Suck It up and Go or Put My Foot Down?

An amusement park on 4th of July is going to be a mad house.
You could not pay me to be in the middle of that.
Best everyone stay out of it.

I would tell him to take the oldest and have some bonding time one-on-one, and he would also have the chance to spend time with his family. However, I would stay home with the youngest two. I can't see how anyone would have a problem with that. A 3 year-old and a 1 year-old would NOT be fun to take along......

No, I wouldn't go to people please.

I would go (even with the 14mo) if I wanted to see my family and this was one of those rare opportunities.

Tell your husband to take the 5 yr old and go. You and the other two will stay at home this round. Tell the inlaws why. You all just went and you can't afford for all 5 of you to go so soon after your last visit.

Can you meet them afterwards for dinner at a local restaurant or meet up with them before the park opens for breakfast?

That's the other alternative I can come up with.

unless i honestly could not afford it at all, I would suck it up and go. Family is too important.

look at it this way, what would you say if it was your own family and not your inlaws? would you want to go then? would you feel obligated because they are your family and you love them? Well, he feels that same way about these people, and you married him, making them just as important as your own mom and dad.

*Did the In-Laws just notify you of these plans???
And if so, isn't that last minute?

That is a chunk of change, to have to spend on again... and being that you all just went there.
I wouldn't go.
Send your Husband.
And you are 5 hours away.
And it will not be "fun" for you or the 14 month old...

Tell your Hubby to go. You and the baby will stay home.
And it IS a lot of money.
How does your Husband feel about it?
He has to suck it up, or speak up and be a Man about it.
What is so hard, about saying you can't afford it or that only he will go with the older children?

And it will be SO crowded there.
And even the 3 year old... will probably get REAL tired and/or cranky being there all day... then with a 5 hour drive home.
And the 5 hour drive there.

I wouldn't even take the 3 year old.

I wouldn't go.

If your Husband cannot SAY, nor has the gumption to tell them... then he WILL have to suck it up, and spend $200 or more, and take your older kids or just go himself, to satisfy his relatives.
$200, can really do a lot more, for you all staying home.
And you all went there already.
Why duplicate that cost and trip? Again..

AND the 4th of July this year is on a Wednesday.
That is the middle of the work week.
That is real, hard... to be making a 5 hour trip to and from, and the costs, and then the next day is not a weekend to recuperate. It is a work day.
Easy for them, they live in the same town.
Not you.

Side Note: It'd be nice... if all those In-Laws would go and visit you/your family/Husband in your town, too. I mean, being you live 5 hours away, but they all live in the same town... gatherings, will be close to nil, in your town. It would be thoughtful, if they went to your town too, sometimes, instead of it being that you/your Husband have to always go there to their town 5 hours way. Hence you can't see them much.

You said "we just don't really want to go back again..." and about your Hubby "he doesn't want to say that...."
So, your Husband can go.
Leave the kids home.
It will be cheaper that way.
Just paying for himself all around.

I would say to suck it up and go. I think the point that your hubby's family is trying to accomplish here is the entire family getting together to do something that they *think* would be fun for everyone. They sound like a close family... I get that your physical distance has probably kept you from feeling close to them, but maybe if you tried a bit harder you might find that they are nice people to be around. Seems like if all the other siblings stayed close by, they cant be all that bad right? (hopefully?!) Shoot, they are probably thinking they "did good" by picking a place that is half way between you all. You were willing to fork out the money to go with friends, but why not for his family? What does the hubby think about it? Sounds like he wants to go given that he won't just tell them you cant make it. I think in the interest of family, you should strongly consider going. Just make sure hubby knows you are expecting that he helps out a lot with entertaining the 14 month old!

Amusement park...4th of July...doesn't sound terribly amusing. Can you imagine the crowds?
Both of you can say - hey - we were there last month. Our kids are too young to really enjoy it, but we will be excited to meet you there when they are all old enough to really enjoy it (I.e. when they are 18).
Foot down :)

Send your hubby with the older kids or just the oldest.

