My 3 year old son needs to have surgery to fix hernia problem. We already have appointment and everything all set. it will be very early in the morning, and we'll need to take him in early, like 5:30am. I don't think getting him up early and put in car seat would be a problem. But, how should I tell him that he will have a surgery? I understand about cut, blood, and all that, so should i tell him what will happen or tell him a white lie? i don't want to upset him, or make him nervous. But he is very bright, he can tell he's not going to school, or having any fun when he start seeing doctor/nurse in blue/green uniform. Have any mom gone thru the same issue? how would you tell your kid to comfort and to be truth?
thanks for all your advice in advance,
I would tell him that morning. it isn't like he has a say in if it is going to happen. Tell him the dr is going to fix the lump. I don't know what he will experience post op. but tell him that too. i would not tell him he is going to be cut, or mention blood. Fix is plenty of info. and hopefully you are at a children's hospital. They'll give him versed before he goes back to the operating room, and he wont remember anything.
Every child is different, and it is ultimately up to you to decide if telling will help him to understand a little better. Hope my story helps and I wish the best for your family, God Bless!!
How soon is the surgery scheduled for? Some hospitals allow "tours" for children to go on before surgery. I don't know how it is now, but when our 39 year old son was almost two, he had hernia surgery as well. He was sent home the same day and was up and running the next morning. Children are so resilient.
My daughter had tubes inserted in her ears at 18 months. I was really concerned about her fears, but she did just fine. She wanted to know where we were going and I told her Dr. Boyers (who she knew) was going to fix the ouies in her ears.
As soon as the doctor came, she went in the crib just fine and they wheeled her off.
He will be fine and you will bet through it.
C.
When my son was 4 yrs old he had to go through a very long kidney surgery. It lasted 5 hours and we stayed in the hospital for 8 days. Ever since we started diagnosing, we told him what would happen. The kids are smart and avoiding the truth is not the best route.
Good luck with your son.
My son was 3 when we ended up at Childrens Hospital Emergency Room because a quarter was stuck in his throat. We spent 4 hours in the ER and then he had to have surgery to get it out. We just kept telling him that we were seeing the doctor to get the quarter out so his throat wouldn't hurt anymore. And that we needed to get the quarter out because if it didn't come out his throat would continue to hurt and it would get worse. We told him that the nurse would take him to the special room where they would get the quarter out (the OR) and that she would give him special medicine that would make him go to sleep. We told him that he had to be asleep for them to get the quarter out, or the surgery wouldn't work. He wondered if he would see the surgery or feel any pain. We told him No. But that he might feel weird or a little scared when the surgery was over, but that we would be right there after the surgery to take care of him.
He was very groggy afterward, a bit scared, and feeling some pain in his throat from the tubes. It took a couple of hours for him to totally revive and then we went home.
So I would just be honest but simple in your explanation. Let him know there might be some pain, that he might feel scared, but that no matter what you will be there to keep him safe.
I would tell him the truth - most children can smell even white lies! Just tell the truth in a way that he can digest. He won't see any blood or cutting. What he will experience is laying on "a special bed", getting "special medicine" to help him sleep, and waking up later with special bandages on his new boo-boo/owie on his tummy. As many have said below, what's important is for him to know that you will be there with him to help him feel safe. And yes, if you can look at the hospital first, it will help alleviate any fears (mostly of the unknown).
Ask if the hospital you are going to has a Child Life Dept. All Children's Hospitals do and some of the larger ones do too. Their entire job is based on helping children understand all aspects of being in the hopital and explaing at the child's level exactly what they will be seeing, hearing, feeling and so on. Definatly see if you can get a tour beforehand. So important for a child to know where they we be and where Mom will be waiting during the surgery.
Absolutely tell your child what will be happening, he has probably had several doctors appts. regarding his heria so he knows something isn't right. Children really do understand far more than we give them credit for. If you explain it the day or so before in terms he understands and honestly answer his questions he will trust you more. Telling him it won't hurt when in fact it will will make him doubt you the next time he has a question. With shots say it will hurt for a minute but if you hold really still it will go faster and I will hold your hand teh whole time .. if you will. Tell him to take a big breath and let it out slowly like he is blowing a bubble when they do the shot.. it helps him relax and focus on something other than what is happening.
