My son is 5 years old and in kindergartten. Let me first put out there that I know that he does bad things too, all kids do, he will not listen to me sometimes, and as an only child is somewhat spoiled. I ackknowledge that. When he does bad things, or break the rules, I do punish him. With that being said we live on a cul-de-sac that has 2 other familys with childeren. The ones, the P's, are nice little childeren, and they all play well. Then there are the R's, they are 3 boys, somewhat older than my son, the youngest being about 2 years older. Anyways, they all ride their bikes, and do what boys do. I am usually almost always out there, monmitoring/watching. I am now 8 months pregnant, so frequent bathroom breaks are needed. They R's, the older boys, pick on him when I am not around, I was told this from another adult neighbor, last week they destroyed his wagon in the middle of the street while I was in the bathroom, and then they told me my son did it, non innvolved adult neighbor told me that she sAw the R's do it. Today, again while I was peeing, my son came up to me, and showed me t he back of his shirt which had spit all over it, and he said taht the R's did that. I was furious, bec I just think that spitting is disgusting and degradding, and no one should do it, sso , I told their mother, and she was just like "Your son started it" So I said "If he did he will be punished, but they should allbe punished bec it is disgusting." She did not punish them. But, here is my question. I have told my son over and over again not to play with them, but he still does bec sometimes thay do play nice. I just don't want him near them for a while, but feel like then I have to keep my kid cooped up in the house after school and tHta is no fair to him. What would you do?
I had somewhat the same situation on my street. When I had to go inside, my son came in with me - he didn't like it, but that is how I handled it. He went right back out when I went out. Sometimes, I just made him wait on the porch while I went to use the BR.
There was no point in speaking w/ the parents, as they saw nothing was wrong. The saying is so true, 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.'
Here's what gets me, even if your son was the instigator with the spitting incident, there's a big difference in maturity between a 5-year old and 7+ year old boys. R's boys should have known enough not to engage in that kind of behavior with a kindergartener and, if they didn't, then they should be made aware of it. But it seems like Mrs. R doesn't understand this finer point in parenting.
The only thing that I can suggest, since the R boys cannot be trusted and Mr. & Mrs. R can't be counted on either, is just let your son go outside when you are there and bring him in when you have to go to the bathroom. I know it's an inconvenience but your son is safer that way. Also, you may want to consider getting your son in karate classes so that he can learn to defend himself. He may not have to but with the troubled R's on the block, I think if it were my kid, I'd feel a whole lot better knowing that my son was able to defend himself if need be.
Sorry that you are having to go through this.
I would bring my son in with me and watch him closely when they are playing. I had a similar problem with neighbors' kids. All were older than him and they often played nicely but the youngest would hit or throw things. I finally had it and told my son he could not play with them for a while. When he asked to again I let him but with the understanding that he was to hit back this time. I don't condone fighting but I was sick of my son getting hurt because they allowed their child to do whatever! My son told the boy "My mom said I can hit you back if you hit me again" and we never had another problem with him.
Wow....be soo thankful that cold weather will soon be here in Ohio and soon you wont have to worry about the neighbor kids. I dont understand the parent who refuses to believe their kids can do wrong. My concern would be this if I were in your shoes; They spit all over the back of his shirt, they destroyed his wagon then blamed him....I would think that even though they have times when they play nice what are they going to do next?? I would be afraid to leave my son alone with them because they sure do have a mean streak. If it were me I would limit play time with them and when its pee break I would tell them to go home. Sounds mean but I would be concerned about your sons safety. And as I said in the beginning, unless these boys play inside your house soon the cold weather will solve the problem and maybe by next Spring they wont be so rambunctious.
I would bring him in with me if I had too when I went in to pee. I had some older boys that were picking on my son, and I told them point blank that they were no longer welcome around my house if it kept up, and I would speak with their mothers. For me that worked, I can not believe this mom did not do anything about her boys spitting, that is beyond just being poorly behaved. I would try to keep him near your house, and encourage him to play with the other children, and I would tell the R's that until they can learn to be decent human beings and not spit on people and break others things, that they are not welcome near your home or family. I know that will probably not help, but I am not sure what else to do. I am so sorry your son is having to be around these bullies.
Don't you have a back yard? Invite the other neighbors over and let them play in the backyards.
