as long as you read the postings, you can get great stuff at a significantly reduced price. For example, we've gotten all of our kids bikes, big wheels, etc. used so far. Most were hardly worn at all! And my kids haven't cared in the least. We bought new streemer and stickers to decorate the bikes to personalize them, and it's been great fun.

My logic is that I clip coupons, shop sales and work my magic online so that I save money on a weekly basis that then "earns" us a great vacation each year. And I'm teaching my kids the same things.

My only advice to you is shop/save now like you can't afford some of those extras. You've already racked up the credit card bills and they are charging you finance charges every month that are eating up your potential savings. Put what you can now toward the highest interest rate card and get rid of those bills!

Then, in the meantime, if #3 comes along, you'll be in a better financial situation because you've already had months/years of practice of going without the extras.

Best wishes in your decision.

I think these are two separate issues. Children are a blessing, debt is a curse. Work on both, but don't use one to answer for the other. I've been following a blog from a local lady who is working hard on getting her family out of more than $100K in credit card and car loan debt with four kids and a mostly one-income home and it's incredibly inspiring: http://www.chasingthefire.blogspot.com/

Oh and BTW, we currently live on just over 30K a year and are expecting our 2nd child in a few weeks. My husband works for the city and we have excellent health coverage and job security, so things are tight but we are not using social services. I had a fantastic job before DD1 and we made a combined income of just over 100K, so I had to give up A LOT. It's funny to me to even think of comparing what I had in my life then to what I have now. Sure I can't go shopping to buy things on a whim, I watch the sales like a hawk and buy my DD's clothes at second hand stores and am getting pretty crafty with rummage sales. We never go out to eat or out to movies unless it's to the budget theaters every once in awhile. I get my haircut at an Aveda school and we don't have cable or smart phones and we drive two older (paid for) cars. But to be honest it's kind of a game to make it work, a challenge and I think it's making me a better person. Oh and we Never buy generic groceries! I make practically everything from scratch now and we buy 1/3 of a grass-fed cow once a year (saves a ton of money and is SO much better for my family health-wise).

I wouldn't trade my daughter for any of the material Things, activities and whatever I used to have easily and with barely a thought. In fact, it's not even something you can compare. If it is for you, then you probably shouldn't have another child, but I have a feeling you're more like me :)

If we all sat down and thought about how much it cost to raise children there would probably be a lot of childless couples lol!! It is all about what you want and what you are willing to sacrifice. When I had my kids we had one income, a modest home, one car, no vacations, and my husband I didn't buy each other birthday or Christmas gifts for years, and I wouldn't change any of it. You can always do without those things, but not a roof over your head and food on the table. As long as you can provide that you will be fine. I think the questions we ask ourselves should be, do I have enough patience, love, and time to give a third child. That is truly what any child needs to thrive.

Money was never a consideration for us when deciding to have more children. My husband has a good, stable job but we have bills and a mortgage like anyone. Do we have oodles of cash left after bills? No. Are we struggling to make ends meet? No. We had our children (3...so far) because we wanted to add to our family. And quite honestly, after the initial expense of baby gear with the first baby, babies # 2 and 3 didn't cost us much - just diapers and some clothes. (I guess it's different in the states though, paying for hospital bills and health care.)

I think parents who want a large family should have as many kids as they want. Parents will always find a way to love and care for who ever they have in their home.

Personally, I think finances should have very little to do with this decision.

When I was growing up, it was made clear to me that I was expected to go to college, but I'd have to figure out how to pay for it (scholarship mostly, as it turned out). We grew a lot of our own food. My Mom made our clothes. Sometimes we had popcorn for dinner (which I thought was great). I had no idea we weren't just like almost every other family until I got to highschool...and I can't say it ever bothered me.

I'm glad I'm here.

We are getting ready to have #3. We already know it's going to be hard the first year or so while we have all 3 kids in daycare/preschool. However, this was all thought of BEFORE we went for #3....ways to pay for daycare, save, etc. We have no debt, but are aware be may go into a little bit of it this year....knowing we will be able to pay it off in the next year or two.