I'm not going ot tell you what to do one way or another, but to me the fact that
his family picked a place they thought you would have enjoyed ( since you infact choose to do there on your own).

and they had no prior knowledge that you had just been there, goes along way in their favor of looking for something to do that would include you and be fun.

I also think they asked in a reasonable amount of time.

So what ever you do, do it with a pleasant attitude.

Personally, my inlaws are always trying to plan stuff like this and we get all excited about being with cousins and then find that my BIL's family has their own plans and won't participate or changes stuff to fit them, and to be honest as much as i would like my kids to be close to their cousins, i'm so tired of BIL running the show. so that is what is coloring my answer. You know your husbands family better than anyone so ponder what this trip means to them and how open they are to compromise.

Unless you truly can't go, I would go. Much as its a bother to be in the sun and the stroller, if you really don't care for them much, you will have done your duty in a context where there is enough activity and diversion, that, hopefully you and your feelings towards them aren't the center of attention.

What's the alternative, having missed this trip, will you then have to drive 5 hours to visit them? not much fun.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I would like to suggest you try to look at this, just for a moment from some else's view point besdies your own. As a mother-in-law I would be hurt by this and as a sister-in-law I would feel bad if I knew my brother's wife did not want to be around me "we don't get to see his parents or our BIL or SIL's very often (which is kinda a good thing in my book hehe)" And as for your complaints about taking the kids, it sounds like you did not have those feelings when you went with your friends. I guess having your husband take the oldest child might be a good idea, but wouldn't it be easier to think about your husband's feeelings and his famililes feelings instead of complaining about having to push a stroller around?

I'd stay home and so something fun for the 14 month old. If your husband wants to go, then he can.

Since it's your hubby's family, he's the one that needs to get a backbone and tell them you can't go! End of story! Be darned if I would let myself get talked into spending money I don't have to spend a day with people I really don't want to!!

Then I'd visit on another day when it's not a holiday!!!

I think that you should go. I have a SIL who is very cold to my whole family even though we are always loving and welcoming to her, it is hurtful and causes unnecessary additional stress to every (infrequent) family gathering. I find it interesting that everything you find objectionable about the park was somehow acceptable when you visited it with your friends, why is that? Did you and your husband know about the 4th of July trip BEFORE you went with your friends? IMHO, family should come before friends. Don’t you think that your in-laws will want to take turns caring for your baby so that you can go on some rides? Or, if the rides really do make you sick, then try strolling through the gift shops or see a few shows (most parks will have singing and dancing shows that you can watch). If I were you, I would just try to make the best of it and go, have fun!

I'd say "you go ahead and go honey, and take the older two with you! Give your family my love!"

Send your husband and the two older kids and you stay home with the baby. Doing this kind of thing with cousins is a blast for kids and esp if they don't get to see them too often. Pack lunches and set a game limit for them also. They were just there so they already got the chance to play most games anyhow And then have them sleep over so that they can have more of a visit. I know it stinks but his family should be important enough to do this for. I always put myself in the shoes of the inlaws because I have boys and someday I could find myself in the same position. Karma can be very unkind.

Let DH go by himself. He will probably have fun. Just make sure the family knows this is not a bad thing - just that you don't have the time or money for everyone to go.

I would make my husband go with the 5 yr old and I would stay home with the 3yr old and 14month old. There's no reason why you should ALL go - your husband will be perfectly capable of dealing with your 5 yr old without you there. If he wants to go, he SHOULD, but I totally understand why YOU wouldn't want to. My husband takes our kids up to see his parents all the time without me (they only live a couple of hours away, though). I don't see why your husband can't do the same...

Could you suggest something else for the family to do on the 4th and suggest that they all do the amusement park on another day..without you??

I would tell him to go and you stay home with the kids.

Yes, you go. Sometimes you have to suck it up for the ones we love and you love your husband. This really isn't about you, its about family.

If you don't go this is what will happen: They will talk about you and say things about you behind your back. They will say things that will make you feel guilty. They will try to come between you and your husband. (This is what I deal with on a daily basis, because my in-law family is only 20 minutes from us).

