Struggling with the Idea of Having a 3Rd Child (I Think I Want a Baby Girl)

I had two sons relatively early (early and mid 20's). Due to life circumstances I never felt ready for another child (despite always thinking I would have at least three which is how I grew up).

By the time I did feel ready (30's) my ovaries were done. I never imagined that my fertility would diminish that quickly.

One of my greatest regrets is not having a 3rd child. I would have loved a boy or a girl.

There is a time and season in life for these things - don't miss it. Whatever you decide keep that in mind (I wish I had thought about it more).

Good luck to you.

I agree with Denise, it really sounds like you already know that you don't want to have another baby. Wanting a girl is not a good reason in and of itself to have another baby. Please don't have another baby unless you are sure you want one, and you have to be prepared that no matter what special techniques you use you have a 50% chance of having another boy.

I can't give any advice to you on this, I just wanted to say one thing, and this is not directed at you or assuming anything about you. You already have a couple of references to the other other poster who is pregnant with her 3rd boy (she thinks, she is only 11 wks and cant possibly be sure). I just wanted to say that if you get some people who are less than supportive of you or seem upset at your question, please don't take it personally. This other poster has really caused some waves this past couple weeks and a lot of mommas on this site are really upset. She posted another one today. When I saw your question I thought "Oh no, here we go again, and she is gonna get slammed". I just hope none of that carries over to you and your perfectly valid question. I hope you get some helpful answers to make your decision, and that no one is nasty to you. I just wanted you to know why they might be in case it does happen, and that it is not you. Good luck!

(not saying the 2 references you have so far are being mean, but it could easily go that way.)

I think you have "what if" syndrome! :-) Someone else posted something similar to this, except she already is pregnant w/ her 3rd and found out it is another boy. Well, she wanted a girl and was so sure she was having a girl,(not exactly sure how she knew!) that she now does not want a 3rd boy, and is contemplating aborting it. there is a 50/50 chance you could have another boy, so please, if you think you really would not want the boy, please don't get pregnant. Remember, though...God only gives us what we can handle, so what you think and what he thinks, are different! Stop worrying and enjoy all that life gives you, whether it's a girl, another boy, or none! :) Good luck, and ask yourself, what good has worrying done you? Maybe it's given you high blood pressure, ha!

We got lucky and had one of each - I'd love to have another child. My husband is perfectly content right now.
If your heart tells to you have another child, have one! And, love that child unconditionally whether it is a boy or a girl.

I'll provide a little perspective in the event this helps you look at it in a different light.
7.5 weeks after having my second child, a daughter, I found a swollen lymph node on my collarbone and was diagnosed with cancer. 5 months of chemo, way too much stress/worry, and all appears well (for now).

My next CT scan is in a few weeks, who knows what it will show - I've been given the green light that my health should be OK to have another child. I'll be 35 this year, so my clock is ticking. Here are the things we need to consider:

1. we have 2 absolutely perfect, healthy children right now
2. what if I have a recurrence? I only have 1 treatment option remaining (a stem cell transplant with a 50% success rate)
3. can we afford another - college, day care, etc.
4. if I do have a recurrence, I could bank the cord blood that I didn't do with my other 2 children for a possible source for a cure to my cancer
5. As much as I tried to be present in their lives while in treatment, I missed several days to side effects, memory loss, not being able to hold them for fear of infection.
6. what if something happens to one of them?

Will you be happy if you have another boy? My husband is one of 3 boys, I'm one of three girls. Odds are in favor of a girl, but you never know? What if a little girl doesn't want to do all those things you dream of in the future? I didn't dream of the big, fancy wedding despite my mother's wishes for me to have her plan one.

Good luck - I hope you are happy no matter what you decide.

Hi M., 20 years ago i was where you are right now, minus not wanting a teen girl. I had my two sons, my second son was born a month before I turned 30, and didn't really want to have kids passed 30, but like you i wanted my girl, so we tried for a girl and 2 months after I turned 32 i had my daughter. I found out she was a girl at 5 months along, and so i went shopping her closet was full long before she was born, I made curtains for her room, fixed up really pretty and enjoyed every minute of her, as well as my sons. She will be 21 in May and she has been one of my best friends through her teens to this day. I know a lot of people believe that somewhere during the teens years kids go through a time when they hate their parents, not true, it depends on how you raise them, my two 26 and 23, and my daughter are also the best of friends, they look out for one another and all are very family oreiented. If you can afford it i say go for it, I'm so glad i did. J. l.

Here is my suggestion...if you are genuinely happy with the two that you have, then stop. What happens if you go for #3, hoping for a girl, and you get another boy? Will you keep trying until you get that girl or will you be devastated that you had another boy? Personally, I know that if my husband and I have another boy, I will try one more time, but if I am supposed to have 3 boys, then so be it. Would I be upset? Of course, but I also believe that whatever is supposed to happen, will!

As far as having three from a monetary and out numbered issue, I personally believe that it is not an issue. Some how, you will always be able to figure out the money, and there are plenty of kids who have to pay for most or all of their college education (which I personally believe makes them more accountable for their actions in college, but that's another story).