On another note, I have a friend that went for #2.....is in MOUNDS of debt....has been laid off for over a year (and hasn't looked for job)...continues to spend....and went ahead with #2 anyhow. Truly it is a couples/person's choice in the end. However, I do feel that there is a point where a couple/person should think about their financial security BEFORE they take on the responsibility of having another child. Sit down and have a discussion with your husband about the kind of debt you're in and come up with a plan. I don't think there's anything wrong with going for #3, as long as you have a financial plan in place that allows for more financial freedom in the future. Good-luck with the decision making!

'afford' is a subjective term. what would it really take to afford another family member? eating out less often? smaller vacations? wearing less stylish clothing? not getting that new furniture?
now compare that to all the intangible benefits of adding to your family...the love and joy another child would bring. somethings are priceless.
unless you are on the verge of bankruptcy or needing to apply for pubic aid, 'afford' should be reevaluated. i grew up across the street from a school teacher with a stay at home mother & 4 kids. modest house, one car, and 'eating out' meant going to McDonalds. but those kids didn't miss having the fancy jeans or latest toys. and all grew up very happy to be very sucessful adults. and family remains the most important thing to them to this day. priceless.

i have 5 kids on one income. We're not rich but you learn to be frugal along the way. Octomom's situation is totally different than most peoples. If you want a 3rd. I'd go for it.

This is so interesting to me - I was just thinking about this yesterday when I was talking with friends about that episode (I didn't see it but they were telling me about it). We are trying for #3 and have credit card debt for the first time ever because of it. We have to do IVF or adopt for another child because I had my tubes tied three years ago. I sometimes think about how "easy" it would be if I hadn't had that done and we didn't have to take out such a big loan for the IVF. I know Suze Orman would disagree with the choice we made! Some might say it's irresponsible, even. But we already have plans where we are putting money away for our kids' educations, our retirement, and life insurance. Those were established before we began this process.

It's done now, and we are waiting for next month to transfer the remaining frozen embryos we have (the first time didn't work but luckily we had some leftover). I feel that money can always be made - my husband works in the summers when he's off from teaching and we put money towards any big bills we have. I know this might not even be a good reason, but from observing friends and colleagues, I don't know many people at all who can comfortably afford three kids and the lifestyle they had without kids, or with one or two. I have serious doubts that everyone who has more than two kids does so with a Suze Orman-approved financial plan in place. I know there are people like that out there, yes, but they seem few and far between to me.

I know for us, if this works out, it will be a little tight through the daycare years, but we will make it work. We have trimmed a lot out of our budget that was unnecessary and are saving money that way as well. I suggest meeting with a financial advisor, and using one in the future, to get a firm handle on your finances - how much you have going in, coming out, and what is leftover each month, and go from there. Good luck! Emotional decisions like having or not having kids are not easy!

Some of the ans. make it sound like you will be applying for welfare on the
birth of #3. I did not get that feeling. Another baby really when you think
about it does not cost a tremendous amt. Not like the first. Things always
work out. That being said, if you are drowning in debt and cannot pay
present bills then it is a bad idea right now. Try to get caught up and then
go for #3.

We had four kids in a little oer three years. Our choice. Could we afford it.
If you looked at numbers you would say no. But we did it. We neer went
out for dinner (a treat was maybe McDonalds eery other month). We
stayed home, had friends oer. My friends and I had a breakfast at each
others house once a week. We shopped carefully and our kids did not
hae the clothes that kids today do. They are all now grown and ery successful. Two hae their own businesses, one is on the FDNY and
the other is an operating room nurse. Not bad considering, by todays
standards, we could not afford it.

In summary, if you want that other baby go for it.

I have never had $$ as the deciding factor, you don't need much to live and survive, if you can't fathom living off of less things then maybe a baby isn't in the future we have three loving kids and you would be shocked on what we live off of :)

We didn't have a choice in whether we had # 3 or not. I wanted a sibling for our older daughter and after YEARS of trying, we got pregnant--with TWINS. You can handle anything that comes your way if you set your mind to it. We've been surviving off a single income with a debtload for 2 incomes for over 5 years. It's been a tough road, but we're making it, even getting to take the girls to Disney for 2+ WEEK long vacations each year. As long as you don't rely solely on the gov't (there's no problem with receiving WIC) and don't ask others to support you--go for it!

