Stubborn Five Year Old

If he isn't even having accidents, why don't you let this be? If he's having accidents, then this could be an issue you should spend energy on, but since that's not the case, I wouldn't waste my time on this one. If you try to regulate every decision in a child, they never learn to think for himself. He's five, old enough to know if he needs to use the bathroom. Just my opinion.

My five year old is the same way. He has pee accidents all the time because he won't take a break form what he's doing. We've tried a lot of different approaches, ranging from ignoring it an making him change his own underwear to time outs or grounding from TV/toys/whatever. Nothing has really changed his behavior except that now he hides his wet underwear if he knows dad is going to be around.

It's frustrating but I don't want to make it a huge issue, and I know he'll eventually stop peeing in his pants. He doesn't do it at school, and not at his grandparents.

My son can also go a very long time between trips to the bathroom. I also thought he should to go more often, but when I asked his doctor about it, the doctor said not to worry about it. If he can go hours and hours without peeing (and he can), that's fine.

My daughter did this until she was 7 or 8! It drove me nuts. But punishment didn't work for her either. I guess, why damage your relationship by using punishment that doesn't work as a tactic? He might not be stubborn as much as is just too busy to stop what he is doing. That's what is was for my daughter. She finally stopped when she realized that all the kids in school didn't like the way she smelled...

I guess peer pressure is part of the answer. Or his teacher may have an impression on him that you don't. Either way, stop punishment or screaming matches. They just don't work.

Sounds to me like he's almost doing it on purpose because he knows it bugs you. I would stop asking him about it and telling him to go. I think kids who are already potty trained find it irritating to be asked all of the time if they have to go potty. I have been guilty of it too with my son, but I'm trying to back off except for before long car trips and bedtime. If he's not having accidents why is it a problem? He's not going to have someone telling him to go to the bathroom in 1st grade so this summer would be a great time for him to get used to that. Once you stop asking him it won't be a game to him any more and he'll just go when he needs to go (unless he's doing something that's too much fun and he doesn't want to stop to go to the bathroom, but they're all like that!).

We went through the same thing one year ago. We tried encouraging, offering sticker chart w/ rewards, nagging, etc., etc. The only 2 things that worked were to make a game of who could get to the potty first (racing) and potty treats (he picked out some little energy bars/cubes in the bulk section at the co=op). If he was successful in using the potty when I asked or when he remembered he could have part of the bar. It worked like a charm. No more power struggle, he was in charge of deciding when he would go but the incentive of a treat (or a race) was enough to make it worth interrupting his play time. We only had to do this for a few months and then he grew right out of asking for the treats because going potty had become a habit he didn't need to think about much anymore. Also I realized that in my worry that he needed to go as frequently as I did, that I was expecting him to go more frequently than he needed. He can last 4-6 hours before hee needs to go and has an unbelievable bladder capacity. I agree with the other posters that if he isn't have accidents then totally drop bringing it up with him At this point the only time I mention using the potty is right before we get in the car for a 2 or more hour trip or right before he goes into a swimming pool.

Sounds like a power struggle. If he isn't wetting himself, let him choose when he needs to go. He is a big boy now, and can make this choice for himself, and needs to feel independent.

Hi,
With my four year old, he tells us he does not have to go, but I say to just try. And then he does go. I think for him, he does not feel this overwhelming need to go too badly. My boys have always waited until they are running to the bathroom, and then they are peeing all over the seat! It drives me crazy and I have extra cleaning to do, but they have never had accidents either. I usually only make him try just before bed and before going somewhere in the car. He also does this with pooping. Where he all of a sudden drops everything and takes off like a bullet to the bathroom. My ten year old is the same way. I wouldn't make a huge deal about it, but just ask him to "please just try for mama". Mine are surprized when they go in just to try and actually go, and so I think it is just a developmental thing they will eventually grow out of. Good Luck!

Consider yourself lucky that he does go in time! My daughter often doesn't (and I know it's common at this age), and I'd like to hear some suggestions too.

I have a son who is almost four, and sometimes is reluctant to stop what he's doing to go potty (because he doesn't HAVE to go). We try to make it a non-issue by saying, "Just get the extra potty out." I also work as a director in a child care center, and when I sub in the preschool room, we have some of the same issues with children who say they don't have to go potty. It is helpful to have a routine there, as I say something like, "That's okay, but we always head to the potty before we go outside/after nap,etc. You don't want to wait until it's a potty emergency." You might try to build some things into your day that require a potty break before going, and then just be matter-of-fact about it. Try not to tie it to the ending of the activity he enjoys. You could let him know that you'll be heading to the park/store/library, stop the activity, then have him head to the potty. We used to tell our daughter that the bathroom was the last stop before leaving the house, and it just got to be routine. Good luck!

My 4.5 year old is in the same stage. He finally potty trained about 7 months ago and then all of a sudden 2 months ago he started this same routine of waiting until the last minute. Unfortunately he had accidents right next to the toilet because he couldn't get his pants down fast enough. We finally just had to back off. It seems that all of the nagging and talking about it made him be even more "defiant" when it came to the bathroom. It truly is one of the only things they have huge control over and it just becomes a power struggle.
Now we ask him if he needs to go and if he says no we say "okay, we trust your judgment and we know you'll go before it's too late". If he starts grabbing himself and dancing around we just say "hmm, it looks like you might need to visit the bathroom. Go ahead, we'll wait for you."
The less you try to take the reigns the better off I think you'll be, especially if he is making it in time :)

it sounds to me like he has this under control. i would pick your battle for something that truly needs to be corrected. if he's not having accidents then he doesn't need help with this anymore. the only time i insist my kids try to go potty is before leaving the house and before bed.

good luck.

I just wanted to echo the other replies. Don't make this a power struggle. If he waits, he waits. He is big enough to know when he needs to use the potty or not and if he waits and has a accident, he has an accident. Since he hasn't had one, he is doing what he needs to do. I would just stop worrying about it, since it is his responsibility to go potty, not yours.

I wouldn't want to stop what I was doing to go to the bathroom anytime someone told me to either. This is one power struggle to let go of, mama.

I would just have him do his own thing and if he happens to wait to long where he has an accident, that may just break him of the waiting too long.. Sometimes it just takes an accident to prove your point.. Children think they know it all and think they know more then you alot of the times. When it is someting that is not going to get him hurt or killed, sometimes they need to learn on there own..

It is time to let him be in control of this. If he never has an accident then he probably knows what his limits are. It has never ceased to amaze me how long my boys can go with out using the restroom. They truly do have a great capacity and if your son is dry at night and no accidents during the day, he has enough control to deal with this on his own.

Boys are funny, they resist taking responsibility for things themselves as long as there is a mom (or a wife) willing to nag about it. If you stop "nagging" him about it, he will take responsibility for it. If he feels that he is in control of this issue then he will not likely mind the occasional reminder before a long car ride. If you make this a big issue though, human nature is that he will continue to resist you on it.

Hi A.
I was wondering if he makes it to the bathroom in time, why do you think he needs to go more often. If you think he is not going alot in a day maybe he just needs some more water in his diet. T.

First of all I would ask him if it hurt or burned when he goes pee. I have a five yr old grandaughter who used to do this and she has had urinary track infection and it burned. If you think he is just being stubborn ask him if he wants to see a doc. Tell him it is really important that he goes when he needs to otherwise the doctor needs to check things out. Its not good to scare them but I'm sure you can find the right words.