Your Thoughts on a Plan for Visitations-divorce...

I don't know what state you live in, but if you are in Illinois, it doesn't matter if he doesn't "believe" in child support..(and it's not a matter of faith, it's a fact)..the state will require him to pay child support up to ten percent of his income, when he gets one. You also don't say how old your son is. It's hard on little ones to switch houses, but they do get used it eventually. I would let your lawyer set up the visitation schedule to whatever makes it easier on your son.

Definitely talk to your lawyer about all of this when you meet next week. Child support is not an option - who cares if he believes in it? He believed enough to lay down and make a child, and that carries a huge financial burden. It is not fair to your son for him not to pay it. Not optional. And he has to support him in other ways too (insurance, day care, extra cirriculars, college, etc...all of that can be put into your papers.) Don't do him any favors. Don't make it a bad relationship, but it sounds like he is telling you how it is going to be, don't let him do that. Good luck!

First of all, you are doing the right thing meeting with a lawyer. He does have to pay child support, whether he believes in it or not, that is his child and he needs to help support him. He is responsible for half of all the debts, and the assets should be divided about 50/50 as well. visitation can work a number of ways depending on what everyone wants. Many do every other weekend and alternating holidays, along with 6 - 8 weeks during the summer. I know that this is hard on your son, but it is important that you encourage a relationship with his bio dad if bio dad is willing. If you deny him that, he will resent you later when he grows up and does not know his father.

Get him off your insurance now, and see if you can get some of the back child support and insurance premiums as part of the divorce settlement. When my parents divorced, in addition to child support my father was responsible for 50% of all medical bills, my mom had better insurance so we stayed on her policy, but if you do not have coverage he could need to supply that for the child as well. Your lawyer will walk you through all of this. You need to get a fare settlement, do not let your Ex make the decisions here, it sounds like he is trying to screw you (doesn't believe in child support!?! It is part of being a father!). You are being way to nice (keeping him on your insurance ect..)it is time to focus on you and your child and make sure you get what you need from bio dad to take care of that child's needs!

Also, have your lawyer look into the possiblity of your having a life insurance policy taken out by you on your ex - with him paying for 1/2 of it. In otherwords, you take out the policy - at an amount that covers him for his responsiblities up to whatever age your state requires (18, 21, 24) so that you pay the premiums and he has no ability to cancel the policy - but he pays for 1/2 of it. This is a crucial link that is often left out of divorce settlements.

Consider speaking with a financial advisor if you are uncertain about what expenses you need to be thinking of now. You will save yourself a lot of aggrevation now if your initial divorce settlement is as well thought out as possible.

C.

Whether there is any settlement money or not you need to see a lawyer about getting child support payments set up. Even if you don't need them for living expenses now your son will need them later. put them away for college etc. If your ex is a good father you should encourage him to stay in touch with your son. it is wonderful that you have a boyfriend who is willing to be the father figure it will help. But you need a solid child support plan put into the divorce papers. it will save you having to go to court later. also don't sign anything at all as to visitation unless you have totally read and agree to it.

Just to let you know - the judge will enforce a child support order on him whether he wants to pay or not. He is required to pay. If you want to sock it away for your son for later on, that's your choice. But take the child support - you never know when you will HAVE to have it. Also - as far as the lawsuit goes - Texas is a community property state. That means everything - with a few exceptions - is divided equally between the 2 parties. I don't know where the lawsuit falls but definitely ask your lawyer. Also - write out what you want to see for visitation with your son and STBE. That way you have it down and don't forget anything when you talk to your lawyer this next week. Good luck and I hope everything works out the way you need them to.

You need to get your STBE off your insurance immediately. If he has an accident or gets any tickets, your insurance is going to go up. You are not responsible for covering any of his debts as he is no longer part of your household. You need to put an ad in the newspaper stating you are responsible for your debts only and not responsible for any of his. This person is used to ordering you and others around and having to pay for nothing either emotionally or financially. I would definately ask for child support, medical insurance for the child and pre arranged visitation to include shared expense for getting the child to and from the visitation. Listen to your child, for him to get so upset about going with his dad is a big red flag. Good luck to you and your son.

From what I understand in Texas...if you get half of what you have together...if you have debt each part gets half the debt...if you have money (like the settlement) you each get half.

My cousin (female) actually had to cash out her teacher retirement and give her loser husband half the money. Because the assets were split in half and he got half of that money.

Make sure you don't sign or agree verbally to any settlement or visitation issues unless your lawyer is there...don't let him off the hook.

Since he will be living 3 hours away you can set up visitation to be 90 days a year instead of the standard visitation schedule.

Check out this website. http://texaslawhelp.org/documents/clusters/TX/433/English...
These should help you understand what your rights are and what his rights are. The others are right when they say you need to get a lawyer. I would suggest a mediator as well and would start negotiating there. When I went through my divorce 5 years ago, the lawyers made it worse by planting things in each of our heads. We had already agreed on what we wanted to do but my husbands lawyer tried to make it ugly. Once we met with a mediator, everything ran a lot smoother and ended up costing each of us less money. We just had each of our lawyers review the divorce decree that the mediator had drawn up based on our meetings (there were only 2) and it was done. Then off to court myself to file the paperwork and pay the filing fees. Good luck to you and your family.