Out of nowhere a couple of weeks ago my 4-year-old son starting behaving really badly. He tells me "no" any time I ask him or tell him to do something, he hits and kicks, and he has started growling. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I have tried talking to him, putting in time out, taking toys and privileges away, and making him take a nap...but it seems like they only work for a little while, and then he is back to acting out. I cannot think of a reason he would suddenly start doing this. The only thing that has changed for him recently is that his older brother started 1st grade, so he is gone all day now. I am baffled!
Well, so far, so good. I have been taking my son to play at a friend's house for the past couple of days so I could get some things done and he could have some time with other kids. That seems to work okay. I have also been inventing things for him to do- telling him that I need him to help me do things while we are alone together (like help me put clothes in the dryer, feed the dogs, sweep the floor, etc). We have also been watching cartoons together and taking a "rest" (he hates the word "nap")on the floor together after lunch time. It seems like the more "busy" time we have, the better he does. He is still a little argumentative, but he is not near as bad as he was. I chalk it up to him being 4 years old. Thanks for the suggestions, guys...I appreciate it.
I would say he feels left out because his brother is gone to school all day. You should look into play groups or part-time preschools. However, if that isn't an option maybe you can try going to storytime at the library or at Wesselman's woods they have preschool age activities. Make a special activity or game that he only plays while his brother is at school.
My four year old girl has picked up some bad habits also. With her, it's from hanging out with a neighbor girl who whines all the time and pouts like a baby. It drives me nuts. For us, I decided to sit down with her and write out a "discipline chart". Since we did it together, it gave her a sense of control over what would happen, so she does better when I have to enforce the punishments. We have five actions on it and every single time, no exceptions, that she does something from the list, we go to it and read what her consequence is. They range from giving me money out of her allowance piggy bank, because she HATES that one, to spankings and time outs. It's really worked for us, plus I notice a huge difference in my own patience because I don't have to get all worked up anymore, I just simply walk to the list and the punishment is already decided. It is also a magnificent way to teach a child about consequences.
Does he only behave this way when his brother is at school? If so, maybe he feels left behind / is bored. Maybe a play group would help?
I would send him to his room to tantrum everytime he acts up. Shut the door. Check on him after a bit. You have to be firm though and do it ever time he acts up. Also tell him he won't get anything new until he learns to behave himself. That usually gets my kids motivated. J.
Maybe it's just being 4??? My 4 yr old son has been quite the pill for a couple months now, I've heard that the 4's can be as bad if not worse than the terrible 2's! Did your first child go through the same thing around 4? I'd sure like to know a solution as well..it seems that my 4 yr old does a lot better when he's involved in things that can be "his" own...maybe it's just a test of independence...
My 2 yr old does the same thing. the one thing that i have noticed is that she sometimes times is really bored when she does this. so i would suggest tring to find something to change her with to keep her mind busy.
I'm sure that it is probably his older brother being gone during the day that is causing his behavior problems. You may even try ignoring him so he doesn't get the attention he is wanting and reward GOOD behavior with extra attention. However, my daughter is almost 13. When she was younger, anytime she acted up I made her drink some water. This was started based on the premise that a very great majority of adults and children walk through life dehydrated. It was amazing to me the difference a half glass of water could make on a child. I've since used this tactic on my niece, and quit honestly when I feel cranky as well. A nice cool glass of water seems to help in a lot of situations, you just have to get it before it becomes too bad. I forget the exact scientific argument for this, but it has something to do with the way dehyrdration affects our brains and impulse control or something. It's worth a try.....