As for the books, it's all a bunch of junk! Unless you are going to spend countless amounts of money on planning your child's sex, nothing is going to guarantee a girl. If you really feel the need to have a daughter, why not adopt? There are plenty of sweet little girls here and abroad that are hoping and praying for a loving family home.

Finally, if you still think that you may want to try in a few years for another, maybe have a Mirena or something similar put in (if you were looking for reliable birth control), so you know that your chances of a surprise baby are slim, but you still have the ability to try for more later.

Just my two cents!

If you want a girl you could adopt from China. There are alot of babies in the world that would love to have a good home. Look online at gwca.org. I was seriously considering this...then oops!...along came a baby girl from my own body. I have heard many good things about this adoption agency.

M.,
I think you already know your answer. I don't think anyone should ever have a child with acceptance of the idea being based on the sex of the child. God's got a great sense of humor!
You've stated a lot of reasons why 2 boys is enough for you and not O. reason why a third child is wanted except for if it "might" be a girl.
I have O. son. I know in my heart that O. child is right for me. My husband feels the same way. are there times I look at teeny tiny dresses and think how unbelievably adorable they are? You betcha. Does it make me want to have a girl? Nope.

HI M., Just the question "what if I have another boy?" is a huge red flag for me. Don't get pregnant unless you don't care what the sex is. There was another mom who posted a few times last week about being pregnant, hoping it was a girl and then actually wanting to abort because she thought it was a boy. It's an extreme case, but if you absolutely want a girl, then my suggestion is to adopt. There is never a fool proof way to guarantee getting the gender you want.

Good luck in your decision!

I have a friend who has an older boy and a younger girl. Her boy made it seem so easy - he was such a good natured little guy. Then they had the girl thinking it would be similar - nope. My friend always said if her girl had been born first she'd have been the last kid they were going to have. Oh they love both their kids, but the girl was a much fussier child and harder to deal with. Boy or girl, easy laid back baby versus fuss over everything child - you never know what you are going to get. We are very happy with our one boy. My sister has a girl who is JUST like my sister was - a very difficult child (it makes my Mom laugh every time she hears about the squabble de jour). If you want to try for number 3, go ahead, but try not to have too many pre-conceived ideas about how it's going to be. It could be very different from what you were hoping for.

Oh, wow! I was thinking just like you before and when I had my second healthy boy. Although I still would like to have a girl, I have decided to put my strength, energy, and money into my two wonderful boys since that is only fair to them. Wanting a girl so bad can backfire if you would get a third boy, and it really wouldn't be fair to that baby since he may feel like he is not wanted. The other boys really need you there for them since having one more child does spread your time and money thin. If you have trouble making time for your two boys now, think about how hard it would be with one more baby to change, feed, dress, etc.

Having two kids is so much easier for traveling, eating out, going shopping, and saving for their education. Remember, you have two hands to hold two children! :) Life can get so crazy, and having a third child would mean needing a bigger car and house probably, and then having less money to spend on fun family trips or other items. It might also mean that you or your husband would need to work more hours which would mean spending even less time with your family.

Of course, some people have three or more children with no problems, but maybe they have a lot of money or they don't mind doing without certain things. I know families with three kids who don't go on trips at all (even the zoo) since it is just too expensive! It all depends on what is best for your family.

You could always volunteer at your boys' school to get your "girl fix" by helping little girls and boys learn (I am a teacher and that helps me). Or you could babysit other people's children for a short time during the day so that they could do errands, etc.

I have learned that in life I have often wanted certain things so badly, but have not gotten them, and it has just made me more thankful for what I already have. I have learned that things happen for a reason that is beyond what I can see. If you push too hard sometimes, things can go wrong. I can totally understand where you are coming from and how you are feeling. Whatever decision you make, I wish you the best of luck!

I have 2 girls so I am in the opposite boat. I hate questions or answers on what sex is better and all that. (Not implying that's what you were directly asking, but just voicing my opinion) My 2 daughters are both girls but guess what they have two totally different personalities. Positives and negatives about each of their personalities but I love them to pieces. I think all kids have the tendency to be challenging at some point in their life, especially in their teen years, regardless of their sexual makeup.
Now that I've said that, I agree with the others that said it sounds like you have already made your decision. If your happy where your at in life then having a baby just so you hope to have a girl to fulfill your needs of having a girl is ridiculous. You can't guarantee your going to have a girl even if after reading a book on how to do so will only lead you into disappointment.
Have another child because you want another child not because you want a certain type of child. Do I sometimes sit and wonder what it would be like to be a mom of a son, sure every now and again. There are plenty of mornings when my 4 year old daughter is throwing a fit because her shirt doesn't match her jeans when I think wow a boy probably would be so much easier. Then I dress my 2 year old and she has no problems at all. I'm sure in life there will be some things I get to miss out on because I'm not a mom of a boy but I'm happy where I am in life and that's all that matters to me.

I think what you are feeling is part of the post-partum blues. Completely normal. I would suggest though that unless you wouldn't mind having another boy, to not try and have another baby. I would either adopt or become a foster parent.

If you are just looking for a way to buy girl things to fill a need, then there are organizations like Soldier's Angels - Operation TopKnot: http://soldiersangels.org/top-knot.html

Good luck
M.