If you go they cannot talk about you, they cannot make you feel guilty, and they cannot come between you and your husband. Go and find something you can do with your 14m/o that will be fun and a bonding time. You can be very creative and still make everyone happy. You have to be big on this one and in the end you will be rewarded for it.

I'd send hubby and the five year old and tell him to give my love to the in-laws. There's no way I'd want to be outside on the 4th of July with a million other people at an amusement park... especially with a baby who can't participate.

It sounds like they did not make the plans to spite you - they made the plans because they thought it would be fun for everybody. There was no way for them to know that you had already made plans to go there with friends. So, what to do?

Is there anybody else in the extended family who would also be on stroller duty? If so, then go. You have the opportunity to visit with that person. Many amusement parks do have toddler play areas, and the stroller brigade could hang out there while the others go do their thing. Your husband would need to agree to take charge of the other children in this case. Since they are his kids and this is his family gathering, he will need to step up to make this work well.

If you would be the only one on stroller duty (and it is possible that the rest of them did not think this through, possibly because nobody else is in that stage of family life right now) another graceful alternative may be to send your husband with either the 3 and 5 year olds, or just your oldest child. He could explain to the rest of the family that the last time you tried an amusement park outing with the youngest child, it was really tough for that child. Then you have fewer tickets to buy, you get to avoid doing something you really do not wish to do without looking like a jerk, and your husband and other children get to participate with family.

The option with the most explosive potential is for your whole family to opt out. If none of you truly wish to go, be aware that the rest of the family may interpret this as rejection. If you truly cannot afford to go again, your husband needs to say so to his family. But if it is a lack of desire or the inconvenience that is the problem, stop and think carefully how your decision will affect future relations with your inlaws. How will you feel when they decide not to include you in future group plans because you have told them through your actions that you are not interested in doing things with them?

You don't say in your post how often you see your husband's family. If you see them every few months or so, the repercussions of skipping one outing will be fewer, but if you only see them a few times a year, opting out could cause you trouble you just don't need.

If Hub wants to go, tell him to take the oldest and go on with his bad-self.
It's definitely not worth the money or stress for you and the littler ones to go.
Honestly tho, the best excuse for both of you not to attend this particular and probably OVER CROWDED and HOTevent WITH EXTREMELY LONG LINES is to simply say "We just been there dont that, please send pics because we aren't going to make it.."

I would refuse to go. DH and I disagreed over our last family trip. I told him that as his wife I am more important. So what I want trumps what the extended family wants. He had a choice - we went with the original plan or he went alone. He realized how serious I was and agreed. We went together and had a lovely family vacation.

In your situation, it truly is a waste to go again. So don't go. Tell your husband he is free to go but you don't want to. And if he wants to take any of the kids he'll miss out on the rides.

Would not do it! As you recently saw it is ALOT of work when they are that small and lots of money, which could be spent on something more enjoyable for all of you. If hubby really wants to go, I agree with the others let him go and take the 5 year old. Believe me as they get older and can do more, it gets easier, when it gets easier it is much more enjoyable! Good luck!

Can you suggest doing something different or even suggest meeting up with them for breakfast before they go to the park? I think it's fair to tell them that you were recently at the park and that besides being an unbudgeted expense to go again right now that you also discovered it's a lot of work. Maybe even mention that the kids are a little too young to fully enjoy it yet and that the 4th of July crowds would be overwhelming for the little ones. Play up how much you'd LOVE to see the family and spend time with them. Perhaps you can arrange to do that without having to do the amusement park.

I wouldn't go. Even without saying that you'd rather not hang with them, you have big enough reasons not to go. I would be honest about it and offer to meet them after for lunch or something.

I think, three options:

1. Have hubby go, and maybe bring the older kids, but you stay home with the baby.

2. Make the drive over with all the kids, but you and the baby do something else (baby pool nearby, maybe?) while hubby and the big kids go to the amusement park. Then you join them for dinner.

