Stubborn Kindergarten

Why don't you instill some competition in her? Ask her who she thinks the hardest worker in the class is....and then challenge her to do even BETTER than that kid.

I also challenge YOU not to use the term "smart." Children cannot control their intelligence, so it is not the best idea to refer to how smart they are. They can, however, control how hard they work at something, and how much effort they put into their schoolwork. "I love that you work hard to learn new words" is a far better understood compliment to a child than "you are so smart."

She won't need to repeat K for not getting perfect scores or knowing ALL her sight words, so please don't worry about that. Kids (and adults) often "forget" things they know when being tested. If you're concerned talk to her teacher but to me she sounds very normal and right on track.
Don't punish her just keep working with her and encouraging her, that's all she needs.

Do we have the same daughter? I have girl/girl twins, and last year one of them performed exactly like your daughter in kindergarten for the first month. She was put in the slowest group for everything because she wasn't interested in displaying her abilities. I went in and talked to the teacher and asked for advice. The teacher actually started challenging her more at school and the problems went away. She was put in the top math and reading groups and expected to perform as well as everyone else (it's amazing what a little peer pressure can do). She was also given additional tasks to complete to keep her busy when other kids were taking longer to finish their work.

My girl was still bored with counting to 100 and the silly worksheets, but the teacher kept her busy and got her engaged. I also stopped focusing on it at home. She didn't get any attention for doing poor work at school. I just nodded or said ok when she brought home notes saying she didn't complete something and then we moved on. So she learned that there was no reason to refuse in school.

Honestly, your daughter's teacher isn't all that amazing if she can't figure out a way to keep your daughter involved. I'm a big fan of parental involvement and taking responsibility... but in this case, it's on the teacher. She should know how to engage an intelligent stubborn child. Advocate for your kid. She shouldn't have to sit there bored and be "taught" to underperform.

This teacher needs to figure this out. She is asking for your help but you're taking her authority away in the classroom. She has to be the one to discipline your child at school. If she lets you do it then your child will never accept her as her boss at school.

I don't know if I'd be happy with a teacher that can't figure out how to get a child to count. Sounds like you might need to visit with the teacher a few more times and allow her to keep kiddo in at recess to do her work, do some additional work when the other kids are getting a break in the classroom.

It could be that she's bored, but I have another thought.

My granddaughter was also like that. She could do certain things at home., but not at school. It was kind of like the information is kept is a box in their brain and that's the box they tap in to at home. But at school, no connection to that box. It's like the information doesn't transfer to the new setting.

I'd just give her some time and keep working at home and see if it doesn't improve as she becomes more accustom to school.

Is she distracted by other kids when she's in her classroom?
It could be she's too busy socializing to think about what she's doing on paper.
It's early in the school year yet.
I think she'll settle down before long.
She just needs to get a sense of pride from being able to show off what she can do in school.
Maybe she can show/help another student how to do something and that will help her get over this sort of classwork stage fright.

Sometimes kids that are struggling get extra help, either one on one or in smaller groups. Could it be that she is trying to get that extra attention? I remember being jealous of the the kids that got pulled out to work with Ms. K. in elementary school because she was so nice and they always came back with stickers!

Ditto on what Julie W. has said. To me, this sounds like your daughter needs the extra attention, and she knows what to do to get it. I do NOT mean this in a negative way... Many children strive for quality time as their personal Love Language (read the book 5 Love Languages for Children).

Think about a traditional classroom. I know all about it, because I teach.... Who currently gets the extra quality time? Is it the child who is doing really well, or is it the child who needs extra help? We bring in extra people to help with the child who needs extra help...heck, we get federal funding for the students who struggle. We praise these children more readily in order to build their confidence. Schools do not get extra money for the students who are at an on-grade-level or above-grade-level academic ability, and thus, there aren't extra helpers/aides/paras, etc. to help with those students.

What happens to those children who already know what they need to know? We keep them in the regular classroom and continue on our group work (read: NOT individual quality attention).

To me it sounds like your daughter is extremely intelligent. She is intelligent enough to know exactly what she needs to do if she wants a little bit more attention. She gets plenty of attention now, too! At school she is being focused on since she 'cannnot' complete the work. At home, you're spending extra time focusing on her schoolwork, and trying to get her to perform. She's getting tons of time from you. Once again, I have to emphasize, her ploy for attention is not necessarily a negative thing. It is truly the way that she feels like she is being shown love.

What you and her teacher need to do is find a way to 1.) give her quality time that does not have anything to do with her class work, and 2.) be very careful about what you tie your attention to. If you tie it to doing poorly, then she'll continue to do that. If you back off on the 'poor' work, and start really talking up the 'good' work, then she will start to see that it's the good work that will get her the attention that she craves.

