Ok, so I asked this question back in July and I received very positive feedback. I have since done a ton of research on Surrogacy and I am Intrigued by the entire process. My husband and I decided that this is a journey we would be willing to take, but now right before began the process my husband decided that he is having second thoughts. He is worried about what our neighbors will say, what the kids at our child's school will say about us to our child. I am not so worried about all of that, but I would like to hear back from you lovely ladies on your thoughts about Surrogacy in general and what you would think of a friend or neighbor who was embarking on such an adventure.
ALL OPINIONS WELCOME! Thank You!
Babies are miracles.
Really, think about the whole process of conceiving and "growing" a baby - it is truly an amazing thing.
To provide that miracle for another couple would be the greatest gift that one could give.
I think it would be beautiful and selfless whether you are the one giving or the one receiving the miracle of a baby.
Just Wow, oh Wow.
My best friend is doing this right now. Most people don't even give it a second thought, although I think her MIL really doesn't like that she's doing it. She just tells her kids (and mine) that she's "baby sitting" for someone else. I think it was a little easier for her kids to "get it" because the real parents came to visit for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't worry what kids at school will say, they won't even notice or care. But I do have to share a funny story about kids and surrogacy. I have another friend who did this. She had three girls of her own and both times she was a surrogate she was pregnant with boys. So when her youngest was at school one day she told her teacher that her mommy was pregnant but that they don't keep the boys! The teacher called my friend to find out what on earth was going on, and my friend simply explained the situation and all was good :). But one thing I will caution, do not do this unless you are BOTH 100% on board with the idea. There are risks involved as with any pregnancy and you are both going to have to be willing to take those risks together.
Are you considering being the surrogate, or looking to use one to have a baby?
Either way, I have personally seen the miracle of what it can do. My sister in law had a kidney transplant a few years back, and was told she could never carry a baby. It was heartbreaking to her and my brother, They first looked at adoption, and the process seemed so long, with no guarantees. They decided to find a surrogate. This women gave life to my neice, thier is not enough money in the world to pay someone for such a gift. I do think you need to be a certain type of person to be able to carry the baby for nine months and then hand it over. But this women had children of her own and truelly wanted to help my brother and his wife have a family. Ofcourse the money would help her as well, but I know she did for more reasons than that. I am not sure emotionally I could handle it, but I thank god their are people out there that can. If you were my neighbor you would be a hero, you are giving the gift of life. I cannot see any judgment in that. My neice is 4 years old now, a happy healthy beautiful little girl. And we have her surrogate to thank for that. The only thing I found odd, and this is my sis n law b/c well she is a little different. She has NO contact whatsoever with the surrogate. No pictures no card nothing. They just paid her in full bought her a braclet and that was that. My neice is fully there biological child, but I would prob send a christmas card atleast. Thats a whole other topic. Sometimes I wonder if they even plan on telling my neice about it someday? But anyway, God love you if you are thinking about being a surrogate for someone.
One of my son's teachers had a surrogate baby. She also has two of her "own".
She's a teacher and the school, parents, kids...no one had an issue with it. Her husband was her total partner in the decision.
I'm wondering if your husband is worried less about what others will think than he is about how hard it might be for you, or even him, to actually give up the baby.
Men don't always outwardly show how deeply sensitive they really are and maybe saying he's worried about others is his way of saying that he's not sure.
I could be wrong, but you two have to really talk about the reason you want to be a surrogate. Is it for your sister? Is it for someone close to you? Is it for a stranger thinking that might make it easier?
Your motivations are your own and no one's business but your's, but you and your husband have to be 100% on the same page about it.
I honestly wanted my sister to be a surrogate for me, but she wouldn't do it. She had one kid of her own and hated being pregnant so much that she swore she'd never do it again. And she didn't. She's a great mother, don't get me wrong.....but a pregnancy isn't something to take lightly under any circumstances. My sister would have given me BOTH her kidneys, and maybe even both her corneas, but go through a pregnancy? No way.
There are people who will judge us for anything we do. There's no escaping that. In my opinion, you need to figure out if that is REALLY what is bothering your husband.
You're his wife. He loves you. He is going to go to sleep with you every night and wake up with you and see you have morning sickness and swollen ankles. He'll feel the baby kick and watch your belly grow.
You might be able to cope with the fact that it's not YOUR baby, but your husband might be wondering if HE can be okay with it.
He might be worried that he will love the baby.
Just a thought.
I hope it works out for the best whatever you and your husband decide.
wow- what an amazing thing to do. I think it is wonderful! I don't know if it is something that I would be able to do(aside from the fact that I would have to have another c-section!) I don't think you need to worry about what other people might think or say. It just seems like such a blessing to both families. I have friends that have struggled with being unable to have children and it is really sad. This is an amazing thing to go through.
I would say to keep talking it out with your husband and if you are religious or spiritual in anyway- do a lot of praying about it. It will work out for you.
~C.
i was going to be one but the couple i was going to have a baby for ended up getting prego with fertility meds. many just asked me how i thought i would be able to part with the baby once it was born and one woman thought it would be better for the world if the childless couple adopted rather than went the surogacy route. but evryone was nice about the whole thing. i don't see how they could think or say anything negative about the process. i have heard of people that arent educated thinking that you have to have sex with the other man to get prego. i can see how this would change peoples thoughts of you to the negative but if you keep it open and help everyone to understand then there rally shouldnt be any problems. just remember that those that are negative towards the whole thing and dont support you and what you want and do in life aren't really your friends in the first place.
i suggest you join a surrogacy group online though if there isnt one in your area. these woman have been through it already and can help with your questions during before and after the process if you go through with it. www.surromomsonline.com was my favorite. you can even search for the family you want to help out on them.
What difference does it make what others say? The fact that you're willing to do what you are means more than the opinions of shallow-minded people. If people KNOW what you're doing, very few will ever say anything negative about it other than "I don't know how you can part."
I would think it is wonderful that a woman would sacrifice her figure, possible health, and be willing to endure the nausea, exhaustion, and everything else that goes along with pregnancy, all to give birth to someone else's child! It is one of the most selfless things a woman could do. Just make sure that you get compensated appropriately (although you probably won't). I woudn't do it for a penny less than $500,000!! LOL! I don't know how much you will get paid. Maybe $10,000? $15,000 at the most? Are you desperate for money or just the most selfless person who wants to help an infertile woman out? Kuddos to you, I just couldn't do it. But I think it's wonderful!! You are better than me. And don't worry about what other people think!
Who cares what other people say, you will be doing a great thing for a couple who can't have a child. I would only be concerned about talking to a counselor with hubby and your child.
you are giving someone a miracle, who cares what other people say?
I think it's wonderful to embark on this and anyone who says differently is crazy. That you would want to do this for someone is one of the most selfless things anyone could do. Good luck!
I would not worry about others. I have offered myself to be one for my cousin, and I never even considered what others would think. Neither did my husband. We only discussed the impact on our own family, as that's all it would involve. Our kids will be told what is happening if and when that time comes. That is all that really matters to us is that they know what is happening. :)