We actually adopted #3 and WOW was it expensive! insurance would have paid for IVF expenses but not a penny for adoption! giving birth would have given me a few weeks paid disability leave but I took unpaid family time. Our first adoption attempt did not pan out -lost money there. But NOW we have the most adorable, sweetest happiest little boy and every time we think of him there is no doubt we did the right thing. Every time he smiles I know he is a gift from God and that God helped us to find the right child for our family. And when I wonder about what could have happened to him if we hadnt adopted him well I'm sure it was meant to happen. When I wish we had more money (frequently!) I never think well if only I didnt have a third child. I doubt anyone who worries about their finances thinks that. Do you have the time and emotional support for a third child? does your spouse want a 3rd? Also remember there is no hurry, unless you're hitting 45 My third child is almost an only child he is so much younger, but he is so loved by his siblings and he knows they are his brother and sister, he is great at playing alone and great at playing with the neighbors!

There are so many children in this world that have a rough life and unwanted. Children are such a blessing and SO wonderful! I say have another baby, you will figure out how to make ends meet. Now if you are so financially strapped that you are losing your house, cars, etc. then by all means wait until you can afford it better but it sounds like things are just tight for you. Believe me, there are tons of things you can do to save money, you will make it work.

Good luck to you!

I am mom to three boys. Each one a very very large suprise. we have had trouble both with cc debit and me not having med ins and owing money towards med bills. This being said, I realize that money is a very important thing to think about. The love you will have for that thrid baby though, beats bills...bill can always be paid. This again is just my opinion. good luck with your looking for an anwser. it is not the easiest choice. this is why i am glad that all three for us were way outta left field. good luck...if it is meant to be it will happen.

Libby

There are many ways to accomplish goals in life. I don't believe that it is the parents responsibility to pay for a child's education. I know that's shocking and I did go into parenting thinking that I wanted to do that. By the time the girls were old enough to even be thinking about it, life had knocked us down a few times and it would not have been possible to pay for one let alone 4. I'm SO GLAD now that we couldn't. Education is out of control, a lot of people don't appreciate it, choose the wrong majors, and I believe the people that choose correctly and get the grades are the ones that have to work hard to get it.

Outside of paying for education, daycare expenses would be the largest expense to consider. Many parents today work opposite shifts of each other so they don't have to do that or they are old enough when they start that they have retired parents to help. Some spread the kids out so they only have 1 in daycare at a time. I chose to run a daycare in a state that does not count my own children against me. Because of that I could have # 3 and 4. If I was working outside the home I can't even imagine wanting # 3 and 4.

What I ACTUALLY think about this though is, people have a LOT of NERVE telling others what to do about this very personal issue. Most people today believe that Gay and Lesbians deserve complete acceptance and the right to choose to do as they please. Yet we think that we can tell people how many children they should have?! I consider the choice to have or not have children to be just as intimate and an OFF LIMIT discussion. I don't mean for here as in Mamapedia, but period, anywhere. It disgusts me to see people talking about others reproductive lives.

Wow, I saw this episode too and it got me thinking! My gut response was feeling annoyed because I don't think money should be the driving force behind a decision to have another child. BUT of course it should be weighed into the decision making process. And if you literally cannot put food on the table, or keep a roof over your head, then of course a child is OUT of the question.

This question hit home for me because we ARE pregnant with #3 right now! It was an accident, and it was a little concerning because we aren't "perfect" financially. We have a bit of debt we are working on, we have a mortgage (although thankfully bought a house we could MORE than afford - too bad it's too small lol), and two car payments. But we do not live paycheck to paycheck, have money in the bank, and make well over 6 figures together. We are nowhere close to where we ideally want to be, but we aren't struggling either, if you know what I mean.

My bigger concern is paying for college down the road with 3 kids close in age! But it's impossible to see into your future that far. You could have millions saved now and poof that is gone in 15 years. Life is twisty.

I think Suze Orman is incredibly conservative and smart, but you can't bring children into this world based purely on a mathematical computation of your "worth" as a parent or family. It's an emotional question too.

K

We could afford #3, but really COULD NOT afford #4 who came just 18 months later. But...we did, and we managed, and we're not bankrupt or living in fear of foreclosure. We're doing ok. Our biggest goal has been to not use the credit cards. We've paid cash for everything for the last 2 years and its really helping us to just pay down the old debt.