Seriously check out that book...it's not very long. When it was first recommended to me, I thought, "come on, I don't have time for this." However, I have learned a lot about my own kindergartener (who happens to fall under the "words of affirmation" and "quality time" categories of preferred love language). It has made a huge difference with how we show our love, communicate, and even punish our child. You've got to find what works for your daughter.

Good luck!

Why do you think she will have to repeat kindergarten?

The teacher has come up with a solution -- she has put her in the slower moving group. You need to let the teacher do her job. If the teacher is amazing, then it should be easy to trust her.

Don't second-guess it all and assume it's because she's bored, or try to analyze it -- your daughter is doing what she is capable of doing in her current situation, which is a classroom surrounded by other kids.

She's only in kindergarten. Don't sweat this. She's probably smart enough but less mature. Allow her to adjust.

I agree with others that you might want to look at whether she's being distracted by the new setting (K is a big change). Or she might be worrying that if she does all these things that she can do so well, she'll stand out and be different from the other kids. Not all the other kids are doing all these tasks perfectly, even though the teacher says they completed the tasks.

She also may have the "I do not perform on command" thing that many younger kids get for a period in their lives. A lot of toddlers are this way -- "Please sing that little song for Grandma! The one you sing so well!" "No!" -- but it can affect kids your daughter's age too. You want me to do this? Really? Sure, but only as much as I want to do. You want me to finish it? I don't think so.

It's about control. "Teacher can't MAKE me do it." This isn't because a child's wicked bad! It's because a child is, well, a child, and feels she has little control over any part of her life, and THIS is one thing she can indeed control. No one is going to make her pick up that pencil again and draw even one more circle, no sir! She is in control. She has zero realization that to adults, her actions are interpreted as her being "in the slower group," as you put it.

This is truly where -- as others rightly note -- the teacher needs to step up. Have you been in and talked with the teacher, at length and in person, and without your daughter there? And with the school counselor also present? I would do that, pronto. You say the teacher's amazing and that may be true, but the teacher now needs to work with you and the counselor to find what will motivate your girl. The counselor can help you both figure out what might motivate your child, and the counselor also can give you some ideas on what to say to her to help her understand why she needs to finish work.

It sounds like your daughter is not a kid who is interested in pleasing adults. That's not a character flaw, just a fact-- some kids are motivated by wanting to make the teacher happy but others feel no motivation at all to please the teacher. So the teacher and you need to figure out her motivation, and come up with some system that works both at school and at home. It might involve making your daughter VERY aware that you will know every day just what she is doing in school, and what she does in school will affect what happens at home. If she wants control, she might actually respond well to being given extra responsibilities in the classroom and "chores" at school that are hers alone. These would be rewards -- not punishments! - for having a good, cooperative day.

I agree with Gamma G that your daughter might not be seeing the teacher as the authority figure here. Did your girl do preschool? That helps kids learn to follow directions from adults who are not their parents etc. If she did -- was she like this there? If not -- she may just be catching up to the idea that an adult who is not you is indeed allowed to tell her what to do and to push her to complete her work.

First thing would be to meet with the teacher and the counselor and not in a rushed way or when you have to get somewhere else soon.

Leigh and Amber stated possible reasons for your daughter's behavior very well. If I were you, I'd copy out their responses and show them to the teacher and ask her what she thinks. I'd also share this with the school counselor. They've seen this kind of stuff before.

I remember the gifted program teacher in elementary telling me one time that they had an extremely smart kid take one of the national tests and bombed at it. They didn't understand until they looked at the answer sheet (the one with the circles that you fill in with pencil). He made the answers form a Christmas tree. Oh my!

It's a "special" kind of kid to do something like that and one cannot expect regular discipline to fix this. I cannot remember what she said they did to help motivate this child to do the work he was capable of, but I think it's worthwhile for you to consider this kind of issue.

Are you sure it's stubborness? could it be nervousness that makes her "choke" under some pressure? Does she ever put pressure on herself to be perfect? Read the article "How not to talk to your child" and see if changing the way you talk to her would help. Talk to her teacher and see if she has an idea what is going on but do not stress! She will not repeat Kindergarten!

the school year is new... I don't think this problem is anywhere near enough to say that she will repeat kinder..

but you should talk to the teacher..

do not assume it is stubbornness.. my son is naughty.. acts like adhd.. but the root of the problem is anxiety..

is your daughter nervous about school.. scared to talk.. try to get to the root of the problem...

Students do not repeat kindergarten. She can do the work therefore she will be fine in grade 1. Once she is faced with an assignment that she cannot do she will perk up on her performance.

Maybe she is not handling the separation as well as you thought.