Stubborn 4 Year old.....Mommy Is Breakin' Down!

I'm going to most likely go against the grain on this one, but I just don't think it's worth it to make kids and you miserable by insisting she sleep in her own bed. I totally get it if you aren't well rested or want your bed back with just two people in it-but I'm also in favor of cuddling your kid.

When our son transitioned to a 'big boy' bed I intentionally bought a full size so that I can cuddle with him. Usually it's only for about 30 minutes after story time, but on those instances when he wakes up from a nightmare I can sleep w him there and not have him come into our bed.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you are ok w it-sleep w her or let her back in your bed...OR let her sleep on the floor next to your bed. Maybe she just needs to be near you.

They are so little for so short and cuddling them is so awesome and really, like potty training -where they won't go to 1st grade in a diaper- they aren't going to want to sleep with you forever-they will grow out of it. In the meantime though you are offering her lots of comfort and security rather then crying fits and sadness.

And YES, you are giving in-but I also think there is a time and a place for compromise too.

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When she comes in your room to crawl in bed, pick her up-* this is the important part* NO TALKING. Do not engage in conversation. It can't become a debate if YOU don't talk. Bring her back to her bed, cover her up and kiss her and then walk out. Let her scream, it's ok, she is angry. My moto, better them angry than me. Just remember no one is getting a good night sleep and that effects behavior too.
So every time she comes in repeat the steps the same way every time.
Remember ,no talking.
It may take a couple of nights. Stay strong.
Good luck,
D.

Updated

When she comes your room to crawl in bed, pick her up-* this is the important part* NO TALKING. Do not engage in conversation. It can't become a debate if YOU don't talk. Bring her back to her bed, cover her and kiss and walk out. Let her scream, it's ok, she is angry. My moto, better them angry than me. Just remember no one is getting a good night sleep and that effects behavior too.
So every time she comes in repeat the steps the same way every time.
Remember ,no talking.
It may take a couple of nights. Stay strong.
Good luck,
D.

Allow a brighter night light, keep door open to both rooms (yours and theirs) and put in a radio.

I co-sleep with my 5 y/o - so the above is the best advice I can think of to help your child be less fearful of being on her own.

Hi S.,

I had this problem with one of my kids, and two things worked:

First of all, when I put her to bed, I'd tell her that I'd be in to check on her in two minutes (or whatever the longest you think she'll stay quietly in bed without attention). Then I'd check back with her, quietly touch her back and let her know I'd be back again in 5 minutes (again, you need to figure out the timing). This required some (a LOT) of patience on my part, as it took weeks of going in to check in on her, but slowly, I was able to lengthen the time between check-ins, and eventually, she relaxed in her bed. The nice thing about this method is that occurred during my awake hours, and even during the night, it was easier than letting her sleep with me, because she'd quickly fall back asleep pretty quickly once she trusted that I'd be back to check on her.

The other thing that worked for me was to give her one of my stuffed animals. I made a HUGE deal out of it, letting her know that "Pepper" (the stuffed dog) was really special to me, almost a part of me. So when she slept with Pepper, she felt like she had a piece of me next to her. My daughter's 15 years old now, and she still sleeps with Pepper, and Pepper is still MY stuffed animal, LOL!

Good luck!

My 4 year old has been doing the same. I have a sticker chart for her and that helps. If she really feels scared, I have a toddler mattress on the floor in our room. If she need to come into our room she is supposed to not wake us up and sleep on the little bed in there. Which works great. Sometimes she does come in, sometimes she doesn't.

how about an incentive chart with stickers or some other way to note every night she stays in her own bed all night, with various incentives appropriate to the number of times she successfully stays in her big girl bed? maybe if the focus of the issue was turned around from a "you can't stay in mommy and daddy's bed" to a "If you stay in your big girl bed for X days you get a tea party with Mommy" type of thing she'd be more motivated?

The kid is in charge in your house -- this does not bode well for the teen years. She says what she wants and you let her have it. You created this mess - you have to be the parent and fix it. It's not going to be easy, but you've got to do it.
Put her in her bed. When she gets up, just keep putting her back. Don't talk to her or cajole her or anything. Just be firm and assertive - not forceful...
She's discovered that if she cries, you cave.
You need to just be strong and put up with the crying.
It might take a couple of nights to get her to just go to bed, but she will.
LBC