Your financial situation is important, but so are many other things. We are comfortable (mortgage and one car payment). So, we had to consider other things like providing for their education through college, braces, getting a car when they turn 16, studying abroad if they want, vacations, etc. Also, how much to both parents work. Would there be time for sit down dinners, reading at bedtime, homework, etc. or do you pick up the kids from childcare at 6pm? We are military so we also took into consideration deployments and moving. We decided that we could afford (based on things other than money) #3. I am #3 of 4 and my husband is an only child. We both had college paid in full (I know that's a hot topic), got cars when we turned 16, took family vacations, had braces, studied abroad, etc. We want to be able to do that for our kids, which we feel we can.

On that note, my husband is currently deployed (kids are 5, 2, 5 months) and it's a lot of work. I am a SAHM, but we don't live anywhere near family. Dinner/bath/homework/reading time is especially stressful with three! Running errands and going to church are now more challenging, too. I love it, but having another is more than how much money you have in the bank.

If you have credit cards and use them to pay for things, you are poor! You don't really have the money! You could be saving all that money up every month. People with huge credit card debt are greedy because they MUST have what they want NOW instead of saving for it. Cut them up and pay off the debt. Then think about another baby. But money is not the only factor, you might get stressed with 3 kids, it is a whole new world going from 2-3 kids as you don't have 3 hands etc.

OK you've gotten a lot of answers and I skimmed them but didn't read them all so I may be repeating OR I may get slammed here for my point of view but here goes. I believe that credit card debt = living beyond your means, and that mindset (living beyond one's means) is part of the reason why our economy hit the toilet a few years back. Yes everyone does it but that's exactly the point - it's still a BAD idea.

For anyone who has credit card debt I'd say #1 priority is to get out of it. as quickly as possible. That means you have to make decisions based on that premise, and not do things that incur more debt. SO, I'd say the bare minimum criteria for having a child (not for you but for anyone) is being out of credit card debt and able to provide for your child/ren. As I said, I am sure this will make me an outlier as every these days thinks credit card debt is just the norm! It's not! Having a mortgage IS perfectly normal - but one you can afford with an interest rate that isn't going to go up any time soon is best of course.

Also, if you aren't over 40 you've got plenty of time -why not get out of debt first, then add to your family.

Good luck!!!

That's probably not a bad general rule of thumb but you should make the decision based on your specific circumstances. If you think you can afford the expenses of a 3rd child and want one, have one even if it means tightening your belt. If you think if would cause serious financial distress, you should probably wait a little to try to get in better shape. You don't have to give up the idea completely or wait until your financial situation is perfect just better.

I saw the same Oprah and had to laugh...we just had #3 and on paper shouldn't have. I completely agree with you about thinking you'd regret it in the future if you didn't have the baby because of money. My mother always said that you make due with what you have. I say go for it, but try as hard as you can to get your finances in order as much as you can. We've made some tough money decisions lately to make ends meet, but I feel that my family is complete with baby #3...more "stuff" that I'd buy with my credit card won't make me as happy as this little baby, so it has been easy to cut out all the extras like restaurants, shopping, etc. It is all about choices, and if you make the right ones, you can afford that baby.

I also saw this episode and that kinda hit home with me as well. We get by alright with my husband working and myself working very part time. I am pregnant now with our second child. I justified it the way she said by the fact that I didn't want my kids too far apart in age. I know we will make it work, but we certainly will be doing it very tightly. I just bought the Dave Ramsey book "total money makeover" I have heard nothing but great great things (alot on this website) about it and how helpful it was. So I am going to give it a shot.
What Suze said makes sense, but at the same time she is guite the extremest when it comes to $ and savings and retirement. I think in todays world you get by with what you have and try to achieve more. I know that once my kids are older I will go back to work full time and make the $60-70K I was before, and would honestly be just fine with alot less. So if you can do it now, then do it. You will always have the future to get ahead. I'd suggest buying the book though. Can't do any harm. Good luck.

I wanted to suggest that you maybe look into Dave Rasmey's Finacial Peace University. He has many common sense ways to get rid of credit card debt quickly. Alot of people have gotten completely debt free (except the house) in about 3 years. So, depending on how soon you are wanting to have baby #3 you could possibly have no or few credit card debt by the time baby arrives.

Check out Dave's website also. He has all kinds of budgeting tools and things that is interesting to look at.

http://www.daveramsey.com/home/