Suggestions Needed Regarding Divorce Decree

One thing that I am glad I did was to put in my divorce decree that he was responsible for his vehicle. I had to co-sign when he got his Audi & when we divorced he wasn't able to refinance to remove my name from the lease. A year later when I went to buy my house, the Audi came up on my credit check and I was able to provide the realtor with a copy of my decree showing I was not responsible for the Audi. Overall, I had a very easy divorce. We didn't own property together or have children, and we remained civil throughout the entire process. As a matter of fact, once we agreed to divorce, we got along great! But I know situations like that are rare; that usually it's a nasty, ongoing fight that hurts a lot of people. I am so sorry you're going through this. Stay strong, reassure your kids that they are loved no matter what and know that you have all kinds of support. One thing I would like to mention, don't use your kids as an audience to vent about their dad. When they ask questions about what's going on, be honest and don't sugarcoat anything but don't make their dad out to be the devil either.

Best of luck to you!

I am so sorry. I know this is difficult, but you are doing the right thing in trying to do right by your children. Been there, done that.
My suggestions are: 1)that the children cannot sleep over at his house while he has a "sleep-over friend" there. They must be married. Same for you. 2) that he and you should attend court ordered classes on how to handle things now- how to talk to each other civil about the kids, not say bad things to or in front of the kids about the other, etc. This really does help! 3) that if either party moves more than 100 miles from original homestead that that person will then become soley responsible for all travel to/from to see kids.4)decide which one gets whom for income tax purposes 5)open kids bank account and each month both of you are to put in certain amount for college. this will ensure their future. and stipulate not for a car, etc. only college.
I hope these help. The main thing that I can tell you is that your life with him is over. Dont dwell on what could have been. But he will always be their father and it is strictly up to him to be a dad to them. Dont sugar coat things he does to ease your children's pain- they need to see him for who he is. At the same time, don't make things worse than they are either. They need to feel loved at both homes from both of you.I don't mean to get on my soap box but I have just seen what hate towards your ex can do to your kids, and it's not good. If you would like to talk further I would be glad to listen. Good luck, be strong and God bless you and your family.
D.

Leanne, I am so sorry for your situation but even more so from the kids - they will never recover from what has happened.

As for the divorce decree-please be careful to remember what money you have now will be very needed. The lawyers make so much money from the bickering over the little things and the constant changes in the decree. Save your money.

What is actually needed is this-child support-medical coverage and any travel expenses if you and your ex live apart any great distance. Visitations are standard and need not be haggled over-waste of money and stress.

As for college. Not sure you can argue-the child will be an adult and by then-who knows what the financial situation will be for you and your ex. By the time you finish arguing over this, you could have already paid for some college. Put your money in the bank instead of the lawyer's pocket.

Through my divorce, we found that all those things fighting over is not important. We were able to work things out on our own and agree to many issues after the paperwork was finalized. No-we were never friends again but did what we wanted when we wanted in our child's best interest.
I think the hardest thing you will find is getting him to visit now that he has started another life and pay child support.

***OH-get that document that allows you to send auto-deduct to his employer having child support deducted from his pay- what a life saver that was!***

Other than that, every time you change one thing on that paper the lawyer makes $200. Have to really think what you are battling over is worth that expense. The kids yes-stuff no.
Good luck to you and again I am so sorry.
PS:I would recommend getting kids into a solid Sunday school to give them stability and to also give your family a wonderful support group if you ar enot in there already.
Love and Hugs, C.

Hi, make sure you put that he must maintain life insurance on himself with you as the beneficiary until the children both reach age 18. You will need to decide on the amount of coverage that you feel is adequate.

I haven;t had to go through this myself but am a child of divorce (a long time ago). The suggestion for a life insurance policy is excellent. Also, I would request that your ex be required to have the kids on his insurance for medical and dental or that he be required to have a policy for them. Doctors visits certainly add up and we all know that child support is rarely enough to cover food, shelter, clothing, etc. (unless you are married to a movie star - they get amazing dollar figures for child support!).
Best of luck to you and your children!
D.

I assume you are using an attorney? If not, please find one immediately and hopefully one that someone you know can refer you to. I think there are some who advertise on this website (family law).

I hope you get some good responses since it is very important to get everything down before the decree is final. Best of luck to you and your children.

A.