3. Suck it up. Bring a sunhat for you, make sure the stroller has one of those sun-cover thingies, and bring plenty of water and sunscreen for all.

Bottom line is, hubby has the right to see his family. Grandparents have the right to bond with the grandkids. Sorry, but that should trump the fact that you guys went there recently.

i would go. all amusement parks have kiddie rides...your 14 month old is plenty big enough for rides. my daughter did them at 9 months. Also maybe they can watch the kids together and you and your husband can go on some non nauseating rides together=) It's family if he wants to see them you should go if you can get the money up IMO

Chiming in a little later here, but I would let hubby take the 3 yo and 5 yo if he wants, and you stay home with the baby if you want - if they ask why, you could say that baby isn't feeling well, acting more cranky and might be coming down with something, and that's why you are electing to stay home with her. Either that or do something else with the little one if you go there.

I would go. This is about family time and bonding and yes, you will have fun. There should be plenty of rides there that you can take the baby on. If it's Six Flags, they'll have the water park open. You don't have to buy the food there either... you can pack your own food in coolers and leave it in the car, then go there for break time and eat in the parking lot under a shady tree. You can also find coupons online if you pre-purchase.

Other parks will likely have online coupons if you pre-purchase them and print the tickets out.

Honestly? I'd put my foot down. Possibly have my hubby do it, but would be totally willing to do it myself too.
Does hubby want to go? Did he have fun last time & wants to do it with his fam? If so, I would be completely willing to let him go (as long as he took either the 5yo or the 5 & 3 yo) without me.
I would call the inlaws myself & say that while I appreciate that they would want us all there, we were just there on a planned trip & it was uncomfortable for me (nausea, baby, etc) and I hope they have a great time. Keep it nice & friendly - but really, who wants to go to an expensive amusement park just to walk around?? :)

Don't go! Even if i was super excited to see the in-laws, I would not go with kids that young in the middle of summer. Not fun. Have hubby take the oldest (as someone else suggested) or just say you guys tried this a few weekends ago and it was too hard on the kids. You have an honest to goodness reason not to go ......not some made up excuse. I have kids the same age and would under no circumstances take them to an amusement park in the summer.

let him go by himself. I have done this before.There is an annual camping trip that is 8 days long. There was no way our 2 yr was gonna handle it. She can barely handle a two night camping trip!! So he took the oldest 4.5 yr and they went. She loves camping!! The little one and I have not gone the last 2 years. It is soo much easier with just one kid to look after it was like a mini vacation!! So my vote is tell him "Hon I am going to stay home with 14 month old. You can take the other two if you want or leave them here, but it just won't be fun for us. I hope you have fun though!"

I say if he's dying to go, he can take the two older kids. If money's an issue, he needs to understand you all may have to skip another summer outing due to this one. Good luck!

I would let hubby go with the 5 year old and may be the 3 years old too but take a stroller(umbrella type) for the 3 year old. And you and the baby or you and the baby and the 3 year old stay home Or Go all together and suck it up.
It does suck for us mom with very small children (4 under 9 in my case)to do those kind of big family trip but the kids have a blast and do create wonderful memories even if our memory was it 's suck i got to just walk around in a lot of sun ,sweat a lot ,change diapers ,get poopped on and or pee on ,and separates fights, dealing with whining ,gave a few times out.,I can't stand Grandma schedule or a comments about how i raise my kids, different parenting style.,junk food,how over protective i am or underprotective.. ect......So this is what i usually remembered and my kids are like Wow mom you remembered when daddy was there(they dad works a lot so just Dad with us is a big thing for them) and there were that whale or dolphin may be it was a seal yes it was a seal that jump out of the water and splash me all wet THAT WAS SO COOL CAN WE DO IT AGAIN? And that was cool that grandma was there too .Never mind that she whine quiet a bit about being wet and sticky ,apparently she forgot all about that she also scraped a knee on that on trip to the zoo and whine a lot about that too and forgot about that too and she was seven years old(my oldest).So my point is kids make different memories than ours and what suck for you or/and your husband might be a blast for them.
Hope this help.
N.