On one hand the kids need to mind but they don't need to have bad examples either. I would talk to the nice family about what to do, how to handle the boys. They need to be on the same page as you.
To be honest, even if the little boy did start something the older boys should be the bigger kid and be a good example.
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You are going to have to set playdates with him with "desirable kids". DO this for a couple weeks. Now that school is back in session this should be easier.
Its hard. We used to live in a bad neighborhood and the kids next store were mean to my oldest son. We basically lived couped up in the house most of the time. When able I would enroll my son in classes at the local park. I know its hard but if your not outside neither should be your son. Don't give these bullies an opportunity because its not safe for your son. And under no circumstance let your son play with these kids at all. It will hurt you son for a short time and winter is soon coming.
If you have to go pee, he goes with you. NOT convenient, but clearly necessary. Those children need a mother who understand what discipline means and acknowledge things that are wrong rather than shift the blame.
I agree, I would not allow him to play with them if you can avoid it. When you are out there, TELL THEM THE RULES AND WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES ARE. Communicate this to their mother since it doesn't sound like she's monitoring things at all. If she's not in agreement, then you'll just have to set times for the kids to be in the cul-de-sac. That may sound extreme, but even as adults, we have to learn to stay away from people who are disrespectful and destructive. Help your child learn to set boundaries and make it work.
If this won't fly, talk to the HOA and let them know what's going on. If you have to have rules and guidelines in your HOA guidelines, then do it. Unfortunately, that should never have to happen if parents are doing their job, but clearly many parents DON'T.
Might want to buy her a copy of RAISING RESPECFUL CHILDREN.
Personally, there is no way I'd allow my child to play with them, especially since the parent is also disrespectful; that means there is NO chance things will get better. I'd set up playdates with other kids from school, their house and yours, and when there are kids over yours, don't allow them to interact with the R's.
Quite frankly, those boys are just too old to be playing with your son, especially if they are treating him they way you say they are. He is learning naughty behaviors whether those are your intentions or not. Put an end to it now.
Your son needs to learn that it is not okay to act in such a way and that you love and respect him too much to allow him to be treated that way, even if it is only on occasion. Have activities outside in your yard or driveway that only your son and the boys that treat him respectfully may enjoy. Such as, chalk, bubbles, etc. You need to stand up for your boy because no one else will. This is a teaching moment. And when those boys ask to play in your yard or driveway. You simply say, "You are hurtful to my son and old enough to know better, so no, you may not play with him."
Well if he is younger I would protect him if you have to & bring him IN with you until you are don e urinating ...you need to get throughthis pregnancy with out stress! It takes 2 secs for a child to go missing..I don't even leave my 2 (5 & a 2 yr old) in the backyard (fenced in) they have to come in when I dio even to pee! It has to be that way ...kids can be dangerous....& predators are everywhere waiting for that little sec the parent is not looking. There was amom not to far from me tha was too far from her son in the YARD! a van drove up at the side of the road & grabbed him & she went running but was too far away...not tryiong to scare you but I mean...just look at the news. Kids are killing kids! If that parent siad that your child started it..& your child was the smallest??? man I would tell her that her older children need to understand that if a smaller child says something to IGNORE that little child ...i would be teaching them to look out for the smaller child! Geez! Good luck...I hope you can get through this pregnancy with out any more strress....any decent mom would see that you are pregnant & try to help the situation to make it easier on you!
I always made my kids play in the back yard - not on the street (ever!!). I also didn't ever have much to do with the neighbors. We kept to ourselves. We had friends over or we went out to friends' homes.
If your son wants to play with the R's the answer is simply, "not today" or "maybe another day".
LBC
Organize play dates with the P's, the ones that play well, at your home on your lawn. Avoid letting him play with the older boys. Also it might be time to just take him inside with you when you "go". A simple, "Let's go inside and find a new toy to bring outside.". He looks for a toy you potty. That way he's not left alone outside with the older boys. A fenced yard could help a lot too. No one is allowed in unless you OK it. You might even try and see if you can set up a look out with the adult neighbor who's seen thing happen before. Ask if they could keep an eye open and help you out a bit. That with the new baby coming you just nee another pair of eyes because you don't trust the older boys.
Good luck.