Don't say he is going to be sleep for the surgery.. people wake up during the night when they sleep to go to the bathroom, get drinks or have a bad dream. Say he will be taking special medicine so he is not going to feel the surgery and they have doctors to make sure he is not in pain. You can say it is "like he is asleep" but the medicine will keep him from waking up until the operation is all over and then he will wake up when everything is finished but not before.
Just my two cents... hope it helps,
You HAVE to tell him. Be calm about it. Before something big happens, we explain everything to our kids (one at a time) and then it gives them time to process it and since we have no fear surrounding it, they don't either. It gives them timr to ask questions, etc. They are basically little adults. I don't think you'd like someone waking you up and driving you somewhere and springing something like surgery on you.
When I was pregnant with #2, we explained the entire labor and birth. It took him months and I thought I had explained everything perfectly. He was fine watching his brother born at home and afterwatd the ONLY question I got was, "Why did you have that thing in your nose?" I had oxygen because I was so tired and it gave me a little more energy to focus and get through the long labor. No other questions. In fact, with baby #3, he cut the cord at 5 years old and was fine with everything.
Preparation/education is the key to trust and it releases fear.
I find that using certain YouTube is helpful for the visual aspect of things. They are not exactly always something that a 3-year old needs, but even if it is not, you can watchit so you can fully understand it, so it can ge explained age-sepcifically. Not sure if it's an inguinal ro umbilical, but I found both for you.
This is for an inguinal hernia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6pwlIVQPVA
This is for an umbilical hernia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGzKTQ25iuE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaVTXZzpk1Y
I would be very open with him about it. My son has to have the same surgery in June. He knows exactly what's going to happen. When we go to the doctor's office, the doctor is very encouraging and doesn't scare my son. I hope it works out for you! Good luck!
I agree with what most everyone wrote. I think honesty is key to your relationship with him, but there are a few things to keep in mind. You can emphasize the high points: that the doctor needs to fix something inside him; that everything will be alright; that you will be right there with him and there's nothing to be afraid of. But MOST IMPORTANTLY, I think you should put off telling him all of this until the last minute possible. Otherwise you will prolong all the worry and anticipation for him. For example, I made the mistake of telling my oldest son (at the age of 4) days in advance that the doctor was going to prick his finger for his school physical. HUGE MISTAKE! He stressed about that for nearly every minute of every day...asking hundreds of questions...until the moment came...and then he freaked out at the doctor's office. For my second son, I chose not to tell him anything. At least not until the moment of...and then I think he shed 2 tears for about 2 seconds and then all was well again. So, for your situation, I would never mention the words "cut" or "blood." Consider words like "fixing" and "magic" (because, frankly, that's what it is to me! Surgeons work magic every day.) Just remember that he can sense your fear, so try not to show it and the more time you give him to think about it, the larger it can become to him. And in the meantime, don't worry, everything really will be alright. Best wishes.
Our 2 year old just had a hernia surgery done last week. It was an out patient procedure but serious nonetheless. You should be honest with him because he will have to be put under and shen he wakes he will be very disoriented and groggy from the medication when he wakes up. I sat with my son in recovery for about an hour and a half until he finally came to enough to take him home. Although the Dr. told us he wouldn't be in pain and could resume normal activities right away, he was in pain for two days, and didn't want to walk, only be carried for two days as well. After two days went by he's back to normal again. Good luck!
When my daughter was 3 she had surgery -- ear tubes. I didn't tell her any details -- just the DR was going to fix it and make it better. The nurses we're great -- they know how to make the child think it is fun. Don't let your anxiety show and freek out your son. Be prepared for the after effects from anesthesia -- they can wake up not them selves -- angry, disoriented, etc. Also I'd have a special prize waiting for when its over.
