Hi mamas! My 3 year old has started this "i am scared" about everything! She is rather fearless, so this behavior is not like her character. I assume its a phase, but i am looking for tips from those who have had the same issue. I feel it first came about when she saw a big black beetle flying, she was truly scared and screaming for her life! Nothing could calm her. Now every black speck at home (crumbs, lint) and black specs in the sand have her whining to be held saying she is scared. I love to comfort her and hold her - she is 43 pounds and it gets my back aching and i do not want to feed the fear. Any encouragement out there?
thanks ladies! you are all clever indeed (: I am actually using all your advice. She is still freaked out, but some days are better then others.....thank you for the support!
I like the bug books idea and then maybe a trip to a science museum to explore the real (but not moving) bugs. I find when we break the fear down into knowns it helps, and then it's not so scary, because it is not unknown.
Good luck!
get her some eric carle books. the very hungry caterpiller etc. and maybe the miss spiders tea party books. then if nothing else you can say stuff like "wow he must be in a hurry to get to the tea party etc...." good luck
I think you love to comfort her and hold her because your maternal instincts are telling you to do it.
She's only three. Comfort her and hold her and say, "yeah, beetles are scary!" Mirroring emotions usually helps calm a child down.
My youngest was afraid of EVERYTHING when he was little. My mother was always trying to "toughen him up." I remember her warning me about how fearful he was going to become if I didn't deal with it.
I knew better, and I comforted him instead.
Well, he's not afraid of things any more, and like my other kids, he now wants to go skydiving. Darn it. I hate when they skydive.
My son went through that 'I'm scared' phase. Funny how his ended up being about bugs too. You just have to play it out and use some of the suggestions from the other moms like making her laugh about the situation or giving her a fly swatter to feel like she's in control. It will pass shortly. I would say it lasts only a couple months or so.
Good luck!
My daughter developed a terrible fear of bees when she was 3. I'm a big fan of "knowledge is power" so I caught a bee in a jar and sat with her while she studied it from safety. I talked about all the different parts and what they were for. Then we looked up information on bees online - colonies, queens, honey making, etc. This went a long way toward allaying her fear.
The last step was to take her to a local park where I knew there'd be plenty of bees. She was a little skittish at first, but the more exposure she got and the more she saw that they really had no interest in her, the more at ease she felt. That was all it took. No fear of bees since.
Hope this helps. Best of luck to you and your precious girl!!
Hi E., I learned in a parenting class that instead of comfort and holding her, help her face her fears, we were told that by picking them up and saying things like oh your ok, you are validating thir fear, and they will continue to fear, so instead if there is a black speck that is scaring her pick it up hold it in your hand so she can see it is nothing, of course your not going to do this with a spider, but you can do it with rolly polly's (Potatoe bugs) lady bugs, the more you grab her up the more things she's going to fear. I'm not saying be heartless, you can be gentle with out validating her fears. If a big black or any color beatle flew by mu 21 year old daughter including my self would scream. J.
I think it's two things, one the beetle incident and the other the 'I'm scared' phase. With my daughter it was rather easy to tell her our house is a safe place and that we do everything we can do to be sure it will continue to be safe. We even put up "No Monsters Allowed" signs on her bedroom door. She wrote it out herself, that worked for her. She needed to be reminded occasionally that our house is safe and the sign was up in case monsters forgot they aren't allowed here. As far as fear of bugs, her daycare helped tremendously they bought plastic bugs of various shapes, sizes, and colors. They would place them randomly throughout the classroom/play-yard and they just allowed them to co-exist. If they came across a real bug, the teacher was brave enough to catch it into a viewer and let the children look at it closely and she turned those into teachable moments, then release it back to nature. She taught them compassion about living things including plants. Good luck helping your daughter overcome her fears.
E.- I have no suggestions but can't wait to read your responses. My daughter just turned 3 in February and suddenly has become afraid of everything. Bugs are the biggest fear and she wakes up screaming thinking there is a fly buzzing in her room. She is freaked by getting a hair cut, nothing I had a problem with before. Screams, tantrums, the full works. We are so surprised and not sure how to handle it either. Just know you are not alone!
I am absolutely irrationally scared of beetles. One year when I was in high school I had a beetle infestation in my bedroom... I was a pretty clean teen, but they got in through my window and just TOOK OVER... which was right next to a tree and it took weeks and weeks to get rid of them.... so I really feel for your daughter! (I don't even like lady bugs)
But when she is scared, show her to take a second look. Explain that beetles may be creepy, but they cannot hurt her.... and maybe find some information online about "good beetles" and their important role in the environment and ecosystems. Explain to her that most beetles eat grass and won't bite her. Also emphasize how big she is compared to those bugs, and explain that they are probably 100 times more scared of her than she is of them.
My daughter is almost 2.5 years old and she likes to be "scared" for the attention of it. She will point at the windows in our house and if she sees a light reflecting she yell's "ahhhhh, a ghost!!!" and runs away on her tippy toes. We laugh and say "that is silly... there isn't a ghost!" and that usually makes her laugh. She also likes to try to get out of having to sleep in bed by saying there are "scary werewolves and bats"
The funny think is that I don't know where she latched on to the "Halloween theme"? - but a little humor and laughing things off seems to work for her. So maybe when your daughter screams in horror at a piece of lint you could try gently laughing and saying "hehehe, that's silly, it is just some lint... maybe it's a 'fuzzy bug' hahaha!" If you "play in" to her distress it will reinforce that she SHOULD be scared of beetles... but if you try to take it in "stride" it will reinforce that she doesn't HAVE to be afraid.
And I am a total hypocrite! When I see beetles I want to scream and run away in terror to hide in a bright white bug-free room! The only reason I don't is because I don't want my daughter to "inherit" my fears. So for those things I am terribly afraid of, I summon my will and "pretend" I am brave! And you know what? I kind of helps!
Shudder- ick- beetles!!!!
-M.
I just read a book - "Your 3-year-old" - which explains that sudden insecurities and lack of confidence are the norm at 3. It can happen even to the previously fearless and confident toddler; it is a normal developmental stage. The book recommends validating the fear, comforting the child, & then showing/explaining/educating why that fear doesn't have to be so scary. Good luck!
Hello, This is all so age appropriate. She has learned about fear and how other react to it. She is getting a lot of attention, I'm sure. I would just reassure her that it is okay and help her to move on.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.
